zakes

1. Regarding photos of Whiteley Wood Grange - I cant help you...as yet. 2. Here are 2 unusual photos 1 2 of Whiteley Wood Clinic. These may be of interest to Hilsbro and to SoftAypeth (Rog G). 3. This is a booklet of Whiteley Wood Hall - 40 pages and 20 photographs. 4. Further to my post number 23 - the rash I had vanished withn a few days. It must have been caused by something I was allergic to. I recall I had etten loads of Ski yoghurts I'd bought at the local Fine Fare...bilberry flavour. Greetings from Padded Cell number 5.

I've just been sifting through my Sheffield history stuff and discovered this in this. The "book" is filled with ads. Three particular ads caught my eye(s). Wilson Gumpert, Glynns Motors Hire Cars, and 5 minute car wesh

Nah then, Bayern Blade – post 859. (and for others to read if so desired). I’ll have to wetch out with this response to your post, there is little in it about the Wapentake and, or persons who frequented it, except me. If you find this post to be too long feel free to read it in shifts... You shouldn’t have mentioned Hildesheim and Hannover. Lol. That you are a Blade is good, because I always preferred United over the others from the dork side of town, Hillsborough not Grenoside.lol. I Support Wolves and have done so since 1964, my second team is Blades. I first saw the Blades.. v Arsenal 2 - 2 draw on a freezing day in November 1963. It was the first match I’d been to. It was so cold that day that even the footballers were running about, trying to keep warm. Anyrooad up, Hildesheim is a place I often visited, mainly evenings. Live music in the Be bop on Rottsberg (Rotzberg lol )- late 70s to mid 80s. The Be bop was situated up a very steep hill overlooking Hildesheim. It was an exhausting foot – march to get up that ‘mountain’ (especially in winter) from the City centre. Oxygen masks at the ready. lol. More about the Be bop anon. Hildesheim, I believe, was nicknamed by many locals as, ‘im Potte’ , not to be confused with Kohlenpott (ruhrgebiet), due to the city being in a type of ‘bowl’ with splendid forests (Hildesheimer Wald) to the south of the city. I recall there were many churches in Hildesheim. I liked the cathedral (Dom), St Michaels and St Andreas’ architecture wise. The over 1,000 years old rosebush was a beautiful sight when in bloom. During WW2 Hildesheim took a serious pounding, but most of it was re – built in its original style, as were many German towns and cities. Maybe the planners of Sheffield City Corporation should take a look at Hildesheim and other German cities. They might just learn how to do proper planning and building. Hildesheim is the birthplace of the Schenker brothers, Rudolf and Michael of Scorpions fame, (Lonesome Crow, their best album). Their sister, Barbara (in the group Viva), was born in Sarstedt,*which, as you know, is just up the road atween Hildesheim and Hannover. An acquaintance of mine from that time (Thomas Martin) lived in Sarstedt. Martin managed Scorpions, Viva, Ruphus (Norwegian band), Pete York’s New York (ex Spencer Davis Group), and others. When I went to the Be bop, which mainly put on Rock, Fusion, Jazz, New Wave, DJ and film evenings, I often got almost kaylied. lol. Knowing there were no trains running at that time (well beyond midnight) back to my town...kernstadt Lehrte, I used to stay at the Weisse Schwan Hotel for bed and breakfast, which cost about DM20. I booked and paid for my room afore going on the lash at the Bebop. Bands playing at the Bebop often stayed at this basic hotel (no bar). This gave me opportunity to pal –up with the musicians before a gig, which often got me free entry to gigs and a lift up to the show, and back to the hotel afterwards if I wished. I usually declined the offer of a lift back because I preferred to stay in the Be bop to continue suppin’. It was a super atmosphere in the Be bop. On other occassions I’d travel to the Be bop by car with mates from Lehrte, and another lad from Sehnde. I sometimes travelled direct to Hildesheim from my place of work, in Hannover. The Be bop...address Wilhelmshoehe, was a cafe (Tee stube) by day, a pub and music venue by night(evenings). The Be bop had room for circa 800 visitors, but the usual live music attendances were about 400 plus. Some evenings it was packed out. Admission and drink prices were not rip-off prices. Apart from the music, there was pinball, table football, pool, electronic games, mankin’ and the suppin of Wolters beer (Braunschweiger Brewery). The two drawbacks for me at the Be bop were: 1. Hard drugs (but not on a grand scale IMO) 2. British squaddies occasionally turning up to cause trouble. The Be bop on Rottsberg closed its doors for good in 1985-86ish due to...I believe: 1. Hard drugs 2. Because posh houses were built nearby for posh people. These posh people constantly complained, and made a ‘song and dance’ about loud music coming from the Be bop. What do posh people who move near to a music venue expect... monastic silence?! The Be bop moved to a new site, in the north of Hildesheim, a former picture palace. Some of the gigs I went to at the original Bebop, in no particular order were: EMBRYO, NITS, EPITAPH, GRUPPO SPORTIVO, ALPHONSE MOUZON, COS, JOE COCKER, JAN AKKERMAN, HERMAN BROOD, JASPER VAN’T HOF, JOHN ABERCROMBIE, INGA RUMPF, JOACHIM KUEHN, PHILIP CATHERINE, CAN, EDGAR BROUGHTON BAND, TRI ATMA, JAN HAMMER, JACK BRUCE, STANLEY CLARKE, FRED BANANA COMBO. And others. More Pics to come when I find them. At the new Be bop, I saw among others: Giant Sand - 1990s, Peter Hammill (ex Van Der Graaf Generator)1990s. The music at the ‘new’ Be bop in Steuerwalder Strasse, was becoming too lightweight for me, so I stopped going to gigs. I wasn’t too bothered about it though, because there were loads of venues on the musikszene in Hannover... which was nearer to Lehrte than Hildesheim was. There have been 2 books written (in German) by Brigitte and Juergen Tast, about the history of the Be bop, I’d love to have ‘em. Extra: Some of the music venues I visited in Hannover at one time or another: Jazz Club Am Lindener Berg, Leine Domicil, Floh Zirkus, Musik Zirkus, Capitol, Palo Palo, Pavillon, Daunstairs (Langenhagen), Tanzpalast Friedenstal(later Bel –Air)-Anderten/Misburg, MusikTheater Bad, Offenbach’s Keller, Rotation (closed down 1988ish), Country and Western Club lol. Vahrenwalder Strasse, Musikpalast....and others. For larger gigs: Kuppelsaal, Eilenriede Halle, Beethoven Halle, Stadthalle, Theatre am Aegi .... and more. As a key-holder at work (Bertelsman Club Center), I’d sleep there at times on the floor, or on a table, in the warehouse behind the shop after boozy gigs.lol. I very much enjoyed my 15 or so years in Germoney, and it was a stupid idea to return to Sheffield (hindsight). I’d willingly swap homes with you, Bayern (or Niedersachsen lol) Blade. Its high-time Lehrte, Hildesheim and Hannover had the pleasure of meeting me once again. Lol. All the above is an abridged version of what I wanted to say (type) due to me being almost out of ink. lol. (Ontonian). While on the subject of music, my next proper gig visit will be Focus, at the Picturedrome, Holmfirth, Sunday, 25/11/2018. Bed & Breakfast is already booked. Yippee!!! “Back on topic”!! I hear the Moddies cry. Lol P.S. Darra, Isle reply to you soon. All good things come slowly.

