View Full Version : Remember any old silly verses etc you were told as a child


Pages : [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7

Joto
03-06-2008, 20:53
I've can only remember this one grandma told me, but I'm hoping for many more contributions of funny verses, poems etc, the sillier the better, but keep it clean please.

If your Bob dunt gi ah Bob
that bob that your Bob owes
ah Bob, ah Bob's goin' to give
your Bob a bob int eye


Excuse my spelling of dialect but that's how grandma said it :D

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 20:58
Blacky, blacky beetle
stick him on a needle,
pull his hair, make him swear,
Blacky blacky beetle.


God knows what it meant buy my parents were always reciting that to me when I was a sprog.

Plain Talker
03-06-2008, 21:03
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords, and shot each other...

(there is more, but I cannot remember the rest- sorry. I'm sure others will be able to fill in the gaps)


or how about

"Not last night but the night before
Three tom-cats came knocking at my door
One had a fiddle,
One had a drum,
And one had a pancake
Stuck to his bum!"

and the third is a bit of a risque one.. I'd better not say any more of it.

Once upon a time
The birds (*cough) the Line
And the monkeys chewed tobacco

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 21:04
A little piggy run
with his fingers up his bum,
Shouting `whats the matter`

God I forgot about that one!

Joto
03-06-2008, 21:05
Thanks Jabbers and PT for those :D
I love the 2nd one PT

Plain Talker
03-06-2008, 21:05
:shocked: jabbers, Itried to keep it clean! lol

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 21:06
:shocked: jabbers, Itried to keep it clean! lol

I know... I cant stop myself :D

Joto
03-06-2008, 21:06
A little piggy run
with his fingers up his bum,
Shouting `whats the matter`

God I forgot about that one!

Now you just made that one up, didn't you :hihi:

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 21:08
Now you just made that one up, didn't you :hihi:

No its the second part of the Once upon a time a bird... the line one!

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 21:09
While I was walking up the stair
I saw a man who wasnt there.

He wasnt there again today
Oh how I wish he`d go away.

Plain Talker
03-06-2008, 21:10
what were the other two my grandma used to sing...?
oh yeah

"Owd *insert name here* in't no good
Chop her up
For fire wood
When she's dead
Stand 'er on 'er 'ead
Then we'll 'ave some
Ginger bread!"

and the other one was:-
"Owd *plain-y's* a funny 'un
With a face like a spanish onion
And a nose like a Squashed tomato
We'll have some for tea!"

Plain Talker
03-06-2008, 21:11
Now you just made that one up, didn't you :hihi:

No, seriously! My grandparents and parents used to sing that rhyme to us as kids! I swear!

Joto
03-06-2008, 21:12
I've just remembered one a friend told me

Who-ee goo-ee was a worm (sorry Jabbers)
A silly worm was he
He went upon a railway track
A train he did not see
Who-wee goo-wee !

Sorry about the spelling but I've never seen it written (I wonder why :roll:)

Joto
03-06-2008, 21:15
what were the other two my grandma used to sing...?
oh yeah

"Owd *insert name here* in't no good
Chop her up
For fire wood
When she's dead
Stand 'er on 'er 'ead
Then we'll 'ave some
Ginger bread!"

and the other one was:-
"Owd *plain-y's* a funny 'un
With a face like a spanish onion
And a nose like a Squashed tomato
We'll have some for tea!"

I know the second one and used to sing it to my kids :D

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 21:21
"Insert name" once told me
shes got spots on her arse like a rasperry

Joto
03-06-2008, 21:28
Keep it clean Jabbers or I'll print that rhyme about a worm again :nono: :hihi:

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 21:37
These are the ones my parents told me.

No wonder Im so twisted :D

Joto
03-06-2008, 21:46
Remember the one Hospital phlegm all nice and thick........:gag:

jmdee
03-06-2008, 22:09
Ee by gum chum, my bum's numb

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 22:11
Ham, lamb spam jam
corned beef, roast beef... I cant remember the rest.

convict621
03-06-2008, 22:13
"Insert name" once told me
shes got spots on her arse like a rasperry

I was told, Old (insert name) once told me, Shes got spots on her belly like cherries on a tree.

Joto
03-06-2008, 22:18
I was told, Old (insert name) once told me, Shes got spots on her belly like cherries on a tree.

These are new to me, keep em coming :hihi:

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 22:18
I was told, Old (insert name) once told me, Shes got spots on her belly like cherries on a tree.

Yeah thats it!

Trust me to get it wrong!

Suzy Q
03-06-2008, 22:20
Hi PT - my dad always used to sing,:-
She has a nose like a squashed tomato
& legs like two props.

His lullaby to me was always:-
Go to sleep my baby, close your pretty eyes.
Angels are above you, watching o'er you softly from the skies.
Great big moon is shining, & stars begin to peep.
It's time for little ......... ......... to go to sleep.

(Hardly ever worked though!)

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 22:20
Stirry stirry custard
snot and bogey pie

Three cats giblets
and one dogs eye

Stir it up with a worm on a stick
Then rinse it down with a cup of cold sick.


Any parent telling their kids that would be thrown into the nick these days :D

Suzy Q
03-06-2008, 22:21
Another one for you:-
You know mi Auntie Nellie?
She had a wooden belly,
And every time ya squeezed it,
Out popped jelly.

Joto
03-06-2008, 22:30
Another one for you:-
You know mi Auntie Nellie?
She had a wooden belly,
And every time ya squeezed it,
Out popped jelly.

