my friend has been in hospital for over a months and to start with i visited him everyday but recently ive been pre occupied with other stuff i thought at the time was important and the last time before visited before today was Saturday. So I went today and he wasnt there and after much panic and confusion someone took me to a room and told me he had die on Sunday. I admit my head has been up my own backside recently but I had been there al ot for his family and right now as well as been upset and confused I'm angry that they let me find out like like, is it too much too ask that they could have called or even an email would have been better than this

Iam sorry for your loss Mandy and I can imagine you must feel guilt and anger but even though He was your friend you could hardly be expected to visit every day....there were also other people and other things to consider.

The fact that the parents did not let you know I would put down to them grieving and not telling you as an oversight during this emotional period and not a reflection on what you have or haven't done.... their world like yours will be a very messy one at this time.

Maybe you should give them a call to say how sorry for them you are and don't ask them why they never contacted you as logic defies all in grief.

Mandy,
Very sorry to hear about your loss, but I would agree with Jake - please don't take it out on the family. When someone close to you dies, all logic goes out the window, and you end up just trying to cope. We lost someone close a year ago, and despite us having a list of who we had to tell, we completely forgot about it, and ended up not telling a close family member about the death. When we found out we were absolutely mortified - I'm sure this family would feel the same. I'd contact them, say you've only just found out ,and offer to help.

I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you're ok girlie.

I agree with Jake too, they must have so much on their mind and wont have delibrately forgotten about you.

Good Luck
xx

Hi Mandy im sorry to hear about your friend. The thing is that you were not to know that this would happen and obviously you have other things to worry about as well as your friend. Its unfortunate how things have happened and i can understand that you would be very distressed to find out the way you did but please try not to take it out on his family. As Jake01 said his family will be grieving themselves and may not be up to facing anyone just yet and to be honest its probably not the sort of thing they would have wanted to say by email. They will have a lot on their minds right now so i really wouldnt take it personally.

I aggree that maybe you should give them a call or if your quite close then go round and see them in person as the longer you leave it the harder it will become. They may even see it as a weight off their minds that you already know and that its one less person that they need to break the news to.

I hope you are ok and my thoughts are with you
hazel xx

thanks everyone i thinki m just going to go home now im tired and want to be myself i'm not sure when I'll next be online it just seems pointless at the moment

As you've had such sound and excellent advice from everyone else I hesitate to add further. Having been on both sides of this painful coin I share your pain, grief and abject misery. Your friend's immediate family need time to come to terms with their loss and 2 days is hardly adequate.

I am certain they will want to appreciate and remember you for being a very kind and supportive family friend. I think that now is really the time to show your maturity and offer to help the immediate family if they so wish without taking offence should they decline. As I also think the funeral is unlikely to have happened yet I can only imagine how they probably feel which is often described as an advanced state of limbo.

The work involved in organising a funeral is a daunting challenge at the best of times. Someone who keeps their eyes and ears open is usually able to find a way to help without asking which I am sure they will appreciate more than anything else you could do.

Feeling for you and your loss of a friend who is so obviously highly valued.