Hello Bayern Blade, I know Hildesheim from late 70's - mid 80's. I spent loads of time in the Be-Bop on Rottsberg. I'll formulate a post soon of those times, plus Hannover. I hope you enjoy reading lengthy posts. Lol. I lived 14 years in Lehrte. Zakes

Davy's In Sheffield - Paternoster Row I worked at Davy's at Fargate, The Victoria Cafe was on the top floor. 1969. I once had cause to visit the factory on Paternoster Row, situated behind The County Hotel, on Howard Street. On that day I got a lift back from Paternoster Row, it was an elevating experience. Mr. Reid was my boss at Fargate.

Johnny Fanthan Wednesday Legend Goalscoring Record. David T post 84: “Thanks, I’m not going bonkers then.” Anyone praising a member of the Waffen SS has surely gone bonkers!! Unfortunately, at the War’s end Britain took in over 9000 Waffen SS people and allowed them to start a new life here. These persons had pled with the British authorities not to be sent back home (East European Countries) because they felt Stalin would have had them killed. These morons escaped justice! I wonder how many people they murdered on the way to Stalingrad, and in Stalingrad. How many Allies and civilians did they kill in France? A deplorable bunch of criminals. Clement Attlee’s pot-war government actually favoured Eastern Europeans over non-whites and Jewish Holocaust Survivors. David Cesarani wrote a book… Justice Delayed. It explains how Britain became a refuge for Nazi war criminals. There are reviews on Amazon about this book. Hair-cut Sir? Ugh.

Where do you do your weekly shop? I do my weekly shop at Lidl…sometimes Aldi. Lidl has a nice bakery too. For fruit and Veg, I buy at Stuart’s stall in the Moor market. If at times I find their wares a little expensive, I then do a little neet-time scrumpin’ in a nearby neighbourhood. Fruit picked in the dark feels no pain.

Memories of Wigfalls Have just been looking through this thread again. Padders Post 244 When I wrote the Bit about Alex Stepney I deliberately left out the mention of Man Spew almost knowing that somebody would mention it. You fell for it Padders. Big. Lol. You should know me by now. Jim Hardie Post 245 Hey up Jim (Mick?) thanks for the picture of the Spital Hill Shop. That shop was furniture only. The Wigfalls shop I was referring to was the Electrics shop on the opposite side of the road (hill).

Menschen In Sheffield, 60's Documentary. I also have a copy of the film. I've got it on a 2-disc dvd set. There is also a short promotional film on Disc 1 about the Hope & Anchor Brewery..The Inn that Crossed the Sea. The 2 discs contain 20 films.. 318 minutes long altogether. The Menschen film is 40 minutes long. BFIVD937. Roll out the Barrel - The British Pub on film. A 50 page booklet comes with the package.

Who remembers the Wapentake 1. Do any of you remember a bloke called Steptoe (David Miles Stephenson)? He used to wear an Afghan coit in the Wap. David was good at electrical stuff. I was in the same class as him at Birley School 1965-68. Steptoe died some years ago whilst living in Switzerland…a skiing accident allegedly. His brother was Kevin a musician. His sister called Adele. 2. The Hollingworth twins…Pete and Noel frequented the Wap and also the Sportsman (Tetley) on Cambridge Street. I worked with them at Wigfalls Depot on Mowbray Street ’71-72ish. Two good lads. 3. The Buccaneer was my favourite place (closed 1973), followed by Wapentake (main door on Wellington Street... the Newcastle building Society was housed partly on Cambridge Street partly on Wellington Street (Prosser’s Parade). I remember the bogs in the Wap, Buccaneer and Spewdents Union were always flooded…wellingtons job. To save on money some drinkers bought bottles of Newcastle Brown in the Yorkshireman’s (Tetley), then smuggled the stuff into the Wapentake. 4. The Albert and the Minerva, Phoenix (Union Street - Charles Street) and Nelson were also fave’s of mine. These days the Yorkshiremans rock bar is good for music and meeting, but the place needs to be smartened up big style…But they have the best pint of John Smith’s in Sheffield. There dunt seem to many places left to listen to rock and metal, closed due to rip-off prices for drinks and admission, people stopped going. Boardwalk and Casbah prime examples. We have plenty of derelict buildings in Sheffield that could be made into music venues instead of apartments for careerists and for students. Let’s see if some sensible person opens the Boardwalk again…not just for live music, but as a meeting place pub similar to Buccaneer or Wapentake. Martin Bellamy. The last time I saw Martin was on White Lane, Gleadless Townend. It was in the week when Somerfields supermarket became a Co-op circa 10 or so years ago. The supermarket is the old Azena Danse Hall building. I was on that day on a long walk in Sheffield 12, on the look out for anything from the past to fit into my 60s thread; ‘nah then folks, during the 60s…’ Anyrooad, I saw Martin and his lady-friend (missus) in the Co-op car-park. They had just come out of the shop laden with shopping. I recognised Martin and I decided that he and his missus were going to be involved in a long conversation, whether they wanted to be, or not. LOL. As some of you will know, Martin is (was) a quick thinker and a quick speaker…loquacious is an understatement. LOL. Martin, as usual, came out with some good stuff…an intelligent lad. We nattered mainly about the 70s when we knew each other from suppin’ in Cambridge Street area, and of course, the Buccaneer and the Penthouse. Martin also mentioned that he and his woman were living in Heeley. The previous 6 or 7 times I saw Martin were in the Boardwalk (formerly Black Swan, Mucky Duck …Dirty Duck). I saw him at concerts where he got in for free. He had a tacit agreement with the management that he (Martin) was the glass and bottle collector at the gigs. This was similar to my interloping, infiltrating days getting in for free at gigs in Northern Germany…mainly Hannover area, and at times, Hamburg 1980s. I used different methods though. LOL. The Boardwalk gigs I saw Martin (in baseball cap) at were: Michael Schenker Robin Trower Jan Akkerman Fish Budgie Focus Plenty of fretboard meltdown theere! R.I.P. Martin Bellamy Just to say Martin had in the late 60s- early 70s, done door-work at Buccaneer and various pubs and clubs…as had his good mate… Tim Guest. I first came across Tim in 1972ish at the Spewdents Union, on Glossop Road. It was in the snooker room (now Pool room) one Saturday afternoon. As it happened, Tim and I had had the same idea. After kicking-out time (15:20) at the pubs (mainly Buccaneer), we’d (individually) made our way up to the Union. It was easy to get in because the door man didn’t come on duty until 17:00. The Uni bar didn’t open until 17:30, but there was plenty of distractions to pass the time…Snooker, Pinball, Jukebox, Television (Grandstand etc), and cheap tea-time meals. If the weather was hot there was the opportunity to sunbathe on the extensive lawns. LOL. I also saw Tim on Thursday’s – early evening at Faulkners Snooker Hall on Cambridge Street (now Wetherspoons). Time used to come in with a pal of his. Tim had at the time a ‘bell shaped’ (triangular), frizzy hair style. He at times wore platform shoes and his shirt always had a few buttons undone to show off his hairy chest. LOL. Tim was as intelligent as Martin but didn’t speak as fast. Many years had passed before I saw him again – mid 90s. We both had spent time living abroad. Me – 17 years in Europe – Tim, 5 years or so in Antigua & Barbuda. On this occasion, I came across him in the Brincliffe Oaks (Whitbread) pub. Brincliffe Oaks is now houses and flats. On this occasion when I saw him I didn’t recognise him by sight nor by voice. It was his big bony hands (remembered from snooker Hall days 70s). The things people remember eh? Tim has had a few health problems in the last few years, but he is a strong bloke mentally and physically. We came across each other quite often after that and I managed to sell him four elpees…2x The Movies and 2x Spanish stuff (I deal in records). I still see Tim knocking about from time to time. Thanks for patience…Yawn! LOL.

