Any Forummers fancy a dabble at writing a very long poem?

Basically, I start it off. You lot add verses and see how long it runs for. World record maybe?

There are some basic rules though (aren't there always), which go as follows;

1. All verses should follow the same sort of beat.

2. All verses should contain 4 lines and rhyme as follows, LINES 1+2 rhyme, LINES 3+4 rhyme. (you'll see from my opening verse).

3. No comments, corrections, quotes, personal insults or tantrums.

4. There is a sister thread for any comments or queries called FORUM POEM COMMENTS, please use this.

5. When composing your verse(s), try to make any change in direction, subject as subtle as possible.

GOOD LUCK TO US ALL:thumbsup:


HERE GOES!!!

A FORUM POEM


On seven hills she proudly stands
On tired legs she puts demands
Her wooded vales and idle streams
Hold secret tales of childhood dreams

Neath tree and rock where nature hides
And many a miller's soul abides
A tiny piece of heaven greets
The refugee from busy streets

But yet do we the chosen few
Appreciate this wonderous view?
We answer yes, but yet feel bitter
That some scumbag has dumped his litter

A student town, this hilly place
can the new bods hack the pace
out of breath, all up n'down
tis knackering to walk this town

A wonderful city we love and share,
Even the trendies with their stupid hair,
As for the rubbish we can only titter,
That it was dropped there by some punk-arse-splitter.

Variety is the spice of life some do say,
No shortage of which in the Sheffield of today,
A mixture on the streets of colours and creeds,
And safer to live in than Manchester or Leeds.

So to the forum, for it needs a mention,
An interesting place, Geoff Bowens invention,
Be it a thread on poetry, work or a flat,
Or just pop in for the on-line chat.

The fifth largest city in all of the land
The place of the birth of the Human League band
The home of The Blades and The Owls and the Sharks
The in-place to come if you like lots of parks.

We have Heeley Bottom but no Heeley Top
And Highfields and Lowfields but Middlefields, not.
Lowedges we have but Highedges, oh no
Except outside houses where't privet's 'oergrown.

A great city centre with markets and stalls
Pavements covered wi ' squashed chewing gum balls
Pavement pizzas 'ont Moor late at night
And Broken bottles reflect the moonlight

But this is the place, the place where I'm from
The city who's back-to-back houses are gone
And in their places flat acres of space
Leisure facilities - but no human race.

The Sheffield folk now have a forum
Its content though can oft' times bore 'em
Discussion there is seldom convivial
They prefer to talk of matters trivial

My Favourite Colour/Drink is now the banter
I like red, or is it blue? Do I swig Pepsi, or maybe Fanta?
You’re a lifelong Blade, or perhaps an Owl
If you get too aggro, the mods cry "foul!"

New Labour saved us from the Tories
But let’s forget those horror stories
T’was Thatcher helped our city die
Yet “I’m all right Jack” is now the cry

So throw out those commas, don’t check that spelling
We’ll just ignore the scholars' yelling
Let’s write in Text Speak when we can
Ten years of schooling down the pan

City was icy cold ten years ago
Six foot deep was the snow
Winter's milder now - how strange
For that we must thank climate change

The best rocking place in town to meet
Is the Classic Rock Bar with its ACDC beat
You can find it at the foot of the Road of Ecclesall
Pop in any time, it's more fun than Meadowhall

We stock Fosters, Smooth, Kronenbourg and Stella
Guinness, real ale, Woodpecker and Miller
Many bottles are a pound including Lambrini
Every night in the week there's a band playing for free

It's the unofficial home of Sheffield Forum
Where we all meet up and have a bit of fun
The next Forum meet is on Sunday the 28th
Looking forward to seeing you all, I just cannot wait!

At Sheffield we have 2 unis here,
The rivalry between them is often clear.
Hallam is the younger one of the two,
But the students there behave like they were born in a zoo.

Sheffield Uni is a traditional red-brick institution,
But what does this mean? There is often confusion.
You may prefer Hallam, with a more modern outlook,
But many would say teaching there's poor as hell.

There are many ways to get to Sheffield where I am,
You can travel by bus, by car, train or tram.
But one thing I'd question, (that's if I'm able),
Should we really have to travel by cars on a cable?

Supertram Supertram..........not long now,
I can see you coming and anticipate how
you'll sooth me as always with warmth and bright light
steal me away from the darkness of night.

And so homeward bound, up the road, down the hill.
Gone from my bones the cold winter chill.
Now i'm sat down I feel ready to drop!
Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! OOPS! That was my stop.

