Best 'mate' blanking me

swfcgal · 19-03-2007, 16:55

Sorry in advance for the long post!

I have been friends with a girl for 6 years. Her fella and my fella are best mates too, so when I met my fella, I got talking to his mate's girlfriend and we got to be really good mates, going out clubbing together, sharing stuff etc etc. Anyway she was the obvious choice to be one of my bridesmaids at my upcoming wedding, which she readily agreed to.
For the last month or so, she has been hanging around with a new 'group' of people who go out on the lash every Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night, spend all afternoon in the pub after they have dropped their kids off at nursery, and get off their heads on drugs at weekends.
Anyway since she has been hanging around with these people, she has been completely ignoring me when I have gone to fetch my own daughter from school (she has to fetch her son at the same time). Normally, me and my other friends meet up at the bottom of the school drive and have a natter before we fetch our kids. Before my mate started hanging round with these other friends of hers, she would always say hello to me, have a natter with me and be all 'normal'. Now, after spending the afternoon in the pub, she walks past me with her nose in the air and completely blanks me without even a 'hello', a smile or even acknowleding me.
I'm not jealous of her and her new friends as I have my own friends and I wouldn't want to spend all my time getting drunk in the pub anyway, but am I right to feel a bit 'hurt' as such that she is ignoring me?
I am seriously considering crossing her off my wedding list as she does not seem bothered about our friendship anymore.
Again sorry for the long post

willman · 19-03-2007, 16:59

unfortunately you need to decide what you want, you may not realise she's being funny(yeah right) but is probably trying to fit in with the new crowd.

i'd cross her off the bridesmaid list str8 away.
(we've just "sacked" a bridesmaid for refusing to sit on the top table)

swfcgal · 19-03-2007, 17:04

What got me as well was that her and her fella split up (then got back together) a while back because in her words she said that he was hanging around with a load of 'druggies', who she didn't want anything to do with. And the village we live in, she would 'never go out in because it's full of slappers who she would end up fighting with' (her words not mine!), yet she's hanging around with the same 'druggies' she wanted to avoid and going out every Thurs, Fri, Sat in the village she hated going out in!

barbiegirl80 · 19-03-2007, 17:06

Give her a call - ask her outright what her problem is (in a nice way of course). In my experience, sitting at home fretting about a situation never helps it. Communicate to her how you're feeling, then ask her how she feels.

You don't need to fall out with this girl, maybe just a parting of ways?? Friends often come together, then grow apart, then come back together..

Whatever you decide, good luck!

willman · 19-03-2007, 17:08

she might be trying to fit in with her blokes associates.

i agree with barbie just tell her you don't want a drunken drugged up slpper as a bridesmaid.(joke)

swfcgal · 19-03-2007, 17:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by willman

i agree with barbie just tell her you don't want a drunken drugged up slpper as a bridesmaid.(joke)

lol that might do the trick

chefkicker · 19-03-2007, 17:22

Not wanting to sound rude but "screw her" if she wants to be a drugged up slapper, then leave her be.
Also if shes blanking you its probably a case of she thinks "youre not good enough to be seen talking to because youre not cool enough/dont do enough drugs".

Naah cross her off the list!
Dont even think about her.
Move forwards dont look back.

lubylou · 19-03-2007, 17:32

Personally, i would just ignore her and dump her as your bridesmaid, my ex best friend of 15 yrs did a similar thing to me but over the phone, we were having a bit of a debate about things and id gotten so fed up with her always having to be right for the last 15 yrs that i finally spoke my mind and she didnt like it and put the phone down, that was 4 yrs ago, never heard from her since, so i just think, her loss, not mine

Rachylou · 19-03-2007, 17:34

The next time she walks passed you at school, just go after her and ask if you have done anything wrong? it may well be that someone has said something to her about you and she's taking there word for it...i'll bet this is the reason....i would def try and sort it out before your wedding then atleast you can say you tried rather than regretting it later on. If she cant give you a reason then obviously she's not worth it but at least you have piece of mind that its nothing you have done.

babychickens · 19-03-2007, 17:35

friendship is a two way thing - there should be a certain amount of supporting each otehr through difficult times (as long as it isn't all one-way), but it's time to end a friendship when it starts getting nasty. let it drift, cross her off the bridesmaid list (and maybe the wedding invite list fullstop). friendships should be a positive thing, and what you've described doesn't suggest there's much positivity left. b*****s to her, i say, you seem a lively and nice person, why would you bother with her anymore? what are you possibly getting from this so-called friendship?