Old bus routes of Sheffield – information needed Here is another photo of the 99 bus caught passing aneath Barrow Hill railway bridge in 1970s, on its way frum Sheffield. I think the 99 (without Flake..ugh) was an hourly service. Drinkers form the Sheffield end often caught the 99 to go to the Old Harrow pub (‘Arra’..to those in the know) on White Lane, Gleadless. The 99 also passed the Phoenix at High Lane, the Queens Head and the Swan Inn, both in Ridgeway, the Bridge at Ford, and up the Hill at Marsh Lane were the Butchers Arms, and the Fox and Hounds. Next was the Devonshire Arms at Middle Handley. Anglers caught the 99 bus to alight at the Bridge in Ford. There was (is) a large fishing pond nearby.

Old record shops Could this Young lady have been a former shop-assistant at Curtis’s on Angel Street?

Figs on the Don Ref Post 16. Ontarian1981. In answer to your enquiry – (you’re nosey, policewoman or what?) Eleanor and I didn’t go near to Whitecroft Crescent. She lived in a less rough area… Brinsweth Lane. Lol. I used to meet her outside The Atlas Hotel (John Smiths), on BaWtry Road. Eleanor was always taken by my quality John Lord suit. She always said I looked reight smart in it. In(n) the Atlas I supped pints of bitter, Eleanor supped haives of Lager and Lime. We, we, may have had a wet against a wall, but I can’t recall if we ever did. Eleanor was often wet though… behind the ears. Lol. FIG-URATIVELY SPEAKING, THIS ISN’T A FIG LEAF OF MY IMAGINATION.

Sheffield Wednesday Autograph help I presume you handed the autograph book in for it to be taken to the changing rooms. Some players do take liberties and sign for other players. This has unfortunately happened in your case. Some signatures are fake, some genuine. A genuine Gerry Young moniker is this A genuine David Ford sig is this A genuine Dave Gibson autograph are these 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Leicester, Exeter, Scotland The Don Megson autograph is doubtful. Here is one. A signature not mentioned but in the autograph book is Harry Gregory, Aston Vanilla 1 2 and Charlton 1 2 3. Its genuine. Johnny Phantom is real John Hickton is genuine 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Here are some big Ronnie signatures. 1 2 3 4 5 6 and erm 7

Park Drive Cigs Football Books Here is Bernard Shaw on the back page of the first book L-R Billy Bremner, Bernard Shaw, Allan Clarke, Jack Charlton, Alan Hodgkinson, Alan Woodward and Len Badger. I don’t know who the Blades player is being squeshed between Charlton and Hodgkinson. On page 272 is another pic of interest Roy Vernon – 1 2 3 4 5 Special offer – Gary Pendry (Brum) and Andy Lochhead (Vanilla). More smokes from early seventies

And Blades and owls will be playing next season in the Championship... even though Wednesday aren't in United's league. Mind the gap... 12 points... 8 goals. Where's Steering Boy these days?

Figs on the Don Thank you for the interesting link, Hillsbro- On the bank of the River Don, behind the Bridge Inn (Wards) on Meadow Hall (two words is correct) Road, is a fig tree overlooking the pub’s backyard. -- Re: Post 10 I know what you mean about Lindisfarne, Ontarian… I once had a Fig on the Tine, in fact, I had several. The figs played ‘ell wi’ mi guts, making me Run for Home. I was singing Nicely out of Tune by the tyne I got to the thunderbox at hooam. I also one date(d) a nice bird from Brinsworth, Eleanor was her name. She was quite a Lady, with a lovely fig-ure. She used to Meet me on the Corner, and we’d Swing Together, but we were Court in the Act in those Happy Daze. Strangely enough, Eleanor’s Dad was called Don. Fig-ger that one out. Pics 1 2 3 4 5.