Wow I'd forgot that one! thanks :D

Joto
03-06-2008, 22:34
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good
she was very, very good
And when she was bad
she was horrid

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 22:35
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good,
she was very, very good
And when she was bad
SHE WAS VERY POPULAR!

convict621
03-06-2008, 22:37
I remember the original but Jabbers is better.

Steptoad
03-06-2008, 22:54
Here's a few me mother used to disturb me with as a child:-
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy wuzn't fuzzy wuz he?

Yum-yum pigs bum,
Cows eat chewing gum.

Mrs Brown went to town with her knickers hanging down,
Mrs Green saw the scene and wrote it in a magazine.

One from the wife:-
Little Dog, little street, little car, potted meat.

and a few schoolyard rhymes:-
Mrs Write had a fright in the middle of the night,
saw a beetle,
Eating treacle,
Halfway up a knitting needle,

or

Mrs Write had a fright in the middle of the night,
Saw a ghost,
Eating toast,
Halfway up a lamp post.

(Our school headmistress was a Miss Write)

There was this one that the girls would say:-

I'm a little fairy I don't swear............, I don't know the rest 'cos they'd always whisper it.

I always liked :-

My friend Billy had a 10ft w.... , but maybe that's for another forum.

How about Princess Anne said to The Queen,
"Have you ever heard of Shiregreen?",
The Queen said "no I don't think so,
But I've heard of the Burngreave Aggro."

And finally another of my mothers mint/bottom obsessive rhymes,
Trebor Mints are a minty bit stronger,
Stick 'em up your bum and they last a lot longer.

Steptoad
03-06-2008, 22:58
what were the other two my grandma used to sing...?
oh yeah

"Owd *insert name here* in't no good
Chop her up
For fire wood
When she's dead
Stand 'er on 'er 'ead
Then we'll 'ave some
Ginger bread!"
"
If you knew what this rhyme was actually about PT I don't think you would've posted it, 'cos it's really disgusting, but not at all obvious. I wonder if your grandma knew.

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 22:59
Old king cole was a merry old soul
and a merry old soul was he

He went for a shyyte in the middle of the night
on the W. C.

The moon was shining brightly,
the candle had a fit,

Old king cole fell down the hole, up to his neck in.....!


My dad used to tell me that one...

Joto
03-06-2008, 23:04
I like Jabbers version too :hihi:
And Steptoad thanks for all those
Remember I know your mother and she's a lovely person
so we'll excuse her rhymes won't we :bigsmile:

Joto
03-06-2008, 23:07
Old king cole was a merry old soul
and a merry old soul was he

He went for a shyyte in the middle of the night
on the W. C.

The moon was shining brightly,
the candle had a fit,

Old king cole fell down the hole, up to his neck in.....!


My dad used to tell me that one...

Jabbers I can see where your sense of humour came from now

Suzy Q
03-06-2008, 23:10
Anyone remember the one to the tune of Inky Pinky Parlez-vous? I can only remember bits of it:-
There was an old man from timbuktoo, P-v, (Repeat)
There was an old man from Timbuktoo dropped a fart & away it blew
Inky Pinky P-v.
The fart went rollin down the street P-v, (Repeat)
The fart went rollin down the street & knocked a copper off his feet
Inky Pinky P-v.
The copper got out his rusty pistol P-v, (Repeat)
The copper got out his rusty pistol; shot the fart right into Bristol,
Inky Pinky P-v.
The people of Bristol were havin a dance P-v, (Repeat)
The people of Bristol were havin a dance & shot the fart right into France,
Inky Pinky P-v.
And that's as much as I can remember. Pls put me out of my misery somebody!!!
"Man" here sez they used to sing it at the match years ago.

Suzy Q
03-06-2008, 23:15
Gram told me another one:-

Mi father's a lavatory cleaner, he works in the middins at night,
And when he comes home in the mornin, he's covered all over in *****

Suzy Q
03-06-2008, 23:16
If there were small children present, the last words were always Sweet vi-o-lets!

Joto
03-06-2008, 23:19
:hihi: thanks Suzy Q

Suzy Q
03-06-2008, 23:23
Wotchya doin in Canada Joto, when there are so many beautiful rhymes back here???

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 23:27
(Sang to the tune of campdown races)


When I was young I had no sense
doo dah doo dah

Caught my bo...ocks on a barbed wire fence
oh doo dah day.

Joto
03-06-2008, 23:29
Wotchya doin in Canada Joto, when there are so many beautiful rhymes back here???

I've lived here more than 34yrs now, and I was only 31 when I emigrated with my husband and 3 kids. So I've spent more than half my life here :bigsmile:
I love coming on this section and reading about days gone by in Sheffield.

Joto
03-06-2008, 23:32
(Sang to the tune of campdown races)


When I was young I had no sense
doo dah doo dah

Caught my bo...ocks on a barbed wire fence
oh doo dah day.

That's why you're so different :hihi: just kidding :D

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 23:40
We keep chickens in our back yard
we feed them on indian corn

Ones a f...

Just remembered the rest of the lyrics... Id be banned for a year if I finished that! :D

Joto
03-06-2008, 23:48
Now you're teasing me, maybe you can pm me the rest

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 23:53
Now you're teasing me, maybe you can pm me the rest

No way!

Theres swear words in it and call me old fashioned but I dont swear to ladies. Even ladies of the female persuasion :D

flashbang
03-06-2008, 23:56
My dad used to sing,

There once was a woman at ninety two,
Who had a fart and away it flew,
over the hedge and down the lane,
in through the farmers window pane.

The farmer got his rusty gun,
shot the fart and away it run,
over the hill and up the lane,
back up the womans a**e again.

