The bravery of giving birth

A little sachet of pepper under my pillow could save me having to fake it then. :hihi:

My neighbour tried some of that aphrodisiac rhino horn. Hes really beginning to fancy those rhinos now!

Soz, momentarily slipped back into Sheffield parlance.

No problem , we like to be reminded of certain things now and again.

Took me ten minutes to give birth, the hospital made me stay in 2 days after WHY???? was parked with two other women one, was fatter than the Mersey tunnel, the other was on her mobile 24/7 Why couldn't i have gone home and had steak and chips and a bottle of wine, shoved the son and heir into his crib and got on with life?? Instead had to put up with Mrs fatarse, who had a cesearean (like I gave a fig) and ms mobile 'phone who didn't!! Christ why are we regimented now??

For the first time ever, im thanking my lucky stars im unable to have kids, makes me want to cross my legs forever....ouch!!!!!

There were two sperms swimming along in Pattricia and one said to the other "Phew I am so tired are we close to the ovaries yet". The other one replied "No, keep swimming, we only just got past the tonsils":roll:

And I bet that she still talks with her mouth full.

Giving birth is a means to an end and nothing but nothing has ever come close to the first few moments when you get to hold your precious newborn.

No matter what anyone tells you, nothing ever prepares you for the sheer agony of those hideous contractions as they rip through your body. The only consolation is that you know that it's for a finite period and you get your precious baby at the end of all that straining, blood and gore.

Oh and the breastfeeding is also agony and like being in labour all over again in the first few days as it stimulates uterine contractions as it shrinks back down to pre-pregnancy size.

Raising a child must be pretty amazing to counteract the hell that must be childbirth. I think if anyone thought about that part too much, the human race would die out!

You've got it all backwards. Carrying the child and giving birth are the easy parts. In fact, I would have been happy to do that part a dozen times and even go through the sleepless nights and round the clock breast feedings if I didn't have to raise them all past the first year. Too bad I'm not younger....I would happily be a surrogate mother. But for having to keep them and raise them, two is enough for me.

I never had any of that, Suffy. I obviously led a charmed life, epidural is truly the way to go!. The bit that really bothered me was vile indigestion for the last two months, and having to sleep sitting up, supported by pillows, every night to prevent reflux! Oh and the groin pain for the last week or two when the ligaments start to stretch in preparation for labour!

I loved the breastfeeding bit, so simple, no bottles, no getting out of bed in the night, and no biting! Bliss! Although, I did get a bit fed up by the end of the first year and gave up!

I never had any of that, Suffy. I obviously led a charmed life, epidural is truly the way to go!. The bit that really bothered me was vile indigestion for the last two months, and having to sleep sitting up, supported by pillows, every night to prevent reflux! Oh and the groin pain for the last week or two when the ligaments start to stretch in preparation for labour!

 

I loved the breastfeeding bit, so simple, no bottles, no getting out of bed in the night, and no biting! Bliss! Although, I did get a bit fed up by the end of the first year and gave up!

Lucky you! Yes, the heartburn was vile, I suffered really badly with that especially with the first pregnancy. And the endless trips to the loo, never getting a full night's sleep because of the pressure on the bladder, which I assume is nature's way of preparing you for the endless sleepless nights to come! My two never slept through the night until they were 2 and the only way we got any sleep was to have them in bed with us.

Once the cracked nipples and engorged Jordan-esque breasts had settled down, I loved breastfeeding too and did it for 12 months with each of them.

Epidural with the first one and Entonox , the second one no pain relief at all - not through choice though!

I get your point, but I don't think you really have a clue, you missed:

 

Boobs that are so full and stretched they feel like they're gonna explode.

 

Ditto for the belly.

 

A constant desire to scratch said stretching skin, a constant desire to wee, a constant desire for sex??(yes, really)

 

Farting quite openly and not giving a damn (although, personally I think that was a bit of a bonus)

 

Finding the only way to comfortably sit is like a bloke, legs akimbo.

 

Having to wear stretchy waist clothes (that's perhaps the worst ting)

 

Of course all the above is pre-labour,

 

Then there comes,

 

Feeling like your fanny is a museum as multiple medical staff/doctors/students come to take a look.

 

Squeezing the thing through a hole about the eighth of the size of the thing (I don't know whose vag you've been looking at Epiph, but it sounds unnaturally big)

 

Then after,

 

Feeling like you've been set alight downstairs and really wanting to wee/poo but knowing the pain is actually worse than giving birth itself.

 

The sore nipples as the thing sucks for dear life causing cracks/scabs.

 

The blood, oh god the blood, for several weeks after.

 

I've tried to keep the worse bits out for fear of offending the fluffed up version the men seem to imagine.

oh god i live your post, sooo soooo true haha love it

oh god i live your post, sooo soooo true haha love it

What about when the baby's head is out and you have to bloody well pant for a few minutes before pushing the rest of him/her out? It's like someone's chucked a bucket load of acid between your legs.

Giving birth is a means to an end and nothing but nothing has ever come close to the first few moments when you get to hold your precious newborn.

 

No matter what anyone tells you, nothing ever prepares you for the sheer agony of those hideous contractions as they rip through your body. The only consolation is that you know that it's for a finite period and you get your precious baby at the end of all that straining, blood and gore.

 

Oh and the breastfeeding is also agony and like being in labour all over again in the first few days as it stimulate uterine contractions as it shrinks back down to pre-pregnancy size.

so so true, iuts not the pushing thats bad its the rip roaring contractions that make you feel like your tummy is being torn out argggggggg, but then when they pass you that baby it all stops and its the most amazing feeling in the world, i love giving birth:D