Did Ansell’s Brewery have any pubs in Sheffield? Mixed Bag 3 1. Thanks Sadbrewer, Grapps and Abbeyedges. 2. The Cannon pub in town…and one of its (in)famous Knight-time customer’s. Lol. 3. Arbourthorne Hotel (Whitbread). In the early 70s I saw a band playing here… Wolves …they did an excellent rendition of Uriah Heep’s – Gypsy. 4. Storyette: The Adephi stood on Tudor Way, formerly Arundel Street, and Sycamore Street. The Adephi 1 2 3 4 closed its doors for the final time in early springtime, in 1969. This was a very sad day for Yorkshire County Cricket Club followers, because YCCC had been formed at the Adelphi in 1863. For Sheffield United football supporters, it was a great day of celebration. There were innumerable parties, city-wide that evening. The Adelphi had vended Stones 2 Ales for many years. Stones bitter had good body and good taste, and was certainly better than today’s rip-off ‘real ales’ the snobs fawn over, and who are foolishly prepared to pay £10 a pint for. The Adelphi was to be demolished to make way for the building of Sheffield’s newest theatre…the breeze-blocked Crucible 1 2 3 4 5 6. Ugh. The customership in the Adelphi was somewhat varied. People who had spent part of the day shopping at Fargate, Change Alley 1 2 3, Chapel walk and Cambridge Arcade 1 2 etc. Cinema goers, theatre goers, church goers, and the occasional person(s) who wandered in through the doors on a rainy day, due to not being in possession of a collapsible canopy. There were also courting couples who went in after having spent the early part of an evening mutually mankin’ in the dark shadows of nearby Cadman Lane. (rear of town hall through Archway. Others included…Dope-dealers, free-wheelers, pride-stealers, happy-feelers, home-needers wife-beaters…and the occasional book-reader. Men from the building trade were also a plenty in the Adelphi. Joiners, brick layers, plasterers and general labourers came in search of fellow building site grafters. They were looking for future work, having finished working on now completed sites. These workers also toured other pubs and cafes, hoping to receive a tip as regards to working on a near-future building site. Alternatively, these salt-of-the-earth people would slope off to the labour exchange on West Street. -- A happening that could be true. Once upon a time…I befound myself in the Adephi. It was during the early session (11.00-15:00) and I was an underage drinker. At the bar, I ordered (requested) a pint of Jungle Juice, paid in the region of 2 bob, then went to sit at a table by one of the windows facing the carp-ark on Tudor way. (Tudor 1 2 3 is the king). Having made myself comfortable, I reached into my T.W.A. (Try Walking Across) travel bag. I withdrew a well-used book (borrowed from nearby Central Library), entitled Dr. Zhivago written by an author called Boris Plasteknek and began to read. I immediately got ‘into’ the story, which tempted me to go back to the bar to purchase a double Volgogradian Vodka…no ice. I resisted but had my Jungle Juice replenished. Having re-sat myself at the window I continued to read my book. 18 minutes later the pubs main door opened, then shut with a bang. Into the pub arrived a man. The man was dressed in a smart grey coloured blazer, wore tie and collar, grey trousers, and he was wearing a cap that had a segmented pattern in various colours. The man’s feet were shod in roller skates. The man, who was diminutive, to say the least, then rolled up to the bar. The frowning bar man at the bar, eyed the newcomer with half-closed suspicious eyes. The newcomer ordered (requested) a pint of best Jungle Juice. The barman poured the drink, but at the same time he was wondering...’how is it possible for a half-pint to drink a full-pint, surely he should be requesting (ordering) a…short. The diminutive newcomer then swigged from his pint glass. He wore a neutral facial expression of seriousness, and of guardedness. A short time later (seven minutes) the pub door opening once again, to admit another man, this new fellow also ordered (requested) a pint of Jungle Juice at the bar. He was from the building trade. I had immediately noticed his boits had traces of gobbo and gunite on ‘em. A dead giveaway was his black donkey-jacket with large white lettering on the back…B.L. which meant brick layer (not Barry Lawson). The bricklayer wore no hard hat. The new newcomer then acknowledged the former newcomer (now sat on a bar stool) and a quiet conversation ensued. Having conversed for a while, the diminutive roller skated man kindly bought the bricklayer another pint of Jungle Juice. After conversing a while (14 minutes longer) the bricklayer aggressed the pub. He was perhaps on his way to the Bricklayers Arms (Tetley) on Hereford Street, down near Moor bottom. A short while (9 minutes) later, the man who was sat on the bar stool suddenly jumped down to the floor then began to skate around the pub. This skating man performed many skating movements with great aplomb…heels, grapevine, front-side air, half-cab air, air to fakie, fakie air, indy grab, toe jumps, toe loops, the salchow, lutz, the axel, the triple axel,…then finally the splits. I and the other 34 customers in the pub were highly amused by this unusual entertainment, and we loudly applauded, but the trunt of a bar man was far from being amused. The grim-faced bar man stepped from behind the bar and approached a big rough looking customer…a knuckler. They both conversed in quiet whispering manner. It seemed quite lucid to me that the breathless little skater was about to be ejected from the pub. It wouldn’t have been good for business to have slung the little bloke out through the front door, for passers-by would be witness to the ejection, then word would spread by wild-fire that the pub was a rough ‘ole. Instead, it was decided to dispose of the skater via the back-door. As the knuckler was one-handedly lifting his hapless victim off the floor, I packed my Dr Zhivago book back into my T.W.A. travel-bag, then withdrew my trusty, but not rusty, Kodak Brownie camera. The skater was then carried out through the back door. The sneering knuckler returned, back into the pub moments later. I went out into the backyard, then took a photograph. -- After the Adelphi had finally cloised down, the landlord was moved to another pub. The Toll Gate, in Pistmoor.

Did Ansell’s Brewery have any pubs in Sheffield? Mixed bag. Part 2. I’ve not supped at all the pubs in this post. 1. Thank you for your kind words Sadbrewer, Grappler and Choogling. 2. Sadbrewer. I wasn’t trying to mislead by putting up the Higson’s beermat. I just wanted to show the Higson’s emblem to others who may not have seen it in the past (I like to be helpful). However, on the sign outside the King’s Arms was definitely a Liverbird, with ousthouse above / behind it. Let’s hope someone may have a clearer photo of the sign at King’s Arms. I’ll keep searching. The Bass sign in the foreground makes things interesting though regarding the brewing of Higson’s in Sheffield, if it was brewed here. Here is a new pic. It is a shot of the Gas Board opposite the King’s arms. A door or so higher up from the gas company on Commercial Street is the Gambit Restaurant entrance. Blame the photographer for the poxy quality of the snap. LOL. Also, you are right about the Golden Plover not being a Mansfield Brewery pub. I was mistaken but wasn’t trying to mislead. Let that be clear. 3. I mentioned Horseshoe (Horses Hoe) Inn on Bell House Road in my previous post it once sold Bentley’s Rotherham ales. Here is a pic from my extensive (LOL) private collection. Here’s another. 4. Kimberley Ales: Springfield (ex-Whitbread) Tavern, Lord Nelson (Fanny’s), Nags Head (Loxley). Ship Inn, Gypsy Queen. The Albion hotel in the Spital Hill area also sold Kimberley beer. Any others? 5. Tetley: I noticed circa 1970-72 that Tetley had opened the Stone House in town, built the Whetstone (Moorfoot Tavern) on Cumberland Street, Cross Guns on Sharrow Lane was also rebuilt. Did Tetley splash the cash on other Tetley pubs in Sheffield about that time? 6. Sadbrewer, Abbeyedges (good post btw). I was surprised you both didn’t mention Lowenbrau 1 2 3 (Loewenbraeu) in the Tetley section. Translated Loewenbraeu means Lionsbrew. The beer taps have a white and blue diamond design on them. The same design can be seen on the flag of the right wing German State of Bavaria, where Loewenbraeu comes from. Anyroad, although a bitter drinker I have drank Loewenbraeu on a couple of occasions in England.. Broomhill Tavern, Mailcoach 1 2, in Sheffield. The stuff was too fizzy and tasted ghastly, its nothing like the proper stuff sold in Germany. Also, in England the head of the drink disappears within a few seconds. In Germany, the head stays all the way down to the bottom of the glass. I remember having the same problem at the pub Devonshire Cat, with Becks beer on draft. Years later the same problem at Wetherspoons. For what reason(s) does the head of beer disappear so quickly? Head less beer is tasteless. Brits tend to sup owt as long as its wet! 7. In my previous post I mentioned the Pomona, Home Ales and Youngers, continued in point 21. 8. I’ve always had the impression Gold Label Barley Wine was a unique Whitbread concoction. I recently saw in an old ‘60s film, a poster on a pub wall advertising Truman’s Barley Wine. Have other breweries brewed Barley Wine? 9. Mid-90s in the Stag,Psalter Lane, I drank Gold Label Lager , brewed by Whitbread, was this lager available city wide in Whitbread’s pubs? 10. Flowers Ale and Hogshead beer: are these two beers still on the go? I once supped a few pints of flowers in the Union pub (Whitbread) at Nether Edge. It was the time Paddy and Beryl ran it. A jokey topic of conversation ensued as to whether Flowers should be pronounced…as in ‘bunch of flowers’, or whether it should be pronounced…as a river (flows) flow-ers, after all the beer flows from the beer tap (pump) LOL. Anyway, flowers and Hogs head beer I espied on beer pumps in the Carrol White / John Mills ‘60s film – Dulcima (filmed in Gloucestershire). The pub had the Whitbread sign hanging outside. A little anecdote, an undeniable truth: One early evening mid 90s in the Union pub Paddy was serving. I stood at the bar wearing a Whitbread Trophy tie and ordered (requested is a better word) a pint of Whitbread Trophy. Having passed me my pint, Paddy noticed my tie. Politely speaking but with a derisory look, Paddy said .. “that tie is nothing special”. Pointing to his Martell tie, he said .. “this is a special tie, only the ‘big people’ at Whitbread gets these ties”. There was not much I could say to that. Three days later I was in the pub again and Paddy was serving again. He served me my pint, and glanced at my tie. Paddy blinked several times then his gob dropped, his face reddened and he looked somewhat uneasy. The sight of my Martell tie knotted in Windsor fashion stunned him. Later in the evening Paddy asked me how I had come into possession of the tie. I told him a lie by saying I had ‘big people’ friends at Whitbread. LOL. At the time of the above happening I had a few brewery ties. I now have scores of different design brewery ties. I may post one day as to why I had acquired them. A longish story. 11. Home Ales: a year or so ago I was at a second-hand book shop. The shopkeeper had 2 cartons full of books… £1 a book. I found a thick-ish pamphlet type book History of Home Ales. My heart skipped a beat then I picked up the book, a massive disappointment…the pages were fully stuck together. He’d obviously had the cartons stood outside the shop on a day it had rained. 12. Guinness: does anybody remember Red Guinness or Guinness Red? I recall supping this in the York Hotel at Broomhill. Dennis was running the pub late 1990. At that time Guinness had a ‘gimmick’ tap / pump…A pint of Guinness poured in 30 seconds, remember that? I used to like Guinness in the early 70s. The beer was nowhere near as cold as today’s Guinness. The Guinness seemed to have more body, and a slight after –burnt taste in those days. 13. Late 1990s? Does anybody recall the time when 2 pint measure beer glasses came out. They didn’t seem to catch on…and were gone. 14. Some pubs Grappler may know: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 15. Some more cuttsie pubs may know 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 16. I have worked out that since 1970 over 60 pubs have closed down within a 15-20 minutes brisk walk from Sheffield Town Hall. Tragic!! 17 I recently called in at Laycock’s on Archer Road. The fellow (a Spaniard, serving at the bar kindly showed me around the pub and also gave info regarding membership. £15 per year. During my time there I downed a few pints of Magnet. Who brews Magnet these days? Btw non-members pay 50p more than members for pints. Fair deal. I was also told that Laycock’s club used to sell Mansfield Ales. 18. The Phoenix (Tetley) stood at the junction of Union Street / Charles Street. I occasionally called in at this pub in the early 70s when I’d supped-up at the Minerva (Whitbread) and was on my way to the Nelson (Whitbread) on Furnival Gate. The Phoenix was run by the Polytechnic at the time. There used to be a Phoenixin flight on the bottle-green tiling on the outside wall of the pub. Howden House now stands on the site. 19. Party time 20. Double Diamond. 1 and 2 3 21. Continued from point 7. I often drank in the Pomona during the second part of the 90s. I believe Scottish & Newcastle brewery had the pub at the time. Beer served among others possibly after Scottish & Newcastle were, Theakston’s and Webster (?). The cheapest bitter they had was called Scotch. At another date I may write an anecdote about when Dave Berry (singer) and I were in the Pomona listening to a Jazz group. We had been earlier up the road at the Slug and Fiddle pub. 22. The Gladstone’s 1 2 on St James St, later called Ferret and Trouser leg (now Church rock bar) was run by S&N 23. The Fat Cat 1 2 on Alma St was previously known as the Alma. A Stones house. After Stones the pub sold Theakstons and later became a real ale pub. 24. My favourite pub early-mid 70s 1 2 25. The Ansell’s Opticians I mentioned in my O.P far left. 26. More Whitbread. 1 2 3 27. It wouldn’t be fair to leave out Stones. 28. Or Mansfields. 1 2 29. Or Wards 1 2 3 30. Or Sam Smith’s 1 2 31 Or Tetley 1 2 32. Some more ties. 33. Higson’s

