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Akeem B

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About Akeem B

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    Registered User
  • Birthday 07/12/1991

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  • Interests
    Interested in interesting things.
  • Occupation
    One of many at Living Life
  1. That's a good suggestion Ela, although - as I'm sure you are already aware of - that is easier said than done. I would like to know how many members of the group would be willing to meet up at some point. I know we all have obligations but I'd be willing to give it a go, but I wouldn't make a promise to become a permanent member of any sort of physical group that may develop as a result.
  2. @Woolyhead. Is technical writing for a manufacturer similar to writing copy by any chance?
  3. It's cool. I haven't got a clue about word limits to be honest. No idea.
  4. Okay thanks no problem, it's always better when you can apply critique to more than one piece of writing. The technical report style of writing must be a hard habit to get out of, but it isn't completely detrimental to the piece so at least it isn't the worst trait to pick up. I did take a while to reply and I hope I responded in time! Kind regards
  5. A nice piece of work here, I enjoyed reading it Woolyhead. I like the start and how it dives into this uncanny situation. The way Lucifer behaves throughout the piece, although he clearly has an evil mentality, is well portrayed. He seems very relaxed and down to earth which is a very good approach that I think could make this story unique (be careful though, Lucifer saying “I admit to liking a bit of laugh now and then” may be a bit too mortal in my opinion). Also I like the way the characters try to test Lucifer’s statement by his reflection, very realistic, and his annoyance with the sinners in hell The use of “we” is confusing, who is we? It’s very unusual to have the protagonist being two minds, maybe they have a dual personality? There’s a lot of short sentences throughout which sort of prevent a smooth read of it to some extent. Some conjunctions might help, also usually when people introduce dialogue they use a comma or a colon instead of a full stop. Dialogue could have bit more flow to it at times: "Oh No, I can see you're not. But don't worry, I'm not after you. You're perfectly safe. So before you panic, just let me tell you what I'm doing here." This sounds slightly rigid and could sound a tiny bit more natural. I think that the long period where Lucifer's talking could be interrupted by actions of what he's doing, descriptions and a few more comments by the listeners. Altogether it’s an interesting story and the information Lucifer relays to the listener is interesting. It is a very good take into the mind of a typically cruel character and if you ask me, nothing illustrates this better than the last few sentences which work great in showing how easy going this incarnation of Lucifer is. Good stuff overall, but there’s room for improvement.
  6. I haven't thought of that, but I'll definitely look into it. Definitely. Oh sorry I completely forgot! Been very busy for a while but I'll try and take a look at them this weekend. Will definitely get back to you on that (I'm surprised no one has yet to be fair, with so many members and all, this forum could do with a little re-evaluation in my opinion) Sorry for my late reply by the way.
  7. I'm not sure about that, only way to find out is to ask a music publisher . . .
  8. Sorry about the 'earlier' thing! I meant to say the earlier post where you first uploaded the story. Ok I've just clicked the link and I can read your story. I don't know what's up with the new number bit but I do agree the whole uploading process could be a bit simpler. If you want critique straight away it's best to look at a few people's work first and comment, so that people know you're willing to provide feedback as well. Also try to be a member of the forum who at least tries to check what's happening on the site often. Especially if the work you put up is going to be over a FEW hundred words, I suggest it's best to break it up into smaller pieces and upload parts you're really having problems with (you can do this within the same post if you want, you don't have to make a new post every time you upload a piece of the same work) Now that you've got it right this time it should be easier the next!
  9. You might as well give it a look to be honest, opportunities don't always come up. It would be a good chance for you to meet other graphic novelists, plus you never know, who's to say the parents might not like your work?
  10. I don't think you get a message telling you if it was received, but the fact you should get a new window opened with your work on it once you have uploaded your piece, should mean that it's been uploaded successfully. What was the name of the story? You should have at one point included the link to it the first time you uploaded it in a post.
  11. Yeah I'm aware of that book but I never thought it had that sort of information except for the list of publishers, agents e.t.c thanks for letting me know though. Yep Im on top of all those mags, and I've submitted to several of them including a few competitions. I've been published in some as a result as well. Many thanks for the extra info though and I will definitely give the yearbook a thorough look. 'Never stop trying, just get those words on paper' believe me I know!
  12. I love this poem, funny and playful. The rhyme included made it especially suitable for younger readers while the people you encounter in the poem are more likely to be recognized by adults. My favourite parts are the 5th, 6th and 7th stanzas: "Mohammed sat with Jesus and Buddha – in a wood. They scratched their heads and sadly said, “Why weren't we understood?” Quality. Although I didn't get why Nefertiti would say 'methinks' that was odd, and the ending seemed too dark and not in tune with the rest of the poem if you ask me. Good work though, worth submitting to some sort of publication anyway.
  13. Also every Wednesday at the Sheffield city center library from late afternoon to around 7, you can speak to someone form signposts who provides advice on writing and the business of it. Always helpful to have some one on one contact
  14. @pdbmn I'll be happy to take a look an I'll get back to you sometime this week. By the way you can just create a thread for your story so that people can take a look at will. Include the link or name of your story in the thread title, and people will be able to open it and critique. You can either attach the piece or embed it in the post.
  15. Her's my blog: http://thebloggerssoliloquy.wordpress.com/ I'll be glad to check out anybody else's as well
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