[six45ive]

Do you ever self deprecate and if so in what circumstances and for what reasons?
I ask because in the school where I work we try and get students to not take things so seriously (such as name calling), making the point that if you either;
1/Don't respond to name calling and ignore the perpetrator and it will stop, which it always does although the length of time it takes for this to happen varies but eventually the perpetrator gets bored and moves onto another 'victim'.
2/Agree with the name calling of the perpetrator which instantly gives the 'victim' huge credence amongst his or her classmates as they're seen as a person who can take a joke and not take themselves too seriously.

The second approach tends to be pretty rare and is usually only used by older kids who feel confident and secure in their relationships with their peers.

What approach did you use at school to name calling and non physical bullying?

[spooky3]

Basically 1 is generally the preferred method, but unless there is some form of control, release, escape or diversion, then it can just reinforce the bully and allow it to get worse if not actually escalating the situation to something more than it would have been.

I prefer the 2nd method, as I call it, deflecting or the "and" method, but you have to be careful not to either draw more grief because your reinforcing the joke and probably giving them more ammunition, or end up verbally fighting back because you've entered into discourse and lost the focus and been drawn into the quagmire, where you may overstep the mark also.

There is the third option of deferring to an arbitrator (single or group). If it's just an authority figure this brings with it things like "grass", "snitch", etc... But if there is a group of people the same age then discussion can be used to compare and discuss, an arbitrator can be used in a chairman role.

A lot of bullies use lies to wind up and aggravate a response and don't care what your initial response defence is, so you need to use the broken record technique and stick to your guns.

[six45ive]

Originally Posted by spooky3

Basically 1 is generally the preferred method, but unless there is some form of control, release, escape or diversion, then it can just reinforce the bully and allow it to get worse if not actually escalating the situation to something more than it would have been.

Yes.....because the bully is not getting his/her 'fix' of a response from the 'victim' and may then respond in a more physical way, this brings the situation to a head usually pretty quickly enabling intervention to take place to find out what the problem really is and deal with it in a no nonsense way.

Originally Posted by spooky3

I prefer the 2nd method, as I call it, deflecting or the "and" method, but you have to be careful not to either draw more grief because your reinforcing the joke and probably giving them more ammunition, or end up verbally fighting back because you've entered into discourse and lost the focus and been drawn into the quagmire, where you may overstep the mark also.

Agreed again.....this is why the student has to be very confident and self assured.
It brings to mind an incident I observed while going between classrooms regarding a very large, very black and extremely effeminate student (who I shall call '?' for obvious reasons on a public forum) who gets a lot of stick on a regular basis.
'?' was entering the boys toilets when a couple of younger students shouted out; 'don't go in there, *derogatory name's* going in there. You might get b***ed.'
'?' heard this and quickly responded by shouting back, 'don't worry I wouldn't touch him with your c**k never mind my own' to howls of laughter from the other students and a metaphorical thumbs up from various members of staff resulting in the two younger kids quickly scurrying away to lessons and '?' having a huge ego boost from the approach that he took.

Originally Posted by spooky3

There is the third option of deferring to an arbitrator (single or group). If it's just an authority figure this brings with it things like "grass", "snitch", etc... But if there is a group of people the same age then discussion can be used to compare and discuss, an arbitrator can be used in a chairman role.

Yes.....that's always a final option.

Originally Posted by spooky3

A lot of bullies use lies to wind up and aggravate a response and don't care what your initial response defence is, so you need to use the broken record technique and stick to your guns.

[spooky3]

I used to have a Garfield and Odie mug as a child, it said "Keep smiling, make people wonder what your thinking"...

[Alcoblog]

I always self defacate!
More people required to join the 'reading things wrongly' club

[spooky3]

Originally Posted by Alcoblog

I always self defacate!
More people required to join the 'reading things wrongly' club

Those are some of the one's I don't post, it's the kid in me. I do enjoy reading them though! Makes me feel less alone in my abstract thinking...

[six45ive]

Originally Posted by spooky3

I used to have a Garfield and Odie mug as a child, it said "Keep smiling, make people wonder what your thinking"...

Yes, that's a very good motto. The silent treatment with a big wide smile does so much harm to the bully's self esteem. A bit like this.

[Alcoblog]

Originally Posted by spooky3

Those are some of the one's I don't post, it's the kid in me. I do enjoy reading them though! Makes me feel less alone in my abstract thinking...

Keep going spooky! ... when you get up to the same number of posts as me (compared to you) you learn what you can get away with!

[chimay]

I used to use the second method quite often. My maiden name used to leave me wide open to name calling. When someone tried to call me names I used to affect a bored tone and say 'tell me one I haven't heard'. A couple of my mates would start giggling, then we'd run for it.

[Isabelle]

Originally Posted by six45ive

Yes, that's a very good motto. The silent treatment with a big wide smile does so much harm to the bully's self esteem. A bit like this.

Sometimes smiling or being nice works, it confuses bullies and makes it harder for them to be nasty to you.
I remember when I was in the last year at school, I noticed one girl giving me nasty looks and obviously talking about me. Later I did her a small favour (I'm not sure why, I just thought there's no point being nasty back) and she seemed surprised, I saw her one day in town and she smiled and said hello.

[six45ive]

Originally Posted by Isabelle

Sometimes smiling or being nice works, it confuses bullies and makes it harder for them to be nasty to you.
I remember when I was in the last year at school, I noticed one girl giving me nasty looks and obviously talking about me. Later I did her a small favour (I'm not sure why, I just thought there's no point being nasty back) and she seemed surprised, I saw her one day in town and she smiled and said hello.

Yes, quite often it comes from the standpoint of the name caller feeling unworthy of the 'victim's' attention so when the 'victim' does something nice towards the insecure bully then it often brings a quick change of attitude.

[spooky3]

six45ive, is this the taught way to deal with stupid bullies. Is it the commonly accepted method favoured by the learned community?

[six45ive]

Originally Posted by spooky3

six45ive, is this the taught way to deal with stupid bullies. Is it the commonly accepted method favoured by the learned community?

It's more a case of learning by example spooky.
It's a multi faceted approach that has the building of the 'victim's' self esteem at it's foundation.

*I put the word victim in speech marks because I'm talking about both the bully and the bullied.

[spooky3]

Is it better to rationalise with them or to just simply lambaste them?

[six45ive]

Originally Posted by spooky3

Is it better to rationalise with them or to just simply lambaste them?

It depends what the situation is but I would suggest that lambasting them with rationality might be a good approach.

[spooky3]

So reasoning is the way forward... cool!

[cressida]

Do what Roy Keane did when he was being heckled - blow kisses at them