Steptoad
03-06-2008, 23:57
And Steptoad thanks for all those
Remember I know your mother and she's a lovely person
so we'll excuse her rhymes won't we :bigsmile:

If I thought that was true I'd be worried:confused:

Jabberwocky
03-06-2008, 23:58
Taa raa raa bump diay
Our teacher trumped today

She blew the school away
It came back yesterday.

Joto
03-06-2008, 23:59
No way!

Theres swear words in it and call me old fashioned but I dont swear to ladies. Even ladies of the female persuasion :D

But what shall I do? It'll bug me now, I might not sleep tonight and it's all your fault :rant:

Jabberwocky
04-06-2008, 00:00
But what shall I do? It'll bug me now, I might not sleep tonight and it's all your fault :rant:

Trust me, if you heared it all you wouldnt sleep for a month!

Joto
04-06-2008, 00:01
If I thought that was true I'd be worried:confused:

It is true, she lived next door to us before she married your Dad 'Arthur' :nod:

Joto
04-06-2008, 00:03
Trust me, if you heared it all you wouldnt sleep for a month!

Wanna bet I was a teenager in the 60s I've heard it all and then some :D

flashbang
04-06-2008, 00:04
We keep chickens in our back yard
we feed them on indian corn

Ones a f...

Just remembered the rest of the lyrics... Id be banned for a year if I finished that! :D

That's not a part of....
I took my wife to the station to see the engines shunt....Is it?

Jabberwocky
04-06-2008, 00:05
That's not a part of....
I took my wife to the station to see the engines shunt....Is it?

Oh yes, yes it is :D

Jabberwocky
04-06-2008, 00:06
Wanna bet I was a teenager in the 60s I've heard it all and then some :D

I was a kid in the 60s and I invented most of it :D

flashbang
04-06-2008, 00:08
Oh yes, yes it is :D


Thought so lol No wonder you can't write more :D:

Steptoad
04-06-2008, 00:09
It is true, she lived next door to us before she married your Dad 'Arthur' :nod:
:confused:Nope, You've lost me now:confused:

Jabberwocky
04-06-2008, 00:11
I found a tame version on google:

We've got chickens in our backyard
We feed them on Indian corn
But one's a bugger
For giving the other
A piggyback over the wall.

Joto
04-06-2008, 00:11
I was a kid in the 60s and I invented most of it :D

That wouldn't surprise me one bit, you're not much older than my kids. I married at 18 and had got 3 kids before I was 22 yrs old beat that :thumbsup:

Steptoad
04-06-2008, 00:59
That wouldn't surprise me one bit, you're not much older than my kids. I married at 18 and had got 3 kids before I was 22 yrs old beat that :thumbsup:

That's nothing, most kids have three kids by the age of 15 and wouldn't recognise a wedding ring if they choked on it.:hihi:

Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.

Piggy on the railway line picking up stones,
Along came an engine and broke Piggy's bones.
"Ow!" said Piggy, that's not fair.
"Oh" said the engine I don't care.

Joto
04-06-2008, 01:06
That's nothing, most kids have three kids by the age of 15 and wouldn't recognise a wedding ring if they choked on it.:hihi:

Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.

Piggy on the railway line picking up stones,
Along came an engine and broke Piggy's bones.
"Ow!" said Piggy, that's not fair.
"Oh" said the engine I don't care.

That's sad :cry: imagine telling some of these to small kids.



PS Sorry for the mistake, and by the way I'm still married to the same man!

Plain Talker
04-06-2008, 01:14
One from the wife:-
Little Dog, little street, little car, potted meat.


I wonder if that's where the slang "potted dog" comes from, for potted meat? hehehe




Mrs Write had a fright in the middle of the night,
Saw a ghost,
Eating toast,
Halfway up a lamp post.

(Our school headmistress was a Miss Write)

ah! :idea::idea: that's where des'ree got those awful lyrics from! :idea:hehe


I always liked :-

My friend Billy had a 10ft w.... , but maybe that's for another forum.


it was

"trenchtown billy
had a six foot *coughs* ..
he showed it to the girl next door
she took it for a snake,
and hit it with a rake,
and now it's only five feet four!"



How about Princess Anne said to The Queen,
"Have you ever heard of Shiregreen?",
The Queen said "no I don't think so,
But I've heard of the Burngreave Aggro."


that's a famous football chant from Bramall lane from my wild and misspent childhood!

'Bertie Mee
Sez to Bill Shankly
"Have you heard of the North bank, Highbury"

he said "No, I don't think so
but I've heard of the Shoreham... AGGRO!'
Shoreham aggro, ohhh-oh'

wizzardofODD
04-06-2008, 01:21
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords, and shot each other...

(there is more, but I cannot remember the rest- sorry. I'm sure others will be able to fill in the gaps)



think this is the rest ......
a blind man came to see fair play
a dumb man came to shout hooray
a paralysed donkey passing by , kicked the blind man in the eye
knocked em o'er an aif inch wall
into a dry ditch & drownded em all

Joto
04-06-2008, 01:23
This is so funny, I didn't know there were so many out there.

Janet Alexa
04-06-2008, 04:13
eeny meeny, maca raca, rare rye dum a raca, chicka raca lollipop bom bom french!!!
the spelling is all over the map, but I hope you all get the gist of things!

Joto
04-06-2008, 04:30
eeny meeny, maca raca, rare rye dum a raca, chicka raca lollipop bom bom french!!!
the spelling is all over the map, but I hope you all get the gist of things!

Welcome to the forum Janet Alexa :wave: I've not heard that one either, do you skip to it or something?

