Am i being fair?

Surely marriage guidance counselling would only work if Jane is prepared to be honest about her affair/s. Otherwise any new start would be based on lies, and she has already said she's not going to tell............

Surely marriage guidance counselling would only work if Jane is prepared to be honest about her affair/s. Otherwise any new start would be based on lies, and she has already said she's not going to tell............

I bet he already knows.

I bet he already knows.

Yes, most probably.

Jane, I've skimmed through this thread quickly - a lot of the replies have seemed pretty unhelpful. Here's mine. It sounds as if your life is in a mess frankly - neither your lover or husband seem much use and you know that your own behaviour isn't really helping anyone.

 

My advice would be a) ditch the lover

b) think long and hard about your marriage - if you genuinely think it's worth saving insist on your husband attending marriage guidance counselling.

If it isn't, tell him you're leaving and leave.

Is marriage guidance still available in Sheffield?

Well, we've sat down and talked, we're giving it till Easter to see if it can work and he said we will know in 3 weeks so at least we're now working on the same page.

Well, we've sat down and talked, we're giving it till Easter to see if it can work and he said we will know in 3 weeks so at least we're now working on the same page.

........... But under a big black cloud.......... Infidelity.

........... But under a big black cloud.......... Infidelity.

Oh stop with the drama

Jane had an affair because her husband wasn't meeting her needs

This is usually a sign that the relationship has ended in it's current state

Also, how can we get all our needs met from one person for our entire lives anyhoo?

Jane obviously loves her husband and it seems is staying out of loyalty more than anything else....

As do most people

Breaking up is never easy....especially if it's a marriage...and especially if you have to move out of the familial home

A huge upheaval for anyone, let alone a single female

---------- Post added 30-01-2015 at 19:31 ----------

My last break-up took 2 years

What a waste of my time and theirs!

I'd leave it as it is as it's something he likes doing... But... I'd introduce something that you do together 1 day a week as a routine set in stone..day out,get a dog to walk,go to cinema,get a DVD and a Chinese,what ever realy And also maybe have 1 day a week when you do your own thing.. Go to your friends..meadowhall or what ever.

You are being unfair to yourself, if something is making you unhappy or question your happiness then you should be in a position to talk frankly about it. I'm not saying you will get an instant reply or one that you expect after such a long time in a routine. The best relationships are those that are tested and you get through the other side.

I can empathise with your situation with the husband. I would not judge over the affair, I was just curious.

I have been in a similar situation, where it seemed like my ex partner would rather get drunk and stay at the pub / play video games rather than spend time with me, and it is very saddening and frustrating.

I would advise to pursue interests of your own and spend time with friends and family more. That way, you're not sat around waiting for him, and if you do split up you have something to keep you busy.

Ultimately, life is too short to waste time if you are truly unhappy.

Since Friday my hubby has been out Friday,Saturday and Sunday while I stayed in, tonight I have been to see my cousin and he's been out with his friend for a drink and is now sleeping again.

We have said tues,Wednesday , Thursday that there no drink days but he's not working tomorrow so I'm concerned he will drink at lunchtime thinking I won't know as I'm at work. He's not wrong as I won't unless it's obvious.mfingers crossed he won't as I don't know if to just log the fact he drank or to say you said you wouldn't or to be off with him saying that drink is more important than us

where it seemed like my ex partner would rather get drunk and stay at the pub / play video games rather than spend time with me

And this is most likely true - but does not mean he didn't want to be with you

Alone time is VERY important in any relationship

Especially if one or both parties are undergoing a stressful event...

But there does need to be a discussion about how much alone time, when etc

So it can be enjoyed, on both sides, without guilt and retribution