Dream Number 1. In his pit, Zakes was lying on his right-side in the ‘feetal position’,… he still had his socks on. He slept soundly… he was snoring. The sound of the snoring prevented the bedroom from having a cathedral hush. Lying neath his thick – ply blankets, Zakes felt like a bug in a snug rug. It was a pleasant dream, a dreamy dream. It could have been a Mamas & Papas, California Dreamin’ dream, or maybe a Dream a little dream of me, type dream. Then again, it could have been a dream about Graduation Day, as Zakes was Tossing and Turning in bed. Zakes, aged 13, wouldn’t have minded which Ivy League University he’d like to go to, they were all the same to him. Yale, Pennslyvania, Princeton, Harvard, Dartmouth College, Cornell, Columbia or Brown. Zakes’ sweet dream was more suited to a … Lovin’ Spoonful type dream. Girls, girls at school… Birley County School. In his dream, Zakes, though asleep, was trying with difficulty, to choose a girl to co-star in his dream. She had to be at least passable, because he didn’t want his dream to turn into a nightmare. Dreamy Zakes had to go through the names and the faces of his list of mucky maid candidatesses. There were: Lynn M Stacey Anne Hayes Julie Hirst Lesley Whiteley Lynne Womack Diane Shaw Susan Rowbotham Sandra Wallis Pat Dodworth Rosie Staniland Susan Cocker Adele Stephenson June Priest Mary Ollerenshaw Margaret Winkley Lynne Craig Susan Beaumont Margaret Glossop Pat Otter Vicky Cuneo Lynda Birch Sharon Dawtry Kathryn Ibbotson. After much deliberation, and before his dream might come to an end, Zakes chose this time: Kathryn Ibbotson, because she had a generous mouth, and a tighter than tight tailpiece. The new day broke, as did the dream, precisely 69 minutes later. It was almost time for school.

Park Drive Cigs Football Books This is the first book – printed in 1968. From my extensive collection. Page 4 may be of interest for Ontarian to peruse. LOL.

