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Decorating Trousers

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I have done up many houses

in my decorating trousers -

commodious and wide

with large pockets on the side

they promise easy movement

and are quite beyond improvement.

 

Though stained and splished and sploshed

they are steadfastly unwashed,

with feint emulsion smell

they’ve served me very well.

I’ve increased the price of houses

in my deep and spacious trousers.

 

They once were worn with pleasure

for daily wear and leisure

both stylish and voluminous,

I revelled in their roominess.

A casual and modish phase

and those were very happy days

but sadly they grew dated

and so were relegated.

 

For paintin’ now and groutin’

and not fit to go out in

this much diminished pair I drag

be-crumpled from their carrier bag

accepting as I put them on

that now those heady days are gone.

 

But though I’ve waved a sad goodbye,

now and then I’ll see this guy,

who, boldly of his own free will

wears this dated style still -

swanning past with flowing stride

with giant pockets on the side,

apparently uncaring

of what trousers he is wearing.

 

Has no-one thought to stop and say

those trousers are bit passé,

no friend to question or condemn,

no wife to firmly veto them?

 

And then with condescension I’ll

allow myself a mocking smile -

and scorn that poor deluded fool

whose fashion sense is so uncool.

Does he really think he wows us

in his buff outmoded trousers?

 

And yet I know that deep inside

I too would like to freely stride

through public places free of care

resplendent in a pristine pair

and not to give a hoot who sees

my trousers flapping in the breeze

the pockets stuffed with all I need,

a free and happy man indeed.

Yet bound by pride and self-esteem

this image must remain a dream.

 

If only on that fateful day

I’d reverently stored away

my trousers ‘til the moment when

they’re hip and happening once again

or even just preserved the pair

‘til I’m too old to <Removed> care.

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