My nephew's dilemma

He lives seperately from his long-term partner of six yrs, who is on benefits (incl. DLA) who has his two young kids in another town. The CSA aren't involved, but when he works he gives her what he can money-wise when he went over.

They have got along reasonably well until recently he found that she had been, over months, texting some other guy in messages that hinted that they could drop into her home after he had gone some nights. She also has been bad-mouthing him & laughing to friends of hers locally regarding receiving gifts and 'getting him' to pay her bills etc.

He texted her to let her know he found this all out, she denied being two-faced and he is now concerned that, as she goes into guilty denial, and that he is now wary of the people in her area, she might not get his kids to ring him each day?

What should he do?

The most important thing to do is to keep supporting his children.

Continue being friendly with his x partner and get on with his life.

He lives seperately from his long-term partner of six yrs, who is on benefits (incl. DLA) who has his two young kids in another town. The CSA aren't involved, but when he works he gives her what he can money-wise when he went over.

 

They have got along reasonably well until recently he found that she had been, over months, texting some other guy in messages that hinted that they could drop into her home after he had gone some nights. She also has been bad-mouthing him & laughing to friends of hers locally regarding receiving gifts and 'getting him' to pay her bills etc.

 

He texted her to let her know he found this all out, she denied being two-faced and he is now concerned that, as she goes into guilty denial, and that he is now wary of the people in her area, she might not get his kids to ring him each day?

 

What should he do?

He should do whats best for his kids.

If his partner is a slag then so what?

Dosent mean she isnt a good mum, just an easy lay with questionable morals.

Main thing is, stay calm what ever he does.

Going in all guns blazing will give her all the ammo she will ever need.

He's tempted to do both- go in angry but definately support the kids.

But what if it all changes every month on her whim? What if she decides she won't ring him for the kids to speak to him, when she feels like it?

If he goes to court to get definate dates to see/speak to them, would CSA get involved?

I'm asking as my sis (his mom) is going crazy.

He's tempted to do both- go in angry but definately support the kids.

 

But what if it all changes every month on her whim? What if she decides she won't ring him for the kids to speak to him, when she feels like it?

 

If he goes to court to get definate dates to see/speak to them, would CSA get involved?

 

I'm asking as my sis (his mom) is going crazy.

No point worrying about it unless it happens, he has to continue getting on with her, don't bring up her past and there should be no reason for her to stop him speaking to and seeing the kids.

I think some official organisation should set ground rules for the kid's benefit? So neither adult can change when it suits them out of spite?

Otherwise it's all down to mood and blackmail emotionally?

It's really none of his business if his ex is seeing anybody is it? He should ignore any provocations from this woman and just try and do the best for his kids.

It's really none of his business if his ex is seeing anybody is it? He should ignore any provocations from this woman and just try and do the best for his kids.

You have it wrong, she was not his ex, until he discovered the above.

Now, on a whim, she may or may not change accessibility to the kids when it suits. That's our concern.

I think some official organisation should set ground rules for the kid's benefit? So neither adult can change when it suits them out of spite?

 

Otherwise it's all down to mood and blackmail emotionally?

I agree.

Tell him to see how the next time goes, and take it from there, but it might be a very good idea to check out his parental rights or court decisions work to ensure that the kids are guaranteed to see him always, not when either party get peed off with trivial stuff.

a case for jeremy kyle perhaps

He needs to go and have a chat with a solicitor and get some ideas with a free half hour.

Is he named on the childrens' birth certificates?

If not he needs to look at acquiring 'parental responsibility' and he is best advised to use a solicitor for this.

Meanwhile, he should be talking to the childrens' mother as peacefully as possible with regard to setting up some agreement of routine with regard to child contact.

Daily phone calls can sometimes be counter-productive, compared to routines with physical contact, but try and set up what is best for you all.

It is best done amicably now, as court orders are expensive and difficult to enforce.

Use the websites to get an idea of what a CSA calculation would expect one to be contributing. Contribute what he can afford but try and make sure that it does at least meet the CSA minimum.

As tempting as it may be, try and avoid mixing money matters with what is best for the children. Keep the high ground and one's self respect.