My 3 year old grandson has had a disrupted life, but he is now living with me, his mum is here too, and we are doing our best for him.

However, he has proved very difficult to toilet train. 2 house moves and a new baby in the last 6 months havent helped. We have done all the obvious things, giving stickers, rewards etc but its just taking a long long time. Some days he will be fine, with no accidents, then he just lapses. It is worse when we take him out as he just forgets and wets his trousers.

The problem is, he is due to start nursery next month. I'm not sure what happens these days, if they take them with trainer pants or what. But I know if I put him in those training pull up pants it seems to set him back. Any suggestions?

I think he sounds like he is doing ok really. the best thing is to relax about it and not make a fuss even if he does well. Try not to make a point about it as he will pick up on your anxiety, even when you praise him. A little praise isn't amiss though.

In my setting we do ask that children are toilet trained but accidents happen which we realise they will. I asked our teacher to send out permission slips to the parents to ask for their consent to change a childs clothes/pants etc when they have an accident.

We did have one little boy who had an accident and wouldn't let us undress him to get his wet clothes off (which was difficult but quite wise of him). We ended up calling his mummy for a little reassurance for him.

Nappy pants do make things worse and it sounds cruel but the best thing is to let them feel that they are wet and that it is uncomfortable before you change them.

It will come right in the end naturally and he is still only little. Prompt him for toilet breaks often as that helps.

Thanks Bonny, thats a really reassuring reply. Are you a nursery nurse?

I am thinking of sending him in normal pants but going a long with him for the first week and taking him to the loo in nursery so he gets into the routine. He is the type who will forget when he gets involved in play. Trouble is, if he is at home he is fine in just a top and pants, but put him in trousers and he seems to associate it with wearing nappies and just wets them.

When the nursery teacher comes to do his home visit next week I will have to see what she says. I know there is sometimes an issue about changing pants.

I agree with Bonny, he really is doing ok if he's has alot to contend with recently. When my son started nursery a couple of years ago, the school send a letter with the things they expect the children to do before they start. For example wash their hands after using the toilet, putting on their own coat and simple things like these. I must admit one of the requests was that the child was dry before they start nursery but I suppose it depends on the school. Hope you go on o.k. I'm sure things will improve real soon.

nurseys are really great and trainer pants/pull ups they arnt a problem,hes only 3 years old,you will be suprised there will be more than him believe me, :thumbsup:

Originally posted by alysonpeach
Thanks Bonny, thats a really reassuring reply. Are you a nursery nurse?

I am thinking of sending him in normal pants but going a long with him for the first week and taking him to the loo in nursery so he gets into the routine. He is the type who will forget when he gets involved in play. Trouble is, if he is at home he is fine in just a top and pants, but put him in trousers and he seems to associate it with wearing nappies and just wets them.

When the nursery teacher comes to do his home visit next week I will have to see what she says. I know there is sometimes an issue about changing pants.

Kind of, at the moment. I'm an "education researcher and developer" (can't get to grips with the title) also a trained Steiner early years teacher (3-7 years) filling in until we have another trained steiner teacher in Sheffield.

I suppose it depends on the nursery, our approach is quite gentle and home like so we allow for things like this if needed.

Is he going to nursery 5 days? It may be good if you start him off gently with a few days then build it up later. He may need a more gentle transition if he has had a lot of change recently.

He is starting 5 afternoons a week, but I think the sessions are only 2 hours. He will only go 4 for the first 8 weeks as he has to attend a parenting assessment with his parents one day a week. He has been to a private nursery before, he used to go one session a week, then this was increased to 2 and he loved it. When he moved back here in November, it was pointless starting him at another playgroup/private nursery for 2 months so he has had a 3 month gap. He is very outgoing and sociable, and is looking forward to nursery, its just the toilet thing, which he probably wont even notice ... but thats the prob!

The private nursery he used to attend wanted him in nappies or pull ups if he wasnt trained and that was the problem. Obviously, any training taking place on the other days was undone by putting him in pull ups, which he just wets.

