I need advice from you all

My mum seems to be suffering from empty nest syndrome... :(
she keeps phoning/texting to see if I want to go over, she'd come and pick me up and everything and I could stay for a few days (I have a car of my own!) then when I turn that down she then suggests coming over here for a bit and taking me out.

Now I know all of this is lovely, and it shows she cares for me and all that... but I've lived away from my parents (they are still together) for well over 6 years now and this has only just kicked in, I like my own space, don't like it being invaded, this place isn't big enough for more than a couple of people...

Until recently she's been quite happy with me going over there every week or so, suddenly she seems to want to see me at least twice a week or more (I saw her and dad last friday for the whole day and she's been texting this week since tuesday!) I've already told her I'll be going over this weekend for a day.

Its not that I don't like spending time with her, we have lots in common, we are in the same profession, went thru uni at almost the same time, but I just feel that suddenly she's gone mad... shes pestering me so much... every time I call her she asks if I want to go over for a couple of days!!

Now, I spend most of every weekend with my b/f, if i give in to mum and see her for a few days every week that leaves me with almost no time to myself, I start a new job in a few weeks... where on earth will i fit that in???

Can anyone help? what should I do, just keep going as I have been doing and see her once a week or so, more than that or maybe even less?

Anything that I can do to help her????

How old is she?

Is she fit? :heyhey:

How old is she?

Is she fit? :heyhey:

CHEEKY!!!!!:P

Dont knock it hun, I would give anything to have a close relationship with my folks but the pair of them are too self obsessed to give a flying fig about me sad but true.

My Dad forgot my 30th birthday in September last year and didnt even send me a card and my mum wouldnt take me to A&E when I was seriously ill a few days ago because she "had to get up early", but this isnt the half of it, but I dont want to bore you with the woe is me act LOL.

Yesterday I went to my best friends fathers funeral and it made me realise that I will never have that same kind of close relationship with my folks that everyone else seem to take for granted.

It really does upset me because I'm a good person, Ive never been in trouble with the police, I dont drink, Ive never taken drugs, I have never been a rebel or disobeyed my parents yet they treat me like Im nothing.

I can understand you need your privacy and you have your own life to lead and theres nothing wrong with that at all, do you think that your Mums demands on your time are down to her being lonely?

Maybe try explaining to her that you will set some time to come down once every 2-4 weeks but thats all your busy lifestyle will allow because you need to devote time to the demands that brings especially as now you will soon start a new job, I doubt thats being unreasonable.

Give her a big hug as well as it sounds like she just needs some reasurance and also maybe try and get her to act on joining some clubs or something that interests her so she can occupy her mind and stop the boredom.

I wish you lots of luck with everything.

Jo

thanks for that :)
i do appreciate my parents always being there, if i need them they are only a phonecall and 17 miles away, thats great... its just that its suddenly got silly. I know mum and dad have a few external probs at the mo and that may be triggering things.
As far as i can tell she's not lonely, her and dad live together, she has a job at the museum 2 days every week, she has her church groups 2 days a week and sunday and friends to go out with another night... she has walking friends who she goes out with every few weeks as well... she's also just got herself an allotment... yet this is still getting worse!

:help:

" I know mum and dad have a few external probs at the mo and that may be triggering things. "

I was gonna say, maybe it's to do with something like this. Is she trying to get some quality time with you because there's something on her mind, and she wants to talk about it ? Have you asked her ? It sounds like you're the closest person to her.

I don't really know your mom but, I can say that, with my mom, I don't give her enough time to get to the real nitty gritties. I'm worst than you, as I see her less. Though this time she's over, I made a bigger effort and things. She led me round the garden path talking about mundane things before she really talks about what's on her mind. Maybe your mom is similar ? I dunno...

Next time you visit your folks, why don't you just take your mom shopping and have a girly chat or something. Or, instead of going to see them twice, maybe see them once a week, but phone and have like a 2-3 hour chat just to touch base ? As least you save on petrol money. That is, if you have free evening calls.

When i first came to uni my mum was absolutley terrible for ringing everyday, trying to get me at home or on the mobile, even for little things (or nothing), when i was eating tea, watching stuff on tv she know i watch etc. i know that sounds picky but it really did get on my nerves...bless her! i started saying to her "you dont have to ring me everyday you know" in a sort of joking way and said this everytime she rang. She eventually got the message without it getting nasty or hurtful.

" I know mum and dad have a few external probs at the mo and that may be triggering things. "

I was gonna say, maybe it's to do with something like this. Is she trying to get some quality time with you because there's something on her mind, and she wants to talk about it ? Have you asked her ? It sounds like you're the closest person to her.


There is something serious going on in the family that sadly I can't go into here, and i've a feeling thats exactly what all of this is about... the problem is I can't do anything about it, we have talked, we talk a lot, most of our conversations when i go home are about it (its actually making me want to go less even tho i still go the same amount anyway cos i know she needs me) but there's only so much i can do... i can't be two children at once... :help: :(
I know both my parents are dealing with loads of stuff at the mo and dont want to be harsh to them and want to be there for them, but I just can't...

Please, you don't need to go into the details. I do understand, and can sympathesize.

If I think back to my life and my own relationship with my parents. It explains why the distance between myself and my mom. The guilt is always there, but... surely it's too much for anyone to handle ?

I suppose if it's too emotional and things, then the next best thing is to let time solve it, and dilute whatever it is. If one cannot actively do something, surely making the decision to do nothing is also an action/decision made ? I guess as long as you let your mom know that u love her very much is enough. Something, somewhere will yield, and that will prob change the situation.

I don't think we're made to be superwomen.