[shoeshine]

I thought it was time I put something on the Server.

So I did.



I hope you like it.

[Gypsy Hack]

Intruiging. Is this what you're working on at the moment? Are we going to get more?

[shoeshine]

Originally Posted by Gypsy Hack

Intruiging. Is this what you're working on at the moment? Are we going to get more?

Yep, there's gonna be more. The basic reasons why the subject is brooding so intensely, the real or perceived ills which the narrator imagines are caused by the newcomer with respect to the potential breakdown of his relationship with his wife, and the growing anger at the ex-neighbours achieving their ambitions in retirement whilst the pair left behind are trying to reach an accommodation to salvage their own dreams, either singularly or together will come into play.

Any one of the number of characters in the story could, in effect end up as victims of the main narrator's contemplations..

[Gypsy Hack]

Originally Posted by shoeshine

Yep, there's gonna be more. The basic reasons why the subject is brooding so intensely, the real or perceived ills which the narrator imagines are caused by the newcomer with respect to the potential breakdown of his relationship with his wife, and the growing anger at the ex-neighbours achieving their ambitions in retirement whilst the pair left behind are trying to reach an accommodation to salvage their own dreams, either singularly or together will come into play.

Any one of the number of characters in the story could , in effect end up as victims of the main character's contemplations..

I got the impression that Jim was possibly being unfair on Millie, even before the last couple of paragraphs.

It's a promising start. I'll look forward to the next installment.

[shoeshine]

Thank you for your comments, GypsyHack, your observations really are appreciated.

[pattricia]

Originally Posted by Gypsy Hack

I got the impression that Jim was possibly being unfair on Millie, even before the last couple of paragraphs.

It's a promising start. I'll look forward to the next installment.

And I got the impression,that this story is partly fact.(With name changes)You really have to experience this type of situation,to write about it so vividly.

[Jabberwocky]

Bloody hell he put pen to paper! Is is christmas already?!?!

hehheh

I read it and i liked it, it was a good one, well worth waiting over three years for. I cant wait for the next story, i just hope that Im not celebrating my 76th birthday when i get to read it.

heh

Ok seriously,
I liked it, very down to earth and i cant wait for the next episode.

[pattricia]

Originally Posted by Jabberwocky

Bloody hell he put pen to paper! Is is christmas already?!?!

hehheh

I read it and i liked it, it was a good one, well worth waiting over three years for. I cant wait for the next story, i just hope that Im not celebrating my 76th birthday when i get to read it.

heh

Ok seriously,
I liked it, very down to earth and i cant wait for the next episode.

I might be six feet under by the time the next one appears !

[Jabberwocky]

Originally Posted by pattricia

I might be six feet under by the time the next one appears !

I keep pinching myself to make sure it isnt some kind of wierd dream!

[pattricia]

Originally Posted by Jabberwocky

I keep pinching myself to make sure it isnt some kind of wierd dream!

Wonder where hes disappeared to ? Has he read our comments ?

[Jabberwocky]

Originally Posted by pattricia

Wonder where hes disappeared to ? Has he read our comments ?

I dont know where he is but im not going to be here when he gets back.
He`ll kill me when he reads this

[pattricia]

Originally Posted by Jabberwocky

I dont know where he is but im not going to be here when he gets back.
He`ll kill me when he reads this

He might have to have a stiff drink,to read our comments.!!!!

[Mantaspook]

I liked that, the atmosphere of brooding menace reminds me of Mrs Mantaspook.

[brisbane]

Hi Shoeshine,
Not had time to read your story yet but looking forward to reading it in the next few days.

[shoeshine]

Hello brisbane......I keep a low profile sometimes.....but nothing escapes my gaze.

Hope my contribution leaves you wanting more of the tale........ it's got to end in tears...eventually

[brisbane]

I enjoyed your story, at first I thought Jim would be a very down to earth type of guy and enjoying his retirement, then came the bitter sweet twist waiting to be unfolded........poor Millie! I think she needs to bolt the door to keep unwanted visitors at bay!

[fr8neck]

So much for there being nothing 'sinister' on this side of the portal!

[shoeshine]

'Tis somewhat brooding isn't it? I will get this story finished in the next week or two. I also have unfinished business on another story I started earlier on here too.

I haven't forgotten them folks.

[Hopman]

My thought after reading the first eight paragraphs was:
If a frail 80 year old with no family can afford to buy a house, wouldn't sheltered accommodation have been a better idea?
I'm wondering what sort of a house it is - in fact what sort they both are. Coal fires suggests an old house, two or more levels. Why didn't Millie buy a bungalow - maybe she's going to let slip that when life is too much, she will fall downstairs?

Final thought:
"I shall contemplate further tomorrow night, and every night until the plan is perfected, and I have decided who will ultimately suffer when it is put into effect."

I'm not happy with "and I have decided". The previous verbs suggest future actions, but "and I have decided" suggests the decision has already been made. Possibly "and I shall have decided" or "and my decision reached on who...".

[shoeshine]

Thanks for your advice, Hopman. All taken onboard at this end. Many thanks.