Relatives visiting with dogs - didn't go well need advice!

Hi All,

We have had relatives visting with their two dogs and it didn't go great and I could do with some advice, especially from dog owners, as how to best deal with this in the future.

They have visited with the dogs before but this time was probably the worst in terms of 'incidents'. The dogs are young, one is 2-3 the other a few months. Both of them are not walked daily so use the garden for doing poops and wees. In the past we have has probs with finding poos on the lawn after they have gone (and we have two young children who use the garden to play) so this time we asked in advance if they could keep an eye on the dogs in the garden and pick up poop asap and that if at all possible they encourage the dogs to poop and weee on the patio as its easier to clean up there.

On arrival they immediately let both dogs in who both streaked through the house and straight out the back door peeing at speed as they went. Our relatives had had a long journey without stopping so understandably the dogs were deperate for a weee. I couldn't help thinking it would have made sense to just bob them on a lead and do a quick loop of the block to give them a chance to relieve themselves before bringing them in - I remember my Dad doing this with the dog when I was a kid - but at this stage we weren't angry as they had only just arrived and it was only weee. Indeed the sight of a dog peeing and running like billy-o is quite funny

Over the next day or so it became clear the dogs would not wee/poop on the patio and only wanted to go on the lawn - which we had sought of reckoned on anyway and probably wasn't realistic. Our cats are very scared of the dogs so we have a routine when the dogs come to stay that we let the dogs out to wee/poop first thing, then bring them in and feed the cats/let them go outside, then shut them (cats) upstairs during the day while the dogs are about. On all but one day we had to come down and let the dogs out as our relatives stayed in bed and we needed to get them sorted so we could then deal with the cats. My OH would then go out and clear up any poop so the garden was fine for the kids to play in. He felt they should have gotten up themselves to see to them. I appreciate they are not in the habit of walking the dogs early so probably don't need to get up early to let them out at home but when you are in someone else's house?...

Anyhoo, day two I come downstairs and find smears of poo on two of our armchairs, the dogs had taken to sleeping in the chairs during the day and had obviously come in with poopie bottoms after going outside and inadvertently messed the chairs. Now I don't blame the dogs for this, they can hardly trot to the toilet and neatly wipe their own bottoms. When we had been out for a walk the previous day our relatives had wiped the dogs bottoms when they pooped so they clearly know the dogs bottoms need a wipe (to do with their breed) but didn't do this at home when they pooped in the garden. Also they let the dogs go all over our sofas/chairs etc. with no discouragement at all. I kind of felt its a bit rude to let your dog treat someone else's home like that even if they are allowed to do that at home. I wouldn't really have minded if it wasn't for the poop and tbh when we mentioned it to them they weren;t especially apologetic and just said a quick, 'sorry, they didn't mean too'. And I know they didn't mean to but that's not quite the point.

Finally on the last day one of our children was playing with one of the dogs sitting on the floor and the dog nipped her. It scared the pants off her and I immediately went over, she wasn't properly hurt or anything, just nipped and it was more the shock than anything else but our relative just looked over and said 'what did you do to her?' e.g. what did you do to the dog. and said not a word, not one word to the dog.

Now I know our daughter will have had her face too close - most likely kissing etc and I immediately explained, as we have done before, that she must give the dogs space, not put her face in theirs etc. as I know she was most likely to have bought it on herself to an extent but I really could not believe that they did not remonstrate at all with the dog. Not a word. If they had just said 'NO' and sent her outside for a bit it would have been enough.

At this point I took her in the lounge and put a film on, we had set up a makeshift barrier to stop the dogs going in the lounge (they still had a big area to play in) and put a film on for her to take her mind of it and keep her from playing with the dogs for a while. After a couple of mins one of the dogs managed to get through the barrier and when I got up to replace it the dog sat down on the settee where I had just got up - 'she's thinks she's one of us!' my relative cheerfully offered.

I was a tad fed up by now.

When my OH came in I told him about the nipping and he tried to talk to our relatives - they took immediate offence and started saying they would 'lock up their 'vicious' dogs in the cage' etc. He explained there was no need for this but they needed to take a bit more responsibility for them etc. They then started going on about our cat (who has, to be fair, scratched both our kids in his time) to which we stated that, yes, he's a bugger but we do at least discipline him when he has done this (squirt with water spray, chucked out the garden, claws trimmed etc.) to let him know we are not happy with him. Cue a row and an hour of huffing etc. Bad atmosphere, kids wondering whats going on etc....

Things finally calmed down a bit and we sat down to a meal together, trying to act normal, then we noticed the dogs having a play fight over something - turned out the'd got some of the pretend coals out of the fire and were chewing them. Sheesh.

So now we don't know what to do. Should we say we don't want them to bring the dogs again? I would prefer not to do that as despite the total rant above they are in many ways fun, cute, playful dogs and the children love them especially. One of the dogs in particular will not walk from home due to a bad experience as a puppy - has to be taken out in a car in order to have a walk and this is a big part of the problem - they don't get walked enough so have lots of spare energy and little chance to poop/wee away from home. If this could be sorted, and I think with the help of a professional it could, then a lot of the problems wouldn't exist but our relatives think she is just stuck as she is and don't seem fussed about trying to address it.

I don't like rows at all and was mortified when things got a bit heated. I really don't want to have to tell them not to bring the dogs - we do actually like dogs and have had no problems with other friends/relative bringing dogs.

But any attempt to try to convey all of this just leaves us looking like dog-haters which we really aren't.

There endeth the rant - if you are still here, god bless you for sticking with it.

Any practical advice greatly appreciated.

