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Posts posted by Jamie

  1. Originally posted by Sheffette

    Jamie, your reference to white people as 'crusty' suggests that you might have a prejudice or two lurking behind the sofa...



    No, not at all Sheffette, prejudice free here! :)


    Crusty, hmmm perhaps relative to (the jovial all singing all dancing) mostly black congregation across the road.

  2. Originally posted by Tony1

    Just an idea but why don't the forum members get it together and help each other out. A good example was last week I was looking for an auto electrician (as had engine problems with my car) in the yellow pages. So why don't we all list what job we do and then if anyone needs any advise or help, or an auto electrician for instance, then we know where to turn


    I work in sales for a distribution company in town, so if anyone wants a good price on till rolls/credit card rolls, price gun labels, portable applience testing labels, payslips and stacks more things that a business has to buy in, then get in touch and I'll see what I can do for ya!






    Damn, and I was just searching this thread for an auto electrician ...


    Actually a very good idea Tony, I was thinking about something simular myself the other week, having a skills exchange part of the forum.


    I can do X or Y, in exchange for someone who can do Z for me.

  3. Originally posted by BrainThrust

    Why don't I (to be really specific here) set my mind on tryign to ignore tha girl I'm smitten with.


    Because some things are impossible!? (and in any case, you'd be much better off thinking about something better that you'd like, rather than expending your energy ignoring her).


    Aside from that, good post Wilf.


    You don't have to believe in anything, you don't have to engage yourself in the activity of believing, full stop. I'd go so far as to say, that ultimately, whatever you believe, is infact wrong, and is just made up (by you).


    Probably much more healthy not to think about all this, and to just get on with life, doing what you've been put here to do (!).


    Mwaahh hah hah.

  4. Originally posted by Jamie

    But isn't there some unspoken law that says white people can't go in to gospel churches full of black people, because they'll stand out too much?


    I don't think anyone has given a satisfactory answer to this point.


    How many white people, or white christians even, would feel totally comfortable going in to a gospel church full of black people? Equally, how many black people would feel totally comfortable going in to a church full of crusty white people?


    Isn't this an indication that appearances are all important? Even to supposedly spiritual people? Perhaps we are all racist, to a degree, and have a natural discomfort with people who are different to us?


    Or does spiritual maturity disolve our differences?

  5. Clearly there's a lot to differentiate between here.


    Most rapes, not being of the flirty, scantily clad girl on the street, gets drunk, walks home alone variety (have we seen any statistics, or numbers to back this claim up?).


    Doing what you can, to make yourself safer (you will never be 100% safe), while being a good thing in itself, can also detract societies attention away from doing anything more to address the issue of rape (and therein lies banesmabes objection to such advice?).


    So what would you like to see happen, banesmabes, to make the world a safer place for women?

  6. Originally posted by byronshadow

    Greetings, RobT. I hope you don't mind me stepping in with some words of my own.


    It is my humble opinion that there are almost as many stances on the 'rights' and the 'wrongs' of ...


    Greetings, byronshadow.


    It is my humble opinion, that expressed opinions beginning 'It is my humble opinion', are anything but humble!


    I do believe you, sir, have a fetish for flowery writings ...



  7. Originally posted by Cyclone

    why not set up a poll and find out what the results are from the cross section of people here.

    I'll put £10 on the results being not at all similar to the ones in the survey, at least if we word the questions without slanting them to get the result we want, which is what appears to have been done.


    I was thinking the exact same thing.


    Just a question of what questions to ask in a poll ...

  8. Originally posted by kathythebean

    Eee gads this is all getting a bit hectic.




    It's unfortunate, but (as it seems to me) these things always boil down to some kind of battle between the sexes. People become agrieved for whatever reason(s), and a common tendency is to lump all members of the opposite sex together in to one group (all men are ***** etc).


    Why does this happen? Perhaps I am just imagining it all ...


    Advice about looking out for your own personal safety, is just that. It does not imply that women are to blame for being raped. We live in an amoral universe and to be responsible for ones own well being, is to me, paramount. People (well, some people) are only animals, and as such, we're capable of harming each other in a multitude of ways.


    To my way of thinking, anticipating or expecting, that all other human beings (male or female) will act in a reasonable and fair way towards you, is foolish. You should always bear in mind that some people will have little or no qualms about harming you (to whatever degree), and put your own saftey first.


    Now you can think 'well they should have respect for me' until you're blue in the face, but that will never change the facts of the matter.


