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How to give a cat a pill...
1
pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm ,
place right forefinger and thumb on either side of its mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding the pill in the right hand , as cat opens its mouth pop pill into mouth allow cat to close mouth and it swallows .
2
retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa ,
cradle cat in left arm and repeat process
3
retrieve cat from bedroom , and throw soggy pill away
4
get a new pill , hold cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with your left hand , force open jaws and push pill down its mouth with your right forefinger hold mouth shut and count to 10
5
retrieve pill from gold fish bowl and cat from top of the wardrobe call the missus from the garden to help
6
kneel on the floor with the cat firmly wedged between
your knees , hold front and rear paws and ignore low
growls emitted by the cat , get the wife to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth drop pill downruler and rub cats throat vigorously .
7
retrieve cat from curtain rail get another pill , make note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from the hearth and set aside for glueing later .
8
wrap cat in large towel get the wife to lie on it with its
head just visible below armpit , put pill in the end of a drinking strawforce open mouth with a pen and blow down the straw .
9
check lable and make sure pill is not harmfull to humans
drink a bottle of beer to take away the taste from your mouth , apply band-aid to wifes arm and remove blood from carpet using sope and water
10
retrieve cat from next doors shed get another pill and another beer place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave the head showing , force open cats mouth with a spoon shoot pill down its mouth with a rubber band
11
get a screwdriver form workshop and put cupboard doors back on hinges , drink the beer and get some scotch
apply cold compress to cheek and check records for your last tetanus jab , apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect, throw ripped t-shirt away and get a new one from the bedroom.
12
call the fire station to retrieve cat from next doors tree, apologise to neighbour who crashed into thre fence while trying to avoid the cat, have another whisky
13
tie the front paws to the back paws with garden twine and bind tightly to the leg of the dining table, get a pair of heavy duty garden gloves push pill into mouth followed by a piece of meat , be rough about it, hold head and pour down a pint of water down its throat to wash pill down
14
grab the rest of the whisky and get your wife to drive you down to emergency sit down quietly while the doctor stiches your finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye, stop by the furniture shop on the way home and buy a new table .
Last edited by DaBouncer : 28-08-2003 at 05:34 PM.
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easy crush it up and put it in the cats food
just joking...i say crush the pill up and add it to its food blindfolded in a towel