Just out of town we can boast Meadowhall
Where once stood our steel works, dirty and tall
Gone are the furnaces, hammers and mills
Replaced by consumers, queueing at tills.

A place for the hardy folk rolling in cash
Where a fortune in earnings is gone in a flash
Where posers with mobiles are seeking perfection
They barge you and bump you, they can't change direction.

And if you survive this unhealthy onslaught
Of ignorant folk with the junk they have bought
You can always visit Oasis for peace
And chew on a well-earned burger (with grease).

So the poem is working and growing in size,
Steeped in humour and wit so far the replies,
A little surprised by only nine responses,
So start tapping kids and stop being ponces.

The country's sport capital now it would seem
But not cos of soccer, aint got no good team
We've sports halls and race tracks and stadiums galore
And a sport with Canadians, and ice on the floor.

For those who're less sporty and don't like to sweat
Who's idea of fitness is walking the pet
Remember, when Rover wants poo poo, and barks
There's acres of woodland and dozens of parks.

And if you're as proud as a 'Sheff' ought to be
I'm sure with this request you're bound to agree
When Rover has squatted and done number twos
Don't leave it behind so it sticks to my shoes.

And speaking of parkland and lush, verdant woods
So full of young children and yobbos in hoods
We mustn't forget, in our haste to complain
That its there for us all and we all stand to gain.

This city is greener, and this is a fact
Than any of the others since our clean air act
And this we should greet with a hail, hearty cheer
With a good pint of Stones, cos we've got the best beer.

But watch where you drink it, you know it makes sense
For the better surroundings you'll pay a few more pence
Cos cheap pubs can cost you the use of your arms
Whereas good pubs reward you, clean glasses and charms.

2 years since I moved back to this our steel city,
After 8 years away our town ain't quite as sh*tty
Peace Gardens refashioned with plush fountains upon it,
Where tramps can no longer drink, p*ss and vomit.

An egg box once stood where a new structure arises
Our taxes gone where? For guessing, no prizes!
Winter Gardens in plate-glass, steel, wood and stones
Though it still looks to me just like dinosaur bones.

The cleanup of Sheffield does seem in full swing,
Although some folks in Sheffield, boy do they ming!
My pet hate on the bus is when someone sits near,
And smells like they've never been washed in a year.

There is in Sheffield, it may surprise you to hear,
a Golden Triangle, for lovers of beer.
Real Ale's what i'm talking, the drink of Real Men,
and brown trouser beer twitchers, with notepad and pen.

Point A is The Cask, otherwise known
as the Cask and Cutler, a real home from home.
Point B is The Gardeners, the Gardeners Rest,
on hot summer days its beer garden's the best.

The New Barrack Tavern, can be found at point C,
Completing the triangle. Are you followin me?
Now I have only one worry . That's what is the cost?
In the Golden Triangle how many men have been lost??

it's the empty seat,
no mean feat.
drunk on the bus,
next to us

we'll move away,
stand and sway.
while on he dreams...
splashing happily in alcohol streams.

nose in a book
reflected look
"not bad?".
"how sad!"

kids push past
laughing, one last
stop until,
standing still

on the kerb,
find saved herb.
then plough on again
collar up against the whipping rain

wear that path,
back to the hearth.
keys, open door
and drip on the floor

offspring springs
telephone rings
everyone fed
and off to bed

apart from me,
a cup of tea.
and up two flights
to sit and type by pallid light

so at my journeys end
regards I send .
from my brick ledge
in nether edge.

We say our views as they come across strongly
How about talking abit about Longley.
A leafy place with a large hilly park
Where you no longer venture after dark.
The days still short, the skys are grey,
Theres fun on the forum where we can have our say.
Its hard to think about something that will rymme.
Wish i had the brains of Phanerothyme.
But he's the one to take the blame,
when i can never pronounce his ruddy name.
When Geoffs on i don't wish to pry
but did'nt he used to host Bullseye.

This city's wide, its very wide
Some thirteen miles from side to side
With different cultures, creeds and races
Same ambitions, different faces.

So let's be proud of what we've got
Let's not put others on the spot
We'll integrate, unlike the rest,
And shout out loud, "We are the best".

Imagine life without these cultures
Sheffield dead, a haunt of vultures
Same old faces, same old voices
Boring accents, lot less choices.

But that's enough of the serious stuff
Don't want to be known as a scholarly chuff
So I'll look at life from the lighter view
And add another verse or two.