Do you remember when the penny dropped and we used to say "Oh I see said the blind man to his deaf and dumb daughter" Not very PC is it?

nanrobbo
04-06-2008, 04:32
I remember one of the skipping rhymes

I know a little boy he's double jointed
gave me a kiss and made me disappointed
My word Mary I'll tell your Mother
Kissing little Johnnie down by the Rother
Your in I'm out................

And one rhyme I remember:
Once I saw a fairy in a cup of tea
She was nearly drowning as wet as wet could
be
I took her out and dried her and asked her if she'd stay
She said 'Oh no no thank you and quickly flew away'

Joto
04-06-2008, 04:44
I love that rhyme Nan, I think your memories better than mine. I can't remember many at all
I bet you remember this
Oh dear my dolly she's sick, sick , sick
Go and fetch the doctor quick, quick, quick
The doctor came with a ratatat
He came with his cane he came with his hat

He looked at poor dolly and shook his head
And said you must put her to bed, bed, bed
Keep her very warm and keep her very still
And when I come again I'll bring her a pill, pill, pill

nanrobbo
04-06-2008, 05:23
Don't know that one a good one- I've got a memory for songs & rhymes but forget names and faces! TTFN

espadrille
04-06-2008, 07:05
My Grandad used to say
Would the power of gifty ge us, to see ourselves as others see us.I didnt understand that as a child but it makes sense now.

Plain Talker
04-06-2008, 09:05
My Grandad used to say
Would the power of gifty ge us, to see ourselves as others see us.I didnt understand that as a child but it makes sense now.

That's a quote from the great poet "Robbie Burns".

"Oh, would some Power, the giftie gie us, tae see oursel' as others see us!"

Plain Talker
04-06-2008, 09:06
Welcome to the forum Janet Alexa :wave: I've not heard that one either, do you skip to it or something?

Do you remember when the penny dropped and we used to say "Oh I see said the blind man to his deaf and dumb daughter" Not very PC is it?

In our family, we said it as "I see... Said the blind man to his deaf and dumb wife...!"

Plain Talker
04-06-2008, 09:17
eeny meeny, maca raca, rare rye dum a raca, chicka raca lollipop bom bom french!!!
the spelling is all over the map, but I hope you all get the gist of things!

Isn't that one of the "dipping" rhymes, from the schoolyard, where you decide who's "it" for the game of chase/ farmer wants a wife, etc?

"Ip-dip-dip,
My blue Ship,
Sailing on the water,
Sike a cup and saucer
Ip-dip-dip,
You are not IT!"

and "One potato, two potato,
Three potato four,
Five potato, six potato
Seven potato, more"


there were two games we'd play in the schoolyard, which were very similar, one was
"poor mary what'cha weeping for"

which went
"Poor mary, what'cha weeping for,
What'cha weeping for, what'cha weeping for,
Poor mary, what'cha weeping for,
On a bright summer's day?"

and "farmer wants a wife"/ "farmer's in the dell".

1) farmers in the dell
farmer's in the dell,
ee-eye-anny oh
farmer's in the dell

2) farmer wants a wife...

3) wife wants a child...

4) child wants a nurse...

5) nurse wants a dog...

6) dog wants a bone...

7)"we all pat the bone..."

RoyalRegular
04-06-2008, 09:21
What about this one.........

Down in Dixon Lane
There are two big fat women
And if you want to see them
You'll have to pay a shilling
Soldiers half a crown
Sailors half a guinea
Big fat men
Two pounds ten
Little kids a penny

God where did that come from??????????

only_me
04-06-2008, 11:32
A fart is a funny thing
it whistles in the breeze.
It warms the bed on winter nights
and suffocates the fleas.

It gets worse lol

I lost me arm in the army
i lost me leg in the navy

I lost me c**k in a butchers shop
and found it in me gravy

Its amazing what i learned in the infants in the 1960s

Joto
04-06-2008, 13:40
That's so funny 'You' I didn't realize how many rhymes are actually out there, and I suspect there's more to come :D

Joanl
04-06-2008, 13:44
Most of the above and another my dad used to say to us..
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck,
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.:thumbsup:

Joto
04-06-2008, 13:51
Thanks Joan, I bet you can't say that fast :hihi:

Sultana
04-06-2008, 14:01
The sausage was a fat one, whose outside was not in. It's inside was a mystery, that killed poor little Jim.

It was Christmas Day in the workhouse, the snow was raining fast. A barefooted man with clogs on, stood sitting on the grass.

30 days hath September, April, June, and November. All the rest have 31, except Grandma, and she rides a bike.

multiparvo1
04-06-2008, 14:46
I remember my Mother reciting this one to me -

My Mother said I never should play with the gypsies in the wood.

If I did she would say naughty little girl to run away.

pedro1
04-06-2008, 14:58
Altough this isn`t a rhyme, my dad always used to say to me, bearing in mind my name`s Peter.

Peter night before you go to bed :hihi:

Steptoad
04-06-2008, 15:34
I wonder if that's where the slang "potted dog" comes from, for potted meat? hehehe

Could be, though, as kids we always thought it was made from hippopotamus:hihi:



"trenchtown billy
had a six foot *coughs* ..
he showed it to the girl next door
she took it for a snake,
and hit it with a rake,
and now it's only five feet four!"

No, no, this really happened to my mate William:D




that's a famous football chant from Bramall lane from my wild and misspent childhood!

'Bertie Mee
Sez to Bill Shankly
"Have you heard of the North bank, Highbury"

he said "No, I don't think so
but I've heard of the Shoreham... AGGRO!'
Shoreham aggro, ohhh-oh'

I'll have to take your word for that, as I've never been to a football match.

flashbang
04-06-2008, 18:20
7)"we all pat the bone..."

