Advise/Opinion on Releationship Male Perspective welcomed

I've been seeing a guy for just over a year now. He lives with someone but from what I know it's more financial and comfort rather than physical although I'm not daft enough to believe this 100%.

Anyway, recently his partner started reading his messages and found our texts to each other. Although he has had to reduce the amount of messages he is still wanting us to keep seeing each other, and before the reply of cake & eat it our releationship isn't just physical infact far from it!

Although he has got to keep a low profile whilst at home he still sends me texts when he can and even sent one at 6.58am this morning just to wish me a happy christmas and he'd be thinking about me.

I suppose I'd like an opinion on what others thought about "us" as although I don't think he would leave his partner ( there not married and there's no kids) I'm struggleing to see where this is heading.

Any advice I would be greatful for but please keep the trashing of the situation out of this, I do understand it's not good/correct to cheat.

It doesn't sound like an open relationship to me. It sounds like you are his bit on the side.

I've been seeing a guy for just over a year now. He lives with someone but from what I know it's more financial and comfort rather than physical although I'm not daft enough to believe this 100%.

 

Anyway, recently his partner started reading his messages and found our texts to each other. Although he has had to reduce the amount of messages he is still wanting us to keep seeing each other, and before the reply of cake & eat it our releationship isn't just physical infact far from it!

 

Although he has got to keep a low profile whilst at home he still sends me texts when he can and even sent one at 6.58am this morning just to wish me a happy christmas and he'd be thinking about me.

 

I suppose I'd like an opinion on what others thought about "us" as although I don't think he would leave his partner ( there not married and there's no kids) I'm struggleing to see where this is heading.

 

Any advice I would be greatful for but please keep the trashing of the situation out of this, I do understand it's not good/correct to cheat.

I'm afraid 'nowhere fast' is the first thing that springs to my mind. Sounds like he has no intention of leaving her and every intention of having his cake and eating it. I think you ought to leave him and find someone who cares more for you than to treat you this way.

The opinions expressed so far are how I have been thinking to be honest but I always thought that if an affair was going to happen it would involve a lot of physical activity??

We've only been physicall 5 times although we have shared a bed many times

He will keep you around as long as you let him, on totally his terms. Ditch him now before you feel you can't do better.

When I first went on the gay scene about 15 years ago, I had a short term relationship with a guy who said he was in an open relationship with his partner. Fairly quickly I began to suspect that he wasn't in an open relationship at all, but that he just wanted a bit of fun as & when it pleased him. Although I was very attracted to him, I put an end to the 'relationship' as I just felt insulted and angry at being there for him when he wanted.

Apparently 'open relationships' are quite common on the gay scene. If it works for some couples that's fine, but I wouldn't compromise.

As a bloke, my honest advice, which isn't necessarily the most moral advice, is as follows. If you want it to go somewhere and you think he loves you, push it somewhere. Suggest weekends away and holidays together. Make him take you seriously and take gradually bigger risks. Once he's outside his comfort zone, start talking about the future and ways you can be together.

It's basically a game of high stakes poker. You need to make him go all in or fold his hand. Unless you push him into a decision he won't make one. Don't just say to him 'you need to make a decision' give him reasons to choose you first. You need to make him think like you are the better option.

If you don't want to do that or you don't think there's a chance he will choose you, walk away.

We've had a few mid week breaks over the last year and are planning a week away abroad in the new year, we do get on really well when we're together, I think the fact we've not been able to be in touch as much as normal due to christmas and he being at home, ( he works in Chesterfield monday - Thursday and goes home for the weekends)

I think I'm just a bit confused that even though he has effectively got caught he still wants to carry on

I would question who he sleeps with Monday to Thursday..........

He's up here mon-Thursday although we don't see each other every night. We are in contact all the time.

I don't know what he said but I guess it's to save his skin lol

I'm afraid it sounds like a fundamentally dishonest relationship as it stands and that if you want long term happiness (rather than being strung along and second-best for months/years), you need to give him an ultimatum, as advised above.