Has anyone noticed that when it rains
The water never goes down the drains
When about these puddles you do complain
"Sorry pal, its cus o' t' rain".

Reporting once a faulty light
Out in the street, ON, day and night
The girl on the phone asked "Where's it at?"
Told her,.... but she weren't content with that.

"You need to tell me, what's its number?"
"Can't see it from here." still groggy from slumber
"We need it you see, so we know where it's at."
"It's the one that's LIT UP you gormless bat!"

With a hay, and a ho, and a nonny nonny no
Its of to the Peak Dis-trict we go
Past leafy suburbs, fields and sheep
Up narrow lanes and hills so steep.

The reservoirs look good today
See how the boaters frolic and play
And what's that there up in that tree?
Why, its a flasher, and he's flashing at me.

So off we drive at speed a-pace
To find another, safer place
But what's that smell? The car it fills
Forgot Jack's travel sickness pills.

"Are we there yet," someone moans
"Want a toilet," Tears and groans
In a layby, full of woes
Eaten alive by mos-qui-tos.

Then off we go we're nearly there
The wonders of the Peak we'll share
A pastoral scene so beautiful
What's this? The bloody car park's full!

And in a voice half kind, half gruff
"Sod this kids, I've had enough."
"Let's go home and have our tea."
"Dad, I want another wee!"

Taking corners very fast
Thank God for that we're home at last
"Now thank your dad," the wife will say
"For taking you all out today."

Come on chaps, don't like to moan
But now it seems I'm on my own
This poetry thread is rather thin
To add a verse won't be a sin.

A record here is what I'm after
Never know, might get a BAFTA
My typing digit's getting weak
So please, your help I humbly seek.

It's not for me I yearn this glory
I want to build a FORUM story
Little bits from ALL us fools
As long as we stick to the rules.

So please, I beg, on bended knee
Contribute a verse or three
No matter what your poetry's like
Just type it here, won't take the Mike.

but i tried it once,
i'm out of stunts.
verbally deflated,
poetry abated.

I hear your cry for help 'ar chap
But t'seems you have your verse on tap
Ev'n tho I've just arisen from't pit
I'll try to help you out a bit.

While out last night my pal did spout,
'Ey Paul, don't get me wrong or owt.
But lookin round at all these women
There's few with whom I'd share mi linen'.

Well clearly he's a picky sod,
But then he's not just on his tod.
We both like girls who dress up nice
And keep their 'flesh' unadvertised.

Division St was packed last night,
In other towns there'd be a fight.
But as is always t'case you see,
Seems trouble stays away from me.

We finished in a nice late gaff
Good atmosphere and friendly staff
Although it's name I can not pass,
For that's DaBouncer's patch of grass. :D

The sun is high the air is sweet
I'm in the garden, bum on seat
Some birds are singing in the trees
While on the flowers are flies and bees.

My pond is cool and full of life
A sure escape from daily strife
I sit and watch my flowers grow
What's this? a neighbour's stereo?

So this is it, just like LAST year
As soon as Summer days are here
Out they come, the bloody deaf
Sod everyone, don't give an 'F'.

And so to strains of tuneless crap
My day is ruined, can't even nap
So in I go for peace and calm
With windows open cos its warm.

God, what's that smell? I think I know
As particles through the window flow
That's it, Christ, now my pressure's higher
Some chuff's just lit a bloody fire!

So windows closed, as hot as hell
I try to get rid of the smell
Roll on winter when these bores
Seldom wander out of doors.

So for my fresh air I must go
Into the country, but "Oh no!"
You'll never guess what I can see
Those ignorant sods have followed me!

I've been to Heeley Retail Park
To buy a shirt it looks quite dark
From Matalan the garment came
It's black as coal, looks quite insane.

I'm going out see, later on
a 40th birthday bash, rock on!
At Darnall Libs the party's at
The place is dire it's really tat.

So Newky Brown then drink will I
and eat the sausage rolls - pork pie
And then come home we will by cab
after drinking, eating mixed with gab.

Then on the forum I will type
with drunken fingers lots of hype
and then no doubt I'll fall a-snooze
after copious pints of North-East booze.

The moral of this story is
Working Men's Club's just aint the biz
so stay at home on your PC
The Sheffield Forum's the place to be!

Here he comes the ice cream man
Pretty chimes, and little van
Waiting, waiting. Will he stop?
99 with nuts on top.

Moving closer all the time
Louder, louder is his chime
Soon be here, I just can't wait
Standing by the garden gate.

