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23-03-2004, 15:10   #1
wibbles
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Made me chuckle

>>Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
>>
>>Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day resting. He
>>enquired of god,"Where have you been?" God pointed downwards through the
>>clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made" said God. Archangel Michael
>>looked puzzled and said,
>>
>>"What is it?" "Its a planet," replied God, " and I've put LIFE on it. I'm
>>going to call it Earth and its going to be a great place of balance."
>>"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down to
>>different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of
>>great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the
>>Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot.
>>Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a
>>continent of black people." God continued, pointing to the different
>>countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be
>>very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then
>>pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?" "Ah," said God.
>>"That's Yorkshire, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful
>>people, seven great cities, and many impressive towns, it is the home of the
>>world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and
>>politicians. The people from Yorkshire are going to be modest, intelligent
>>and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be
>>extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known
>>throughout the world as speakers of truth." Michael gasped in wonder and
>>admiration but then proclaimed,"What about balance God, you said there will
>>be BALANCE!"
>>
>>God _replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the wan****s I'm putting next
>>to them in Lancashire."
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23-03-2004, 17:30   #2
hudu
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Another Yorkshire Joke!

An American tourist comes to England to visit. He tours around the major cities and, being a great lover of cathedrals and churches, he visits many - starting in St. Pauls Cathedral in London.

Whilst in there he is admiring the great architecture and amazing fittings when he notices a golden telephone behind the alter!
He asks some-one what the golden phone is...and gets the answer "thats a direct line to God! But it costs 50 million British pounds to use it !"
Amazed, he snaps some photos, and moves on for his next visit.

In Lincoln Cathedral he is again loooking around at the majesty of the interior, when he sees another golden telephone behind the alter. Again, he asks someone what it is...."a direct line to God mate! But its 50 million British Pounds to use it!"
Again, amazed, he snaps some photos, and moves on for his next visit.

He visits great cathedrals and churches the length and breadth of
Britain - Manchester, Glasgow, Bristol etc etc....and all have these golden phones behind the alter - 50million pounds a call.

Finally he arrives in Yorkshire and calls in Sheffield Cathedral. He is taking photos and taking it all in when he notices that there is a sign next to the golden phone which reads, "All calls 10pence".

Aghast, he asks the Vicar about it, "I have seen these golden phones in all the places I have visited, but they are 50million to call God...how come this one has that sign on it?"

The Vicar replies "This is Yorkshire my friend...its a local call from here!"
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24-03-2004, 22:50   #3
wendy
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Absolutely brilliant both of them.
_______
If you have a negative outlook on everything you won't be disappointed - cheer up it could be worse!
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27-03-2004, 14:46   #4
slimsid2000
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Quote:
Originally posted by hudu
Another Yorkshire Joke!

An American tourist comes to England to visit. He tours around the major cities and, being a great lover of cathedrals and churches, he visits many - starting in St. Pauls Cathedral in London.

Whilst in there he is admiring the great architecture and amazing fittings when he notices a golden telephone behind the alter!
He asks some-one what the golden phone is...and gets the answer "thats a direct line to God! But it costs 50 million British pounds to use it !"
Amazed, he snaps some photos, and moves on for his next visit.

In Lincoln Cathedral he is again loooking around at the majesty of the interior, when he sees another golden telephone behind the alter. Again, he asks someone what it is...."a direct line to God mate! But its 50 million British Pounds to use it!"
Again, amazed, he snaps some photos, and moves on for his next visit.

He visits great cathedrals and churches the length and breadth of
Britain - Manchester, Glasgow, Bristol etc etc....and all have these golden phones behind the alter - 50million pounds a call.

Finally he arrives in Yorkshire and calls in Sheffield Cathedral. He is taking photos and taking it all in when he notices that there is a sign next to the golden phone which reads, "All calls 10pence".

Aghast, he asks the Vicar about it, "I have seen these golden phones in all the places I have visited, but they are 50million to call God...how come this one has that sign on it?"

The Vicar replies "This is Yorkshire my friend...its a local call from here!"
10p a call! Not many Yorkshiremen will pay that sort of money.

(Sorry, only joking)
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29-03-2004, 11:06   #5
BrainThrust
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The eternal saying:

You can always tell a yorkshireman, but you can't tell him much!

Wilf
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