As far as I'm concerned I am part of what I'd call a dysfunctional family.

All my Mum and Dad do is argue and bicker with each other. Mum complains to me about Dad, Dad complains to my sister about Mum. Sister believes it's all Mum's fault and won't hear a bad word about Dad even though he does nothing but sit on his backside in front of the tv every evening and weekend. We all moan about each other and I'm sick of it. Mum feels like she's a victim and plays the martyr at every chance she gets. She does alot for other people and has a problem that she can't say no to anyone but she never leaves any time for herself and as a result she's always in a permanent state of stress which wears everyone else down.

I really wish they'd got a divorce years ago and I'm going to be so happy when I can get enough cash together to get the hell out of here and get my own place again. I know it sounds bad but I really don't want to be part of this family at all anymore and I almost feel like it's my duty not to have kids just in case this dysfunctional trait is a part of me too. I don't want to be in this position in another 20 years time with my own kids.

I know that sounds like something an angst-filled teenager might say but I'm not just rebelling here. This has been brewing up for years and I'm so damn sick of it. I really need to get out of this house and not come back.........to live anyway.

Sorry, I'm just in a really bad mood at the moment. :(

[/rant]

It could be a lot lot worse believe me

I'm sure it could Kittykat.

My sister and I were not physically abused or neglected (we're both mid-late 20s now) and I'm not saying that my family's problem is worse than other's families because I know that it does get MUCH worse, but I was talking about my family's problem.

If you want to talk about your family then please feel free. That's what this thread is for. I didn't start it so that people could post and say 'I've had it worse than you so be grateful'.

If you have been in a bad family situation before then I'm sorry for that.

no, but my friends are the real life Simpsons. her husband looks like Homer, they have 3 children, a boy and two girls, the youngest of whom's nickname is stinkie, they have a small dog (santa's little helper) they have chops every thursday, they have a friend called Mo, and he drinks lots of duffenbrau lager. spookie coincidence.

My family was a right mess for many years. My parents divorced when I was ten, as the result of "another woman". I lived with my mum, with two younger brothers, and for many years we were utterly poverty stricken. I never had anything to do with my dad's new girlfriend, and as the divorce became very bitter I stopped talking to my dad for a couple of years too. Then my mum married someone else who I couldn't get on with, and I spent the next, suppsedly best years of my life in some sort of hellish limbo, not wanting to live at either parents, but having nowhere else to go. I ended up going to university, not to get educated, but just to get away from it all.

when I graduated, I moved back to my mum's for a year, then moved away again. Finally, things seem to have settled down. Now I don't (well, rarely) have to be everyone else's emotional punch-bag, I feel like I'm beginning to get on with my life. Trust me Paul, getting away from it is the best thing you could possibly do.

There aint a family in western culture that aint dysfunctional.

N only 5% of people in western culture have had a good childhood.

People who think otherwise are in denial.

it depends on your defenition of dysfunctional. Where did you get that statistic from Micksheff? it seems to contradict the term dysfunctional.

I am very happy with my chuildhood and my family, they are supportive when they need to be but they let me have my space. I can talk to my prents about anything, though something i wouldn't talk to them about.

True my family would probably be classed as normal, my parents are still together. Then again, this is both of their second marriages and my half sister is fairly older than me. I wouldn't consider my family dysfuntional, and neither does my sister, despite her having two families to grow up with. I think that my family isn't dysfunctional as we don't seem to fight (well not seriously).

Am i one of that 5%? I find it hard to believe that most people don't have this relationship with their familes.

Maybe i am lucky... My thoughts on if 5% is realistic vary while i write this.

I dunno!

Wilf

Dysfunctional Families my favourite subject! :D

Well where do I start. My Mum and Dad divorced when I was a toddler. My Dad having caught my Mum with another man in his house.

My Mum went on to have boyfriend after boyfriend, most of them complete d1ck heads. The worst was the one who physically and mentally abused myself and my sister.