As far as I read it here, the issue is not with the dogs, it's with the owners. If the dogs were exercised, schooled and socialised more, and the owners got up and cleaned up after them, corrected them when there was an issue rather than expecting you to do it, then it would be a different experience having them in your home.

I'm afraid that until the owners' attitude changed they wouldn't be welcome in my home. My dog should not be an imposition on anybody we visit, and I go out of my way to make sure that she doesn't churn the garden up, that if she goes to the loo I follow along with poo bags, spray disinfectant and odour killer and I vacuum around to clear up the hair she leaves everywhere too.

Is there no alternative including meeting up with them somewhere away from your home instead? I wouldn't blame the dogs either, but you're powerless to change the owners' attitudes and until they change them there's not a lot you can do about the marauding beasties.

i agree with medusa its the owners,if they allow there dogs to treat your family home like that whats there home like?

no way would i have any friends/family in my home who allow there pets to defecate in my home id find local kennels for there dogs and be tactful in how i approached the subject.

no excuse for them weeing in the house after a long journey the owners could stop at a local park or field and let the dogs go before arrival at your home.

regarding your children if the dog isnt used to children etc they may nip for fear of being hurt/fear last thing you want is your children being hurt,

if i was you id say if your more than welcome back and heres the number of a really good local kennels and say we can all go out for a day trip/cinema,etc without having to worry about the dogs,and you worry about your home and children.

as medusa has already said you cant blame the dogs they only know what they have been taught

good luck family's are great arnt they?:roll:

The whole thing sounds disastrous - I would have gone to bed with a migraine! The solution is really down to you and whether you can deal with it again. You have asked, so although it might not be of much use to you, I would not have the dogs in my house again until the owners can guarantee that their behaviour will be acceptable and that they will take them out for regular toilet breaks.

Going on what you have said, they seem to be selfish and rather lazy people. I don't even take my dogs into the vet's without walking up and down outside until they have had a wee. I've seen this sort of carry on when I used to show my dogs. Weeing and pooing in the ring was seen so often and it was because the owners couldn't be bothered to take the dogs for a walk before bringing them to the show.

Having your garden messed up is one thing, but furniture smeared with poo - no way. BTW bums shouldn't be dirty - at a guess they are feeding them the wrong food. Poos should be firm and leave no residue around the anus.

Your relatives sound arrogant, uncaring and downright rude I'm afraid. I wonder how they'd like it if you let your child foul their furniture, house and garden and then bite their pet if you visited them!

I'm in agreement with the others, your relatives are definitely the problem, but I think you are sure of this yourself.

When we take our two cockers to relatives (my family are not animal lovers) we crate them at my brother's house until we are ready for walking them together (I always make sure they have relieved themselves beforehand so they are comfortable in the crate) and at my parents they aren't allowed in the house so we don't go in the house ourselves when the dogs are there.

I don't know of any breed that is prone to suffering with messy bums, only long haired dogs that haven't had their bums clipped. Maybe the dogs need their anal glands emptying. This should be diagnosed by the vet but most groomers are happy to do it as part of a groom once it has been diagnosed.

If I were you and wanted my relatives to come again with the dogs, I would discuss some simple rules that you wish them to adhere to. Eg, poop scooping after their dogs every time they toilet (this should be common courtesy and the responsibility of every dog owner and you shouldn't even have to ask!). I would invite them to go a walk with you as soon as they arrive to give the dogs a chance to wee and poo and to dull their excitement.

With regard to the nipping, it's hard for anyone to comment on that without them seeing it for themselves.

You could also ask them to get a B&B next time they visit, where dogs are welcome, and just have them in your house during the daytime so it doesn't impose on you so much. I think you need to be honest and upfront about your qualms to prevent any more awkward situations that could build up to a fall out.

Just for reference BTW, when we visit family we stop before we get there at some suitable park or green space to tire Molly out with a frisbee game and give her the chance to go to the toilet, so that she is a calm dog when we arrive.

If we're visiting my relatives Molly stays outdoors either in the car or in the garden (depending on the weather) with us going out to see her, walk her, give her a fuss, take her away from the house to go to the loo etc, because my relatives don't want her inside their house and that is entirely their prerogative.

When we visit my OH's rellies in some are happy for her to go inside, in which case we take everything from her water bowl upwards. We've trained her that whatever we put down and call a bed is where she should be, so we dry her paws before going into the house and then put down a bath towel and call it her bed. We put down a waterproof mat under her water bowl so she doesn't drool on their carpet and take extra towels so that if she goes out in the garden or for a play with the children she doesn't carry any muck in to the house.

If I didn't know that she was going to be a good dog then I wouldn't allow her into their houses. I'm not sure that their cats believe that she's going to be a nice dog, but then the only dogs they come into contact with normally are a pair of Maltese who are half the size of the cats

Best way to prevent this happening again is either don't invite them ever again or inviting them without their dogs.

Though to be honest other than working dogs I don't see the point of them not even the well trained ones if you can actually find one of those..

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If you don't see the point of dogs, this begs the question of why you're posting in the pets group?

I certainly wouldn't have these people in my house - no respect for you or your home.

Best way to prevent this happening again is either don't invite them ever again or inviting them without their dogs.

 

Though to be honest other than working dogs I don't see the point of them not even the well trained ones if you can actually find one of those..

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I've got to agree with Medusa here - why on earth are you even reading in the pets section if that's how you feel.

Also - very narrow minded and incorrect attitude you have there - many dogs are very well trained and are a pleasure to be around!

Relatives or not, they certainly wouldn't be welcome in our house. The whole situation isn't fair on your own cats either. Why should you have to put up with it ...............

You'll only end up falling out again ................... Just say NO.