Groups for single dads.

Oh yes and there is the parenting group on here, I'm sure that lots of people that post there will also be single parents, who knows maybe you could start your own group?

Great!!!

Ill go take a look at it now.

Thanks again, Moonbird. You're a legend.

Right now your job is to be their dad. Focus on them. Consider their needs.

I know. It sounds like you are doing but I just want to make it clear and simple.

Also if you're feeling grief occupying yourself is often the best way of coping with the situation while time does its healing job.

If the kids are young do you have contact numbers for their friends parents?

Low/No budget is not easy: DVDs from the library, and popcorn? (There may also be books in the library relevant to your situation, I've been in a similar situation and found some useful stuff.)

Board games? Card games?? Football in the park? What did you enjoy doing when you were their age?

It also might be an opportunity to get closer to them. Over time you'll be able to talk to them about all sorts of issues.

Can you organise for them to do jobs around the house? Share the chores. Teaches them responsibility. Also it's time together, a shared enterprise, and when you finish you've got time together as well.

I acknowledge there's way more to it than this, but this is my 2 pennorth.

Never lose sight of what is important for the kids.

You're very welcome Upperthorpe, its going to be had but you will come through and be all the stronger for it.

GoatScape is right and talks lots of sense, pull together with the kids and make it work for them

Thanks, GoatScape.

Since mum left us we seem to have have pulled together quite well.

Ive been going through the house top to bottom getting it in order, making things nice and bagging up any of her clothes i find (boy thats tough), me and the kids have cooked every meal together, cleaned the house together, watched tv together, cried together and tried to have some fun and stuff.

The lad is amazing, dispite his grief and the youngest is just getting on with stuff.

He did admit last night he would prefere to be with his mum which kind of hurt but i understand so ive spoke to their mum and told her to come back home and ill move out somewhere.

Anyway, im taking them out after school today if weather permits so fingers crossed we wont get soaked and if we do, but hey it might be fun to get wet through and muddy.

Going to nip to the local sharity shop today, see about thoe board games you mention, thats a cracking idea!!!

Right, Got to get them off to school.

Thanks again GoatScape.

You talk a lot of sense and youve been a big help

He did admit last night he would prefere to be with his mum which kind of hurt but i understand so ive spoke to their mum and told her to come back home and ill move out somewhere.

I don't know the ins and outs of the situation, but this sounds like an extremely bad idea.

Feelings are raw, and it's difficult , maybe impossible, to think straight but can you base life-changing decisions on the expressed wish of a child?

It sounds to me like the mother took herself out of the home. At that point, all things being equal, you became the best source of stability and good parenting. The fact that you are sharing chores, not sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, keeping going, speaks volumes. Your self esteem has taken a pounding but it looks to me like you're a very good parent. Keep that at the front of your mind.

"I'd rather be with mum." Maybe the reasoning is: "This is harder than it was. It was better when mum was here. So I want to be with mum." It stacks up if you're a child, but as an adult you can see the bigger picture.

The kids are confused and not always able to put into words what they want, sometimes because they don't realise what the choices are. Sometimes you have to take decisions for them. This is not comfortable but as an adult and a parent you have experience and responsibility.

Does the kid just see a choice between good and bad which (because of the actions of the mother?) s/he doesn't have any more?

The choices now are between hard and harder. It's these kinds of choices I think we usually try to protect children from. I don't want to overstate this. Some single parents descend into self-pity and neglect the needs of their children. You're not doing that.

Have you thought about going to your GP? They can refer you on to counselling or something similar. If you'd been hit by a car would you be staggering around trying to cope without any help? Is your situation really that different? I bet it doesn't feel like it at times.

If you do go to the GP, make sure they know the situation is urgent, press your case, and say that you need to be able to make decisions now which will affect your children, the waiting list can be months for non-urgent cases. They will need to prioritise when they refer you on, and they can only do that on the basis of what you tell them.

"I've got an appointment in six weeks." Don't just accept it and look disappointed, ask for something sooner. The message being, I think it's much more important than that. Look after yourself, then you will be able to keep on doing a good job of looking after the kids.

Remember, keep the kids' needs front and centre of what you do.

From here it sounds like you're doing a very good job.

I had a list from the children's centre in Hillsborough there are two Dad's groups (where you take the kids with you) that run on a Saturday in the Hillsborough/Upperthorpe areas. I can't for the life of me find the list but if you ring up Hillsborough Children's Centre they will be able to give you the location and time.

Their number is 0114 233 5108. I would ring and talk to them, they are lovely and helpful at that centre.

I had a list from the children's centre in Hillsborough there are two Dad's groups (where you take the kids with you) that run on a Saturday in the Hillsborough/Upperthorpe areas. I can't for the life of me find the list but if you ring up Hillsborough Children's Centre they will be able to give you the location and time.

 

Their number is 0114 233 5108. I would ring and talk to them, they are lovely and helpful at that centre.

Or dittot Primrose CC - 0114 233 5197 - I'm pretty sure they have a dads' group too.

Dads and other male carers (single or otherwise) are welcome to come to Sharrow SureStart Dads Group every Saturday of school term-time 10.30am - 12.30pm at 110 Sharrow Lane, S11 8AL.

Now in its 7th year, it is a group where dads can come to spend time with their children and other male carers. There are cooking and art activities to do with your children and toys for them to play with. We have a story and singing time. Healthy snack for the children. Tea and coffee is available for fathers. The dads usually end up talking about fatherhood and football and sometimes our jobs, culture, religion, the children’s education, who’s going to win Britain’s Got Talent, etc etc

The sensory room is particularly popular with babies and disabled children. Sometimes we offer the chance to learn baby massage. Advice is always available on a wide variety of issues. Or if you just want to relax and ignore other people that’s no problem either. No one will mind.

In the Summer we put a team into a football tournament and came 3rd out of 5 teams so we have proven we really are your average sort of blokes!

Ring Phil if you want to know more 07977565518

Hi,

I noticed you are looking for something fun and cheap to so with your children. We are a sensory service and have lots of fun and stimulating resources and activities to do. We are based at high green. We have a website that shows our details if you would like to have a look.

Hi, the Dads Group at Sharrow Children's Centre, Sharrow Lane is still running most Saturday mornings. It is being provided by ShipShape Health and Well-being Centre. Ring 07757634967 / 2500222.

Thanks for that

Ive joined their forum.its incredibly quiet, not like here, perhaps SF could fill the void and have its own sections?

Single mums

Single dads

Thats kind of thing. Anyhoo, ive found a contact who lives really close by so im going to email her in a bit.

Ill be honest, its a bit difficult to get my head around things at the moment. I seem to spend most of my time crying like a baby:hihi:

I soo stop when the kids enter the room though. Cant have that superdad image tarnished.

Thanks again

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