or the lesser spotted FryingPan Cakes.
First you need sum hens. This is for the main gredients of the FlatBottomedSkillet cakes which are oval things that come out of hens bottoms.
Once you have got your hens, you have a problem, namely that hens are not renowned for being tidy in the botty department. Put your hens in the kitchun while you go to Do-It-All an' buy lots of wood. You will need this to build a henhouse in your garden. "I have no room for a henhouse" I hear you cry. Well, don't be silly and knock your garage down - its just the right size for a henhouse.
Go and borrow your neighbours slej 'ammer. This is for knocking the nails in the wood to make your henhouse. You will also need some cornflake boxes, double sided sticky tape and a lot of imagination.
When you have built your henhouse, put your hens in it. It might then be a good idea to go and hosepipe your kitchen down.
You need to plan well in advance for the makin' of the FlatBottomedSkillet Cakes, 'cos hens don't just lay heggiwegs to order. After you av collected enough (about 30) heeggiwegs, you are ready to start.
You will need to get rid of the hens. Give them to the little old lady at the end of the street.
Get the biggest bowl you can find (or failing this, a bathtub). If you have been naughty and kept the neigbours slej 'ammer you are alright. If you returned it, go round and nick it back again.
Put the heggiwegs in the bowl and smash them with the slej 'ammer.
The next thing you need is a cow. Its advisable to borrow one of your neigbours cows 'cos they're even more messy than hens. Just go and ask it for a bucket of milk.
Tip the bucket into the bowl. Fish the bucket out - this will make the cakes taste too rusty.
Now you need some flower. Go and pick some from your neighbours garden - a large bunch will do. Put these in the bowl as well. Mix it all together and leave it to stand for a long time.
Now you need to get your car out of the garage - sorry, henhouse - and go in search of antique shops. What you need to buy is a FlatBottomedSkillet. If you say this very fast no-one will understand you. If you say it very slowly and loudly, no-one will understand you but it will make you feel better.
When you have purchased your FlatBottomedSkillet , or alternatively had a look round at your neighbours, to see if they've hidden theirs away, you can start to cook.
Put your cooker on full blast, and heat some butter up in the FlatBottomedSkillet. When it sizzles you need to add some of the FlatBottomedSkillet Cake mixture. About a jugful should do.
Stir the mixture around. Its best if you have a GlassBottomedFlatBottomedSkillet 'cos then you can just look under the pan to see if your FlatBottomedSkillet Cake is done. Careful not to singe your highbrows.
Next you need a hungry dog - if you don't have one, go and borrow your neighbours. This is for cleaning up the spilt FlatBottomedSkilletCakes.
Now comes the good bit.
Grab 'old of the FlatBottomedSkillet and heave it into the air. If you're lucky your FlatBottomedSkillet Cake turns over and lands the other way up. If, what usually happens, it sticks to the ceiling, wall or floor, this is where the dog comes in. You point to the cake and say "Eat it up nice doggy". This is when you discover if you have borrowed the right sort of dog.
If you are lucky and have caught your FlatBottomedSkillet Cake, you tip it out and eat it with sugar and lemon or orange juice. Don't worry if you haven't any of these - just go and borrow a cup full from your neighbour.
Written by my friend Jane, February 1991