He isn't slowing, drives straight past
So I follow, very fast
Waving, shouting, running after
Street is full of cruel laughter.

Round the corner, up the hill
Panting, waving, running still
Ice cream man ignores my cries
Tears are forming in my eyes.

Very soon I see he's stopping
Children queue like grown-ups shopping
Take your time till I get there
Cross the road with greatest care.

Breathing now with lungs a-heaving
In and out of folks I'm weaving
Finally I'm in the queue
"Boy in front, I'm after you."

Shaking legs and knocking knees
"Can I have a 99 please?"
"Sorry lad you can't have nowt.
He were't last, I've just run out."

So ice cream free and knackered out
I kick and scream, and swear and shout
The people stare, the air is blue
I have my rights,.....I'm 52.

I cast my mind back years ago
When I was only 10 or so
And life seemed oh so simple then
A full toy box, a garden den.

I had no worries, life was good
No future plans for adulthood
Getting lost my only fear..........
And the occasional clip around the ear!

I'd wait for Santa in the gloom
And wish he'd soon come to my room
But by-and-by I'd fall asleep
Then wake, "Look prezzies in a heap."

The paper off, my room a mess
What's from whom? I'll have to guess
"Mum, dad, wake its christmas day!"
"Yes, thats nice son, now go away."

Now I've grown old, I've lost some hair
My knees grow weak with every stair
But life's been good, it could've been worse
At least I've made it to the 101st verse!!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup:

markham is this the end?
been driven round the bend?
this poem has smashed a ton
are you gonna end the fun?

or do we continue progress
at your behest?
spouting verse
that's sometimes terse

or verse that's purple, overwritten,tortured
oversweet, like rotten apples an in orchard.
bad verse that doesn't rhyme,
or uses cliches all the time.

so where do we go from here,
save to the pub for a beer.
the poem i mean - in which direction
do we take at this poetic intersection?

No Phan old son, it doesn't end
We'll carry on, we've set a trend
This poem I'm sure goes on for ever
With verses crap, un-rhym'd, or clever.

Ideas are thin upon the ground
I'm sure if we all look around
We'll find some fuel, some inspiration
Points that need no explanation.

So off we go, another ton
It could be tosh, it may be fun
There is no limit to the time
As long as verses NEARLY rhyme.

I'm going now, my head it hurts
My inspiration comes in spurts
Later, though, a verse or two
At least on here we don't argue.

Our National Anthem needs updatin'
Why not now, why are we waitin'?
On this thread's the place and time
Cos after all, its got to rhyme.

So here we go, let's have a shot
Put minds in gear, see what we've got
This rhythm we don't need heed
Just lots of lovely verse to read.

With hands on hearts and be upstandin'
Simple prose, not too demandin'
Keep it English, proud but clean
And for God's sake DON'T include the Queen!!

Now steady on, don't get in a tiz
There's really nowt wrong wi our Liz
To sing an anthem wi' out her name
Why, that would be a right daft game

She is our monarch when all's said & done
Tho' you may think she's not much fun
She's been our Queen these fifty years
That's lots of waving, handshaking and tears

She's unelected, that is true
But that's because her blood is blue
We don't want a politician on the throne
Let's salute the Queen and not her drones

To the tune of 'Hope and Glory'
Here's my first attempt
Hope it don't offend you lot
No offence is meant.



LAND OF DOPE AND WHINGERS
England's industry-free
We are useless at football
But how we really love thee.

Rover went to the Germans
Jaguar sold out to Ford
All the things we were proud of
Bought by someone abroad.

Clowns who sit at elections
Titles that don't mean a thing
Earls, Dukes, Barons and MPs
Come on all of you sing.

Land of dope and whingers
English woman and man
Praise this home of our fathers
While it goes down the pan.

I get your point there Mojo mate
Its not our Liz I wish to slate
I, like you, respect the lass
She's done us proud these long years past.

Her name to mention would be fine
But surely not in every line
Our present anthem's not much fun
With 'Queen' in three lines on the run.

And now here is the final verse
Of 'LAND OF DOPE AND WHINGERS'
And yes, it will include the Queen
I've patriotic twinges.