1. The smaller of the Marty Feldman pics in Part 2, is from early ‘70s. The occasion is the opening of Dave Webb’s (Chelsea footballer) new hairdressing salon. The pic people: L/R. Charlie Cooke, Dave Webb, Peter Osgood, Marty Feldman, Marvin Hinton and Tommy Baldwin. Now you know. ------------------------- 2. At the time of this ‘Doctor’ Zakes story I was 13. I smoked the occasional 5 packs of fags…Parkie’s Plain or Woodbine. They were all I could afford from my pocket (spending) money. My matches were books of matches. I used to hide my smoking paraphernalia under the dustbin outside our house. I did this because if mi Mum smelled fag smoke, she’d search me. When I started to work at 15, I was then able to afford 10 packs. In the summer of 1972 I changed my brand to the creamy tasting Players Weight. These I purchased at Sylvesters, on Surrey strut. You know now. ------------------------- 'Doctor' Zakes 1967 Part 3 of 3 'Doctor' Zakes had arisen earlier than he usually did. Having stretched as a cat would to limber up, he went into the bathroom for a tiddle, and a quick cat-lick. In the kitchen, he ate a continental breakfast of Danish bacon, Italian tomatoes, German sausage, Austri(ch)-an eggs, Spanish onions and French fried bread. To keep up his fitness levels, “doctor’ Zakes then dashed off to the local C.B.C. Bowling Alley, on Birley Moor Road. After 10 minutes of bowling, he realised his luck was in, when he achieved a Lucky Strike. You now know. On his way to work at the tented surgery, ‘Doctor’ Zakes noted the fine weather had suddenly changed to unfine weather. On arrival at Birley Moor Crescent, he looked up to sky to see the Passing Clouds, passing by, in the direction of Dykes Hall Road. Now you know. The practiced praxis of ‘Doctor’ Zakes had become very popular. Many more patients, from many areas of Sheffield, were now flocking to him, to be treated to treatment. Word had gotten around that he was friendly, amenable, and as efficient as Swiss time. His patients of schooling age absolutely adored him, because they knew for the price of a comic and 10 fags, he would write, then sign a sick-note, to exempt them from attending their scholastical institutions for a full week. Every Friday and Saturday, there was a long, long queue of ailing patients, queueing at the tented surgery, to be treated by the whiz-bang of a whiz-kid ‘Doctor’. On one particular Saturday, there was a queue that stretched all the way from Birley Moor Crescent, down to past the Travellers Rest (Tetley) pub on City Rooad. Dad Zakes often imbibed at this pub, with its bowling green, and its full-sized snooker table. Due to the artificial light constantly shining down onto the snooker table, the baize green cloth never looked at green, as the green, of the bowling green. ------------------------- Due to the popularity of ‘Doctor’ Zakes’s tented surgery, many patients had now deserted their own physical physicians of long standing. This put the surgeries of those Doctors in peril of closure. Some of the endangered surgeries are: Drs. Banner and ‘Killedair’ - Drakehouse Lane Drs. Lambie and Blindt – Occupation Lane Drs. Mathews, Porteous, Smith and Whitaker - White Lane Drs. White and Garmaj - Wragg Lane Drs. O’Donovan, Sugden and Turner - Mansfield Road Dr Nightingale - Woodhouse Road Drs. Askew, Gardner, Greer and Pearce - Ecclesall Road Drs. Labib, Foggitt, Gething, Nicholls, Oates, Wainwright, Wallis, Cox, Lees and Brimacombe – all from the dark side of town, down Attercliffe way. Many more doctors would be joining the list in weeks to come. It would be a very bitter pill for them doctors to swallow. ------------------------- What surprised ‘Doctor’ Zakes, was the dumbness of some of his patients. On ‘catching’ a sore throat, many of them would take cough mixtures, hot drinks, and the remedies of ‘old wives’. These useless remedies are useless. They (the patients) should have sought the advice of the ineffable ‘Doctor’ Zakes. During the previous month ‘Doctor’ Zakes had lost 27 of his very valid patients. By taking ‘lightly’ sore throats, the 27 patients had died after developing, Scarlet Fever, Typhus, Whooping Cough, Smallpox and many other contagious diseases. 3 other patients, who had luckily survived, had each had a burning issue with Shingles. For the price of a comic and a packet of fags, ‘Doctor’ Zakes would have prevented the death of these dead patients before they died. Patients must realise, and not forget that: Diseased air, or air full of impurities and infection, when breathed, goes first down the upper part of the throat, before it enters the wind pipe (trachea), and in passing leaves much of its poison there. This can lead to contagious diseases that can kill 27 people at a time. ------------------------- All good things come to an end, and that’s what happened. It was reported in the Daily Sketch, that ‘Doctor’ Zakes had suddenly died peacefully in his sleep. His life had been stubbed-out by a strange case of some smoking disease, where the lips turned green, then start to quiver.

The Study of Birds 1967. Part 3 of 3. Across the wide expanse of Frecheville Lake’s clear blue water, Zakes espied two girls. He instantly recognised the two mini-beskirted girls… Christine Pierce and Amanda Roberts. Within two minutes, Zakes presented himself with a slight bow. The girls were pleased to see him, as indicated by their wide-eyed smiles. Zakes wasn’t in the mood for psychological games, so didn’t pretend to not play hard to get. From their short conversation, it transpired the two girls had just visited the local library, on Smalldale Rooad. The two had spent 1 hour and 63 minutes browsing through novels in the hope of finding naughty swear-words. They had successfully found eight words, and were going to practice them as soon as they got home. They lived next-door to each other on Hazelbadge Crescent. Christine was pretty rather than beautiful, her best features being her blue eyes, yellow blonde hair, and her proud pert pyramids. Christine’s Mum had the keys to a Sheffield made car… a Richardson. Amanda had hair that gleamed blackly and it promised to look luxuriant if permitted. She would have looked more appealing though, had she wore her hair in a different style. Amanda had a cheerful smile about her tragic mouth, and a cast in her right latch-eye. Like every girl, she had, of course, nothing to wear. Amanda’s Daddy drove a Sheffield car, a Hallamshire, manufactured by Durham Churchill. _______________ As the early evening was approaching, Zakes was strolling back in the direction of Newstead, home on the range, where the deer and the antelope(s) play. He spent some time in thought, thinking about the girls he’d seen earlier…… ‘Ah! ...these girls! With candid eyes they seek to impale. So direct when it suited them, so evasive when fearing to be caught out. They want you when they’re burning… when they’re cold… no deal’. Zakes was now old enough to know all about the weaknesses of boys, and the wiley ways of girls. _______________ Arriving back on Newstead Rise, Zakes noted the French skipperesses had quit the scene. They had been replaced by a pair of two-faced. Two-timing, two-bit girls, playing two-balls against a garage door. Zakes knew these two lasses very well indeed. They were Lucy Luvzit and Mary Carstairs. Lucy was of Ukrainian descent, and Zakes immediately spotted she had a mild case of acne. Lucy’s eyes sparkled like diamonds, and the necklace around her swanish neck shone like Blackpool’s Illuminations. ‘Amazing what you get these days out of Lucky Bags’. Mused Zakes with a wry smile. Lucy had hair almost as red as the red of a Robin’s breast. Her mouth was wide. Zakes wondered if she kissed fiercely in Parisian style. Lucy was tall and inclined to scragginess. She was slim, stern but sensual. The timbre of her laugh could have timbered any sturdy tree to the ground. Upon seeing Zakes a soft blush suffused her cheeks. She lowered her eyelids to hide her excitement. Lucy wore a short multi-coloured white floral patterned dress. Lucy’s favourite food was Chicken Kiev. Lucy’s father was saving-up his well earned money as a chiropodist. He worked at Steel, Peech and Toenails, in Templeborough. The money saved would be going towards the cost of a Sheffield made car … A Charron Laycock. Mary, alert and always smiling, her fine-spun hair was strawberry blonde. The hair colour was not unlike the colour of the inside of a Crunchie chocolate bar. Mary was alluring and knew it. Her eyes glowed like coals in a dark room. Her mouth was generously small and curved sweetly when she frowned. Her voice was soft but quite shrill. Mary always walked with a swing taking great delight in swirling her skirt to best advantage. Mary’s father drove a Sheffield made car … a Simplex. Mary’s Mother enjoyed knitting, travelling in Paternoster Lifts, Italian motor scooters, and turkey plucking at Easter time, and at Whitsuntide. Both Lucy and Mary liked Zakes … who could blame them? After a short conversation, the two girls were eager to show their appreciation of Zakes, by stirring his pulses and his loins. They both performed a series of slow artistic hand-stands, cartwheels and the crab or him. _______________ Having entered the family home, Zakes could hear the roaring silence. He had the whole house to himself because the rest of the family were in Gravesend, visiting the grave of a distant relative who had met his end. After having taken a long, hot, Radox filled bath (swip-swap waves, thank-you Lucy, thank-you Mary), Zakes was now in the kitchen. Whilst preparing his favourite meal of banana sandwiches, smothered in Hammond’s brown sauce, Zakes was avidly thinking of his hero he would soon to be seeing. With his plateful of sandwiches, Zakes entered the living-lounge. Having switched on the family’s Ekco television set, he retired to his Dad’s favourite walnut coloured armchair. The programme started, and there he was… his heroic hero… Callan! The slow swinging light bulb burned brightly.

