joojoo

Thanks Daddy Perhaps we should have been offended but you know what: I’m not hateful, I’m grateful.🤣🤣🤣

This thread made me giggle. About about 6 weeks ago my friend Margaret and I went to our usual quiz night in Heeley. We called a taxi and as they said only 2 minutes we decided to wait outside. A big white Mercedes with 2 men inside pulled up and asked if we wanted to get in. We were gobsmacked. Margaret told them where to go. We wondered if they wanted us as sex slaves and thought it was hilarious. We are both 74.

I had a water leak from bathroom onto kitchen ceiling. I looked on Utube, their advise was: let it dry then wash well with bleach, allow to dry then paint. It worked a treat. Good luck.

I too was offended by the way these meters were ‘sold’ to us, as if they would safe us money. What rubbish. I absolutely refused time and time again to have one fitted. However, British Gas have told me that my meter is so old it is at the end of it’s ‘life’ and needs to be replaced. I asked for it to be replaced with a non smart meter. I was told a smart meter is free, non smart £120.

I saw John in town about 4 years ago. I put some money in his bucket, he thanked me and said it was for a good cause. I told him I knew and I had an appointment that afternoon at Western Park. He gave me a big hug. Never was a hug more welcome or more appreciated. What a hug. What a man!

Had lovely cup of cappuccino.

Lovely visit to Elsecar Park.

Hi Padders it’s me JooJoo It seems Jane has been wondering what’s happened to me so I may as well confess. I have been approached by a ‘representative’ of Mr Longprod. He has heard that I have good publicity skill and as he is expanding his empire he needs a special PR. He intends to wipe out all his opposition by introducing theme nights and competitions. As you know, this is my forte. He is keen to acquire my flare and ability to attract a crowd and has made me an offer which is difficult to refuse (a bottle of Prosecco and a large packet of salt and vinegar a week.) I am considering this kind offer and will let you know my decision in due course. J x

Hi Padders it’s me JooJoo Black magic, how very clever of you. Got me thinking. Getting near Halloween so how about having a little party at your fun bar? I will consult Miss Kitty I’m sure she will have some fine leather look top quality plastic witches outfits available along with some spells and potions. Could be a great night. Love J x

Got all clear tests results.🤩

Hi Padders it’s me JooJoo I just fluttered by to wish you a fantastic, incredible, magic, brilliant, great, splendid, delightful, lovely, happy birthday. 🥂 Cheers xx

Hi Padders its me JooJoo All is forgiven, the balloon, drink and cake have cheered me up no end. Thank you so much. xxx 😆

Hi Padders it’s me JooJoo Missed my chance again, story of my life. I’m beyond disappointed. sob, sob 😭

Hi Padders it’s me JooJoo If you are worried about your blood pressure I could pop round and see to you. Of course I’m not a nurse but I’ve got a rather fetching nurse’s outfit, purchased from Madame Kitty’s “Medical Specialist” selection. Might make you feel better.

Hi Padders it’s me JooJoo Just to let you know I’ll be cheering the lads on tonight big time. I’ve got my kit ready - Madame Kitty does a great line in kits. It comes with a whistle, strange rattle, nets and miniature balls (not sure what they’re for.) You can be sure I’ll be screaming at the telly when they score.

Had this little thing going with Leonard for years. He visits every Saturday and always stays the night. He doesn’t want to come tonight. 😥 Men can be so fickle, even at four years old.

Hi Padders it’s me JooJoo Six years next month since my husband went and died on me too, and without my permission. It is lovely to have a little place like this to act daft. Love to you all. xx

Hi Padders it's me JooJoo I am slightly disappointed that you have declined my offer but I have to agreed that I do occasionally get into little scrapes. Perhaps I get a little over enthusiastic. On the bright side I have received several PM's requesting my services so I will not be cancelling my interrogation outfit. Of course I wouldn't want to tread on anyone's toes, but as more countries are going onto the “green list” I think you may well be in need of a “relief” cleaner to cover holidays. I would like to apply for this position (for the usual perks). I have consulted Madame Kitty in anticipation – I'm her best customer she says, and, as she has several “Relief Maid's” outfits on offer, she is sending me a special brochure to choose from. When it arrives I will forward it to you for your perusal. I very much hope I will be successful with my application.

