Friend with depression

MrFloppy · 12-10-2011, 13:00

Ive got this friend who has had a really hard time recently. So much so that hes hit a sort of dip in his life and is now being looked after by the GP. Hes also getting some councilling for his problems but that dosent start for another week or so.
Anyhow, hes off work with it and has sent in his sick notes to his employer but the other day he got a phone call from them asking if he could go in.
He cant because most of his day is spent sleeping due to the meds from the doc but work are insisting.
His partner put her foot down and said he cant come in for now so they have decided they are going to visit him at home.
His partner said that this isnt a good idea (hes in a real mess at the moment and needs no more stress) but work have insited.
So they are coming round to see him at home dispite his oh telling them they shouldnt. Now thequestion is
Can they do this?
Can they just turn up and demand to see him?
Can he refuse to see them?
Its causing him a lot of addes stress at the moment so any advice would be great.
Ta

xfox3x · 12-10-2011, 13:23

I had sort of the same problem when I had a breakdown 20 years ago...work were phoning me up to (as they put it) 'get the details from the horse's mouth'.
It really made me feel worse and my friend contacted my GP who phoned my employer (NHS) and told them to liaise with HIM if they wanted any more info and that he would personally see to it that anyone who harrassed me would be out searching for another job by the time he'd finished with them.
I have a friend who is currently undergoing intensive treatment for cancer of the breast, lung and brain and our managers (NHS again) are constantly contacting her to arrange meetings and pestering for a return to work date!
It's absolutely disgusting....get in touch with his GP/Consultant and ask for their help and I hope he comes out the other side stronger.

MrFloppy · 12-10-2011, 13:27

Thanks, ill pass that on.
The really crap thing is he is desperate to get back to work but all this is making it a lot harder.
Today for example he (again) got 2 letters from work.
One was recored delivery and the other wasnt. Both identical and both saying hes been a bad boy for not sending in his sick note.
Which he did and they HAVE recieved

xfox3x · 12-10-2011, 13:53

If only people who are determined never to work were pursued with as much enthusiasm .....

heavenlyarts · 12-10-2011, 14:11

I would recomend a gentle letter to the employer reminding them that depression is a recognised illness and discrimination againt him is an offence.

And pointing out his eagerness to return once well enough to.

heavenlyarts · 12-10-2011, 14:18

BTW.... it's discriminatory because if your friend had broken both legs and could not walk they would not be hassling him.

curriechick · 12-10-2011, 15:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by heavenlyarts

I would recomend a gentle letter to the employer reminding them that depression is a recognised illness and discrimination againt him is an offence.

And pointing out his eagerness to return once well enough to.

I agree with this, and perhaps enclose a leaflet relating to depression and mental illness, it is disgusting that he is being teated this way. I wish him well with this problem and also hope he feels better soon.

stateless · 12-10-2011, 15:46

I think this is out of order. When a person is mentally very fragile the last thing they need is for their employer to seemingly disbelieve them, and worse still demand to visit the house to check things out. I know they're concerned about their bottom line, but genuine health concerns should trump that!

rickiethecat · 12-10-2011, 16:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by heavenlyarts

I would recomend a gentle letter to the employer reminding them that depression is a recognised illness and discrimination againt him is an offence.

And pointing out his eagerness to return once well enough to.

How are they discriminating against him? At any company where someone is off sick long term the employer has every right to send someone round to see them.
While he's not at work the workload must be increasing for his colleagues so it's perfectly reasonable for them to get some indication of when your friend is likely to return to work.

TheTwirler · 12-10-2011, 16:22

The employer has a duty of care and they should be seen to be visiting the employee if they won't go in. They need to be able to understand how the employee is now, if there is anything the business can do to help, what adjustments may need to be made when the employee comes back to work, when this may be, etc.

They will - depending on the company size - also need to arrange for someone to be brought in to cover the workload for the duration of the illness.

If they have the best of intentions the employee should be made to feel at ease and it should be explained exactly why this visit is taking place.

If the employee feels this is not how it seems to be, they should get in touch with their local Union Rep or HR contact.

curriechick · 12-10-2011, 16:28

If a person has sent in the required notes from his doctor then these should be adequate proof of his illness, or does his employer feel he is more medically qualified?

