Friendships & Relationships

Speed Demon · 22-03-2011, 23:31

how on earth does one find them and keep them,

was wondering as i am a 31 year old bloke who is the prime example of being in the wrong places at the wrong time and having zero luck with everything

have clearly put off people on here and nobody wants to know, so no matter how much i want to have something for me that is special, it will never happen in a month of sundays

Panther Rose · 23-03-2011, 06:26

What makes you think that you have put people off?

puddinburner · 23-03-2011, 06:35

Awwwww treat others the way you would like to be treated and just be yourself? True friends will want to know you for who you are naturally. Go places to meet new people have patience, work on yourself first and others will start to like who you are? Does this make sense? Join facebook lol xxx

Karis · 23-03-2011, 07:45

Well it starts with an attitude change. While positivity comes a close second to luck in the meeting people game, a good positive attitude can work wonders for meeting new people.

People aren't generally attracted to people who are constantly negative or feel sorry for themselves. If your new (or old) friends and relationships aren't working out for you then back off; don't try so hard. Make a tactical retreat and hang fire until you're in a better place.

But keep trying, yet don't place all your emotional worth in one place. Your happiness is not determined by your friends and lovers; that comes from within you

As you get older, making friends gets harder, but it is possible, just be open to meeting new people and start conversations up everywhere.

Good luck!

Mecky · 23-03-2011, 07:51

I don't have any friends TBH. I think if most people actually understood what a friend is, they'd probably find out that they didn't have any friends too.

sTaGeWaLkEr · 23-03-2011, 08:11

Jason,

With regard to relationships it's important in life to say what you want, do what you want and be what you want, because someday, someone will come along who likes what you say, likes what you do and likes who you are.

In essence, be yourself. If people don't like it, then they're not for you. This applies as much to friendships as it does relationships.

As for you, Mecky. In my opinion, you're missing out on something wonderful. True friendship is the game you lose out on if you refuse to play. Just my thoughts. x

Lucifer · 23-03-2011, 08:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by JASON WILLEY

how on earth does one find them and keep them,

was wondering as i am a 31 year old bloke who is the prime example of being in the wrong places at the wrong time and having zero luck with everything

have clearly put off people on here and nobody wants to know, so no matter how much i want to have something for me that is special, it will never happen in a month of sundays

Thats what I like, confidence

foxforcefive · 23-03-2011, 09:07

You could go on searching for 'the one' and be miserable in doing so, letting your life pass you by.

or

You could 'cop off' with just anyone to save you being alone, and be miserable until you split, then repeat these 2 steps continuously throughout life.

or

You could go through life doing the things that you like to do, that make you happy, that make being single seem quite great actually.

then

You just might be lucky enough to meet a wonderful person who makes your life even better than you thought it could be.

Chris_Sleeps · 23-03-2011, 09:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxforcefive

then ... You just might be lucky enough to meet a wonderful person who makes your life even better

Or he could order one from Thailand.

Badlittlepup · 23-03-2011, 09:32

A lot of it is purely luck. But what I would say is that if you take an attitude of actively looking and wanting to find someone it does put people off, seeming overkeen.

Whereas if you just stop worrying about it and enjoy your life for what it is, go out with your friends, have interests etc, etc then often someone will find you when you're not looking.

Speed Demon · 23-03-2011, 09:56

well, i guess it can be overpowering to be keen or interested, but would rather be like that than ignorant or not bothered

but then again it has got me nowhere, so may as well show no interest and be ignorant and i may get some things

i cant change my basic nature nobody can, but suppose i can change the way i am looked at and the impression i give off, afterall, dont want people being close to me out of pitty as that is wrong, would like honesty and respect and that is what i will give them

Jellychristi · 23-03-2011, 10:52

Friendships & Relationships are going in one track.They both are depend on two things Trust and Understanding.There are no things to compare both.Its on human nature on what basis it will accept.Thanks

zippyzag1 · 23-03-2011, 17:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by sTaGeWaLkEr

Jason,

With regard to relationships it's important in life to say what you want, do what you want and be what you want, because someday, someone will come along who likes what you say, likes what you do and likes who you are.

In essence, be yourself. If people don't like it, then they're not for you. This applies as much to friendships as it does relationships.

