After speaking to someone tonight, I thought and realised what 'family' means. Now 'family' usually means them talking and asking how they are, or getting told about weddings or even if someone is born (we could go on about death as well as hey they are still alive despite the fact they actually died a few years ago), even a simple hello would do. Do you know what? I don't even get that of my family, well apart from 1 sister (and guess what I have 3, in fact 3 sisters and 1 brother). In fact 2 sisters have had other kids and she 'loves' them, to an extent where she will buy them stuff or even look after them 'overnight'.

So what have I done wrong? Well apart from breathing who knows but the last time I got a birthday card from my mother (bearing in mind i've never been fostered or adopted) was when I was 15....I am 33 now. My youngest son is 3 soon so I assume he will get his 1 and can only assume his Birthday card will come when he is 15 because hey my mother has visited once in 3 years (at a push for 30 minutes)....I've moved since then, oh and visited the previous address!

I keep mentioning on facebook about my family would be better off on the Jeremy Kyle Show and you know what? Even that prick couldn't sort this stuff out. I once had my mother on my Facebook but I removed her because she could say Happy Birthday to kids or people she didn't know, yet myself or her grandson she obviously couldn't be bothered.

I have other kids as well, my daughter has received 1 Christmas card and present in 13 years (should add no Birthday presents), as for her older son....he's not even had 1. This is my family all over.

So does my family give a ****??? The answer is NO

Often our friends are the family we would choose if only we could :)

Often our friends are the family we would choose if only we could :)

People say you can choose youre friends ,but not your family..This is true, i come from a disfunctional family myself where i am the black sheep.and you know what, just get on with your own life and sod em.:)

.and you know what, just get on with your own life and sod em.:)

This is what I do and intend to do, but it does make you wonder at times if you sneezed or farted in the wrong place

I think it's simpler than that. I will go out on a limb and suggest that your family doesn't dislike you just are too caught up in their own (forgive me assuming this bit) miserable lives. They either don't want your problems (if you have any) or don't want your happiness. Look after your true nearest and dearest and bugger the rest.

After speaking to someone tonight, I thought and realised what 'family' means. Now 'family' usually means them talking and asking how they are, or getting told about weddings or even if someone is born (we could go on about death as well as hey they are still alive despite the fact they actually died a few years ago), even a simple hello would do. Do you know what? I don't even get that of my family, well apart from 1 sister (and guess what I have 3, in fact 3 sisters and 1 brother). In fact 2 sisters have had other kids and she 'loves' them, to an extent where she will buy them stuff or even look after them 'overnight'.

So what have I done wrong? Well apart from breathing who knows but the last time I got a birthday card from my mother (bearing in mind i've never been fostered or adopted) was when I was 15....I am 33 now. My youngest son is 3 soon so I assume he will get his 1 and can only assume his Birthday card will come when he is 15 because hey my mother has visited once in 3 years (at a push for 30 minutes)....I've moved since then, oh and visited the previous address!

I keep mentioning on facebook about my family would be better off on the Jeremy Kyle Show and you know what? Even that prick couldn't sort this stuff out. I once had my mother on my Facebook but I removed her because she could say Happy Birthday to kids or people she didn't know, yet myself or her grandson but obviously couldn't be bothered.

I have other kids as well, my daughter has received 1 Christmas card and present in 13 years (should add no Birthday presents), as for her older son....he's not even had 1. This is my family all over.

Now when you ask "what the problem?" The answer is you never get an answer. Lets look at August 2011. I got took to hospital after been found on the street. I suffer from high blood pressure and don't even remember where I had been. In fact from what I have been told I had Police outriders (those on bikes) stopping traffic at junctions as it was that high even the air ambulance couldn't take me. During that time I had to be shocked more than once to bring my heart back into some sort of rhythm. Despite my 'family' knowing this not 1 person has asked (well apart from the only sister I talk to) how I am or was.

So does my family give a ****??? The answer is NO

You could be me mate.
The only reason i know your not is because im typing this right now but yeah, you could be me.
The list of ****ty tricks my family have done is long and painful yet for some strange reason they are always innocent and im always to blame.
You name it ive tried it and you name it and its been thrown back in my face.
Fact is the kids have had a git full of "nan and co" and last weekend i asked if they wanted to go and see them.
The reply spoke volumes.
"why would i want to go and see that trouble causing liar?"
I told him off for speaking like that about family but at the same time had to respect his honesty.
Strange situation to be in really but hey ho some families are crap.

