Jabberwocky

The bike is in hospital having its spokes plastered!

She was on her bike when the accident happened. Shortly after that she wasnt on the bike...

Im falling for this again, arent I...?

The poor mite.

 

Where did it happen?

It happened on her bike!

Oh kill me please!

Are you psychic? Do people EXPECT you to be psychic...?

I just heared that one of my friends` kids has fallen off her bike and had to go to hospital, I mentioned this to my OH (May the good lord rot her gums) and she attempted to try out my hidden psychic powers.

I said "Little Amy fell off her bike and shes had to go to hospital".

The OH said " What has she done...?"

I said "She fell off her bike"

OH: "But what has she done...?"

Me: "She fell off her bike"

OH: "But WHAT has SHE done???"

Me: "She FELL OFF HER BIKE!!!"

OH: "BUT WHAT HAS SHE BLOODY DONE???"

Me: "SHE WAS ON HER BIKE FOR A WHILE THEN DISCOVERED THAT SHE WAS NO LONGER ON IT BECAUSE SHE HAD FALLEN OFF OF IT!!!"

She THEN asked me what her injuries were.

I had received a text telling me that the girl had fallen off her bike and they were taking her to the hospital- thats all, no more, no less information than that. I wasnt told what colour the bike was, what clothes she was wearing, whether she`d fallen off because she had been attacked by a pterodactyl or how they were getting to the hospital and yet, my OH seemed to think that I could psychically glean all this information from the ether. I showed her the text and she STILL asked me what her injurys were!

Now, I dont want to appear at all sexist (Even though Roy Chubby Brown once called me a fat, racist, sexist, foul mouthed pig) but you dont get this from blokes.

You tell them something and thats it, information is passed and processed without the palaver of being expected to explain how the universe was created and how it might one day end.

Lads, do you have the same trouble from women? Ladies: Girlies- I just KNOW youre gonna want to add to this thread and try to defend yourselves but... Oh god, its gonna be a massacre.

Well unless you want to risk fighting and or the inevitable ...... BABIES! then i suggest you separate them ASAP. Bearded Dragon Babies cost a huge amount to feed as they are literally like little dustbins as hatchlings that will eat you out of house and home lol. Almost all lizard species are naturally solitary animals in the wild and do not need or want company, and those that do "get on" are generally just tolerating each other. Also you shouldn't keep a male and female together all year round anyway as the male will Constantly pester the female for sex which can result in fighting and or a very ill female.

Yeah I noticed the big one was laying on top of the little one and novice that I am assumed they were being friendly. Then discovered that its a dominance thing and they climb on top of each other to block out light when theyre basking!

We have a couple of Bearded dragons- we had just the male but someone gave us a female last week, telling us that they need company.

We took the female in and since learned that they dont need company at all, in fact they can be quite vicious to each other. They seem ok now though, just getting along nicely but Im getting my daddy in law to build a new vivarium just in case things turn nasty.

It's not the same thing at all; it is obvious that any red blooded woman, given half a chance, would resort to all methods fair or foul to marry you, it's a cross you have to bear for being so gorgeous

That women does NOT have blood in her veins!

Ice water, yes, blood? NOOOOOOOO!

My looks are my curse, I marry or commit to one women and all the other five million get jealous. I cant win, My Facebook has loads of them all DEMANDING my fair and tiny hand in marriage!

Theres only so much of me to go around, I`m sorry to say.

Just ever so slightly off topic here but my OH was just watching something on telly about forced marriages and ranting her face off at how vile it is to force people into marriage against their will.

Conveniently forgetting that just a few months ago she was threatening to decapitate me because I said I didnt want to get married.

I ask my OH where something is and she usually says `In the kitchen cupboard`.

We have about bloody 30 bloody cupboards in the bloody kitchen and she expects me to psychically know which one she bloody-well means!

Cleaning is my OH`s favourite activity.... Ok, correction... Making ME do the cleaning is my OH`s favourite activity. Its amazing how many little ploys, tricks and downright death threats she can use to get me vacuuming and polishing.

A little like having an abscessed tooth removed I should imagine.

If my OH ever buggered off Id think Id gone deaf.

Im wittering on about the people who have no one, the word "Need" seems to come up a lot.

Ok Im not exactly sure what their definitions of Need are or if theyre the same for every one.

I havent been single since about 1980 but I... I think Id like to give it a try.