All hail the QUEEN and her offspring
Charles, Anne, Andrew and Ed
We're all certain of one thing
She should have had gold-fish in-stead.

there was an old man called jim
he hated his new blue bin
a fish he threw in
made it rotten and stink
so he pulled the fish out by its fin

markham, a request ?
for it is at your bequest
we slave and pore,
and tap our fingers sore.

we've come this far,
let's raise the bar!
move our eyes,
towards the skies.

leave anthems behind,
soar with our minds,
in ether capacious
(and quotes ingracious).

once upon I time,
i saw you alter the rhyme.
not far to go now,
before we let it all flow now!

quatrains and triplets -
tercets and couplets -
rhyming conventions -
and bold inventions.

to express our collective
prime directive.
meaning is sought,
but infrequently caught.

on our lines of verse,
purple or terse.
lets escape the norm,
and play with the form.

swap the rhyme
from time to time
and try something new

you may find
it crosses your mind
to do the same thing too

of course, it's your call, I know that.
you've started so now you'll finish
but perhaps you'd step up to bat
and continue with a flourish?

Ok Phan, I'm back again
With you I do agree
I'll bend the rules
So all you ghouls
Can contribute, with me.

Your verse, your beat, its up to you
Just try to keep it clean
So type away
Let's start today
Believe me, I'm still keen.

Maybe if we add a verse
For every forum thread
A line or two
From all of you
Before we go to bed.

For instance chaps, example here!
The one about CAT CRAWLIN'
Hit little brats
With baseball bats?
That really is appallin'.

And what about the blonde haired lass
Who tries to scrounge our cash?
We must keep clear
We live in fear
In case we get a rash.

And what of using words like SCUM
So free and off the cuff
When other words
Describe these turds
Like BUM or SOD or CHUFF!

Well, Foxxx and me we disagreed
On benefits and fraud
My pants turned brown
So I backed down
Its over. Thank the Lord!

What future doth this forum hold
If all of us agreed?
We'd more or less
Just all say 'Yes'
Then there'd be nowt to read.

So here I say, with hand on heart
Long may OUR forum last
We'll have our say
Each brand new day
Leave squabbles in the past.

Oh, by-the-way, I quite forgot
How do we pronounce SCONE?
The same as GONE
That rhymes with JOHN?
Or just like TELEPHONE?

Its Tango2's birth-day today
So let's be hail and haughty
Knockin' on
Hair soon be gone
And creeping up to 40!!!

A smoking ban across the land?
So let's look at the facts
Less hospitals
To cure our ills
Cos we've lost the smokers' tax.

But hey, what's this? Avast, behold
They've had a great idea
Let's not be rash
We'll still have cash
Let's slap the tax on beer.

GM crops, what do you think?
Are they good or do they stink?

Post you thoughts, it's up to you.
Would you like a GM stew?

Some think they're good, some think they're bad,
Some think it's all a crazy fad.

I'd like to hear from both sides,
On this forum no-one hides.

Some contraversial posts from t020,
And some punches you'll want to throw.

So post away, you might just find,
With GM foods you have peace of mind.

GM foods may not be bad
When you get down to it
Compared to things
From Burger King's
And what their chefs do to it.

I've had stuff from KFC
And though you think me barmy
I'm still alive
I did survive
So nothing else can harm me.

And anyway, these GM folk
Who do they think they are?
I may be thick
But should'nt they stick
To making GM cars?!!

This forum's here for everyone
But there's one thing I can bet ya
You offend
And we will send
DaBouncer round to getcha!!

Break the law by dropping names
And you will come a cropper
Duty bound
We'll send around
The Spook, cos he's a copper.

If these two blokes don't sort you out
We still won't give up tryin'
Cos in will come
The merciless one
The Foxxx will leave you cryin'.

Where's me quids gone, what's this Euro?
EU flag looks *****e!
Straight cucumbers
Metric numbers
Driving on the right?

Brand-name changes every where
The Frogs we try to please
Once was JIF
Now its CIF
Ain't that a disease?!!!

from brightside i wander
down hills and oer yonder
to see desolation ,not meadowhall wonders
impress me it never
upset me forever
i think of the steel and the jobs that were forever
to see them fine statues
and kids with no values
hanging around them no respect and no thankyous
understand they will never
respect them,yeah "whatever"
the hardships men suffered to build us this city
now stands on its ruins
shops ,cafes and kids chewing



lots of love pretty woman ;)

I’ve watched my father tame the fire
Seen my dream sing to me; lifting me higher
He stopped for moment to say nothing new
“Son, dreams for people like you, never comes true”

I’ve watched artists create a great painting
And I stared at them while they close their eyes dreaming
I too started to do some soul searching
Dreaming for someone in this world to pull through

I’ve walked in this life as if life was a tavern
Leaving behind loved ones who were uncertain
Of they’re own lives and I tried, as I always do
But their hearts have been asleep for too long to pull through

I’ve watched the clouds fly by while I was crying
Tears fell as I looked up to the sky, wonder where God is hiding
To ask why He gave me a voice in a world that’s sleeping
To suddenly find someone gives me the stage and opening the great curtain

I may add verses here today
Just thought I'd let you know
I'm still around
And duty-bound
And got no place to go.