This is what I do and intend to do, but it does make you wonder at times if you sneezed or farted in the wrong place

Dont blame yourself,it is them thats created the situation.My children( now grown up) dislike my mother very much ,as they can see how i have been treated..I myself have broken the cycle and i am a doting gran to my lovely grandchildren.There is no room in my life for my mum and clan, i dont need them anymore and it took my own children to show me that.I have reached out to my mum so many times only to have things thrown back in my face,there is only so much you can do, and thats it for me.:)
You are perfectly right not to give a damn..

How extraordinary for a mother not to love her son. Its supposed to be one of the strongest bonds there is.

How extraordinary for a mother not to love her son. Its supposed to be one of the strongest bonds there is.

Not always. Some mothers don't deserve the title.

It's clear really that you do care and I say that not to antagonise you at all, I sympathise with you, though your story is much more complicated than my own but I see most of what you're saying.

I have a sister who sided with my ex even though my ex cheated on me & absoluted hated my sister. I only get to see my neice if I happen to be at my parents when she goes round (there have been times she's driven off before entering the house after finding out I'm there)

TBH though she uses our parents, goes running to them when she wants something, usually money or free stuff/baby sitting but my parents can't see it (despite myself and my other 2 sisters telling them)

I was invited to her wedding (though I believe this was my mother's doing) and to keep the peace I attended.

In her speech she asked her new in-laws, in front of the whole party and my parents if she could called them "Mum & Dad". The hurt was visible on our parents faces and I walked out, turning the table with the cake over.

She even sent a message to a friend of hers saying that she was going to say to my parents that they choose a relationship with me or her and their grandchildren. (Her friend immediately told me as she thought that was wrong) My mother went up the wall at her for that and gave an ultimatum of her own, make my parents chose and she'd lose.

Now I also found out some info about her, info that if told would cost her everything, her marriage the lot. She knows that I know something incriminating but not this fact and currently doesn't speak to me but "keeps the peace" at family gatherings.

Friends are Gods way of apologising for the bloody awful relations he lands you with...

You pay your penny and take your chance. You make your own decisions and face the consequences.

You only have one life so live it as you want too and s@d the rest.

Yes, you are within your rights not to give a toss. Regrettably, sometimes family members are simply not going to be the people we wish them to be. My father in law once bought Christmas gifts for the children of the man repairing one of his rental houses. His own grandkids got squat from him that year. I'd have (blissfully) never known about this, except that my late MIL (the troublemaker) made sure I knew. :loopy:

We are currently blessed with a family member who spent years treating us like crap, ignoring us, etc. Now this person is old and sick, and suddenly has all the time in the world. Frankly, I don't care about their feelings but don't have the heart to be openly mean. At the same time, we've gotten used to being without them in our lives.

I'd say, have minimal contact, email, text messages, etc. on YOUR terms, and only if you wish. Otherwise, the hell with 'em. What goes around comes around.

My inclination would be to think 'sod 'em', but then, if you're like me, it only adds to your suffering.

And as I get older I feel it is important to try and get on with one's relations; and here is why:

When I was younger, I'd meet family and relatives over a beer. These days, I find myself in the same room with friends and relatives over a bier (ie, coffin). The frequency of these funerals increases as you get older and you're faced with two inevitables:

A - you are faced with the awkwardness of being in the same room with friends and relatives you no longer get on with;

B - the next time it happens it might be you or one of your relations in the coffin, by which time it's too late to break the ice and renew friendships.

Whatever your disagreements, they're your family and your blood. It isn't easy to do, but you need to find out what their problem is. Time is short and we are here to live life to the fullest.

Good luck.

They sound arses and we here on Sheffield Flrum certainly care, which is why you have replies

Big hug x

I don't know how to answer this, it's so hard to say which way to go with this one.

Personally I'd mourn for my loss (accept that they are arses and not worth my time) and love the family that loves you. Otherwise you'll make yourself ill with the stress of wondering what you've done wrong.

Big hug to you though x