Favourite TV put-downs

Published here.

Much as I love Blackadder, the Red Dwarf quote from Rimmer is superb:

Look, we all have something to bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence.

And anyone remember 'Men Behaving Badly'?:

Let's face it, Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is if you're both marooned on a desert island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex.

My favourite putdown from Red Dwarf:

CAT: What? Am I the only sane one here? Why don't we drop the defensive shields?

KRYTEN: A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws. One, we don't have any defensive shields, and two, we don't have any defensive shields. Now I realise that, technically speaking, that's only one flaw but I thought it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice.

CAT: (Patting KRYTEN's shoulder) Good point; well made.

A favourite from BlackaddeR:

Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

Thoroughly enjoyed the list, thanks Hecate.

Thought I would pull this back up mainly for this put down from Red Dwarf.

STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING, YA FILTHY PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!

Minder.

Arthur Daley to a rough looking Terry McCann:

'Blimey, what happened to you? I've seen a better looking face on a pirate's flag!'

The Royle Family.

Jim to Barbara: 'Come on Babs, put your coat on.'

'Ooh, why Jim; are we going out?'

'No love. I'm going to The Feathers and I'm turning the heating off!'

(Or something to that extent.)

Or another Red Dwarf classic Rimmer go to Blue alert, then Rimmer says go to Red alert.

Kryten says are you sure sir, it does mean changing the lightbulb.

Mrs Merton to Debbie MGee "So what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels"?

Life On Mars

DI Hunt-'I think you've forgotten who you're talking to'

Sam Tyler-'An over weight,nicotine stained,borderline alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex'

Hunt-'You make that sound like a bad thing'.

"I have heard rumours that Mickey Mouse wears a Rodney Trotter wristwatch..."

(Boycie)

'Morning George, morning Baldrick. Still the striking resemblance to guppy fish at feeding time.'

Blackadder goes Forth

Also in Fawlty Towers when Basil is trying to talk to the annoying old deaf woman. He picks something up from off the floor and asks "Is this a piece of your brain?"

Del Boy Alright Trigger

Rodney Why do you call him Trigger Dell, does he carry a gun?

Dell No he looks like a horse