How to start again in your 50's

She doesn't say anything about wanting to become a lesbian!

 

Surely there are social groups in Sheffield that welcome both men and women that don't discriminate against people because of their sex?

I hear really good things about this group http://www.sheffieldu3a.org.uk/index.html

University of the Third Age - this branch is based in Sheffield - they run groups and courses in all sorts of interests. It's for 55s and over, so you're on the young end, but worth checking out.

For what it's worth, I truly believe that we need to push ourselves a bit, even if sometimes we'd rather say "no" and stay in and watch TV or whatever, the more times you say no, the smaller your world becomes. Normally when we make ourselves do something new and different, we end up enjoying it and wishing we'd done it sooner.

All the best.

Thank you for so many lovely and helpful replies, I will try to give everyone an answer so sorry if this is long.

Barleycorn, I do enjoy art and have been looking for a group to join, it either costs a bit to much or its not easy to get to as I cant walk very far, but will keep on looking, thank you.

Hyper, you are right in a way my partner is struggling, he is stressed and depressed by work, but sadly he takes that out on me and it contributes to me feeling a lot worse, I wish that we could find a way forward together but as time goes on that looks more and more unlikely which is very sad.

Discodown, I'm sorry to hear about your Dad but its also nice to hear how your Mum made a new life for herself it cant have been easy, and thank you for your good wishes, I hope that I can find a way as well.

geared no I could not afford to move as its the other side of the country, I dont think that I would physically be able to do everything necessary without help, and my partner would not go so would definitely not want to help me do that.

SportsTrophy thank you for your kind message, much appreciated.

rickiethecat I am definitely going to try that book after reading the reviews, thank you.

Janus thank you for your very understanding input and for sharing the things that you find helpful, I have been to the DR quite a while ago and was offered counseling to help me to cope with the many losses that I have faced in the last few years, more than I have spoken of here, sadly I am still waiting, I know I must go back again but my motivation is at rock bottom.

It would help me to just go out to the shops I know this, it seems that I just stopped doing this, lost interest in doing every day things it all seems to much trouble, I do feel pretty pathetic writing that, thank you for the link I will look into it.

lebomb thank you for your reply.

Maz3 and tzijlstra, thank you, I definitely do want to start some voluntary work, I desperately want to feel useful again and be out there meeting people, I will keep looking.

Olive, thank you, you are right about letting my world get small, it feels like it will disappear soon it is so narrow, I will look into your link.

Thank you everyone, your kind messages have made me feel just a little less alone, its not going to be easy but I want to come out from under this black cloud, thank you for giving me a little hope.

Set yourself no more than three small targets each day that will improve your emotional/mental health. I suggest going out somewhere, even if to the shop, is one of them. At the end of each day be proud of your achievements in reaching these small achievable targets.

Hello.

How are you feeling today?

Has any of the above replies helped you feel a bit brighter today? A bit more positive and hopeful?

I agree with Mr Bloom.

This is the most perfect time of the year to make small, positive changes in your life.

The days are lighter. The sun is shining brightly. The trees are in full leaf and the flowers are in full bloom. The sky is full of new life (fledglings).

All around there is growth, love and light.

Do something today that will get in place a more hopeful and brighter future. Don't wait until the nights draw in (a lot of people find autumn and winter a insular and depressing time of year, and not one for new challenges, personally I embrace all of our wonderful and beautiful seasons).

Plant something from seed. Nurture it. Watch it grow stronger and more beautiful with each passing day. That is you.

Regarding voluntary work. What do you like? Do you like animals? All shelters are desperate for help. Do you like Gardening? Cleaning? If you want it enough there is something out there you can do.

Dig deep, take a deep breath and get out there. For you.

My last words are this. It will be scary. Daunting. But you will feel on top of the word to do something positive.

You are a long time dead. Embrace your life. Live it. Love it........ Try it.

Good luck and be strong. X

So sorry to hear of the situation you are in, it must feel horrible. Just a few things for you to consider. Could you get a computer, desktop or laptop which has Skype on there? That opens up the possibility of chatting to your children more often. I know it's not face to face but it's better than 4 times a year. A weekly or bi-weekly update of their lives would lift your mood surely.

You say you can't walk or stand for long. Could you get a mobility scooter? Good quality, good battery and you could be off out more often to do the things others suggest. A scooter would open up more travel opportunities immediately. Even to sit in a local park and enjoy the weather and people watch a while.

As for your partner, I know it's hard to let someone go but if they are a negative factor in your life, it's better to make the break for sure.

Best of luck for you and your future and I hope things start to look up for you.

Hi! I had to retire from nursing last year due to bad health. After 42 years of nursing (45 years working) I started to get bored, although unlike you I have a great, supportive partner who I go out with at least twice a week - just to local pubs and have many friends there. At home all day, I rely on my dog for company...and she's usually sleeping somewhere!

I like to make cards and chose a charity close to my heart to make them for - they are appreciated as fund-raisers. Sometimes I make really intricate ones for family and friends - this means that people are likely to pop in for a chat and a cuppa.

I had such a busy life bringing up my daughter single-handed that I never learned things like baking - so now was the time to start...some disasters, some successes, but luckily, all edible to a degree.

Facebook has its detractors, but it's an ideal way to keep in touch with old friends and family. I enjoy playing the word games on there. There are loads to choose from.

Do you like dogs? A small dog can be a companion and will get you out of the house 3 or 4 times a day. It's easy to strike up conversations with other dog walkers or even passers by who want to admire your pooch!

My income has dropped significantly since I stopped work, but the things I suggest can be done for very little lay out.

Please let us all know how you are x

MrBloom good ideas, thank you.

Hello Branch Out, thank you for your kind reply and I feel a little better today, not as down as when I wrote out the first post, I think it has made a difference just being able to say the way that I'm feeling and the replies have made me feel more positive.

Yes we are a long time dead, and worse than that somehow is the feeling that I am wasting those last reasonably good years of life, I really want to change that.

lipschitz, thank you for your reply, I do talk to my Children on Facebook, but they dont seem to have a lot to say really on there.

I would love a mobility scooter but as with everything I dont have the money to buy one, maybe one day that would be nice and I think that it would help a lot, thank you for your kind wishes it means a lot.

Hi xfox3x, thank you for sharing about yourself with me, after nursing I imagine that things must seem pretty quiet for you now, I brought up my Children alone as well and I think that it makes you closer to them and I put everything into them, I miss them so much but I know that I need more in my life than just them.

I do have a little dog as well and that helps me to get out once a day which helps a little I suppose and it is some company and someone to cuddle.

Thank you everyone for caring enough to answer it means a lot.

I tihnk one point overlooked is that you mention your age in the first sentence; almost as if being 55 it is a case of "over and done".

Im sure you don't really think that way, but with a brush of depression, it is very easy to see things rather negatively.

When I retired, I first set up a tenants and residents group in my area. After ten years I moved on to be a school governor for the following eight years.

I had absolutely no experience of these areas, but just jumped in at the deep end. Anyone who meets me often thinks of me as a mouse, but I got the nickname of the mouse who roared, because of my determination to help people.

My point is, you have to get out there and just DO something, anything that appeals to you. The volunteer bureau is a good place to start.

I would also mention that I suffer a lot from depression at times, so I do understand how difficult it can be, but only you can take that leap.

I really do wish you all the best for your future.

DearForum -- you have really managed to bring out the best of this forum. Wonderful responses here.

I hope you find a way to work with children, perhaps on a volunteer basis. I think kids would really respond to your kindness. It's clear from all your replies to other people's suggestions that you have a way to see the good parts of other people, and kids especially need that.

Good luck to you.