Compulsive Lying - Help!

Avalon · 01-09-2005, 10:03

Guys and Gals

I have problem. I actually have many problems, but i wish to discuss just one of them today.

I have met a very nice young man recently, whom i fancy, and would love to go out with, he says he feels the same about me, however there are some issues:

> He has a girlfriend!
> He claims he is Bi-Sexual
> He seems to lie a lot

This last point is where i need the help. He has told me some stories i just cant belive, maybee there is some element of truth in there but i doubt it. Fine, people tell wild stories, but the main thing i have a problem with is as follows:

He is utterly convinced that when he talked to my dad the other day, my dad suggested to him that we (myslef and this chap) were an item. I know this to be totaly FALSE and made up, but he is sticking to his guns and is even prepared to go and see my dad and call him a liar to his face. I have looked at Compulsive Lying Disorder and it seems to fit with the characteristics this chap is displaying. What do i do, becuase i really like him!

Heylp! Heylp!

muddycoffee · 01-09-2005, 10:24

Compulsive Liars, in my experience, are false, charming and entertaining on the surface, but they have an iron clad persona, and terrible self esteem deep inside.

By all means keep in contact with this person, but observe him for a few months and watch how he makes mistakes with other people and see the trouble he will cause. The potential trouble will your dad is just a warning to you, a similar thing will happen with any family and friends which come into contact with this guy.

People like this always look good but finish up wrecking things, don't go with the *******, pay more attention to the hundreds of quieter nice Men who are all around, and take a little longer to get your attention.

samc · 01-09-2005, 10:25

Avalon

Is he cross because your father thinks you are couple? Or is he happy to let people think you are couple and having a go at you because you are disputing it?

Does he fancy you?

If he does is he going to finish with his girlfriend?

Complusive liars are attention seeking by nature. they can often be very charming and persuasive. That's why they are good at lying. He may not mean any harm just doesn't know when to stop lying.

This can cause horrid problems in relationships so I think would think carefully about getting involved romantically with a complusive liar.

Have you known him long? Could you just be friends with him for a while and see how it goes?

40summat · 01-09-2005, 10:33

From what you say Avalon it sounds like a whole lot of grief to me,
Firstly he has a girlfriend, now you didn't say if he is planning to stay with her or not but the fact that he is seeing you and her perhaps says a lot about how he can treat people.
His sexuality i would'nt treat as an issue so long as he is not being promiscuous, and you 'play safe'.
However with his compulsive fibs why go through all that, not knowing how much of a conversation is truth ?
It could be he is inexperienced and not confident with himself and trying too hard to impress in which case that can be overcome and sorted but if he is just a liar for the sake of it i can see nothing but heart ache and strife.
Good luck though

Swan_Vesta · 01-09-2005, 10:40

Some people just feel compulsion to lie as their lifes are so devoid of interest that it seems a good way to get attention from other people. A guy I know has a really dull and uninteresting life and has been know to consistently tell some absolute whoppers, after a while it gets so he believed them and to him these were actual fact irrefutable even by reality.

Very sad that someone feels the need to bullsh*t about things to impress others but ultimately the really big spottable lies make you wonder what else they've lied about.

If it were me Avalon then I'd not enter into a relationship with him but it depends whether you can reconcile the obvious flaws with his better parts. Best of luck

miniminch · 01-09-2005, 10:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Avalon
Guys and Gals

I have problem. I actually have many problems, but i wish to discuss just one of them today.

I have met a very nice young man recently, whom i fancy, and would love to go out with, he says he feels the same about me, however there are some issues:

> He has a girlfriend!
> He claims he is Bi-Sexual
> He seems to lie a lot

This last point is where i need the help. He has told me some stories i just cant belive, maybee there is some element of truth in there but i doubt it. Fine, people tell wild stories, but the main thing i have a problem with is as follows:

He is utterly convinced that when he talked to my dad the other day, my dad suggested to him that we (myslef and this chap) were an item. I know this to be totaly FALSE and made up, but he is sticking to his guns and is even prepared to go and see my dad and call him a liar to his face. I have looked at Compulsive Lying Disorder and it seems to fit with the characteristics this chap is displaying. What do i do, becuase i really like him!

Heylp! Heylp!

I don't believe you!

wendygs · 01-09-2005, 10:49

Everything about the situation you've outlined spells two words to me: PROBLEM and TROUBLE. The name for this type of character is Walter Mitty, I think based on a film character in the Fifties who was always doing this sort of thing.

If, as you say he has compulsive liar disorder you will NEVER know when he is telling the truth and he will ALWAYS lie, hardly a sound basis for a relationship. He has a girlfriend who he will pack up for you. That would worry me because I'd think he'd do the same to me in 6 months or so.