Sylvia Sylversydes, from Rainbow Way, Hackenthorpe, was the next patient of the day to have an appointment with Doctor Zakes, Sylvia was slim and slender and was quite tall at 5 feet 1 inch. She possessed yellow coloured shoulder length hair which was twisted into corkscrew curls. She was heartbreakingly beautiful. Sylvia told to Doctor Zakes her complaint was whooping cough. ‘Doctor’ Zakes stubbed out his cigarette, then spoke’ “Well Sylvia”, “nobody can mistake this complaint. With its weird whooping sound, half-coughing, half-retching. With proper care and proper remedies, it is soon easily cured”. “Your cure.” “Take a Dr Beeching powder with a little sugar, jam or marmalade, thrice daily, then take 32 minutes later, 2 tablespoons full of pure lemon juice. Allowed is a diet of milk and bread, eggs, milk puddings, Victory ‘V’s, and meat, but no beef or swan. Out-door exercise is permitted but avoid damp air. A train journey to the country side would be just the ticket for you Sylvia. Unfortunately, your lovely smile is not enough to cover the cost of my treating you. A large bottle of Jusoda, 10 Strand ciggies, and a copy of this week’s Hotspur is my requirement. Toodle-oo.” -- After a quick Kensitas ciggie behind the Frecheville hotel pub (Whitbread) and a cup of tea, Zakes bowed his greeting to his next patient…Wendy Watts. Zakes had often seen Wendy shopping at the shops. She always succeeded in ‘sprucing up his voltage’. He must, at all times remain professional, he told himself. “Hello Doctor Zakes, you are a sight for sore eyes.” Murmured Wendy. “yes Wendy, I can see with eyes that you have sore eyes” murmured ‘Doctor’ Zakes. “Young ladies like you are liable to weak watery, sore, protruding, inflamed latch-eyes…Marty Feldman would be very proud of you. Bath your eyes 6 times a day with a lotion made up of thirty-seven grains of White Vitriol, dissolved in six fluid ounces of Chestnut scented rose-water. If your eyes become more inflamed, apply for 10 minutes a small mustard poultice to the nape of your neck.” Advised ‘Doctor’ Zakes. “What is a mustard poultice?” asked Wendy with hope in her voice, and in her sore eyes.” “Quite simple really, Wendy. Mix three teaspoons full of Flour of Mustard with half the white of an Ostrich egg. After you have made a stiff paste form the ingredients, spread it onto a piece of calico or brown paper, then apply it onto the nape of your neck, keeping it there for 600 seconds. Then clean your neck with a little warm water and cover it with soft linen. The poultice can be used again if repeated within twenty-four hours. The poultice is a wonderful counter-irritant. By using the poultice in the correct manner, you will soon see the light at the end of the tunnel.” “As payment for my kind treatment, my fee is a pack of 20 woodbines, and a box of Three Torches safety matches, because they are the best strikers since Billy Gillespie, and ‘Doc’ Pace.” -- Trevor Rovert was sat upon the patient’s fisherman’s stool with a look of desperation across his square hatchet-face. He was wanting ‘Doctor’ Zakes to help him to rid him of Ringworm. “(Un)well Trevor, this skin disease begins with a small red pimple, which gradually spreads and arranges itself into a ring-like form. It itches very much and when scratched becomes worse. It is very catching among young people like ourselves. You can get it from sharing a comb, brush, a crepe-paper party hat, or towel of another. It is very difficult to cure.” “My brilliant advice to cure your ringworm is as follows”: “Take 2 fluid ounces of Tincture of Iron, commonly called ‘Steel Drops’ mixed with four tablespoons full of Soft Water; bathe the ringworm with it night and morning. Let a little of the lotion dry on. I also advise you to take a Dr. Beechings powder thrice daily. This should, get your wheels turning again, and prevent you from going off the rails. Also, drink twice daily, a small glass of porter, which will guard against any further tender-ness, and prevent you from going loco. My fee. As it is also almost Xmas-time I will be wanting one of those special boxes or tin with half a hundred cigarettes inside. My preferred brand is, Craven “A”. -- Andrew Warden was next to be seen to. Andrew was unsurprisingly left looking less than chirpy. He had copped a dose of Thrush. “Firstly Andrew, I believe you have injudiciously fed yourself to the point than little white sores, or small ulcers, have broken out inside your gob and throoat, on your tongue, and on your gums, say AAAH. These ulcers are called Thrush. Another cause of Thrush is the overheating of food which causes Acetous Fermentation, acidity, and inflammation…hence the Thrush. I also believe you are very popular with the ‘birds’ in your class at school. Have you been on the nest? You have also been wetchin’ too many episodes of The Man From U.N.C.L.E., on telly. “Yes, its correct Doctor Zakes”. Uttered a down cast Andrew. “Right then”, spoke ‘Doctor’ Zakes with his mouth. “I want you, five or six time s a day. to mop inside your mouth with a bit of rag, having previously dipped the rag in the following mixture: honey, 2 ounces: Seidlitz powder or Roche Alum… your choice, 2 ounces, mixed together.” Also, take a Dr Beeching powder, once daily, which will correct all acidities and put you back on track. Take also a generous dessert spoonful of mixed rhubarb and magnesia once or twice a day. Beetroot will also suffice if you don’t have rhubarb. That was the cure, now for some serious advice.” “To prevent going down with another dose of thrush, you must immediately desist from frottin’ and mankin’ with the ‘birds’ at school. Most importantly, cease using a toilet seat other than your own. Although you are a train spotter, and have a one-track mind, further journeys to Grimsby docks should at all costs be avoided.” “For this informative information my charge is a tin of 5 Grandee cigars, and a box of Made in Sweden blue-tipped matches, a bar of Five Faces chocolate, and an Elephant Foot from the Fletcher’s van, which is due in 8 minutes time.” -- At 11.14 the penultimate patient of the day arrived at the tented surgery. Her name was Lesley Selley, Frecheville’s finest. Lesley was a voluptuous Jezebel, and Aphrodite at the waterhole. Lesley was suffering from Epedemic Parotitis, which made he look somewhat mumpish and mawkish. He ailment is a contagious viral disease of the Parotid salivary glands, characterized by swelling at both sides of the neck. Mumps is feverish and causes pain beneath the ears. “Doctor” Zake’s cure: “The swellings should be gently rubbed twice daily with a mixture of Hartshorn and Linseed Oil, the face being afterwards tied up with washed flannel. A Dr Beeching powder should be taken every other day. This should help your train of thought. The swellings should lessen by the fifth day.” “That will cost you a pipe, swipe your grandad’s if need be, a 2oz pack of Condor nut flavoured pipe tobacco, plus a Caramac Bar. Thank you Lesley”. -- The final poorly patient of the day was Gary Gray who hailed from Basegreen. Gary arrived at 2 minutes to closing time. Doctor Zakes decided to treat Gary to treatment. Gary had come to the surgery because he was feeling hot-headed. His complaint was Scalded Head. This made Doctor Zakes scratch his bonce. This was a most unusual ailment, and try as he might, this really did test his patien(ts)ce. However, after a few ticks he remembered all about Scalded Head. It isn’t as painful as trapping ones ‘head’ in a zip, but nonetheless, quite uncomfortable. “Right then Gary, this disease commences with small watery eruptions, which come at the roots of the hair, and drying, form nasty dry crusts…scabs on the head. It arises from uncleanness, or a bad state of blood. This makes it possible that you a dirty little bleedah! You can also catch Scalded Head from another by wearing his (her) cap, or using the same pillow, comb, or brush”. “To cure this, this is my cure.” “Wash your head every morning with soft soap and warm water. Use also a lotion of vinegar and pulped dandelion petals, no burdock required. Alternatively, Tar water is also a good remedy. Tar water is soon made by pouring boiled water onto a pennyworth of Swedish Tar; when cold it is fit for use. Drink a gallon and a half each day”. “The fee I am charging you is: 10 Sullivan & Powell Turkish Blend cigarettes, a small jar of Twining’s Coffee spread, a kilo bag of Rainbow Drops, and a pack of YZ chewing gum.” “BTW Gary, if you have a problem obtaining the Swedish tar, and, the pulped dandelion petals in Sheffield, you may have to travel a distance to get them, there is special specialist shop”: Hull, Baker and Confectioner, 4, Thornham Lane, Castleton. “I am not certain whether it is the Castleton in Derbys, Lancs, or in Cumberland. If you don’t have pigeons, you can write a letter, postcard, or send a telegram to a: Mr. P.Hillsbro, a.k.a. Robbo the stamp collector Dykes Hall Road Hillsborough, Near Sheffield. He may be able to help you although I think it doubtful. Don’t forget my fags and my spice, you scruffy sod! .. Get well soon.” To be Continued.

