Christmas. A time for one more try?

Christmas is coming and all that. The time for family etc etc. Forgiveness and stuff. With that in mind i have a question for you bunch of complete strangers.

Im estranged from my family, Mum Bro, Sis, Nefs and Nee's and it kills me but thats beside the point. Im estranged and im not all that sure i want to be. We dont get on as a rule, we clash. I wont go into the details why, too long and boring but we are equal to blame so im not shirking responsibility but the point is we dont get on. I say we dont, me and the matriarch dont get on and we fall out easily. I try not to, i try to be a good child but i always seem to disappoint to some degree and when i disappoint and we fall out the rest drop in line behind the big cheese and stop talking to me too. This means i miss out on the extended family stuff and thats always been an issue for me. Im a big family man and had a good one as a kid so wanted the same for my kids. Im rambling!

So i dont get on, i thought i was fine with that, im now ill and its serious so im thinking i should see where the land lies, see if they want me in their lives or not. Get a final answer as ive always felt like a bit of an outsider. Im not perfect not by a long shot but i have tried.

So, in summary, should i devote precious time and energy chasing what i believe to be a lost cause?

Should i accept my lot, devote all my time and energy into my household family and forget the extended lot?

Should i give it another go with the Mum Sis Bro Neffs Nee's

I know its in twice but if im honest thats what i want to do thats why i need the help of you lovely strangers.

Additional information. Reading back i know this post appears it was made by someone under the influence of alcohol. Surprisingly im stone cold sober. I just typed it as it came out

My 2 cents, give it a go, but think about giving it a go after Xmas. There's enough pressure on families anyway and things could start well but a few glasses of something and it could fall away quickly. If your health doesn't allow you that much time, go before Xmas.

I hate Xmas anyway!

Im with you on that final sentiment, lol. I used to love it too. Mr Christmas i was called.

That was another life though. Im not going to peg it before Christmas, i hope anyway lol. So that sounds like good advice to wait till after. Im going to get the kiddies something nice and find someone to drop them off for me. Id like to do it personally but perhaps not

Firstly, well done. That must have took some writing.

My gut instinct is to phone at a time when you think they'll have time to speak to you. I think you should tell them that you are ill. I also think that you should ask when is a convenient time to bring some presents round in a couple of weeks time. That will give your extended family time to digest things and hopefully realise that it's time to put the past behind them and when you take the presents round, see what kind of a reception you get and take it from there.

BUT, tinfoilhat's suggestion makes sense also. In fact, it sounds very sensible, so that threw me.

Maybe meeting on neutral territory might help to alleviate the pressure for all concerned. Best of luck, though.

Whatever happens, I do think that you should give it a go. However, IF it doesn't work out, then concentrate on your own family.

It's never too late, and always worth one last try, so I'd say give it a go too.

Also agree with others about timing. People's expectations of Christmas tend to be huge, and doomed to never live up to them. Very stressfull. But that's up to you.

Could you get the ball rolling with a Christmas card with a note inside saying you'd like to meet up, and take it from there...?

It's never too late, and always worth one last try, so I'd say give it a go too.

 

Also agree with others about timing. People's expectations of Christmas tend to be huge, and doomed to never live up to them. Very stressfull. But that's up to you.

Could you get the ball rolling with a Christmas card with a note inside saying you'd like to meet up, and take it from there...?

I think this is a very good idea. Put a contact phone number and if they get in touch you will know they want contact with you....... If they don't bother to get in touch you know where you stand and then it's up to you if you feel it's worth bothering. Good luck.

Is there one family member who might be more approachable than the others? Perhaps it might be worth trying to start with one person. Have a good heart to heart with him/her and see how it goes.

Best of luck, you really want to be a part of your extended family and I hope you succeed.

Definetly concentrate on mending bridges with your mum,thats the important one.

Leave it till after Christmas.....then perhaps start with a letter to your mum. Tell her how you feel and that you would like to make your peace with your family. Include a phone number and see what happens.......if you were my child then I would happily take any chance at reconciliation.

I say now always give it one last go, I wasn't talking to my dad then he suddenly died. It's a horrible feeling to have to live with.

Thank you for all the replies. The opinions have helped me decide my next move. Christmas being the time it is, stressful im going to wait until new year. I just think with my health issues for one but the fact i dont want to be the cause of anyone elses stress at this time of year for another means im probably better of leaving it for now. I agree it can be good to strike whilst the iron is hot but on this one i reckon that could blow up in my face and make things worse. That i dont want. Ill miss them over Christmas for sure but ey, they may be thinking of getting in touch with me so i could be doing all this worrying over nothing.

You can't pick your family and if you don't get on after trying your best forget about them.