If that doesnt do it for you then find out all you can about him and see what other people have got to say? What about his family and friends? Where does he work and what have his workmates got to say about him? What pubs does he go to and what are the regulars saying. What interests has he got? Football, cricket, darts whatever, how involved is in these activities and what do these people have to say? Look for the inconsistencies because they will be there

Personally I wouldnt waste my time, I'd happily turn my back, walk the other way and not look back without compunction. Life has enough problems without looking for them. Hope that helps and sorry if this isnt what you wanted to hear

Dicko · 01-09-2005, 10:50

Bin him!

It will all end in tears!

melbournian · 01-09-2005, 10:51

Quote:

Originally posted by Avalon
Guys and Gals

I have problem. I actually have many problems, but i wish to discuss just one of them today.

I have met a very nice young man recently, whom i fancy, and would love to go out with, he says he feels the same about me, however there are some issues:

> He has a girlfriend!
> He claims he is Bi-Sexual
> He seems to lie a lot

This last point is where i need the help. He has told me some stories i just cant belive, maybee there is some element of truth in there but i doubt it. Fine, people tell wild stories, but the main thing i have a problem with is as follows:

He is utterly convinced that when he talked to my dad the other day, my dad suggested to him that we (myslef and this chap) were an item. I know this to be totaly FALSE and made up, but he is sticking to his guns and is even prepared to go and see my dad and call him a liar to his face. I have looked at Compulsive Lying Disorder and it seems to fit with the characteristics this chap is displaying. What do i do, becuase i really like him!

Heylp! Heylp!

He must be very good looking if you fancy him because anyone who was prepared to go and call my dad a liar to his face I would stay well away from.

He sounds like he needs to grow up.

raskel · 01-09-2005, 11:25

Hi i used to go out with a guy, who lied alot, but i stood by him, cos i felt a great deal for him. In the end i couldn't take it anymore, cos i didn't know where i stood with him at all. And to be honest i didn't really know him deep down. Everyone knew he lied, even his friends... so it wasn't just to me.

But my advide to you is, by all means be friends, but id never go further than that, becuase the heart ache is to much, cos you don't know whether your coming or going.
Good luck.

Avalon · 01-09-2005, 12:55

Thanks folks...

I think what im going to have to do is see him, and sit down face to face and sort it all out. Yes he says he fancies me (lie?) and that he is unsure of his sexuality (another lie?), he says he may decide to dump his girlfirend to be with me (another lie??)...i just dont know. This all started from two or three little exaggerations, and one big whopping lie, which i saw through straight away. He may not have compulsive liar syndrome, he may just be contunuing the lie so i dont tell him to f*k off.

I do really like the guy, becuase he is fun, funny and whitty, as well as good looking, but am i being blinded by the fact that someone has paid more attention to me than i am used to?

nick2 · 01-09-2005, 12:59

Perhaps the lying is beacuse he feels unsecure and thinks he has to impress you, perhaps when he's in a relationship with yopu he'll stop lying.

Everyone exagerates a bit when they are single, it's all lying but to different degrees.

raskel · 01-09-2005, 13:01

Quote:

Originally posted by nick2
Perhaps the lying is beacuse he feels unsecure and thinks he has to impress you, perhaps when he's in a relationship with yopu he'll stop lying.

Everyone exagerates a bit when they are single, it's all lying but to different degrees.

Thats not what i learnt.... but i suppose everyones situation is different.

Mine is still lying to this day though... the whole issue of a leopard and his spots aye!

Hels · 01-09-2005, 13:33

so his lying is a problem but his girlfiend isn't

Move on and find someone who is going to be good for you not bad for you.

Andy78 · 01-09-2005, 13:52

I've known a lot of compulsive liars in my time. It really is quite off putting, especially when they're generally nice people. I'm not sure that he is doing it just to impress you, more likely he can't help doing it. This means he probably always will, which will become a massive problem.

To echo Hels comments, I think the girlfriend is also a bit of a big deal.

We can't decide for you, but I can say that I wouldn't get involved.

happy · 04-09-2005, 20:39

some men lie for attention, looks like he has it for now.
a liar will get found out eventually, they usually trip over a lie a two!
don't get sucked in too quick because it might take you longer to get out of.

Avalon · 04-09-2005, 20:56

Quote:

Originally posted by happy
some men lie for attention, looks like he has it for now.
a liar will get found out eventually, they usually trip over a lie a two!
don't get sucked in too quick because it might take you longer to get out of.

Very good point mr/mrs Happy! I will bear that in mind!

lizzmobile · 04-09-2005, 21:40

Looks like the Get Rids are winning...

Pseudonym · 04-09-2005, 23:49

A liar and a two-timer... What a catch!

Maybe you should change your bait?

dizzy61 · 07-02-2009, 15:37

compulsive liars can ruin peoples lives as i have just found to my cost...i found out the other day that the relationship i had ...or thought i had ..with the man i loved was all based on lies...his lies...elaborate and stupid lies he said he told to keep me...have now split us up...my life is in tatters but....although our relationship is over i still want to help him....compulsive lieing is a form of ocd or even manic depression...so dont ostrisise these people...help them if you can...its an illness like any other...and it needs treating.