Jack Yerbody

I think we're going to get on just famously .

Jesus Christ. So many "Kodak moments".

Had a sparring session once with a (reasonably good) amateur boxer, and was blown away by his hand speed. I found a useful tactic was simply staying just beyond jabbing distance and picking one's moments wisely - no use going toe-to-toe with someone who's far moreused to it. Having been in situations with people who obviously have some boxing experience, I've found that targeting those areas that they're not conditioned to defend (neck, joints esp knees, kidneys) can be advantageous. Although (obviously) each attack determines one's reaction.

Better not let the wife see that, Sam.

My girlfriend is (no joke) going to be in Kazakstan. I will therefore be twatting myself on an assortment of substances.

"Scummy student" Yeah, you've got Garlands, I think Chibuku, and lots of great bars.

Yeah, to a "martial artist" perhaps - not to a young girl who's just started training. His point is equally valid when applied to skilled martial artists. Although I consider myself advanced (5th dan aikido, okay??), I'd certainly prefer to run than run the risk of being caught on a knife edge. "A knife is not threat to martial artist but the attacker" sounds suspiciously like ******** from a non-practitioner trying to appear big and hard. True, if there were other people involved I wouldnt hesitate, but why take the risk if you dont have to??

Utter balls, isnt it? Basics in Leeds, Pacha in London - travelling to nights out will be de rigeur from now on. Thank god I have an enormous expense account.

Jesus H Christ. Cant believe so many residents seem in favour of this; just another nail in Sheffield's coffin. And this place was so GOOD around the turn of the millenium.

Kingdom typifies everything that's wrong with sheffield, in my opinion. It's a bit daft to call going to kingdom "clubbing", just be honest and say call it what it is - an over-priced meat market. Bedhead - you went to shoom?? Dont dispute that, but according to your faceparty page you are 31... which would have made you fourteen when Rampling was off his teats. Wish I'd been there, I can tell you that...

Utter nonsense. Saturday nights at bed were the only clubbing experience in this northern jungle that even approached the quality of southern nights. Sorry to be so brutal, but it's true. I'm going to have to start heading to Manchester for an acceptable night out.

Let's be honest, a twelve year old girl isnt going to be physically capable of defending herself against an adult male in most situations... and to become proficient enough to defend oneself with any matrial arts takes years - so why not bite the bullet and send her to one of the many women's self-defence classes that give practical advice from day one? In the event that she ALSO wants to begin learning some kind of martial art: Of the martial arts listed above, I'd recommend aikido for general self-defence purposes (although she wont reach a level of technical proficiency until the age at which her body will be "strong" enough to be effective, which, usefully, will also be the age at which she's most likely to be attacked i.e fifteen sixteen) Wing chun (and its variants) is a beautiful system, and certainly one which lends itself to the flexibility your daughter will naturally possess at this age. Good luck - but make sure she knows to run, run, run.

Happy Gilmore BASEketball Clerks

A hamster, a wooden spoon, and a disregard for god's creatures makes a perfect brush for scrubbing those hard-to-reach parts of your back.

An eighth, a DVD copy of either Happy Gilmore or BASEketball and a pliable ladyfriend.