    Being able to defend yourself appropriately (bite his balls off if you have to), should be top priority.


    Other than than, better education on the subject, perhaps in school?


    Hmmmm, OK, I am wondering if what banesmabes is getting at is the following:


    If we suggest that women should learn to defend themselves and reduce risk of rape by modification of their behaviour, doing these things are of course good, but by suggesting them, it kind of lets society / the establishment 'off the hook' when it comes to having appropriate mechanisms / punishments in place to disuade potential rapists.


    That make sense?

  9. I have some points and questions, directed to the mods and co-admins.




    1. What, if any, mechanisms or guidelines do you have in place to ensure that all SF users, are treated the same, when it comes to reprimands and bans etc?


    Such that any decision to ban, length of ban etc, is consistent with number of previous warnings, severity of crime etc, and not just because you personally dislike or don't see eye to eye with any given user.


    I think consistency is very important here.




    2. Why do you moderate?


    What's in it for you personally? Do you 'get off' on having power over the rest of us? Do you get 'miffed' about suggestions that you're only in it for the power trip?

  10. Originally posted by JoeP

    There are types of worship that are more associated with, for example, the black community - certain types of evangelical church, for example - and others that might be more associated with whites - high Anglican, for example.


    But isn't there some unspoken law that says white people can't go in to gospel churches full of black people, because they'll stand out too much?


    I'm sure there is!


    Please bear with me on this, while I'm being a tad light-hearted at the moment, I do also think there's a more serious point here.

  11. Originally posted by spyro2000

    Dont know where you got that from Jamie. Ive never heard of a church thats just for a specific colour :confused:


    Well, as I travel down city road on some sunday mornings (on my way to the gym), I notice a church on the left is full of black folk (all doing the sing-along with jesus thing, or so I imagine!), and then st aidens on the right, has all the white folk!


    Why don't they swap and change a bit? See what the others get up to?

  12. Originally posted by Jamie

    Actually, I tend to think they are ...


    Well actually, that's not fair or true, and I have met some very enlightened (buddist) monks and spiritual people from other traditions.


    The thing is, for me, that spiritual self-discovery has nothing to do with religion. Religion can form a somewhat-structured framework for developing our spiritual lives. However, we should be careful that, that which is supposed to set us free, does not enslave us.


    By my own definition, proof of 'god' is right here, before your very eyes, that there is anything here at all, that there is 'you' here to read and make sense of it all.


    It's all one.

  13. Why do people always have this 'either, or' mentality when it comes to science / god?


    I think some people may benefit from differentiating between 'god' in a religious sense, and 'god' in an ultimate reality (totally not connected with religion) sense.


    In the later sense, while I agree with StarSparkle:


    Personally, I believe the Universe is infinite and consists of many dimensions, some so alien to our way of thinking that we will never be aware of them. And God created it.


    Though I would argue, that 'god' didn't create it, 'god' *IS* it.


    I also think 'god' is an unfortunate choice of word, because of it's connection with, and use by, organised religions.


    Clearly, the world was created by Mickey Mouse! (nooooo, don't ban me, it's been a long day, I'll be a good boy now).




    Actually, if I'm being honest here, I'll go with the hindu style, brahma's (sp?) dream like nature of reality. I was recently looking as a patch of grass (not that kind of grass) and feeling, considering, what it all means, that I'm even here to witness it, it was amazing, as if all my life's experience was no more than a ripple, on the surface of a big bubble of nothing.

  14. Originally posted by banesmabes

    I don't understand the difference I'm afraid. I have strong feelings on this because I have been raped myself. It was by someone I considered to be a friend. It was at his house, somewhere I had visited before. I had had a few drinks. He raped me. Under your advice I would not have drunk so much or gone to his house. But by advising me such it is implying that by drinking too much and going to his house I was partly responsible for being raped. But the alcohol did not rape me, his house did not rape me - he did. Since then I have not modified my own behaviour in any way. I refuse to let a rapist (or any potential rapist) dictate how I live my life. What are women meant to do? Go through life not having a drink when they want to? Not ever go to visit male friends? Not ever talk to a man in case he gets the wrong idea?


    I am very sorry to hear that, I mean that you were raped banesmabes.


    Please understand, what I'm saying does not mean, and I certainly do not mean to imply, that you (or anyone else being raped) are in any way to blame for it happening.


    It is a vile, cowardly and disgusting thing for a man to do to a woman. It's totally low, that people can treat other people in such a way.