'Doctor' Zakes 1967 Part 1 of 3. Dedicated to Mr F. This is a story about a boy who is too clever to go to Grammar School. Although his grammar in school isn't too clever. -- Having spent many weeks and many months, reading many medical books at the local library, in Frecheville. And having spent much time wetching Dr. Findlay and Dr. Cameron and Janet, who all resided in Tannochbraye, on telly, Zakes had decided he'd like to become a fully fledged doctor. Zakes had also gained many medical tips about being a doctor, by wetching Emergency Ward 10, also on telly. Because Zakes was only 13 years of age, he knew he would have to work small-time, and without a license. It wasn't vanity that was urging him on, but the thought of helping people who were suffering, to not suffer any longer than was necessary. He decided he would like to doctor the ailments of South-Eastern Sheffielders. He hoped to do well, gain popularity, and generally go down like a dose of salts in South-East-Sheffield, but not in Epsom, Liver-pool, nor in Saxa-Coburg Gotha, or in Salzburg. Siberia was too far away, as was Utah. -- Because Zakes didnt want to have the British Medical Association (BMA) on the posterior part of his body, extending from the neck to the pelvis, he chose not to take up premises. Instead, he would hold surgery alfresco. His surgery would consist of two fishermen stools, placed inside a narrow tall tent. The tent would be erected on the wide pavement, situated outside the B&C Co-op shop on Birley Moor Crescent. Surgey hours would be conducted n a convivial atmosphere, Friday tea-time and Saturday mornings, 4 times monthly. Charges would be charged to patients for advice and, or treatment. Due to Zake's initial financial embarrassment, he wasnt able to afford black silken knickers with matching bra, suspender belt, plus sheer black stockings. For this reason, he would have to practice at his practice, without the assistance of a long-legged natural blonde nurse. Having obtained a designer stethoscopic stethoscope at Jamieson's Chemist, at Frecheville shops, Zakes was now almost ready to open business. He was sincerely hoping word had gotten around the stataes of Birley, Newstead, Hackenthorpe, Basegreen, and Freceheville, and that the people of those areas had by now read his professionally made up pamphlet. --- 2 months later. 'Doctor' Zake's Case Book. Now in the ninth week of his successful practice, 'Doctor' Zakes gave to himself a happy smile. He was pleased with himself for having successfully advised and treated his patients, because none of them had come back to see him. Either they were cured or they were laid out on a cold marble slab in the mortal mortuary on t'Manor. Since opening business over 2 months ago 'Doctor' Zakes had cured many acute cases of: Convulsions Clapham Clap Left-handedness Coughs Colds Scarlet Fever nettle rash shingles Rubella Inflammation of the lungs Chicken pox Typhoid Watery brain blob on nob, and Lovelornness. ------- Today, 'Doctor' Zakes had a few more appointments then was finished for the weekend. At about 08:43 precisely, the third Saturday patient arrived at the tent flap. Due to patient confidentiality, his name was Malcolm Muggercrest. After a terse greeting, Malcolm informed 'Doctor' Zakes of his ailment...worms. Zakes had treated Mr. Muggercrest for a different ailment the previous month (hairs in the palms of his hand). Zakes didn't like the look of this weird looking man. He looked like a dead fish floating in a stream, with its head filled with 'pills and pot', a despicable type. Zakes was now tempted to give him the wrong treatment, but he knew he had to be professional. "Well, Mester Muggercrest, I can see form your pale face and hollow sunken eyes. I can smell your nasty breath too, and I can also see your nose and your fundament are itching, because you keep touching them. I presume you have a changeable appetite, frequent pains in the stomach, and you grind your teeth during sleep. Is this correct, Mester Muggercrest?" "Yes, Doctor Zakes, everything you have said is correct. Please help me." "Ok, Mester Muggercrest, now listen very carefully. If you obey my instructions to every detail you will save yourself from an early cold grave." "Your cure: take a Dr. Beeching Powder and a tablespoon of black treacle each morning one hour afore breakfast. This will eventually kill the worms and bring them away with the stools. At breakfast, drink a pint of cold boiled milk with a tablespoon of brown sugar in it. Also take a teaspoon of Castor, NOT! Castrol oil, or Flower of Brimstone, once every two days. Also, inject occasionally with a squirt syringe, a little sweet oil up the fundament, for there the worms principally reside. You will need lots of fresh country air. A train journey will take you to such a place. The charge, for you, Mester Muggercrest, is 37/6. Cash. Good Day." -------- 9 minutes later, the next patient arrived. It was Suzy Sizemore, who lived on the nearby Newstead estate. Her complaining ailment was Sore Nipples. After Suzy had released he rather large blub-blubs from her silky lollypop-pink blouse and matching bra. 'Doctor' Zakes made an inspection (with his eyes) of the problematic problem. Then he spoke! "Well, Suzy love, I can see why you have come to see me. Greasy ointments are of little use to you. The best way to keep abreast of sore nipples, is to bathe them frequently with a solution of Burnt Alum in cold rose water. The nipples should always be kept dry and clean. If the problem continues, please return in 2 weeks. I will have by then a very special solution ready to be rubbed into your breast. The charge for your treatment today is: A 4oz bag of Pear Drops, 10 Carlton cigarettes, and the latest issues of The Topper and The Beezer. I'm looking forward to seeing you in a fortnight. Good day to you, Suzy." -- To be continued.