Alton Towers... The Review

Me and the missus decided to take a trip to Alton Towers on Monday since the weather was good.

With the kids not quite broken up for the summer holiday's, I thought it would be the best time to go. Boy was I wrong.

THE DAY BEGINS 10.30am ARRIVAL TIME

We had only followed 2 cars into the park and with only 2 behind us I was hoping that this would be a good sign. Not too many people.

First disappiontment, Alton Towers have started charging £3 per car for parking even though they are taking £25 per adult entry fee (when did that start?). Theiving so and so's, as if they aren't making enough money from us already. £10 priority parking if you want to stick your car right outside the entrance.

So after parking we make our way to the monorail and pick up a £3 car park token en route so we can get out of the park later.

On the monorail we see just how full the car park is... row after row after row of cars. Then row after row after row of buses n coaches obviously on a school day trip. Gutted, the place is gonna be packed.

We get to the paying in window and whip out the buy one get one free voucher from using my Nectar card at BP. Only thing is, on the T&C's on the back it stated this voucher not valid between July 1st and July 17th. Gutted. Full price for us then. Our own fault really on that one.

IN THE PARK AND ON THE RIDES

BLACKHOLE

So in we go and straight to the blackhole... a fanstastic old fav of hours. Q'ing time, about 25 mins, not bad at all I thought.

Had to give some school kids behind a bollocking for diving through the queue and bangin into people. Just basically said, keep your distance lads... no problems Mr, sorry about that. Polite kids all in all. In we go onto the ride and things are great, every bit as good as I remembered from 2 years ago.

A nice photo is taken with me holding on to my better half knockers with a huge grin on my face. Jobs a good un!

OBLIVION

Which ride next hunny? Oblivion she responds... had a look at the waiting time.. 25mins it says. That's alright... at least it aint an hour or more. Now you all know which one Oblivion is, the virtical drop rollercoaster. It's fun, even if it only lasts 30 seconds. So we queue up. And we wait. And we wait. And we wait. 50 Minutes and several bollockings to people trying to queue jump later we are at the start line.

The gates open and we flood onto the ride.

I take my seat and the pull the safaty restraint down until it locks at a confortable level. I try with all my might to lift it back up, but it wont budge. Suits me, cos I'm a bit paranoid it's gonna come open mid ride. Then one of the staff comes over "sorry mate got to push the safety harness down further. So he jams it right down to the point where it's hard for me to breath. Now I'm clostrophobic, but for rollercoasters I know the ride will only last a minute so I can bare it.

The ride begins, we slowly get up to the drop zone. The usual hanging over the hole ensues and makes people panic about the drop. Down we go, up to the photo section and a my middle fingers go up with an "I just dont give a f***" look on my face!

This is where the story turns foul!!!

On to the final platform we go, in anticipation of getting this crushing safety harness off my chest. So we sit their waiting, amd waiting... five minutes pass and over the tannoy comes this message: "We are sorry to announce the Oblivion is experiencing technical difficulties, we hope to be back in operation soon".

This is where I start to panic.

I manage wave over an attendant for some help.

I explain that I suffer from clostrophobia and that I absolutely HAVE TO get out of this seat. The nice attendant explains that the seats can be opened and he'll just go and speak to his manager.

When he comes back he explains that he has to wait for the specialist team to unlock the seats. 5 more mintues pass and I'm getting very angry, scared and worried now. "Anthony (the attendants name), could you please check how long they'll be please?". When he returns, he says they are on their way but is not allowed to tell me when they'll get here. That's it, I can;t wait anymore... no more Mr F****** Nice Guy! I attempt to lift the seat restraint up. It wont budge. I say to Ant "You better get your manager on the phone and tell him to open this seat NOW or I'm gonna rip someone's f****** head off". Obviously worries he calls the manager. He comes back and says they've fixed the problem and we'll be pulled into dock right now.

Sure enough we start moving and get back to dock. The seat restraints lift up and I leap outta my seat... VERY ANGRY and happy to be free. I walk over to Ant, who has a look of "please don't kick the s*** out of me" on his face. I shake his hand and thank him for his help. After all, he's just following orders.

After that terrifying ordeal we go to KFC for some nurishment. I order a 2pce and pepsi max (no fries)! And we reflect on how scared I was (I'll admit it), and that I nearly blacked out.

After lunch we decide to go to the HEX ride.

HEX

Q'ing time for Hex is 15 mins and true to its word. It only takes 15 mins. After going through the doors and watching the video's about the cursed tree and the earls family, we sit down in the room.

The bars come down and I don't feel as paniced because I know I could get out if need be. I wont bore you with the details of the ride, but I enjoyed it and was quite entertaining.

We wander around for a while, through the gardens and to get a drink before opting for the Skyline to the area with the Nemesis and Rip-Saw in.

Mid way through the skyline ride, another voice comes over the tannoy. "We are sorry for the delay (the cart stops), but we are experiencing technical difficulties and will resume your journey shortly". Am I f****** jinxed or what? At least I'm not trapped down by a harness, so I don't mind. I aint afraid of heights so I'm quite at home.

When we finally arrive, we get a well deserved ice cream (comfort food). We take a look at the Queue for Nemesis '80Mins'... bugger that!

