I nominate Dad's Army...

"Don't tell him Pike!"

Fawlty Towers:

"Pretentious, moi?"

Look North;

"Leeds United are saved.":loopy:

Gail to Richard after discovering his extra curricular activities:



"You're just Norman Bates with a briefcase!"

There are still some real men left in the world - men who believe that women were made to cook clean and pose naked in penthouse magazine

- Pirhana Women In The Avacado Jungles Of Death

(And yes I am serious :P )

I don't bee-lieve it!

Victor Meldrew in One Foot in the Grave.

''OK.. (motioning left) Rock. (motioning right) Hardplace. Meeeeee"

'As funny as getting an arrow through the neck and then finding there's a gas bill attached to it'

Black Adder in Goes Forth.

Almost any line in Goes Forth, actually.

Blackadder Goes Forth:
In 4 years of war we've advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with heavy shopping!

Goes Forth again

Your brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

I'd rather have my tongue beaten wafer thin with a steak-tenderiser and then stapled to the floor with a croquet hoop

'Personally I thought you were the least convincing female impressionist since Tarzan went through Jane's handbag and ate her lipstick, but I'm clearly in a minority.'

Darling: I wasn't born yesterday, you know.
Blackadder: More's the pity, we could have started your personality from scratch.

"One for all....

... and each man for himself!"

Blackadder 3

"I'll take my belt off and by thunder my trousers'll fall down"

(cant remember it exactly my apologies :wink: )

most of these quotes are from Blackadder because they are fairly original and not just a rehash of old gags. and ,as everyone, knows sarcasm is the lowest form of wit - but its also the funniest!

Interesting that there isn't a single line yet from a gazillion series of Only Fools & Horses, yet stacks from 4 series of Blackadder.

Was the BBC poll a fix, or does Sheffield Forum just have a better class of comedy commentator :) ?

Originally posted by Tony
Interesting that there isn't a single line yet from a gazillion series of Only Fools & Horses, yet stacks from 4 series of Blackadder.

Was the BBC poll a fix, or does Sheffield Forum just have a better class of comedy commentator :) ?

yes, and that's without quoting anything from Flasheart, who had dozens of classic lines all of his own!

Apart from "Rodney, you plonker" I can't think of a single line from OFAH. (no cheating on the BBC website), and the more I think about it, the more it seems like comedy wallpaper.


BA2

"It's short for ..... Bob!" :lol: :lol:

Keep 'em coming!

Okay, here's some goodies from Flasheart.


Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out that I'm missing, five hundred girls will kill themselves. I wouldn't want them on my conscience, not when they ought to be on my face!

No, not in half an hour, you rubber-desk johnny. Send the bitch with the wheels right now or I'll fly back to England and give your wife something to hang her towels on.

Well, well, well. If it isn't little Bobby Parkhurst-- saucier than a direct hit on a Heinz factory.

Hey, hey! Any bird who wants to chain herself to my railings and suffer a jet movement gets my vote.

Darling? Funny name for a guy, isn't it? Last person I called darling was pregnant 20 seconds later.

Life Of Brian

"I'm Brian, and so if my wife"

Alan Partridge (in a dream) talking to deceased arch enemy Tony Hayers in a lap dancing club:

"We had our differences, but at the end of the day, you died!"

Originally posted by Killian
yes, and that's without quoting anything from Flasheart, who had dozens of classic lines all of his own!
After reading that triggered another comedy line from Blackadder that I love

"Like the beard bridesmaid, gives me something to hang on to" :D :thumbsup:

'HEY YOU GUYYYYSSSS' - Sloath form the Goonies. cracks me up. :D

Four Candles please
Here's your fork handles sir
No I said four Candles

The great Morcambe and Wise

I think if you check you will find that was The Two Ronnies. Great comedy tho' :thumbsup:

Originally posted by DaBouncer
''OK.. (motioning left) Rock. (motioning right) Hardplace. Meeeeee"

hehehe... cannot remember for the life of me where that comes from but it is still funny!!! :D

No offence but it sounds like its from some horribly up itself American comedy like Friends or Will and Grace.

Don't get me wrong these shows do have some funny lines in them but the whole concept and feel of them makes me cringe.

God, I'm getting old and cynical, I need to chill out !!

Yodameister

"some horribly up itself American comedy like Friends or Will and Grace"

And I thought I was the only one.
The only American comedy that I can watch is "Bilko"

Col S

Im poorer than a church mouse whos just arrived home to find his wife's run off with another mouse taking all the cheese.

And good old Flashheart: 'Just because i can give orgasms to the furniture just by sitting on it'

'He had a reputation for having the worst personality in Germany . . .and as you can imagine, thats up against some stiff competition'

or even . . in Blackadder the. 3rd:

Angrier than a rhinosaurus who's just arrived home to find me in bed with his wife . . wearing his pyjamas and smoking his cigars.

Rhinosaurus, the missing link between dinosaur and large mammal

LOL@Yoda! ok, so i made a small error!! . .
What i meant was Rhinopotamous.