TheTwirler · 12-10-2011, 16:34

The business needs to know from the employee exactly whats up with them. You cannot get onto a 'fit note' what the symptoms are, how the employee is affected in their day to day life, whether this illness is likely to get worse/better and whether the period of absence is likely to be extended.

If the GP has written a sicknote and the employee has been referred onto a specialist at the Hospital, the GP won't be in a position to say what is up or how long it will likely last, are they?

iansheff · 12-10-2011, 16:55

If they are in a union contact them, they should take it up it is harassment.

TheTwirler · 12-10-2011, 16:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by iansheff

If they are in a union contact them, they should take it up it is harassment.

How so? I've been on the end of Harrassment whilst off sick before and believe me, this isn't it.

Grandad.Malky · 12-10-2011, 17:09

Why do people automatically assume the employer is up to no good?

MrFloppy · 12-10-2011, 19:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandad.Malky

Why do people automatically assume the employer is up to no good?

Well his missus told them that he would be in no condition to have visitors.
Hes on some pretty strong stuff and is asleep for large parts of the day.
The manager insisted they visit and thats obviously caused the poor bugger even more anxiety. If they were really concerned about his well being then surely they would have taken the doctors note and the oh's comments into account.?

TheTwirler · 12-10-2011, 19:22

Then they would need to visit at some point when he is awake. Or conduct a telephone meeting. Either way, the employer cannot carry out its duty of care with someone who is unwilling to speak with them.

If this persons depression anything work related?

MrFloppy · 12-10-2011, 20:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheTwirler

Then they would need to visit at some point when he is awake. Or conduct a telephone meeting. Either way, the employer cannot carry out its duty of care with someone who is unwilling to speak with them.

If this persons depression anything work related?

Sorry i dont know te ins and outs of it so i wouldnt like to say, i think work has hadan impact on things but he has an awful lot to contend with in his life at the moment.
I will just point out though hes not unwilling to talk to his employer, his employer is (in my opinion) making thingsworse by not taking his and his doctors and his oh's word for it.
Its a job thats reasonably unskilled and he does 23 hours a week so its not as though the company will go bust for him not being there for a few weeks.
Thats how short a period it could be, however having spoke to him today and having read the tone of the letter from his employer im not so sure a few weeks will cut it.

ANGELFIRE1 · 12-10-2011, 20:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrFloppy

Ive got this friend who has had a really hard time recently. So much so that hes hit a sort of dip in his life and is now being looked after by the GP. Hes also getting some councilling for his problems but that dosent start for another week or so.
Anyhow, hes off work with it and has sent in his sick notes to his employer but the other day he got a phone call from them asking if he could go in.
He cant because most of his day is spent sleeping due to the meds from the doc but work are insisting.
His partner put her foot down and said he cant come in for now so they have decided they are going to visit him at home.
His partner said that this isnt a good idea (hes in a real mess at the moment and needs no more stress) but work have insited.
So they are coming round to see him at home dispite his oh telling them they shouldnt. Now thequestion is
Can they do this?
Can they just turn up and demand to see him?
Can he refuse to see them?
Its causing him a lot of addes stress at the moment so any advice would be great.
Ta

Aye, of course they can just turn up and demand to see him - just has you have the ultimate right to refuse them entry to your property.

Can he refuse to see them, of course he can.

Maybe his company will not look kindly on his refusal to see them, and proceed to dismiss him using some piece of obscure litigation.

I have had this malady, it's not very pleasant, I wish him well.

Regards

Angel.

MrFloppy · 12-10-2011, 20:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by ANGELFIRE1

Aye, of course they can just turn up and demand to see him - just has you have the ultimate right to refuse them entry to your property.

Can he refuse to see them, of course he can.

Maybe his company will not look kindly on his refusal to see them, and proceed to dismiss him using some piece of obscure litigation.

I have had this malady, it's not very pleasant, I wish him well.

Regards

Angel.

Thanks mate, ill pass that on.
Thanks also to everyone whos given advice or an opinion. Im sure hell read this at some point and get a bit of strength from whats been said.
If you do read this Des then i think your missus is hot but please ask her to stop flirting with me. Its getting difficult to say no