As for you, Mecky. In my opinion, you're missing out on something wonderful. True friendship is the game you lose out on if you refuse to play. Just my thoughts. x

Well said Stagewalker!

This would also be my advice to you Jason.
You need to know exactly what you want, then go out there and get it!

Speed Demon · 23-03-2011, 18:47

it is easier said than done, think i am forever doomed now

it is funny though aint it, that those who go out of their way to be wierd, nasty and abusive seem to get it all yet normal folk who have made mistakes and are not perfect but decent human beings get nothing

anyway, i bet those who have it all do not have to worry about social isolation, personal issues and no way forward

Flowersfade · 23-03-2011, 19:49

1.Stop feeling sorry for yourself
2.Get a hobby and join a group eg a book group or a gym class
3.Don't be shy
4.Life is to be lived and enjoyed it's too precious to waste being a miser.
5.Build up your self esteem.

Flowersfade · 23-03-2011, 19:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mecky

I don't have any friends TBH. I think if most people actually understood what a friend is, they'd probably find out that they didn't have any friends too.

That explains so much.Get some friends you will be happier all around.

RootsBooster · 23-03-2011, 20:17

I have 3 great friends who are like brothers to me. We meet up once in a while and have a few drinks, we go camping in a farmer's field in the summer, we help each other out occasionally with DIY or other projects. I'm now 31 and have known them since I was 18, I can honestly say they are the best friends I have ever known.

I think the key lies in that we don't see each other very often, I have other friends that I see more frequently and so do they, but the other friends are nowhere near the same level as these three. We get to meet up about once every couple of months and have a great time, I would trust them with my life.

Speed Demon · 23-03-2011, 20:27

thats the thing, i have met my fair share of people some off here, and can say that i would want to trust anyone but to actually say yes here you go, then no because these people would be best of friends to ya face but would be happy to stab ya in the back afterwards

i want to say i lead a pretty sad existence at the mo, some things out of choice and some mistakes i am not proud of, that is the way it is and wish i was a different person

i like to let off some steam every now and then and this is not the right place to air them, i am feeling sorry for myself and the life i have

i have had good people in my life, people who i wish was still in it, but things happen and that is that

charlie9865 · 26-01-2012, 12:39

I can count my closest and longest term friends on one hand, I wouldn't be able to with acquaintances.

I have my long term friends who are:

Kirsty best friend from being small

we are still friends 18 yr later and still very close.
We spend a lot of time together, I just recently last weekend took her to London for weekend. I paid for it as she is the only person I know who does not moan about her life.
She does not moan she is going blind, she does not moan about working long hours at argos to support her 2 kids.
She never moans she has never ever been on a holiday or that she can't get the latest phone out.

She is always there for me when I need someone, we can have times where we don't see each other for months. Due to family things ect, but we can always pick up where we left off like we never was apart.

And then the others are Tania, friends for 10 yr and friend I lived with. And Kimberly who has been my friend for 7 year ish.
I did not like Kimberly when I first met her, heard some stories and came to assumptions based on idol gossip.

OK she has history but she is not no where as bad as some bad minded friends I have had. She is always there for me same with Tania, anyway my point is.
You could have a million acquaintances but only a few true friends.
I think people use the word friend to freely and they become too close to people before they actually get to know them.

And when they finally do get to know person they decide they don't like them. Or that they ain't what they thought and the friends fall out.
If people took time to get to know people and being a bit more careful who they welcome in to their lives.

They will get hurt I love my close friends and would do anything for them. I to have been hurt by foolisly letting people in. And when they showed their true colours I got hurt, but I was too keen to let people in to my life and label them friends.

Now I am much more clear on who stands where in my life and only help those close to me. I would defend them with my life to, cos they all mean the world to me.
That bought me down in life

Frank Sidney · 26-01-2012, 14:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by JASON WILLEY

how on earth does one find them and keep them,

was wondering as i am a 31 year old bloke who is the prime example of being in the wrong places at the wrong time and having zero luck with everything

have clearly put off people on here and nobody wants to know, so no matter how much i want to have something for me that is special, it will never happen in a month of sundays

Blimey, 31 and passed it you must be joking... I had my most "successful" for want of a better word, year when I was 43...

You may be coming across as too eager...Its best to treat new women as friends first and then see how it goes, there's less pressure on both parties then..Its always works for me...