It's been changed to we all clap the bone now, cos a child might get hurt when others pat him/her.:rolleyes:

sharrovian
04-06-2008, 18:32
Ah Ah eee pony, Chita pony, Alabalaweska tin pan dory, Chita pan Chita pan
Chinese chu chu.

The only thing I can say about this is my mother taught it me and it must have Heeley origins.

wykewatson
04-06-2008, 19:07
if ifs and ands were pots and pans there would be no need for tinkers
if ifs and buts were apples and nuts all the children would fill their guts.

flashbang
04-06-2008, 20:34
Can anyone remember something about a China man had a China doll? Don't know if it's a song or a rhyme, been bugging me for ages. :)

chuffinel
04-06-2008, 21:18
What about ?
Dan,Dan the dirty old man
Washed his face in a frying pan
Combed his hair with a three legged chair
Dan,Dan the dirty old man.

Tuppie
04-06-2008, 22:54
How about.

Chin Chin Chinaman, kept a little shop.
All he sold, was peppermint rock.
He tiddled in a bottle and called it pop
Chin Chin Chinaman kept a little shop.

:o

thursday
04-06-2008, 23:02
Can anyone remember something about a China man had a China doll? Don't know if it's a song or a rhyme, been bugging me for ages. :)

Chin, Chin, Chinaman,
Bought a penny doll.
Washed it, dressed it,
Found it wasn't well.
Took it to the Doctor,
But the Doctor wasn't in,
'Cos he had a pimple on his chin, chin, chin.

Not very PC, but we laughed ourselves silly in the '50s!

Steptoad
04-06-2008, 23:10
PS Sorry for the mistake, and by the way I'm still married to the same man!

That's OK, I was just a little freaked out as I thought I was in disguise on this board.:hihi:

Fareast
05-06-2008, 05:12
Our maths teacher taught us a useful one in case our brains froze over in an exam :-

Diddle e dum,
Diddle e dee,
A ring round the moon is Pi D,
But if the area is preferred,
Use the formula Pi R squared.

lubylou
05-06-2008, 09:07
My mum used to sing,
"oh dear, what can the matter be
(insert name) has fell down the lavatory
she,s/he,s been there from monday to saturday
nobody knows she/he was there
I actually sang that to my daughter this morning, and because i had said her name in it she asked if it was a real song about a Katy :hihi:

Di-namic
05-06-2008, 13:29
One my Dad told us -

One cold evening in the middle of Summer
A fire broke out in an empty house full of furniture.
The old man, not knowing, ran downstairs, without his wooden leg
fell over the dead cat and nearly killed it !

lostsoul
05-06-2008, 13:53
Anyone remember this ,
Build a bonfire,build a bonfire,
Put the teachers on the top,
Put the prefects in the middle.
And burn the Bl**dy lot.

Plain Talker
05-06-2008, 14:30
Anyone remember this ,
Build a bonfire,build a bonfire,
Put the teachers on the top,
Put the prefects in the middle.
And burn the Bl**dy lot.

there was another song like that, normally sung at the end of term, which finished with the lines:-

"No more English, No more French
No more sitting on the old school bench!"

thursday
05-06-2008, 16:26
there was another song like that, normally sung at the end of term, which finished with the lines:-

"No more English, No more French
No more sitting on the old school bench!"

Did it go on with:
No more toil, no more sorrow,
no more school - we break up tomorrow.... ?

Joanl
05-06-2008, 16:34
I can hear my mother saying to my kids

Pata cake pata cake
Bakers man.
Make me a cake as fast as you can.
Prick it and stick it and mark it with X and throw it in't oven, for X and me.

flashbang
05-06-2008, 17:31
Chin, Chin, Chinaman,
Bought a penny doll.
Washed it, dressed it,
Found it wasn't well.
Took it to the Doctor,
But the Doctor wasn't in,
'Cos he had a pimple on his chin, chin, chin.

Not very PC, but we laughed ourselves silly in the '50s!


Yes that's the one. Thanks thursday. :)

Plain Talker
05-06-2008, 18:19
Did it go on with:
No more toil, no more sorrow,
no more school - we break up tomorrow.... ?

the one I remember ended up with something like

"No more homework, no more books
No more teachers' dirty looks"

(I seem to remember a bit before the lines I quoted earlier but for the life of me I can't remember)

It's been a horrible horrible day, (best mate's dad's funeral :gag:) I am emotionally and physically tired and I have complete and utter brain-fog, so I cannot think "straight" to save my life!

only_me
05-06-2008, 19:06
Sounds very much like Pink floyds Another brick in the wall. Perhaps the lyrics may have been taken from a rhyme ?

Joanl
05-06-2008, 19:28
the one I remember ended up with something like

"No more homework, no more books
No more teachers' dirty looks"

(I seem to remember a bit before the lines I quoted earlier but for the life of me I can't remember)

It's been a horrible horrible day, (best mate's dad's funeral :gag:) I am emotionally and physically tired and I have complete and utter brain-fog, so I cannot think "straight" to save my life!

Sorry to hear that. Hope you recover soon.

No more school
no more stick
no more flippin arithmatic.

Something like that anyway chanted on the day we broke up for the holidays or half term (Friday and Monday then)

convict621
05-06-2008, 19:34
On seeing an ambulance.

Touch my knees,
Touch my nose,
Hope I never go,
In one of those.

Touching the knees and nose.