Originally posted by Cols
Yodameister

"some horribly up itself American comedy like Friends or Will and Grace"

And I thought I was the only one.
The only American comedy that I can watch is "Bilko"

Col S

Totally agree that most US comedy is rubbish.

But as with most things American, they produce the best and the worst of everything (music, films etc).

I contend that the The Simpsons is quite possibly the best comedy TV show EVER.

"How's about I give you a spoon so you can eat my a$$"

Stifler, American Pie :D

"woman stanley..............woman"

spoken by hilda ogdne when fat hubby kissed her and asked what her lips tated of!!! wonderfull

"Let off some steam, bennett"
- Arnie, in Commando (works best *with* the accent!!

Originally posted by Agent Dan
"Let off some steam, bennett"
- Arnie, in Commando (works best *with* the accent!!

or other Arnie lines:
"Knock knock" in Predator when he kicks the door down and sprays the guys with his machine gun.
"He had to split" in Running man after he chainsawed a guy in half

I know there's more but it's too early.. add more if you can think of any :)

'Heh honey... what does that cloud look like?... RAIN!' - Family guy

'...and the funniest thing is... i don't even have a brother... it was me, i did it. I ate the sheep **** pie!' - Almost heroes

'We came... we saw... we kicked its ass' - Ghostbusters

'AI? you mean artificial intelligence?' - Matrix

'No way, you're a mentalist!' - Alan Partridge

'You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated have have got beaks.' - Alan Partridge

finally...

'You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in. And in these sheds you have 20 ft high chickens, and these chickens are scared because the don't know why they're so big, and they're going 'Oh why am I so massive?' and they're looking down at all the little chickens and they think they're in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small.- Do you deny that? No, I think his silence speaks volumes. ' - Alan Partridge

Is it fair to say you like Alan Partidge? :D The thread is about *single* lines tho ;)

Originally posted by GazB
or other Arnie lines:
"Knock knock" in Predator when he kicks the door down and sprays the guys with his machine gun.

I know there's more but it's too early.. add more if you can think of any :)

There is indeed. The bit in Predator where Arnie throws the knife and pins the guy to the pillow and then says "Stick around".

How about ;

" Fuzzy wuzzy was a women "

From Hear no evil see no evil.

That's where your bang wrong. Its now 7.01, it is now your show, I am technically a guest and you've failed to control me. Read the smallprint in your conetract.

Alan again.

Originally posted by Tony
Apart from "Rodney, you plonker" I can't think of a single line from OFAH. (no cheating on the BBC website), and the more I think about it, the more it seems like comedy wallpaper.


Maybe because many of the biggest laughs from F&H are visual jokes.
eg of the top of my head...

Del Boy trying to 'cooly' lean on a bar (which is open)

The chandeliers thing (classic)

Batman & Robin

Inflatabble exploding dolls

etc. etc.

Anyway, back to thread:

'He's not dead....he's resting'

'He's not the messiah....he's a very naughty boy'

'Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.'

'Help! Help! I'm being opressed!'

Nomme

From Spongebob:

"I can't believe I bought a $1700 racing snail, and it lost to a rock" - Squidward Tentacles

"Excuse me sir, but you're sitting on my body...which is also my face." - SB

"What could be better than serving up smiles?" - SB
"Being dead?" - SW T

"If I had a dollar for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one dollar." - SW

From Blackadder 3 (any you've missed out!):

"You look as happy as a man who thought a cat had done its business on his pie, but it turned out to b and extra big blackberry" - Prince regent

"I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel."

"I just spent my last penny on a cat-skin wind-cheater, destroyed a priceless turnip, and I'm about to be attacked by a ruthless Tunisian sock merchant. Well all I can say is this, Baldrick, I'll never dabble in politics again."

"The Scarlet Pimpernel is the most overrated human being since Judas won the AD51 'Best Disciple' competition."

And from Red Dwarf:

"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast." - Ace Rimmer

Got a bit carried away there...:D

Originally posted by jackthedog
That's where your bang wrong. Its now 7.01, it is now your show, I am technically a guest and you've failed to control me. Read the smallprint in your conetract.

Alan again.

LOL :D Another Alan one....

"its cholesterol. Scottish people eat it"

Regarding OFAH:

How about: "Alright Dave"

Surely has to be one of the best running gags ever.

Originally posted by nomme
Maybe because many of the biggest laughs from F&H are visual jokes. A bit like reading the Sun?

This thread does seem to have proven that Black Adder has the lead, with Alan Partidge a couple of lengths behind. OFAH fell at the third.

I'll add another one (though not strictly a single line)...


You don't need me... You're all individuals!

YES... WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!

Woody: "Gee. Mr Peterson, how come you mange to drink so much?"

Norm: "Easy, it's all done with mirrors... I never look in one."

My shoes are still dirty, Piers... Lick them again. :D

Originally posted by noseyrosie in the 'School Telly' thread
Oh and badger girl, what was her problem?

Fantastic!

From the Scottish comedy Still Game (only shown in Scotland, as far as I know):

Bobby (Pub Landlord): You're looking a bit porky there Jack. You've put on a bit of weight

Jack: Aye, every time I shag your wife she makes me a sandwich!