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16-11-2006, 16:27
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#1
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Forum Hostage
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: I'm outta here
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Disaster in Barnsley
An Appeal for Your Help
A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Epicentre: Barnsley, England.
News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "choffin-norah".
The earthquake decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Radio Barnsley reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still
trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Barnsley.
One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning". Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car
crime carried on as normal.
So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of
Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone China from Pound-stretcher.
Can You Help....?
Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the victims of this disaster.
Clothing is needed most of all, especially:
· Fila or Burberry baseball caps
· Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)
· Shell suits (female)
· White sports socks
· Rock-Fort boots or any other product sold in Primark
Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your
efforts will make a difference. Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal.
Please do not give anything that requires peeling.
Remember:
· 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims
· £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9
· £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves
Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells
Please do not send tents for shelter.
The sight of such posh housing will cause discontent in the surrounding
South Yorkshire communities.
Seriously folks this came from Japan*
Last edited by fox20thc; 16-11-2006 at 16:36.
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16-11-2006, 16:39
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Heeley
Total Posts: 17,217
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They recently unearthed a dinosaur that had died laughing at that joke.
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16-11-2006, 16:46
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#3
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Scarey Mester
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Dream
Total Posts: 10,103
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Excellent - just as funny as when it was about Scousers!  
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16-11-2006, 16:49
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#4
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Don_Kiddick
Excellent - just as funny as when it was about Scousers! |
Nothing to do with me 
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16-11-2006, 17:11
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#5
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Potty Pensioner
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Made in Sheffield now Bournemouth,just by the Pier
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by nick2
They recently unearthed a dinosaur that had died laughing at that joke.
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Ahh, well I hadn't heard it before to be honest, old dinosaur that I am. It is funny though but I admit a bit cruel to anyone from Barnsley, still it could be tailored to fit almost any
area these days I suppose. 
__________________
Wise people speak because they have something to say.
Fools speak because they have to say something.
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16-11-2006, 17:18
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#6
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Maybe they only just caught up in Japan
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16-11-2006, 17:25
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#7
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Potty Pensioner
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Made in Sheffield now Bournemouth,just by the Pier
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by fox20thc
Maybe they only just caught up in Japan |
Yeah but they're 9 hours in front of us 
__________________
Wise people speak because they have something to say.
Fools speak because they have to say something.
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16-11-2006, 17:27
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#8
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Forum Hostage
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: I'm outta here
Total Posts: 14,621
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Joanl
Yeah but they're 9 hours in front of us |
Time space differential Joanl,  the are an ancient culture with a modern twist 
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16-11-2006, 17:29
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#9
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Potty Pensioner
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Made in Sheffield now Bournemouth,just by the Pier
Total Posts: 11,989
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by fox20thc
Time space differential Joanl, the are an ancient culture with a modern twist |
Ahhh so.
__________________
Wise people speak because they have something to say.
Fools speak because they have to say something.
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16-11-2006, 18:34
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2006
Total Posts: 338
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Whilst on the subject of Barnsley...
A gang of Barnsley lads went for a stag night in London. Unwittingly they walked into a gay bar. So you got this 6ft4", 18 stone Barnsley lad stood at the bar drinking his pint when this gay guy approached. "Yor a big boy arent you , If you go outside ill give you a b... job" he said.
At this point the Barnsley guy hit him in the face, knocked him to the floor, dragged him across the room and threw him out of the door. He then walked back to the bar and continued with his drink. The Barnsley guys mate having seen this approached and said "That was a bit OTT wasnt it, what did he say?. The Barnsley guy replied " I didnt catch it all but it was something about a f...... job.
Marks out of 10 please!
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16-11-2006, 19:58
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#11
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Grade A Eejot
Join Date: Dec 2005
Total Posts: 1,063
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fox & super
wikkid cheers for that
rotflmao
spot on
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16-11-2006, 20:04
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#12
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2006
Total Posts: 1,081
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This is an old email what has been around for ages and has been done about council estates, certain areas,loads of other places etc
Still funny a second time though.
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16-11-2006, 22:25
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2006
Total Posts: 338
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by King Rat
This is an old email what has been around for ages and has been done about council estates, certain areas,loads of other places etc
Still funny a second time though.
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Rats tend to get the first bite!
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16-11-2006, 23:39
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#14
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Scarey Mester
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Dream
Total Posts: 10,103
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Did you know Barnsley is the only bit o' M1 still cobbled?
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