Being popular- overrated?

ForlornHope · 04-10-2007, 20:10

How is it most people have friends and others, though apparently popular and according to those that know them are witty or educated or 'good' people, have few or no true friends at all?

No matter what some people do, they seem to forever attract two-faced or duplicitous, uncaring "associates" or have none. I'm of a similar disposition, but luckily am a very strong if deeply cynical and weary individual.

I think society is shallow and vacuous, having friends must suck...

St.B · 04-10-2007, 20:22

Having those kind of friends suck. And the action of acquiring 'people' en mass and appearing to have friends is all-important, instead of actually forming good relationships with people. God forbid you look like some kind of ‘loner’ or something.

But it’s nothing to be concerned with, I think. Being popular has a wealth of drawbacks and problems. This is different, of course, from being well-liked because you’re warm, friendly and make others feel good about themselves.

I get some weird looks sometimes, around Uni, because I'm walking around by myself and not in a large group (though that may be because of my poor fashion sense.....)

ForlornHope · 04-10-2007, 20:37

Quote:

This is different, of course, from being well-liked because you’re warm, friendly and make others feel good about themselves.

This is what I feel I am- and close family and others verified it- but it made no difference in the past. If certain people want to find fault, i've since become adept at giving most f****rs a good reason to find one!

I figured that if those kind of gits won't respect someone for having admirable qualities, then they'll have to grudgingly respect them instead through force of character...

St.B · 04-10-2007, 20:42

Well, then that's a different argument then! That's the whole "More people are on another wavelength, less people are on my wavelenth" kinda debate. As in, the more louder socially acknoledged wavelenth often finds other wavelengths confusing and thus pour scourn on them!

I dunno, a Psychologist could explain it better then I can...

Rich · 04-10-2007, 20:43

Yes, being popular is overrated.

I for example am hated on most gaming forums for my Xbox 360 allegiance, especially US based ones... But I don't care, I like 360, they're all Sony and Nintendo zealots, but I'm also older than most of them so they can bite me.

TeaFan · 04-10-2007, 20:54

Being happy with who you are is far preferable to depending on others' approval to feel good about yourself. When I was counselling, I noticed that the unhappiest people were often the ones who cared most about what others thought of them.

Having lots of friends is great for having a social life and going out, but having too many means that you can spread yourself too thin and not give any of them much time.

If you can be happy with who you are, you're unlikely to need lots of friends, and can be remarkably self-sufficient.

handypandy · 04-10-2007, 20:55

Sometimes, I'll admit I'm a little envious of people who have lots of friends. Although I think that it has a lot to do with lifestyle. If you have had situations in your life where you are thrown together to deal with certain things as a team, then the bonding is stronger. For example, being in the forces or even student housemates surviving away from home for the first time together. It could be sharing certain experiences that you have come through together.

I find my closest friends are my wife and family and frankly as I grow older, myself! I am quite content with my own company a lot of the time. I do however enjoy my time on here lately, getting to 'know' people and having a discussion without the complications.

A few years ago I got friendly with a chap and we would go for a game of snooker or sometimes with the wives out for drinks and a meal. We had a lot of common interests and I thought I'd made a friend for life. He was a true friend and a laugh a minute. After we had been friends for a couple of years, I discovered he had been in prison for sexually abusing his daughter to his first marriage. I can't describe how I felt, as though someone had died. Since then I've not really mixed.

If you have true, genuine friends then treasure them and don't ever take them for granted.

Dave650 · 04-10-2007, 21:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForlornHope

How is it most people have friends and others, though apparently popular and according to those that know them are witty or educated or 'good' people, have few or no true friends at all?

No matter what some people do, they seem to forever attract two-faced or duplicitous, uncaring "associates" or have none. I'm of a similar disposition, but luckily am a very strong if deeply cynical and weary individual.

I think society is shallow and vacuous, having friends must suck...

The people you describe aren't friends they are associates, nice to have just don't regard them to closely as they can turn like that. I have a few of those but I have fewer close friends but I'm happy with it at that, my friends are sound as a pound

Dave650 · 04-10-2007, 21:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rich

Yes, being popular is overrated.

I for example am hated on most gaming forums for my Xbox 360 allegiance, especially US based ones... But I don't care, I like 360, they're all Sony and Nintendo zealots, but I'm also older than most of them so they can bite me.

Are you joking rich?

