I am a carer for my husband who has Parkinsons disease and dementia,also my son who has Asperger's Syndrome.
I have never in 37 years had any respite, I am not well I have COPD, and I've had a stroke, my problem has been trying to persuade my husband to go for respite in a nursing home while I have a break as I'm shattered.
After such a lot of work by social workers, doctors, nurses to organise the rest that I need, we eventually found a nursing home that could take him, as he needed a high dependency unit
I took him in the morning, then went with my two sons down south to my sons home for a couple of weeks.
At one o'clock in the morning, the phone went, and a nurse asked for me, my blood ran cold, I couldn't imagine what was wrong,then she said your husband is violent and we are going to restrain him, he's very agressive so we've fetched the police, there are two officers with him now,well I was in total shock, they are talking about a man who is bent at a 90 degree angle, who is the most quiet inoffensive man you can ever imagine,who is having to be restrained by two policemen.I
asked to speak to my husband, and he was very normal with me,God knows what had gone off, but obviously I had to come back home, only to be told that he'd broke the glass in the fire alarm and the fire brigade had been as well,the deputy manager aplogized profusly and said that it had been totally mismanaged, now we are back home and he's just the same quiet bloke he always is.
Now after that experience,I've got to try to give him confidence to try again,so I'm asking on the forum if anyone can tell me of a nursing home that will be patient and caring to a man with dementia, I know there used to be some carers on here, can anyone help me please

I don't know of any home that can help sorry, but just to say good luck and push this post back up top for you! ;)

:)

My heart goes out to you, and I hope that you find the help that you need.

Applegrim, I sincerely hope that you find a place that can help you and your Husband to get the quality of life you have been missing.

Have you thought of trying the Social Services, or any local senior citizens groups. who may know of a place that would be suitable for your husband. Good luck.

Did they find out what caused your husband's sudden behaviour change? My concern is that unless they know what triggered this unusual behaviour and can put in place suitable preventative measures that meet with your approval, I suspect this type of incident may recur if he is placed in respite care while you have a much needed and very long overdue rest.

I'm so sorry to hear about all this Applegrim :(

If anyone deserves a break it's you to be sure.

As you know I am not qualified but I will ask all the people I know and please let me know if there's anything I can do to help you even if its just helping you with the shopping or something.

Have you tried contacting Age Concern, they don't actually having nursing homes but they do have a lot of contacts.

Listerdale Residential Home (http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/Your_local_branch/Regions_and_Branches/region_trent.htm#Rotherham) is just up the road from me, Applegrim.

It has a fair reputation, however it is in Rotherham H.A, would that work for you?

Is there a respite ward in Northern Gen im sure ive heard a similar situation where NG took care of all concerned!
Good luck m8 SF people r really helpfull in time of need im sure someone can give advise thats positive & helpful to all yr family :thumbsup:

My heart goes out to you- my nan's got dementia too, and she can go from fine to catatonic at a moment's notice, so she's in an EMI unit that meets her needs very well (unfortunately not in Sheffield). I would be very surprised if experienced staff in an EMI unit would overreact in such a shocking way when things don't go to plan, so maybe it needs to be a different type of unit next time, although nerves on his part won't help his reactions.

I hope that you do persist and that an appropriate level of assistance can be found, as it sounds like you really need it.

Applegrim, so sorry to hear about your troubles, i have a sister thats in the same boat as you with her husband, only she lives in Cambridge and has her husband in respite down there.

I work a few hours a week with people with dementia, most of them live in permanently. Maybe if you tried him in respite care just on an occasional week-end to start off with, also to have a private aide with him at all times, but that of course costs money, and that could be done in your own home too.

I do hope you've been given some helpfull advice on the forum, and i wish you the best, please keep us updated if you can.

Good luck, Poppins

There is a Community Hospital at Beighton, they do day care & residential respite care too. It might be worth investigating.

Have you been in touch with the sharing caring project.
0114 275 8879, Ask for Dahlia.

This is one of the saddest posts I have ever read.
If it helps, I do feel ever so sorry about your situation and while not offering any practical help, can I just say that you have a really caring family within the forum.
I found that out last month.

Poppins makes a great point about gentle introduction. My grandma wouldn't entertain the idea of respite care for years. We eventually managed to get her in to a day centre for a few hours a week. Once she found out that it was really quite nice, and (most importantly) not frightening, she looked forward to going, both for her days out, and her "holidays" when she went in for a few weeks.

Discuss it with your social worker, and see if the home that he goes in does day visits.

Good luck x

What can I say to you all,thank you doesn't seem enough, our social worker was appalled,our doctor said why didn't they just sit and talk with him? Niki from the sharing caring project know's my husband well, all these people have known him years, and all can't believe whats happenned to him,the problem now is he's confused and thinks he's still there, he doesn't even know where our toilet is, it's hearbreaking, I know we're going to have to find somewhere else, but next time it has to be right, but I'm grateful to you all for your support, Viking, thankyou it's nice to know we share each others problems,Kathy the bean thank you too, he remembers you,and to all of you, thank you all, I hope none of you have these problems, no one can predict these things,but it does help if there are friends to support you.