Steptoad
05-06-2008, 20:28
:loopy:One that my friend Jeremy taught me in primary school was, to the tune of Little Brown Jug, is
Ha ha ha,
He he he,
Stevens on the lavatory,
Singing songs, dropping bombs,
Nobody knows he's there.

And a final line that my friend claimed to have added himself

'Cos he's eaten a pear.:loopy:

Round here there's an ice cream van that plays Little Brown Jug and even now, everytime (and I mean everytime), I hear it those words pop into my head.

jmdee
05-06-2008, 20:49
Sorry about the courseness,

Hark, hark the thunder's roaring,
must be the peas I had this morning,
quick, quick the closet door,
too late, too late, it's on the floor.

On a nicer note,

I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life,
it makes the peas taste funny,
but it sticks them to the knife

Plain Talker
05-06-2008, 22:16
Sounds very much like Pink floyds Another brick in the wall. Perhaps the lyrics may have been taken from a rhyme ?

I seem to remember Alice Cooper using it in the background of his hit from about 30 yrs ago, "School's Out For Summer".

Plain Talker
05-06-2008, 22:18
the one I remember ended up with something like

"No more homework, no more books
No more teachers' dirty looks"

(I seem to remember a bit before the lines I quoted earlier but for the life of me I can't remember)

It's been a horrible horrible day, (best mate's dad's funeral :gag:) I am emotionally and physically tired and I have complete and utter brain-fog, so I cannot think "straight" to save my life!

Sorry to hear that. Hope you recover soon.

No more school
no more stick
no more flippin arithmatic.

Something like that anyway chanted on the day we broke up for the holidays or half term (Friday and Monday then)

Thanks Joan. I've been and had a rest, as I was feeling rotten. Feeling a bit better now, after a yucky day.

Joto
05-06-2008, 23:28
I seem to remember Alice Cooper using it in the background of his hit from about 30 yrs ago, "School's Out For Summer".

That's right it was Alice Cooper, and thanks for coming on here even though you wasn't feeling good. thanks everybody for your contributions.:thumbsup:

You know that wedding song 'Here Comes the Bride'
Well when I was a girl, to that tune my friend would sing.......

Here comes the bride
All fat and wide
You can't see the bridegroom
For the size of the bride (of course I didn't join in :hihi:)

jennyren
06-06-2008, 00:26
insy winsy spider climing up a spout . down came the rain and washed the spider out .out came the sun and washed away the rain.insy winsy spider came out again to play.

only_me
06-06-2008, 09:40
I seem to remember Alice Cooper using it in the background of his hit from about 30 yrs ago, "School's Out For Summer".

Thats the one PT your absolutely right.

pretty_woman
06-06-2008, 11:57
Wherever you may be ...
Let your wind break free...
In church or chapel ....
Let it rattle he he !

Joto
06-06-2008, 18:23
I remember that one pretty women :hihi:

lisalee
06-06-2008, 19:27
Diddle diddle dumpling, my son John,
Went to bed with his stockings on,
One shoe off and one shoe on,
Diddle diddle dumpling, my son John.

My 82 year old grandma, God bless her, used to sing that to her kids, grandkids, and now, to her great grandkids.:)

Harleyman
06-06-2008, 19:38
There used to be one we said at Chapeltown Lound School directed at Warren School (wherever that was)

Oh dearie me,
Old Warren caught a flea,
He salted it and peppered it
And had it for his tea.

Steptoad
06-06-2008, 21:33
Here's another from my mothers book of verse,

Mathew, Mark, Luke And John went to bed with their trousers on,
In the middle of the night Mathew Mathew wanted to ****e, (rhymes with kite):o
It must be done, it must be done, so out of the window he popped his bum.:P
A policeman who was passing by happened to look into the sky,:rolleyes:
Come down come down they heard him cry.:rant:
Plop, Plop one in each eye.:gag:

Actually knowing my mother like I do I find it hard to believe she told me that as a child.:huh:

Joto
06-06-2008, 21:47
Thanks everybody :P I'm amazed and Steptoad you're a gentleman, and what a good memory:thumbsup: How about this one

Sugar and spice
And all things nice
That's what little girls are made of
Slugs and snails
And puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of :hihi:

That's how I remember it anyhow, can you tell I had 3 sisters and no brothers?

jeano
06-06-2008, 21:53
A trump is but a sigh of wind coming from the Heart
But if it takes the downward course then it's called a fart
It gives the person pleasure
And gives the bowels ease
It warms and heats the bedclothes
And suffocates the fleas.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
sung to te tune of on top pf olg smoky...


On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed
It rolled off the table and onto the floor
And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door
It rolled down the garden and under a bush
And then my old meatball got covered in slush

anybody add the rest?

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

jeano
06-06-2008, 22:00
Just remembered another, how did we grow up normal?

Scatter matter custard snot and bogey pie
Dead dogs gibblets one cats eye
When you've made it nice and thick
Wash it all down with a cup of cold sick

we must have been horrible kids....

jeano
06-06-2008, 22:00
A trump is but a sigh of wind coming from the Heart
But if it takes the downward course then it's called a fart
It gives the person pleasure
And gives the bowels ease
It warms and heats the bedclothes
And suffocates the fleas.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
sung to te tune of on top pf olg smoky...


On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed
It rolled off the table and onto the floor
And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door
It rolled down the garden and under a bush
And then my old meatball got covered in slush

anybody add the rest?