My inspiration I must find
On threads that are here posted
I'll have a ball
And read them all
Whilst eating brown bread, toasted.

So in the meantime all of you
Might like to have a go
But keep it clean
Know what I mean?
Or Geoff will let you know!!

Running slowly, breathing's hard
Feeling like a lump of lard
Cough, wretch, splutter, gasp and gag
God I think I need a fag.

Matches ready, fag in gob
Lean on tree just like a yob
Nonsmokers stare and scowl a bit
But I don't care, don't give a *****.

And while they scowl in my direction
As if they are folks of perfection
I laugh out loud, my thigh I slap
As they walk straight into a pile of cr@p.

So off they go and step indoors
With dog poo on their nice clean floors
My crafty fag they will forget
But the dog owner they'll hate, I bet.

Here's a thing that leaves me thinking
Now help me here, please do
When there's only one fool in there
Who're they chatting to?

The chat room's what I'm talking 'bout
I don't go in there much
But when you're on your own in there
How do you get in touch?

Viagra, how I hold thee dear
My life is now worthwhile
Standing tall
On show to all
And strutting round with style.

My wife however disagrees
She thinks the tablets stink
She begs me lots
To wash the pots
But I can't get near the sink!

They cure a lifelong problem though
Which every night I dread
A pill I pop
And it will stop
Me rolling out of bed.

Outlook express is so very bad,
Severed connections make me sad,
Bt Yahoo, say do this and that,
But everytime I do, it leaves me flat,
So come on Bt, sort it out,
Or I shall move to Tisceli,
Without a doubt.

Come on pretty_woman lass
I need some competition
Your task is hard
I'm on my guard
My fav-our-ite position!

So far though your thread is brill
Makes really magic reading
Its difficult
Not to insult
Especially one's breeding!!

I don't know many forum folk
But me you do enlighten
I've read their names
Followed their games
And sometimes me they frighten!!!

So keep it up, and don't pack in
Encouragement you're getting
You'll do just fine
Cos every line
Is perfect for this setting!!!!

another thread
led me here
we ain't finished
I'll get m'arse in gear...

I wasn't here when this began
But now Im another addicted fan
The forum poem is long in verse
Another stanza couldn't make it worse

It took ages to read the previous lines
I couldn't wait to add on mine
So here it is, my contribution
Hopefully no cause of retribution

ka-ching! or is it ker-plunk?
I was thinking we were sunk!
but from the far end of the alphabet
comes zebra - he'll save us yet!

so tell me zebra whilst its late
the sort of poems that you hate
the kind of prose that sends you reeling
what makes you swell with feeling?

I hate that sloppy, lovey stuff
It makes me want to vomit
I'd send the authors up to space
And blast them with a comet!

I much prefer the real life kind
The ones with grit and turmoil
The good, the bad the sometimes sad
The stuff that makes your blood boil!

I have been known to write a bit
The written word, I love it
But as for all that sloppy stuff
You know where you can shove it!

I studied English Lit at Uni
Found the authors mostly looney
War poets make me really cross
With constant reams of total dross

All they write is dark and sad
Reading it just makes me mad
Give me any other rhyme
Reading it will pass my time

I've written poems in the past
(This one is my present last)
In the meantime, dearest Phan
I'm a lady, not a man!

the personal pronoun
of persons unknown
is bound by convention
to be under contention

a stab in the dark
may be good for a lark
when guessing the gender
of a (forum) member

no offence intended
apologies sended
will use "she" instead
in all my threads

diluted solar
radiation leaves me cold
put spring in my step

crisp leaves flurry feet
sudden nasal chill
and in between, shivering

An excellent display of well chosen words
Another response would have been quite absurd
I realise you're human, of the same race
I'll continue my prose now, watch this space

'A city built on seven hills like Rome
But this is here, and this is home'
A show at the Crucible featured these lines
I cannot claim that they are mine

Imagine a gladiator here in our town
Muscles heaving, skin golden brown
Everyone watching, the girls and the boys
Can I have Brad Pitt, just like in 'Troy'?