We were absolutly broke, skint on the poverty line. I used to beg my Dad to let me stay with him but he said I couldn't. When he dropped me back at my Mums after a weekend together he would have to literally rip me from the car because I would grab onto the seat or seatbelt so he couldn't take me back to my Mums. Nobody knew why I hated it so much until I ended up in hospital at the hands of my mums boyfriend.

Over the years my Mum continued to have different blokes. I rebelled at 14. Did everything I could to self destruct.

I ended up living in a hostel at 15. Got my own place at 17 and have tried ever since to get my life on track. I hope to get a good career and never be like my Mum. At the moment I'm going through a painful time with my love life but I'm sure I'll bounce back.

One thing I've learnt is that it doesn't matter what happened as a kid you can always turn your life around if you really want to.

I suppose you would call my family disfunctional (divorced parents etc) but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Growing up, all my friends in their 'functional' families hated being at home.

They were nagged to keep things tidy, not to leave toys out in the garden for fear of what the neighbours might say, they had to see granny every sunday evening, they had to go to church, they had to be in for tea at 5.30 prompt every day, they had to give a weeks notice if they wanted to stay at a friends house overnight, they had to play music quietly, they had to ask to be excused from the dinner table etc etc.


Me, I could stay out as late (within reason) as I liked, go where I liked, do whatever I wanted, eat when I was hungry, pretty much pleased myself.


And now, all my friends who had 'proper' upbringings are the ones who have moved away from home as early as possible and spend all their money getting smashed on drugs and booze, and never talk to their parents.

In my experience, 'functional' means problematic.

This is in no way a dig at anybodies way of live, family or otherwise; this merely comes from circumstances I have witness.
A friend of mine had a similar home life to the one which you describe Pauly in which his parents had argued for years and complained to the kids about the other parent.

Arguments consited of different subject (money, nagging, car usage, TV Channel, work commitments, child favouritism etc etc).
There were 2 children in the family (both lads) and both were still living at home even in their mid twenties.

One brother left home (got married) and then within 2 yrs the other left home.
As soon as both of the kids had left the home environment, the arguments and bickering stopped.
Why? It wasn't the childrens fault for the parents differences, but indirectly it was the burden (financial mainly) that were the route cause of most of the problems. Now this isn't the childrens fault because lets face it, the parent made the decision to have kids, but the extra pressure of finances, space, favouritism etc etc was the overiding factor in the bickering between the parent.

As soon as they both moved out, the parents had more disposable income to enjoy together, quality time was exactly that, no favouritism existed in the household, etc etc.

This is just one example, but it could be something that's happening in your family Pauly. It may not be, but you just never know.

Hmmm, interesting idea DaB and I can totally see where you're coming from. I've obviously no idea how may parents get on when I'm not there and I've been told by my Dad that they don't argue much, but their definition of arguing is a little different to mine. This is probably because they do it so much that they don't even notice the bickering anymore.

They'll never split up cos Mum can't financially support herself and her lifestyle alone, and Dad wouldn't have anyone to cook his tea, do his washing and ironing etc and all the other things that he takes for granted. As I said before, it's a real mess and I'm sure both of them feel trapped in some way. They just get on with it though. Kinda sad really. :(

As soon as I've left again you're probably right that the situation will improve but I'll no doubt get one of them ringing me at some point complaining about the other or about my sister's latest bout of abuse towards Mum.

When I'm away from home I tend to speak to my parents about once a week (if that) and that's enough for me to be honest. I'm alot happier when I'm removed from this volatile atmosphere. Roll on happier times eh. ;)

Originally posted by BrainThrust
it depends on your defenition of dysfunctional. Where did you get that statistic from Micksheff? it seems to contradict the term dysfunctional.



Its from the book "Healing the Child Within" by Charles L Whitfield, M.D

Protecting Our Parents: A Block to Grieving

1) Outright denial Frequently heard "My childhood was fine."

Its a great read, recommend it to anyone