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Steptoad
06-06-2008, 22:27
... and Steptoad you're a gentleman..
thankyou nobody's called me a gentleman for a looooooooooong time:D

(I'm saving all the really rude stuff for another forum)

Here's one my daughters use at the moment after burping,

Pardon me for being so rude,
It was not me it was my food,
It just popped up to say hello,
Instead it stayed down below.

and my from my wife,

Arty Farty had a party,
All the farts were there,
Tutti Fruity did a beauty ,
And they all went out for air.

Joanl
06-06-2008, 22:41
There was a little girl and she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good, she was very very good
But when she was bad she was horrid

I think it was that but I don't know if it was a way of telling me I was being naughty.:)

Lillie
06-06-2008, 23:19
My Nan used to always sing us old songs and rhymes that I think came from her Dad.
One went something like....

Brown's a very good friend of mine,
Once I went to his house to dine


Has anyone else heard this??

The Giraffe
08-06-2008, 15:18
Liar, liar your bums on fire - your nose is as long as a telephone wire....... :hihi:

biker
08-06-2008, 16:22
If wishes were horses beggars would ride. Also from infant school in the 1950,s Paddy O,Flynn had no breeches to wear so he bought him a sheepskin and made him a pair with the skinny side out and the woolley side in begad this is fine said Paddy OFlynn. This was taught by the teacher,today the racepolice would lock her up

loobylou-lou
08-06-2008, 19:08
Anything like a futile exercise my mon would say "its like pissin in bed weken" my blokes mom used to say of someone who was a soft touch " you would give your arse away and **** thorugh your ribs". any more?

melthebell
08-06-2008, 20:40
One from the wife:-
Little Dog, little street, little car, potted meat.


i always rememebr that one...but what i remember is:-

little doggy crossing street
heavy lorry
potted meat

melthebell
08-06-2008, 20:40
you know what thought did...........followed the coal wagon cos you thought it was a wedding

Lostrider
08-06-2008, 21:19
To the tune of Bobby Shafto" well nearly.

I know a man called Michael Finnigan
He had whiskers on his chin-igan
The Wind came up and blew them in-igan
Poor old Michael Finnigan

and a little more risky-

Starts with the tune of "Rule Brittania" and then "Knees up mother brown".

Note: if I made this verse PC there would be nothing left to post. So here it is in all it's none PC glory.

Rule Brittania, three monkeys up a stick
one fell down and landed on his -
Prickles grow on brushes, prickles grow on trees
pricles grow on womens legs just above the -
Knees up mother Brown, Knees up Mother Brown
You better pull your knickers up before we pull them -
Down in Africa, where blackmen dig for coal
one fell down the mineshaft and landed on his -
B******s (rhymes with Rowlocks) is the bulldog, lying in the grass
a bumble came from the sky and stung him on his -
Ask no questions, tell know lies
I saw a bus conductor fastening up his -
Flys are nuisances, bugs are even worse
and this is the end of my dirty little verse.


The sad thing is I can never remember the words to the Lords Prayer which we recited every morning for the whole of my school life, but I can remember this rhyme.

My appologies if anyone is offended.

Plain Talker
08-06-2008, 21:44
Starts with the tune of "Rule Brittania" and then "Knees up mother brown".

Note: if I made this verse PC there would be nothing left to post. So here it is in all it's none PC glory.

Rule Brittania, three monkeys up a stick
one fell down and landed on his -
Prickles grow on brushes, prickles grow on trees
pricles grow on womens legs just above the -
Knees up mother Brown, Knees up Mother Brown
You better pull your knickers up before we pull them -
Down in Africa, where blackmen dig for coal
one fell down the mineshaft and landed on his -
B******s (rhymes with Rowlocks) is the bulldog, lying in the grass
a bumble came from the sky and stung him on his -
Ask no questions, tell know lies
I saw a bus conductor fastening up his -
Flys are nuisances, bugs are even worse
and this is the end of my dirty little verse.


The sad thing is I can never remember the words to the Lords Prayer which we recited every morning for the whole of my school life, but I can remember this rhyme.

My appologies if anyone is offended.

there was another similar song to the tune of "Rule, Brittania", which I half-remember, which started, something along the lines of:-

"Rule, Brittania,
two tanners make a bob..."

Joto
09-06-2008, 02:49
thankyou nobody's called me a gentleman for a looooooooooong time:D

(I'm saving all the really rude stuff for another forum)

Here's one my daughters use at the moment after burping,

Pardon me for being so rude,
It was not me it was my food,
It just popped up to say hello,
Instead it stayed down below.

and my from my wife,

Arty Farty had a party,
All the farts were there,
Tutti Fruity did a beauty ,
And they all went out for air.

Thanks steptoad you could fill a book with the ones you know, I've been away this weekend so I've had lots of catching up here. Thanks everyone for your posts :D

Steptoad
09-06-2008, 08:48
I'm almost out of silly rhymes, but this one just popped into my head. It's another one my dear ol' mam used to say, but it's probably quite well known.

Whether the weather be hot,
Or whether the weather be cold,
We'll weather the weather,
Whatever the weather,
Whether the weather or not.

flashbang
09-06-2008, 09:31
Mother Mariah
p****d on the fire,
the fire was too hot,
she p****D in the pot,
the pot was too round,
she p****d on the ground,
the ground was too flat,
she p****d on the cat,
and the cat ran away with the p**s on its back.



Here's another one.

One fine day in the middle of the night,
a fire broke out in the Atlantic,
a blind man saw it,
a deaf man heard it,
a man with no legs ran to fetch the fire brigade,
they ran over a dead cat and very nearly killed it,
a man was taken to hospital with burnt eyelashes
and syringed bootlaces.