What about Rip-Saw... '25Mins'.. fine we'll go for that.

RIP-SAW

The fibbing sods at Alton Towers had us again. Another 50 Min queue. After 'even more' attempted queue jumpers and even more of me saying get back, we get to the front.

The woman speaks "Please board Rip-Saw".

We end up on the back row and after my fiasco with Oblivion I hope and prey that the harness isn't as tight and that the ride is over quick and we can get out.

The bloody harness nearly broke my back with how tight it came down, and I start to panic, wondering if it I'll be able to get out at the end of the ride. The ride begins and we are spun, soaked and shaken all over the place.

As it end's I am soaked to the bone, but am overjoyed when the harness lifts off. I vow that I'm not going on another ride for the rest of the day that requires me to be harnessed in.

Now some of you must have heard of the new ride at Alton Towers called 'AIR'. We decide to go and have a look. 150 mins waiting time. WTF? 150mins, who in their right mind would wait 2 and a half hours to go on a 45 second ride? We get a slush puppy! Then a tannoy message is braodcast "we are sorry but AIR is experiencing technical difficulties"... so deffo bugger that one! I know a jinx when I see it!

We have a look at the information board to see what ride to go on, bearing in mind that it's 4pm already. Log FLume "25 Mins"... excellent... no harness... not too long queue and a longer ride than most! Sorted and off we go 'slush puppies n all' to the Log Flume area.

Log Flume

We join the huge queue for the flume, but luckily they have about 10 going round at any one time so, it's goes down pretty quick.

I get the better half to put some sun cream on me, because by now I'm sizzling in the sun. Being fair skinned doesn't help either.

We near the fron and I spot some kids wanting to jump the queue. Luckily they want to jump in behind where I'm stood. Then the tannoy goes... I think "ere we f****** go again"!

But fortunately it's the woman shouting "Would the 4 boys who have just enetered the queue please hop back over the fence where Alton Towers security will escort you to the front enterance". LMAO!

We get to the front and on to the flume. Only the 2 of us in there and we sit back n relax. The ride was great, long and relaxing. We go down about 3 dips before we get to the big one! As we start our decent, I grab the better half's knockers again and give a "pwhaor" grin to the camera.

Thoroughly soaked 'again' we go to the picture desk. £4.99 for a print of the pic. Flaming rip off! But we get one... we need at least one picture to remember the s****y day we've had.

We make our way to the entrance. Knackered, burned and thirsty. We get one last diet coke for the road and make our way to the car park (via the monorail). All in all a long, expensive, waste of a day and one I wish I would have spent at home or in the peak district!

Altron Towers... you can keep it!

(Proabably till next year at least)

In all fairness when you look on their website there is plenty of info about the high season and how busy it gets...I went during low season and had a great time

I get the exact problems in reverse i am on the small side and i get paranoid about falling through the bars, though i,m pretty stocky sometimes i feel like a 10 year old in an adults chair.

I refuse to go to Alton Towers for the exact reasons you have just mentioned so visit Camelot or American Adventure, its a lot less hassle.

Their website doesn't say anything about numerous technical difficulties though!

Thinking of taking my nephew to American Adventure next month!

Originally posted by DaBouncer

Their website doesn't say anything about numerous technical difficulties though!

...yeh but they can't forsee technical difficulties can they?

I tell you what, you go and have a day like I did and see how your judgment may change.

And no you're right they can' forsee it, but having better stand by crews and the ability to free people trapped on their rides quicker would servce to be better in customer service respect and provides reasurance to the public.

Also what's with all the charging for parking now days? Don't they earn enough from the public?

i went to alton towers on tuesday

Date: Tuesday, 15th July 2003

Weather: AAGHHH Stupid-0-hot, like 30'C

Arrival Time: about 9:45am ish

Departure Time: 6.00pm

Rides went on:

Air x 2

Duel

Hex

Blade

Runaway Mine Train

Log Flume

Rapids

Tea Cups

Merchandise bought:

Air Photo

Overall: 95%

i went on the train, it was only £27 return (including bus fare and park tickets )

reason the park was busy is because its the last week for school trips (hence why the BP vouchers didnt work)

the carparking charge paid for the new Hotel

Glad you had a good time RPG!

Originally posted by DaBouncer

I tell you what, you go and have a day like I did and see how your judgment may change.

 

I'm not daft enough to go in high season when I know all the kids will be going before they break up from school. I used to go there with my school in July every year when I was younger.

 

And no you're right they can' forsee it, but having better stand by crews and the ability to free people trapped on their rides quicker would servce to be better in customer service respect and provides reasurance to the public.

 

Why don't you write to them and let them know or are you the whinging type who likes to blow hot air and yet do nothing to change the situation....you never know they might give you free tickets as a goodwill gesture

 

Also what's with all the charging for parking now days? Don't they earn enough from the public?

Its a popular place and expensive to run thats why

Hmmm expensive they've managed for HOW MANY years not charging so why now? Like RPG say's.. probably to pay for the hotel!

the trick is to get Virtual Queue Tickets for air

oh and American Adventure is crap, they stopped putting money into it and its just delapidated now