I really ought to be single because Im vile, even I`ll admit that and the chances of me getting another sucker to take me on once Id decided the single life is not for me, would be ...god, Impossible!

Ive often wondered what its like though.

I have several friends.

REAL FRIENDS, NOT IMAGINARY ONES BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING! And some are single, some married or living in sin and loads are single...

Now, the single ladies like to make a point that theyre happy being single, that they dont need a man in their life and then take pains to list the reasons why.

The reasons are usually Farting, belching, two timing, gambling, drinking, fighting ....basically all the good stuff. These ladies go on and on and on about how happy they are to the point of making you feel like screaming at them to shut up and just get on with it but they go on and on.

Single blokes, on the other hand usually (When they arent sulking about being single) mention the chat sites and dating sites they go to in the hope of pulling some single totty...erm... presumably the same single totty who go on and on and on about being happy to be single because none of the lads seem to pull.

On the whole and at least on the surface, the women appear to be happy being single and the blokes are miserable about it.

So a few days ago I did a bit of snooping, asked various people what they really think about being single and the word "Need" was used an awful lot.

The girlies didnt Need a man but the men Need a woman (To Fart, belch, two time, gamble, drink and fight...?) and I didnt really come to any sane conclusions. So, god help me, I thought I`d come and stink up SF for a while and see what your opinions are.

What do you reckon? Do men need women more than women need men? Are the girlies only repeating that they dont need a man to convince themselves...?

Discuss, or I`ll attempt to date you.

An example of one of their tweets:

SYP_AirOps SYP Air Operations

27/8 19.10 Shirecliffe, search for suspect and suspicious vehicle, area contained, suspect located by ground units, vehicle located by SY99.

I never see the police helicopter over my area, OR south Yorkshire police.

I complained many times too but according to them, living in Leicestershire is a reason for never seeing them! They try to get away with anything, dont they...? Any excuse to shirk their duties.

I'm interested in knowing about this kind of stuff, I don't understand why people bother opening the thread if they are not, and then to further this, feel the need to express the fact they aren't interested - why?

Some people go to great lengths to open threads to tell all that they hate the subject and add nothing else constructive! God knows why but they just seem to lose control of themselves!

Why are you interested in what the copper chopper is doing. Going about its business would be a simple answer.

 

I can't see why people are interested in what it does, let alone post on here every time it takes to the air.

 

Regards

 

Angel.

People ARE interested whether you like it or not and will always be curious about it, again whether you like it or not. The twitter thing will at least take some pressure off of SF which you should like if you hate mentions of the helicopter.

I cant imagine the pilot tapping away on his phone to Twitter as theyre chasing a nicked car, but they promise its a live feed type thingy.

syp_airops is the Twitter feed thingy for the Sheffield police helicopter. If you want to know what theyre up to, have a peek there.

Its tragic, just bloody heartbreakingly tragic. As Rich said, awareness is the thing.

Cheers for that, Monster!

I dont mind the ups, I like the ups, even though they often get me into trouble. Its the downs that are a bit crap.

If they could get rid of the downs and keep the ups Id be happy... even though the rest of the planet wouldnt be. ...Anyway, Im about to take pill three and Im not sure if it IS them because theyre supposed to take a while to work but Im already a hate filled, gibbering baboon of death. If this is whats in store for me, things should get juicy.

I just hope they dont do to me what champix and Zyban and Prozac and the other pills of a similar nature did to me. They turned me into a slavering horror and almost got me arrested!

Draaaaaaagging this thread from the depths of hell.

My quack put me on sodium valproate yesterday- according to her I have something called "Cyclothymia " and Im taking those alongside Citalopram.

She`s surprised that a bloke of my age managed to go through life for so long without being diagnosed earlier and I`d say it was the David Cameron email that I sent a few months ago, that he read out at the tory party conference (My Facebook victims will know what I mean) that finally convinced me that I had a slate or two missing from the roof so I sought assistance before I was locked up or something.

I just hope these Valproate things dont stifle the wonder that is me, the citalopram certainly have!

In the 60s my mother used to work at Fletchers bakery.

She once...."Accidentally"...erm...."Borrowed" a knife and fork from the canteen and to stop people from swiping stuff, there was "Stolen From Fletchers" engraved on them.

Id love to have a Stolen from Fletchers cutlery set now.