scotty225

Ahh yes, er Sorry Sir Nigel I was just messing about a bit and got carried away, but your right/rite/write (delete as appropriate) I do feel better for it. "But now, for something completely different"

Fool stops. Now that is an idea you should take to the Patent office. Do you take them oraly or stick em ... er take them a different way? perhaps I should not have asked as I have a feeling you are going to tell me what to do with them.

No fear Shoeshine butt Sherley you meen Sue Nest.

Just a but of messing about though you Tallyman are to blame for its insparation. Remember "steel or steal" from the poem "May" I got to thinking about silly errors I make all the time as a dyslexic and how Ronnie Barker would have made a complete sketch out of it. The "tow the line" I was confused about and thanks for putting me streight with that one. Thanks also to RB it's nice to know that I,m not the only one with an over active sence of humour gland.

Sew the an sur is yes then?

Is this the worstist story watt any won ever writ? Bald blew Marx.

Oops, yep the cuckoo definitely is supposed to nick it mate. That's just my clumsiness and trust in the spell checker. Thats the problem with me I want this machine to do my thinking for me. Thanks for pointing that out.

Any comments are very welcome especialy about punctuation. Never did get the hang of ,.;:'!"? Thanks May poem.

RB Not being the technically astute kind I am not able to give you a detailed critique as some of the others do so well, but here is how it fealt to me. It was a fantastic read. My pulse raced faster the further I got on to it and the ending was almost a relief. I feel the way you descride in a three dimensional way was very powerful. Sound colour, texture and form were all in there as well as a few shocks to agitate the readers emotions. It always had a cloak of darkness about it and although I'm not sure how you did it, it never quite felt like anything was real in the story. As for unreliable, there is no one less reliable is there?

see!! you've started already

Hello Rb. I just read it again myself and it still feels really clumsy and I understand how you could find it funny in places. Misunderstanding is funny "going to rob" for eg. The character was very limiting as It's understanding is limited to sound taste and motion. I had to create a positive character to ensure that the reality understood by the reader was in stark contrast to the understanding of It. The other names were just taken from an argument or repetitive outburst that could be misunderstood. Crying can easily be mistaken for laughing which feeds the positive nature of It. Laughing/crying is fine. Many thanks to everyone else who commented.

Yep. Welcome all. The more the.... well and all that, The less said about getting merry the better. I'm looking forward to reading your work and you telling me I can't smell.

Please read the story First. Yes I agree that this is a "Ripping Yarn" and I too was expecting a bit of a twist at the end. I thought the characters you created in the teachers and the library were exelant and the Dragon gag was a high point for me. I was almost expecting Freddy to remember it during his altercation with Elphaba in the library. Great read Coyleys thanks.

Hello M. The story was remarkable. The way you split it into very short segments kept the pace very quick and the writing style clipped and to the point was very economical. The characterisation of the soldiers particularly Sharpe was beautifully crafted I almost felt that I knew him from school. Perhaps there is just a part of his personality in us all but he was very real to me. Although this months theme was at the back of my mind as I read the story it never became evident to me that the narrator was unreliable until the shock of the ending. I was looking for the clues but found little to trouble my belief. This must have been deliberate I feel as a second read after you understand more of the truth behind the situation the more you see the cracks appearing in the narrators reliability. One story that does this very well I think and your story reminds me of it very much is "Jacobs Ladder" by Bruce Joel Rubin. I am unsure weather it has been written as a novel but the film adaptation of the screen play is, like your story, quite mesmerising and by the end the truth is very unclear. Each time you read it you have a differant Idea of what is going on. Very unreliable.

Absolutly brilliant story and a very well hidden ending, very clever. The name was gift to the tale was'nt it. I feel you over explained the ending a little though as once I got the twist, more was too much. You realy no how to get to the reader though and I was comletely in the wrong direction until the end.