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Bridesmaids - Should I ask my sister-in-law?

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I've recently got engaged and even though we aren't planning to wed until 2020, I've been looking at various bits and bobs. I know who I want for my bridesmaids - I have even before I got engaged. I have two, long time friends who I know will be there for me no matter what. I haven't asked them yet, but I think they know they probably will be asked as I was bridesmaid for them both at their recent weddings last year.

 

I was talking to my brother about my wedding plans earlier, and he's bluntly asked me if his wife is going to be my bridesmaid or if it's a secret. I'm planning on having their daughter as my flower girl. I was bridesmaid for them at their wedding in 2015, but I feel like I was asked more because I am his sister, rather than because we are close. We aren't particularly close at all, they live 300 miles from us and we don't really speak in between seeing each other. We get on well when we're together but that's it.

 

My question is - should I have her as a bridesmaid? I'm not against it, but I'd only ever envisaged having my two friends and I feel she might only say yes because she's being asked.

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I asked my sister-in-law because I knew that my in laws would have liked and it felt like the right thing to do. In my eyes its a small gesture. OK you will need to buy a dress, etc but when you think about how much you spend on a whole wedding the cost of one bridesmaid is not thst much. I wouldn't say we were really close but my husband never got on well with his brother so she was the only sibling of his we saw very much of. I would look after her kids sometimes including overnight.

 

When it came to her wedding she did not have me as a bridesmaid but by the time it actually came round to the wedding she had fell out with all of her family. Only me, my husband and two children went to the wedding. Now even I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to derail the thread so I won't go into details. But I will say it took a lot before I couldn't look her in the eye anymore.

 

It would have been nice to have been asked to be a bridesmaid, I suspect my in laws would have liked it too. Sometimes its about not causing riffs in a family. It sounds like your sister-in-law might not be bothered but your brother is? Would it be worth asking her if thats whst your brother would like? Something to think about.

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I've ordered a card asking her to be my bridesmaid and I think I'll put a little note in saying something like if you would prefer to just be a guest that's fine also. I don't think she'll say no though even if she doesn't want to - who would?

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