Dating sites. Tinder bad experience.

So after leaving a 14 year abusive relasionship a few months ago where I have been hit, mentally tortured, financially abused and cheated on with prostitutes my freinds thought it would be a good idea to get back out dating. I was hesitant but decided to give it a go. I downloaded tinder and got swiping. It took alot of courage to set my profile up after years of being told your fat, your ugly and no man would ever want you and your no good to any man amongst other things.

Anyway a guy matched with me and messaged me. We hit it off straight away and he asked me to go on a date at the weekend. I agreed and we kept chatting day and night for the next few days mesaages were always from him in a morning so I can't be accused of being to much. The chemistry was really there and we clicked really well. He couldn't wait for Saturday night and neither could I.we had chatted so long it felt like we already new each other and we had both told each other personal things like insecurities about body etc etc. I never told him about the abusive relasionship only the cheating. He told me everything a girl wants to hear and really made me feel alive again I was like a giddy teenager. He offered his phone number so we could chat by whattsapp and we did.

We arranged to meet at 6pm on the Saturday and go for a meal and drinks. I was really poorly but didn't want to dissapoint him by cancelling so had a sleep and some tablets and took my daughter to her nans. My daughter was excited for me and wished me luck. for the last few days hours he had been counting down saying hiw long till we met (2 sleeps etc ) and through the day ee were meeting he was sending messages saying how many hours etc. He sent a message saying he would be setting off in half an hour. I was running late as I'd been to have my nails done and messaged him to say i was getting ready quickly. To which I got this reply......

"Don't Lisa. I can't meet you. It would only be about one thing and I don't want to hurt you. I know I'm disappointing you and I'm sorry for that but I'd rather do it now, than in a few weeks and hurt you.

I'm so so sorry"

This was 40 minutes before I was to meet him and I just stood in the bathroom gobsmacked my stomach went all funny and I was in disbelief! I read it again and simply replied "ok" and then I asked why he had been so cruel to which he just replied "i'm so so sorry" and then blocked meon whattsapp and on tinder. Just like that gone!

I got in the shower and started to cry and spent the next hour sobbing in to my glass of wine uncontrollably whilst talking to my freinds that new via text. I rang one close friend who didn't even know I was going on the date and had to explain all this to her whilst crying like a baby. I felt like such a fool. I got dressed anyway (still crying) and got in taxi to the pub where my freinds were (still crying) and spent the first hour crying!

I got stupidly drunk and danced the night away with freinds untill I crashed in my bed at 5.30am (not crying).

I don't handle hang overs very well and with the cold on top I've been a blubbering mess all day wondering what I've done to deserve all this and even considered that my ex partner was right about me. I'm still feeling sorry for myself I just don't seem to be able to find my strength today. My daughter has issue's surrounding the abuse her father also subjected her to (mentally) and I'm usually her rock and today she's had to watch me sob all day. This is the first time I've cried for the loss of my relasionship and maybe it needed to come out. Even though he was a <removed> he was a big part of my life and I need to grieve that loss.

Tommorow I will brush myself off and carry on as normal. I'm in my final year of nursing at the moment and my uni freinds are fantastic they said he probably wasn't being honest about his photos and he was no oil painting anyway (their opinion not mine but made me laugh.

I guess my point in writing this is that you never know what's going on in someone's head. He had no idea how brave id had to be to leave that relasionship and to consider dating again and I had no idea he was just wanting a <removed> buddy (I should give him my ex number he knows some good places in attercliffe ) or what ever else was going on.

I'm always mindful of what I say and do to people and I never expected that to happen and I feel so foolish.

I wonder if this sort of thing is a regular occurrence on these sites not that I'll be finding out I'm done with the whole idea of it now I'm clearly not ready and can't cope with hurt. I'm going to carry on being a mum to 3 girls and repairing the damage done from the relasionship.

I am glad however he did tell me and not lead me on.

Moan over and thanks for reading.

If you are going to start dating you better get used to being let down.

With time you become stronger and recover quicker just like a muscle when you keep using it. People and emotions are unreliable.

Despite being 25 I find dating sites and stuff to be almost a waste of time, despite it becoming increasingly popular, I guess I'm kind of old fashioned and not much of a fan of the prospect of meeting someone online.