St.B · 04-10-2007, 21:04

I do feel weird starting from scratch with friends, here up in University. I don't realise how long it takes to forge new friendships, and that how back home I always had different friends at different levels so I didn't feel alone.

Now it's like WHAM! No friends! I'm getting to know people, but there's something to be said for being able to speak in a code of in-jokes known only to close friends.

But, as they always say: You spend your first year getting as many friends as possible, and your second year getting rid of them. Thus, I'm starting slowely with my friendship-building process!

ForlornHope · 04-10-2007, 21:12

Quote:

happy with who you are, you're unlikely to need lots of friends, and can be remarkably self-sufficient.

I am 'happy' with myself, whatever that is defined by, am very self-confident but extremely cynical and distrusting. No, I don't have any friends I'm in touch with, like others are. My best mate died 13yrs ago and other c****s prove time and again why I shouldn't bother.

I am self-reliant and am a formidable person, grudgingly respected by most and genuinely maybe by a few more, but don't go out, though have had tons of nights out in town over the past two decades.

Ho-hum, c'est la vie...

AtticusFinch · 05-10-2007, 10:10

When I was around 20 I realised something that has stood me in good stead ever since:

No matter how nice a person you are, no matter how friendly, caring, generous, kind and empathetic, there will always be people who don't like you. You could be the nicest person in the world and there'd still be someone who says "I hate that d***head/b****".

Never try and please everyone because it can't be done. The way I look at it, if someone doesn't like me that's their problem, it's certainly not mine.

nick2 · 05-10-2007, 10:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave20046

Are you joking rich?

No, he's a real Xbox fanboy, as totaly agaisnt anything non-xbox as the zealots he dislikes.

fabulous_girl · 05-10-2007, 10:18

Nobody liked the most popular girl in my year. Then she went on Teen Big Brother and cried in the diary room about how she was used to being the most popular and everyone was being mean to her. grrr I was shouting at the screen "everybody hates you!". Facebook suggests shes had a personality and brain transplant since though

Halibut · 05-10-2007, 10:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeaFan

Being happy with who you are is far preferable to depending on others' approval to feel good about yourself. When I was counselling, I noticed that the unhappiest people were often the ones who cared most about what others thought of them.

Having lots of friends is great for having a social life and going out, but having too many means that you can spread yourself too thin and not give any of them much time.

If you can be happy with who you are, you're unlikely to need lots of friends, and can be remarkably self-sufficient.

This largely sums up my own outlook TeaFan - particularly over the last few years I've come to understand, and be largely comfotable with, who I am. I have a small group of very close friends, the kind you'd trust your life to, a fair number of acquaintances and have achieved a pleasant degree of self reliance.

BasilRathbon · 05-10-2007, 10:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by nick2

No, he's a real Xbox fanboy, as totaly agaisnt anything non-xbox as the zealots he dislikes.

Wait till he finds out that the Xbox patent is owned by the same company that published the Daily Mail.....

BasilRathbon · 05-10-2007, 10:19

.......double post....

Halibut · 05-10-2007, 10:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForlornHope

I am 'happy' with myself, whatever that is defined by, am very self-confident but extremely cynical and distrusting. No, I don't have any friends I'm in touch with, like others are. My best mate died 13yrs ago and other c****s prove time and again why I shouldn't bother.

I am self-reliant and am a formidable person, grudgingly respected by most and genuinely maybe by a few more, but don't go out, though have had tons of nights out in town over the past two decades.

Ho-hum, c'est la vie...

You certainly don't sound very happy....your 'whatever that is defined by' reminds me strongly of Prince Charles's 'whatever that means' when asked if loved Diana......

JoeP · 05-10-2007, 10:38

I have reasonable self-esteem, reasonable self-confidence and believe that it's the quality of my relationships that count, not the quantity.

My recent role on SF showed me that whatever you do there will always be people who hate your guts.

CockneyMafia · 05-10-2007, 11:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForlornHope

How is it most people have friends and others, though apparently popular and according to those that know them are witty or educated or 'good' people, have few or no true friends at all?

No matter what some people do, they seem to forever attract two-faced or duplicitous, uncaring "associates" or have none. I'm of a similar disposition, but luckily am a very strong if deeply cynical and weary individual.

I think society is shallow and vacuous, having friends must suck...

As once once famously said about those with large and somewhat shallow enterages:

"you are everybody's mate, and nobody's friend"