The chariots would ignore all the traffic lights
Desperate to be the first at the fights
Parking at the Arena - a bigger joke
Imagine the jam if one of them broke?

Roundabouts would be a thing of the past
Chaos everywhere (with me probably last)
Sunbeds would have a financial boom
While sealing a cancerous, painful doom

Ponds Forge would be an interesting place
The men all in saunas (now me in first place :D )
I peep in the windows, rub off the steam
Then I'd be smiling, face at full beam!

So once again my poem thread lives
Unto this forum, culture gives
Brought to the fore by good old Phan
A verse or two whene'er we can.

How many verses we have writ
Devoid of common sense or wit
To count them all would make me sob
So that's some other bugger's job!

But keep 'em coming once again
Relate your happiness and pain
Inform us all 'bout what you think
We don't care if your verses stink.

The Sheffield Star, our city paper
Reporting every local caper
'Local Man In Tram Scandal'
'Kiddy Burnt By Pan Handle'

Documenting thousands of lives
'Help Raise Money, Walk To St Ives'
There with good news, and with bad
'The Star Supports Local Dad'

Recording our daily toil and grind
'New Facilities For The Blind'
Celebrating news with printed word
'Boy, 3, Saves Endangered Bird'

Where would we be without our rag?
'City Students' Out In Drag'
'Buy A Special Edition (from 10th of June)
£10.99 and Featuring YOU.'

Well done Zebra, that was great
Not felt poetic, me, of late
Think I've got a cold or flu
So now it's down to folks like you.

But when I'm well and on the mend
A verse or two again I'll send
So till that time, which should be nigh
It's up to you, go on, please try.

Birdie, birdie, in the sky,
why'd you do that in my eye?
Looks like sugar, tastes like sap.
OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!"

I liked this thread to write a poem
If it's ok I thought I'd join
I think an awful lot in rhyme
But do not always have the time
To sit and write the thoughts in pen
So here I am just typing them

As I am Sheffield born and bred
Its interesting to read this thread
The poets here, some good, some better
Described my birth place to the letter

With itchy feet when Ive been bored
This great big world I have explored
Some places enjoy warmer climes
They bask in sun most of the time

Sheffield with all her Northern charm
Has a welcome that is just as warm
I dont care who has the highest steeple
The best thing in Sheffield is the people!

It seems that every now and then
When someone finds the time,
They go and drag this old thread up
And add another rhyme.

I’m tickled pink it’s still alive
Each verse another gem.
The other forums ain’t got this
Thank God its us…not them.

so the forum poem's a'going again,
with a sonnet no less, would you believe?
though each line's a struggle and the meters in pain,
i must confess to a certain relief
this form requires a poetic leaning
the meter is lost the diction is tangled
and halfway through I'm fumbling for meaning
Vogons aside, this poem is mangled
but I'm no poet, not a poet like Blake
No quill like shakespeare, no parchement like Donne
I like to deploy lines that rhyme with hake,
And as you see I write purely for fun
My time is done, this verse is now complete
Need a real poet in the driving seat

bump to the top
must do it in verse
a brevity sop
keeping it terse

I returned to Sheffield following divorce
Was it 'the best move ever made?' Of course!
Although, on reflection in Sheffield there is
a prevailing maudliness, like Liverpool - wot a swiz

One thing that I've never got my head 'round
Is why, on your birthday you have to spend pounds
on buns and confectionary, for colleagues at work?
Spongecake, chocolate, crisps and nougert...

Another thing that strikes me, so many lardies!
And this comes from me, a lookalike Hardy
That's 'Ollie', not 'Kiss me', before you enquire
I wish I could throw this 'ere poem on the fire

The Harlequin Fish Bar is now no more
At least the Kashmir Curry Centre ain't
Relocated to The Moor
Hang on, I think someone's at the door.....

I thought it was time, 9 months down the line
to bring this thread back to the top.
A ‘very long poem’ is where we were going
When Saxon51 first started it off.
But with only 68 post, it’s not time yet to boast
Or sit back storing lines in our head.
With tip tapping fingers, and faces aglow
We should be still adding our verses instead.
:P

Your poems I have read to the 70 post
I really don"t know which I like the most
I thought I would add one I wrote in the past
Of childhood memories..please don"t be aghast

As a child I"d wonder what my life would bring
I"d laugh,play and ponder and loved to sing
Would I be a singer and sing songs like Doris Day?
Or would I have a family and grow permanently grey!
Childish thoughts and fears chased me through the night
Keeping company with my hopes for a future bright.