However if you're going to start using these things, Tinder more so, you're going to have to accept that a lot of guys on there are simply looking for hook ups and that's it. I have friends who do it, personally that's not for me, but hey. Whatever keeps them happy, and if the other person they meet wants the same thing, leave them to it.

I'm not saying everyone on there are like that but you'll come across guys like that more often than not.

He got excited that he might cop off, but then got scared, because he realised he'd got into a situation that made him scared, and was too afraid to tell you until he really had to. Absolutely nothing to do with you, just him and his insecurities.

It was probably his first time and he panicked when he thought he'd have to meet and talk to a real woman

1, Websites seldom come up with Mr Right just full of time wasters and men looking for a quick one or gold digging their least victim.

2, You found out sooner than later he was rat best flushed down the toilet nodoubt he has forgotten you by now and moved onto his next victim. Forget him and move on he's so not worth it.

3, Get your best gear out its time to hit the town and meet real men.

4, Men are men expect a few interesting encounters. I should know on that one .

5, Enjoy yourself been single is fun plenty of men in the sea.

Good luck

Despite being 25 I find dating sites and stuff to be almost a waste of time, despite it becoming increasingly popular, I guess I'm kind of old fashioned and not much of a fan of the prospect of meeting someone online.

 

However if you're going to start using these things, Tinder more so, you're going to have to accept that a lot of guys on there are simply looking for hook ups and that's it. I have friends who do it, personally that's not for me, but hey. Whatever keeps them happy, and if the other person they meet wants the same thing, leave them to it.

 

I'm not saying everyone on there are like that but you'll come across guys like that more often than not.

Thanks for your insight I'm not going to keep it I'm not taking the risk as I fear your right.

---------- Post added 02-10-2016 at 22:11 ----------

1, Websites seldom come up with Mr Right just full of time wasters and men looking for a quick one or gold digging their least victim.

 

2, You found out sooner than later he was rat best flushed down the toilet nodoubt he has forgotten you by now and moved onto his next victim. Forget him and move on he's so not worth it.

 

3, Get your best gear out its time to hit the town and meet real men.

 

4, Men are men expect a few interesting encounters. I should know on that one .

 

5, Enjoy yourself been single is fun plenty of men in the sea.

 

Good luck

Brilliant reply. Thank you. I'm definitley just going to let fate take its path.

---------- Post added 02-10-2016 at 22:12 ----------

He got excited that he might cop off, but then got scared, because he realised he'd got into a situation that made him scared, and was too afraid to tell you until he really had to. Absolutely nothing to do with you, just him and his insecurities.

 

It was probably his first time and he panicked when he thought he'd have to meet and talk to a real woman

Good way of looking at it! Thanks!

Unfortunately it happens, and not just on dating websites. Years back, I met someone (in a bar) and the chemistry was good, we met up a few times. What he neglected to tell me though (for two months) was that he was still in love with his ex (and they still lived together). I would never have gotten involved if I had known.

OP, it's his loss, better that you know now I suppose. I never much got into the Internet dating thing, tried it once but I was always scared to meet people, which kind of defeats the object!

Please don't be upset, you did nothing wrong! It doesn't seem like it but he actually did you a favor. Better for the disappointment now than to find out AFTER you got involved with him that he was cheating on his wife or girlfriend or was out on parole.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but if I were single now, I'd much prefer meeting people through friends, work, school or hobbies. Internet dating is tailor made for liars and scammers. Not saying there aren't genuine people on there, but (I've heard) it's like sifting through a pile of poop to find a diamond. Not impossible but the odds are against you.

I guarantee this had nothing to do with you though you will likely never know the real reason. Maybe take some time for yourself and allow yourself to heal from your abusive relationship. An abusive partner can really do a number on your self esteem and it takes time to recover fully.

Bar odd exceptions dating sites just don't work. We're not designed to meet and interact via electronic devices, we're designed to use our brains / intuition / instinct to form as good an opinion as possible on someone.

On a plus note i married the woman of my dreams who i met on Plenty of Fish

There are genuine peeple out there, you jut have to trudge thru a lot of <removed> to find them

Obviously dating sites can work but by and large I would say steer well clear. I have heard many sob stories from dating sites but far less from seeing someone in your working life or out socially and interacting in a normal way.

I think one of the better dating sites is eHarmony, mainly because its more expensive than the others.