It sounds like the thing that will have the most positive effect is lots of TLC and time from mummy and grandma.

Don't worry too much he's still a baby at 3 years old. Our society is conditioned to expect too much from young children these days at an early age. It will pass. The time to worry is if he gets to 5 nearly 6 and he is still doing it. Then it's best to get things checked as it could be medical rather than emotional.

I had the same problem with my son last year - he would not toilet train at all (completely refused potty, toilet) and with nursery fast approaching (within two weeks of the new term starting) I was resigned to sending him to school every day with plenty of pants and trousers in a bag in case he did have the inevitable accident, which he did at first but the school were great about it and have gently encouraged him to go to the toilet and praised and rewarded him with stickers etc when he has gone there.

I did manage to get him to go on the potty eventually by turning it into a 'magic' potty. Every time he did a wee the magic potty would come up with a 'Hot Wheels' car, it cost me about £20 - £30 over a two week period in little cars but it worked a treat and was definitely money well spent:)

He is now using the toilet at home, and will after eighteen months occassionally go at school when desperate but absolutely refuses to use one anywhere else (grandparents, other family members etc let alone 'public' loos), which makes life a bit awkward sometimes but he is much better now than he used to be and will doubtless improve more in the future.

:)

My liitle girl is 3 and due to start nursery on the 10th Jan, they also expect them to take themselfs off to the loo which at the mo she cant really do, she is in normal pants and dosnt wet herself but must admit im a bit unsure as to wether she will actually take her self off when she does require the toilet. But the thing is as well, i think when they see that other kids are doing it as well they tend to follow so im not going to worry too much and if they do get into a pickle the nursery teachers wont just leave them and the toilets are kiddy height as well which will prob make a huge difference to the ones we have at home.

Im hoping my grandson will see the other kids using the toilet and follow suit, but as I have said, he is the type to just get involved in play and forget.

He uses the potty at home, usually ... we have a special fisher price musical potty which plays a tune, but is just the right height and has a little guard on. He also gets a chocolate coin when he uses it, I suppose we might have to up the reward to hot wheels cars!!!

At the moment he has a bad cold, we all have, and after weeing on his mum twice yesterday, we've put him back in pull ups. But they always set him back because when he wears normal pants he just thinks theyre pull ups and wees in them.

I really dont get it. My kids didnt take this long to train. And yes, my mum said that to me ... so if each successive generation takes longer ... where will we be?

just read this thread and i think it depends on the nursery he will be attending as to whether he will be ok using trainer pants. Mine havent had that problem but a lady with a boy that was starting at the same time as my boy was told that he had to be toilet trained before his start date otherwise it would delay his start in nursery. Night time wasnt a problem as long as he was trained in the day. I think your grandson sounds like he's doing ok though, it'll be just a matter of time.

Does anyone on here have experience of Reignhead Nursery? If so, what is their policy on toilet training.

Now might not be the best time to pressure him to ask for the potty/toilet what with everything else going on in his life.

However, I believe that most nurseries like children to be clean and dry by the time they start and can cater for the ocasional wet pants. Yes you can use pull-ups of course which are fine for wees but if he wants a poo he will be mighty uncomfortable sitting in it for a couple of hours.

Personally I would be tempted to remove the nappies/pull-ups completely and be prepared for lots of little mistakes while the he is still in the home environment, after all a month is a long time. Lots and lots of praise for remembering to ask for the toilet and just see what happens. If by the time he starts nursery you feel that he needs the security of the pull-ups then speak to the nursery about it.

Well we had a bit of a breakthrough today. He removed his pull ups himself and went to the potty, then for the rest of the day wore his cotton pants and removed them for wees himself ... so we will press on ...

Our lounge carpet is rather worse for wear ... yuk! If we werent thinking of moving next year I would have replaced it with laminate or cushionfloor.

Originally posted by alysonpeach
Well we had a bit of a breakthrough today. He removed his pull ups himself and went to the potty, then for the rest of the day wore his cotton pants and removed them for wees himself ... so we will press on ...

:clap: :clap: :banana: