Giving Directions.

Jabberwocky · 09-05-2008, 14:07

I just got back form picking the mini beast up from school and while we were walking home, a neighbour who is into jogging and running stopped me and asked me about Bardon hill.

He wants to work harder in his running and thinks that Bardon hill is great to build his calves, stamina and help him to build more running power.

Trouble is, although hes lived at the foot of Bardon hill all his life, hes never been up there and he sees me heading up there each day so asked me for directions.

So, I told him...

Me: Head through the little gate and up the path until you come to a big silver gate, go through the side gap and along the path until you see a gate on your right- ignore that for now and carry on, ok?

Him: Ok, and...?

Me: Ok, keep going for about a quarter of a mile until you come to a big wide red muddy road, DONT go on that road because its for the quarry traffic, instead look right and youll see a path that runs along the side of the road, take that, ok?

Him: Ok, and...?

Me: Ok, run along that path until you see a big silver gate in the distance, get to that, open it , go through and up the hill, thats when the run should start getting bloody hard, ok?

Him: Ok, and...?

Me: Go to the top of that path and watch out for the cattle grid- keep going until you see the big ariel mast thing and head towards that, ok?

Him: Ok, and...?

Me: Once you get to the top, look right and you`ll see the path curls back and goes to a green gate.. no wait, I think its a silver one, anyway its a gate- go through that and then its a downhill run all the way to the bottom, thats where you`ll see the third gate- the one on your right that I mentioned earlier, ok?

Him: Gate...? Third gate...?

Me: Yes thats right and all you have to do once through that gate is to turn left and follow that path until you end up at the bottom again and where you started off, the first little gate.

Him: So I turn left at the third gate and-

Me: No no no you go STRAIGHT on at the third gate, but when you see the third gate for the second time, you turn left to get back to the bottom of the hill and-

Him : So what about the second gate? IS there a second gate?

Me: Oh... Google it!

Now, I know that taking directions is hard for some people, I mean, my eyes usually glaze over after the second sentance, but if theres a third gate, thres BOUND to be a bloody second gate isnt there?

I... forgot what I was going to rant about now....

BasilRathbon · 09-05-2008, 14:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jabberwocky

Now, I know that taking directions is hard for some people, I mean, my eyes usually glaze over after the second sentance, but if theres a third gate, thres BOUND to be a bloody second gate isnt there?

Not necessarily. There's a Forth Bridge in Scotland but there isn't a Third Bridge, is there?

Jabberwocky · 09-05-2008, 14:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by BasilRathbon

Not necessarily. There's a Forth Bridge in Scotland but there isn't a Third Bridge, is there?

Its like bloody painting the third gate trying to give directions to people!

Tony · 09-05-2008, 14:27

the directions would have been easier he should have started somewhere else.

Further awayfrom Jabbers

Jabberwocky · 09-05-2008, 14:30

I knew Id lost his attention by the second "Ok, and" but I just HAD to keep waffling on didnt I...?

ukstudent · 09-05-2008, 15:35

Oohh I hate giving people direction

Even when I know exactly where the place is I cant seem to explain it very well!

muckynees · 09-05-2008, 15:40

LOL, Jabbers, I hate giving directions because I'm crap at it. I usually realise after they have set off in the direction I sent them that I have given them the wrong directions! I always end up hoping that they don't go round in a circle and see me again to complain

Heyesey · 09-05-2008, 16:13

Well, I've never heard of Bardon Hill, much less gone up it. Still...

"just keep going upwards" would about seem to cover the problem, wouldn't it? It *is* a hill, I presume.

Jabberwocky · 09-05-2008, 17:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heyesey

Well, I've never heard of Bardon Hill, much less gone up it. Still...

"just keep going upwards" would about seem to cover the problem, wouldn't it? It *is* a hill, I presume.

Its as good as any as far as directions go, trouble is, if you take the wrong path or turning youre liable to fall into this.

Youd scrape a shin badly or twist an ankle or something

Mathom · 09-05-2008, 17:37

I wonder if he'd go over the edge and keep running in mid air for a little while before going "aaarrgh!" and falling, like in cartoons?

Jabberwocky · 09-05-2008, 17:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mathom

I wonder if he'd go over the edge and keep running in mid air for a little while before going "aaarrgh!" and falling, like in cartoons?

Im... almost tempted to .... to...

Ill do it, Ill get him to go over and get the cam corder working...

Mathom · 09-05-2008, 17:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jabberwocky

Im... almost tempted to .... to...

Ill do it, Ill get him to go over and get the cam corder working...

Make sure there are an assortment of comedy objects (like a big cactus and some banana skins) to break his descent, so he can bounce off them and go "Ooooh!" and "Ouch!" and "Doh!" before ending in a crumpled heap