(maybe just keep your eyes open that her kid isn't suffering from her filthy saddo drug and boozy habit...seriously, does she not feel any responsibility? kids are for life, not until you get bored and feel the need to pop an e).

Lady_Cat · 19-03-2007, 17:43

Before you take other peoples advice and take her straight off the list etc, i would give her a call and get the score! More often then not there is more to things than meet the eye!
If it turns out that she wants to end your friendship for whatever reason then at least you know you tried. So give her a call now and get it off your mind.

ANVIL · 19-03-2007, 17:54

it's only natural to feel hurt. the only way to work out why she's behaving how she is, is to ask her, and even then she might not be honest.

Waffer · 19-03-2007, 18:30

SWFCGAL ..I would'nt worry so much after all you still have Sheffield Wednesday.

And not only that this is quite common when people meet new friends, they seem exciting and fun, bringing a new life, new horizons. Old friends then seem boring and dull, the old life of hundrum....But strangely enough leave it a few months and the roles change.

As i study sociapathic behaviour i know these things.

swfcgal · 19-03-2007, 19:30

Thanks for all your advice, all of it is very helpful! Though the way I feel about her at the minute, there won't be any talking, just a simple cross off the list!

charlie9865 · 19-03-2007, 19:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by willman

unfortunately you need to decide what you want, you may not realise she's being funny(yeah right) but is probably trying to fit in with the new crowd.

i'd cross her off the bridesmaid list str8 away.
(we've just "sacked" a bridesmaid for refusing to sit on the top table)

Class lol,i agree being a bridesmaid is a seriouse job.Iv lost one now through diffrence of opinion.But i kind of had same trouble as you where she wanted to wear her own clothes at evening doo wich didnt make me happy.Its my wedding and i will have it my way haha

I agree with baby chick a friendship should end when it is turning nasty.I agree with quiet a bit of what she says.Your wedding wont be rubbish because she aint there.The day is not about her and her only.Its about yours and your partners feelings.I have 3 bridesmaids instead of 4 but im still happy cos the 3 i have are my sisters.

Hope things work out.charlie x x

swfcgal · 19-03-2007, 20:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by babychickens

(maybe just keep your eyes open that her kid isn't suffering from her filthy saddo drug and boozy habit...seriously, does she not feel any responsibility? kids are for life, not until you get bored and feel the need to pop an e).

I am keeping my eyes open, I'd hate to see anything happen to him because he is a lovely little boy. And as for the kids are for life thing, my OH and I think she fell pregnant because we had just had a baby.She's one of them 'anything you can do, I'll go one better' sort of people. (I'm making her sound like a right cow now, but she wasn't before all this happened!)

babychickens · 19-03-2007, 21:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by swfcgal

I am keeping my eyes open, I'd hate to see anything happen to him because he is a lovely little boy. And as for the kids are for life thing, my OH and I think she fell pregnant because we had just had a baby.She's one of them 'anything you can do, I'll go one better' sort of people. (I'm making her sound like a right cow now, but she wasn't before all this happened!)

she sounds....charming

.

run away! run away now!

you're not running fast enough! pick up the pace, soldier!

swfcgal · 19-03-2007, 21:04

<<<<<<<< running as fast as my little legs can carry me!

cressida · 20-03-2007, 08:47

get your people to ask her people what started this - I mean perhaps your husband can ask his friend , who may not know what she's doing

Shazbat · 20-03-2007, 11:58

I had a similar thing with a former colleague; we went out together, shared lifts, taxis, etc., and she once described me as her "best friend from work". Since leaving my old job with her (after 15 years) she kept me at arm's length and we fell into the routine of texts and emails and seeing each other once a blue moon. She and our other colleague had each other and made sure I knew it, but there was no animosity on my part, I just went with the flow, got my new job and bettered myself.

Last week we met up for a belated birthday meal. My two former colleagues aren't getting on so well now and all of a sudden, I'm being asked on nights out and offered shared lifts again. I always said she would need me before I needed her and it looks like I was right