    Being aware, and on the look out for the warning signals (that you're in an unsafe situation), listening to your gut instinct, and then modifying your behaviour, so that you stay safer. All that (as I see it) has nothing to do with who's to blame.


    However, I have never been in your situation banesmabes, so please bear with me if I sound a little too pragmatic. I will say it again though, any man who forces himself on you, against your own will, is to blame, not you.

  15. Originally posted by banesmabes

    Even when the rapist is a stranger it should still not be up to women to change their behaviour. This is what any discussion on rape always decends to - what women should do to stop it happening. And then that leads back to the old idea that women are in some way to blame.


    Women changing their behaviour, isn't the same as accepting that if they behave in a certain way, it makes them responsible for being raped.


    I think it important to distinguish the two, between being aware of your own personal saftey, and taking appropriate steps to be safe, IS NOT THE SAME AS, being responsible or to blame for the actions of another person (in this case, rape by a man).


    Originally posted by banesmabes

    Preaching to women about taking precautions is the easy answer, but it is the wrong answer.


    Preaching?! (common sense advice) is only one course of action, and should be complimented by the likes of better victim support, dealing with (as you point out) how rape is percieved and treated, more public awareness and better education etc.


    It's not about passing the buck. It's about doing whatever possible to make life safer and better for us all, both individually, and as a culture.

  16. Originally posted by banesmabes

    Jamie – you seem to contradict yourself on points one and two. First saying women have to be conscious that they way they look and act may attract the wrong attention, but then saying that no excuse for rape is valid. I agree with the second, but not the first.


    In my mind there is no contradiction to what I'm saying here banesmabes.


    While I agree, there should be better legislation and legal infrastructure to help innocent victims of rape, but just like real life, the legal system is never going to be 100% fair, just and balanced. Although, campainging for an improved, and fairer legal system is always a good cause.


    My advice is about ensuring your own personal saftey, for, and by yourself, and not hoping the law (or anyone else) will save you.


    Yes, morally the onus is on the man, not to take advantage, no matter how a woman behaves or acts, it is for the man to have control over himself and his base urges.


    The fact of the matter however, is that there are men (and women) out there who will take advantage of others, given the opportunity, and all I am saying is look out for number #1, and do not give them the opportunity.


    To my way of thinking banesmabes, morality does not come in to it (it's too 'after the fact'). Not letting it happen in the first place, is what counts in my book.


    If there was a perfect legal system, that protected the innocent 100% of the time, and never prosecuted the wrong person, that would be great.


    Originally posted by banesmabes

    As I said before, advice like that towards the end of your message does NOTHING to prevent rape.


    Well, I disagree. Considering your behaviour, how drunk you are, how safe you are, what you can do to be safer, in short, taking responsability for your own well being. Is very good advice in my opinion.

  17. I think there are several issues here:


    1. A woman should use her common sense, when it comes to how she looks and acts. She should consider that certain behaviour will attract the attenting of men, including undesireable / unscrupulous men who may seek to take advantage of her however they can.


    2. However a woman chooses to look or behave in her interactions with man, it in no way excuses any man who rapes her.


    3. It's no good worrying about who is to blame etc, once the deed has been done (what I'm saying here is that prevention is best, have your wits about you, and do whatever you can to prevent it happening to you).


    4. When it gets to the stage of assigning blame in the eyes of the law etc, the law needs to act in a fair way, and find the culprit in any given case (and it may even be the case that woman is making it up, for whatever reason). The law needs to punish the guilty party.


    5. I would imagine providing evidence to support any claim of rape isn't easy. Would DNA evidenve be OK? I guess the man can always say she consented ...




    Have your wits about you, don't let yourself get in such a ****** state, that you're creating the opportunity for people to take advantage of you. Getting ******, or stoned, or whatever, are ways you surrender self-control (and hence personal safety) to some degree, just be aware and be careful.

  18. I think I get where you're coming from on this Dragon.


    It's like leaving it up to 'fate', is somehow a refusal to engage in life. It's giving your power away to an external source (concept or whatever).


    If you want something, better to make it happen, take action and make it be. Rather than just let it ride and hope it will work out all by itself.


    Is that you're perspective on it?


    On the other hand ............


    You may be more concerned with how you 'set things up', how you position yourself, so that what you want will naturally ripen and fall in to your lap, like fruit from a tree. You've set things up, so that it comes to you, rather that you having to exert effort and go chasing after the thing(s) you desire.


    I guess, it all comes down to horses for courses, what works best for you individually, and the circmumstances you find yourself in.

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