I might have got mixed up with these, if anyone has the right version please post it. :)

Steptoad
09-06-2008, 11:39
I've just remembered the first couple of lines to a "poem" that that one of the bigger boys taught me in church.
He wouldn't tell me any more, because it was too rude, but if anybody knows the rest I'd be interested to know it.

Me mother sat by the fireside,
With her feet up on the hob,
A bottle of whiskey in her lap,
And a Woodbine in her gob,

DUFFEMS
09-06-2008, 12:04
This first one was sort of chanted rather quickly.

There was an owd woman lived in a back yard, she used to turn a mangle, the scanty living that she could get was ironing shirts an' collars an' cuffs, she'd nothing to cover her bum,
And the rollers they go in and the rollers they go out, the mangle turns from east to west and scatters the washing about.

This next one was sung but, I've no idea of the tune.
My heart is as light as a feather, I hope it will never grow sad,
For I'm getting married tomorrow but, not to a bad Sheffield lad,
For a bad Sheffield lad is deceitful,
He goes around smokin' his pipe,
He goes around courting the lasses,
Especially on Saturday night.
Soooo,
No more standing on the corner of the street,
Winking, blinking at every girl you meet,
No more whisky and no more rum,
And no more strolling home at half past one!

This next one I always got a clipped ear for reciting! I apologise beforehand for the expletives.
A*****e, pigsh*t, bl***y, bu***r damn,
Some poor bl*****s stole our pram,
Couldn't give a bu***r, soon buy another,
A*****e, pigsh*t, bl***y, bu***r damn.

Joto
09-06-2008, 14:14
Enjoyed reading those with my breakfast, thank you flashbang, steptoad, and duffems.:thumbsup: Wish I could help you with the lines you've forgot, but I'm sure somebody will.

longchat
09-06-2008, 16:43
my o/h tells the grandkids
the elephant is a gracefull bird
it swings from bough to bough
builds its nest
in a rhubarb tree
and whistles like a cow

longchat
09-06-2008, 16:46
i am not a pheasant plucker
im a pheasant pluckers son
and im only plucking pheasants
until the pheasant plucker comes

Joto
09-06-2008, 17:43
Ooh longchat I'd better not say that fast, a real tongue twister :heyhey:

ecol
09-06-2008, 18:55
Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
Ten thousand volts went up its bum
and turned it into nylon

Plain Talker
09-06-2008, 19:33
my o/h tells the grandkids
the elephant is a gracefull bird
it swings from bough to bough
builds its nest
in a rhubarb tree
and whistles like a cow

what about

"A funny old bird is the pelican

Its beak can hold nore than its Belly can!"

Joto
09-06-2008, 23:12
I'm almost out of silly rhymes, but this one just popped into my head. It's another one my dear ol' mam used to say, but it's probably quite well known.

Whether the weather be hot,
Or whether the weather be cold,
We'll weather the weather,
Whatever the weather,
Whether the weather or not.

just found this version

Whether the weather be fine, or whether the weather be not
Whether the weather be cold, or whether the weather be hot
We'll weather the weather, whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.

Steptoad
10-06-2008, 00:33
That last line makes better sense than the one on my post.

Joto
10-06-2008, 01:01
when I was about 5yrs old I got up on a stage and sung this

I had a little nut-tree, nothing would it bear
But a silver nutmeg and a golden pear;
The King of Spain's daughter came to visit me,
And all was because of my little nut-tree.
I skipped over water, I danced over sea,
And all the little birds in the air couldn't catch me.

Did grandma ever tell me off, she didn't know where I was till I was on stage, I won a packet of friut gums though :D

jennyren
10-06-2008, 01:23
brilliant /just luv it /xxxxxx

DUFFEMS
10-06-2008, 08:44
Round legs to Wadsley went to see why his legs were bent,
Round legs to Wadsley went, fol de rol day.
Round legs fell o'er a wall an' lerr all 'is currant cakes fall,
Round legs to Wadsley went, fol de rol day.
Round legs knocked ont' dooer and said is there any deead fooalks live here,
Round legs to Wadsley went, fol de rol day.

My grandfather taught me this rhyme which apparently was about a "bandy legged" body collector/funeral person who lived in the Wadsley area. His currant cakes were the usual funeral food.

Another one was:
Wheeas, that bin lad,
Selling Specials,
Who fo,
Mi uncle Dick,
What's 'e gen thi,
Only a'penny,
Skinny owd pig, 'e owt to dee!

The "Specials" were a local Sheffield newspaper,so there you have a piece of local history too!

Joto
10-06-2008, 14:16
Thanks jennyren :blush: and thank you duffems for something a little different :P

DUFFEMS
10-06-2008, 16:18
Do you remember:
"The big ship sailed through the alley alley oh" (no idea how to spell it!). We sang this in the school playground whilst going round in a circle then threading under someone's arm.

"Ally ally aster, rain rain faster" was another rhyme.

Joto
10-06-2008, 17:38
Yes I do remember those, but I'm afraid like you I don't remember the rest, anybody else know the rest ?

DUFFEMS
10-06-2008, 17:45
Dip dip dip, my blue ship,
Sailing on the water,
Like a cup and saucer,
Dip dip dip!

Ickle ockle chocolate bottle,
Ickle ockle out,
If you want a chocolate bottle,
Please call out.

These were common "picking" rhymes i.e. when you were picking teams for rounders etc. which, on our road meant about 12 in each team as everyone had to be included, whatever age they were.

Steptoad
10-06-2008, 21:10
There were a whole lot of clapping rhymes that the girls used to chant as they executed intricate series' of claps.
They often seemed to be about sailors going to sea, sea, sea, or mothers send their daughters out to the shop.