Shouts and quarrels from below stirred me from my dreams
Dad"s been to The Club again its fighting beer it seems
Mum she holds the babby close whilst the row proceeds
She yells and shouts and screams at him and his nasty deeds

"Pam,",she cries "come quickly, come and give a hand"
Dutifully I descend the stairs but could not understand
Why Dad,fists clenched,lunged then restrained his intent to hurt
Accusing her of hiding behind the Babbys skirt

As I sat dejectedly listening to the fray
I wished I was tucked up in bed,for school it was next day
Dad he laid upon the couch sleeping off the booze
I curled up in the easy chair trying to have a snooze

Mum,she sat alone, pondering all the things he"d said
Until the daylight dawned and we crept upstairs to bed.

Well, shiver me timbers and saxon's me name
The old forum poem is live once again
Gangan has grabbed it and brought it to life
Let's hope that the forum's poets are rife.

A poet I am not and never will be,
But writing allows my emotions to run free,
My head is in our fields of flowers in full bloom,
While in reality I sit here, sinking in gloom.

I dream of a city of all love and no hate,
Where my children need nothing to follow their fate,
Where life in Sheffield means happiness and success,
While in reality I sit here, my world in a mess.

Well, shiver me timbers and saxon's me name
The old forum poem is live once again
Gangan has grabbed it and brought it to life
Let's hope that the forum's peots are rife.

There has to be poems or where would we be?
Life would be such a drag,said she

Poems keep our minds and thoughts a-flowing
They satisfy and start hearts a-glowing

I wonder if there will be anymore?
Come on you poets..don"t be a bore!

I've sat and I've read these verses from all,
And some of the places I clearly recall:
The Sheff. of my childhood had trams and deep snow,
But that was a really long time ago.

When I was in Sheffield before "82
I wrote a verse and the following"s not new
About a statue in the square
But I don"t know if it"s still there..

King Ted he stands in Fitzalan Square
Viewing the world with a solemn stare
He"s been there now for quite some time
The proof of which is the soot and the grime

Passersby are neat and clean
Cars and buses they all gleam
Roadsweepers clear away the litter
As Ted stands there just feeling bitter

Should we see a king who looked like Ted
There would be quite a lot to be said
He can"t speak out "cause he"s made of stone
But if he could he"d have a good moan

So come on you folk who have the power
To give King Ted a bath or a shower
Please clean up the place in Fitzalan Square
And remove from Ted that disdainful air!

The swoop of a bird casts a shadow before me,
I glance up and watch it's sharp movements with envy.
Gliding with skill through the tips of the trees,
Halting to rest on the gentle spring breeze.

I walk on down the path with a feeling of awe (sp?)
So open the space yet at ease and secure.
The whispers and rustling of creatures unseen,
In a vastness of woodland, a carpet of green.

A faint trickle of water, it's sound pure and clear,
Cleansing the mind of lonliness and fear.
The warmth of the sun enticing new buds,
An afternoon spent in Wharncliffe woods.

I’ve given up on divine inspiration
Hunting for rhymes offers much less vexation
I’ll use Sheffield Forum as the source for my verse
As ideas go, I know I’ve had worse

I looked through the sections and trawled through the groups
Thinking ‘this should be easy, like jumping through hoops’
This place is a goldmine of wisdom profound
Erudition and wit to inflame and astound

I browsed ‘Sheffield Discussions’ and ‘Technical chat,’
‘Jobs and Employment’, sought help from expats
It all came to naught, I think I will cry,
All I’ve achieved is acute RSI.

I’ve given up on divine inspiration
Hunting for rhymes offers much less vexation
I’ll use Sheffield Forum as the source for my verse
As ideas go, I know I’ve had worse

I looked through the sections and trawled through the groups
Thinking ‘this should be easy, like jumping through hoops’
This place is a goldmine of wisdom profound
Erudition and wit to inflame and astound

I browsed ‘Sheffield Discussions’ and ‘Technical chat,’
‘Jobs and Employment’, sought help from expats
It all came to naught, I think I will cry,
All I’ve achieved is acute RSI.

The talent is endless, the subjects so wide
At the last line above, I laughed til I cried!
For starting this thread Saxon you should be praised,
That I'm making this scan, I'm truly amazed :thumbsup:

If you're looking for info, or want to make friends,
If joining a group is a means to an end
By scanning the forum you could do what I've done,
Join the online community, go on, its fun! :hihi: