timo

Glad you like Can, John. You always did have good, sound musical taste. Interesting that you like Hawkwind. They have been compared to Can in the sense of their use of cyclical rhythms, although the latter were certainly much more experimental. My favourite Can album is definately 'Tago Mago', probably followed by 'Soon over Babaluma'. All the best to you.

Cameron is on his way out, in my view. His pathetic attempts to re-brand the Tory Party as a sort of European-style Social Democratic/Communitarian party [or New Labour lite] are bound to fail. Traditional Tories of the reluctant collectivist, 'One Nation' variety like myself left in droves last year. Michael Ancram's deliberate sabotage caused me great pleasure when I read about it in my beloved Torygraph this morning. Indeed, I thrashed the servants with greater gusto than usual.

I know, I know. Life gets in the way a tad at times, does it not? Nice to be back in cyberspace with delightful gels like your good self, Sparkly one! xx

Custard Creams are unutterably vulgar. A gentleman prefers Bath Olivers. Which is why I always buy Bourbons.

I am currently enjoying several things; a boxed set of Bruckner symphonies, Sibelius's 6th Symphony, Richard Hawley's 'Lady's Bridge', a Jah Wobble anthology entitled 'I could have been a contender' and Can's 'Future Days'. Pip pip.

Glad to cause such pleasure, dear heart. Thanks for the kind words. Just sold my story of how I committed atrocities [with a red hot 'woggle'] against captured Ecclesfield Boys Brigade personnel whilst serving as an Untersturmbannfuhrer [junior grade] in the infamous 61st 'Das Reich' Division of Sheffield Cub Scouts, to The Star.

Our brave seamen and marines surely deserve some compensation for their fiendishly humiliating ordeal. Poor 'Topsy' Turney and little Arthur 'Mr Bean' Batchelor and their fellows were forced to publicly don ill-fitting, perfectly hideous suits devised with devilish sadism by the demented tailors of the crack Teheran branch of Austin Reed. As if that was not enough, condign revenge continued when they were forced to eat foul-tasting Iranian flatbreads made from a heady mixture of wood shavings and rejected bran. Dark rumours also abound that poor 'Mr Bean', as the bewildered midshipman was cruelly nick-named by his leering, mocking captors, was forced to 'take his turn in the barrel'. Our great sympathy and profound gratitude must be extended to these fine young people who represented our diverse, young country so well. Even the most implacable Wahabist Islamikazi merchant must surely be in awe of their plain, good old British spunk? Of course, there are those who genuinely feel that our once-invincible Royal Navy has been reduced to an unutterably pathetic version of the Tufty Club, and resent the replacement of the gallant, martial stock which manned Lord Nelson's ships with fat, stupid women and limp-wristed milksops. There are entitled to their opinion.

Central University Neepsend Tip Site demolished?! Never! We remain at the vanguard of truly progressive higher edukation an that. As a matter of fact, the second semester started last week. So our critics are wide of the mark there. A truly postmodern, thrusting, richly diverse institution such as ours will naturally attract envious critics. You may recall that we attracted the attention of the Daily Telegraph's Education correspondent, John Clare earlier last year. He cruelly dubbed our Neepsend campus ' a national disgrace', claiming that the interactive seminars of our Msc Advanced Beyonce Studies were conducted in 'conditions of near riot'. Mrs Marcia Campbell of Pitsmoor, our 'stand-in' for Beyonce , was described as 'a self-styled Booty Ho in tight batty-riders'. Worst of all, the journalist dubbed our brilliant, young Dean of Arse and Sciences Lord Chaverly as ' a coarse upstart with a broad Brummie accent whose sole qualifications appear to be a certicate of cycling proficiency from some sprawling sink-school in the West Midlands'. This is what we are up against. Life is a vale of ruddy tears.

I know, dear heart, I know. Did you see me in 'Vincent'? Hopefully, next series I get to back-scuttle Suranne Jones.

Thankyou, mein lieblings. Have no fear, your favourite bon viveur and self-styled expert lover will return to the cyber fold very shortly. At the moment things are very hectic at Central University Neepsend Tip Site, where I am currently Vice-Chancellor. Which reminds me, there is a vacancy for Warden of Our Souls here. Shoeshine, where are you?

Hello and a Happy New Year to all forum folk. I have been absent for a while due to a combination of work pressures and bereavement. However, I hope to be posting again very shortly. This forum remains the very best in Britain, and I look forward to engaging in japes and persiflage with Shoeshine, musing earnestly upon the eternal verities with dear Lord Chaverly, and flirting unashamedly with lissom, fragrant Starsparkle. All the very best to you all. Timo

Bruckner's 6th Symphony, Beethoven's 'Quartetto Serioso' and Gorillaz. Jolly nice too. What in the name of God is an 'Ass Cobra'?

I am closest to my dear wife. Indeed, sometimes I am literally on top of her.

Please do not try sunny Southport, where I am currently exiled. The walk to the distant sea itself is enough to exhaust all but trained Paratroopers, Royal Marines etc. I lost over two stones in weight in a single 'yomping' to the icy briny, and was aggressively and quite deliberately defacated upon by malevolent Great Black-Backed Gulls the size of Bullocks in the process.

They are very probably Dons in the academic sense, old fruit. At Central University Neepsend Tip Site [where I am currently Vice-Chancellor], our Professor of Advanced Alchopop Studies is known to favour the sartorial elegance of Henry Lloyd jumpers and soiled ''trackie bottoms''. He feels that he can be, ''really myself'' in the exciting, urban uniform of our multicultural, polysexual, 'diverse', alive and throbbing inner-city 'melting pots'. Doubtless, he is contributing, in a very real sense, towards 'widening participation' in the new polyversities, whilst earning well-deserved ''maximum respec''' from the drug-dealers, pimps, Booty Hoes and slack-jawed, incurious tramps which make up the rich tapestry of our student body.