Hi Padders it's me JooJoo I am shocked and appalled to hear that you have an informer in your midst, how low can you get? Fortunately I have some experience in this sort of dastardly behaviour and I am more than willing to offer my services free of charge. With this in mind I have contacted Madame Kitty Specialist Outfitters and ordered an interrogation uniform in best quality plastic imitation black leather. It comes with all the necessary implements needed to extract a speedy confession. I expect delivery within 10 working days. Rest assured this behaviour will not go unpunished.

Hi Padders it's me JooJoo I took your advise and went to Skegness to gain some riding experience but, oh dear, it didn't go well. As you know, I like to do things properly, and wanting to throw myself into this event whole heartedly I realised I would need the correct equipment. I sent off to “Madame Kitty's Easy Rider Outfitters” for the required special clothing. It was a snug fit but I squeezed into it and really thought I looked the part. I managed to find Skegness but I must admit I got some funny looks when I asked for the whereabouts of the Donkeyman. When I finally found the venue Dongle took one look at me and, before I had a chance to mount him, bolted up the beach faster than Red Rum. The Donkeyman yelled, “Don't you come near my animals, be off with you, go away” – or words to that effect. Oh Padders, could it have been the spurs or the whip that he objected to? He also confiscated my lasso mumbling something about rustling. It is with great sadness that I feel I must withdraw from your Hanky Panky Summer Games, due to lack of practise, as I don't think I'm welcome in Skegness.

Hi Padders it's me JooJoo How very clever of you to suggest that horse jumping might suit me for the Hanky Panky event. I've never tried it but I'll try anything once. I think that if I wrap my legs round very tightly and cling on I should soon get into the rhythm but if I should fall off and land flat on my back do you think you will be able help me up? You're right it's a great pity Longley baths have closed. I've never really been a swimmer but if you could show me your breast stroke I'm sure I would benefit, I bet you're a good teacher. As for the date July 19th did you know that's my birthday? When is your birthday? Could it also be the 19th?

Hi Padders it's me JooJoo I've heard, on the grapevine, that you are planning a “Grand Sporting Event (strictly adults only,) ” in the near future. Well, I'm a good sport and I don't want to be a late entry so please put my name down. I'm a pretty good all rounder, so I'm told, but I'm particularly keen on the high jump, long jump and hop, skip and jump. Anything that includes a jump really. I can sprint, when necessary (in the right footwear) but I have good staying power so am more suited to a marathon. I am very excited by the prospect of this occasion and eagerly await further details. I know you are open to ideas so perhaps your Padders Bar regulars can contribute their thoughts on what they would like to enter and how to make it a night to remember. I do hope I've got this right and it is Padders Bar which is staging this event and not your rival night spot.

Hi Padders is me JooJoo I went to the Doctors today just to be on the safe side. It wasn't my usual Doctor, must have been a Locum. Anyway he was very good. Gave me a very thorough examination, which surprised me as I only had earache. He said I was in great shape but to come back next week same time and gave me a wink. Is that usual? I bumped into an old friend on the way home and mentioned it to her. She said the Health Centre closed recently, she wasn't sure but thought it was now an undertakers. She must be getting confused. Now I'm back on my feet I shall endeavour to pay you a visit soon. I wondered where my shoes where!

Hi Padders it’s me JooJo I’ve not been the same since “that night” don’t know what was in that bucket but not risking that again. Takes some right getting shut of.

Hi Padders it's me JooJoo I came to your Bar last night but I got into a right tangle. The Uber driver said he knew all about Padders Bar but for some strange reason wouldn't take me to the door. He stopped at the top of the road pointed in a very off hand manner and said “It's down there but you're not getting out of this taxi til you've paid.” how odd. Undeterred I tottered down the road. It was quite late, perhaps should have checked the opening times because there were no lights on but I wasn't going to be put off, this was going to be a night to remember – and it will be. As expected I had no problem with your back passage, I reached your back door ok and turned the knob. No luck. Then I remembered your instructions. I jiggled and pulled, pulled and jiggled, jiggled and pulled, time and again, so much so that at one point I thought it might come off in my hand. No luck so in my frustration I hammered on the door as hard as I could. Suddenly a light came on in your upstairs accommodation and I realised you must be taking a break. To get your attention I threw a small handful of pebbles at your window. I had the fright of my life when the window flew open, a woman started screaming obscenities and I found myself soaked to the skin by the large bucket of water which threw over me. Well, I dropped everything and made a run for it, which wasn't easy in my 5 inch stilettos. Oh Padders, please can you pop round to your neighbours house and apologise for me? Tell her I hope she enjoyed the potted meat and finest quality Lidl sausages. As for the partially transparent rubber Cat Woman outfit I really hope it fits her.