My 'wanted' item is an unusual one. I am looking for any advice people can give me about getting a girlfriend. I am 33 years old and have never had a girlfriend but would very much like to.

I have tried various ways of meeting girls such as going to clubs/bars, putting adverts in the Star 'In-touch' page, joining a local amateur drama group etc. Unfortunately I have had no success.

I would welcome any advice people can give such as the right way to behave in clubs etc and what girls are looking for in men.

Many thanks.

The only advice I can give you is to be yourself. You can't "behave a certain way" if it's not true to who you are because girls will just see straight through it.

Perhaps you just need a bit of confidence when It comes to meeting women.

Why not try and make friends with women, be in the company of women more so that you aren't shy around them and then think about looking for a girlfriend.

They do say though if you look you wont find, just chill out be happy and it will happen.

Hi slimsid - Simply going out and meeting new people is hard enough, especially if you work, have interests etc.

Spice (http://www.spiceuk.com/) is not a dating agency or anything at all like that, but an activities club for adults. (not an 'adult activities' club either hehe)

Check out the website. Two people I know who have had difficulty making new friends through constraints of time and shyness have rated it very highly indeed.

It is, from what I hear, a great place to meet people, and hence women, without the baggage of dating agencies personals etc.

I found Loopylove.com (http://www.loopylove.com) through a banner ad on this site, signed up for a free account there (although you do have to pay for some parts of the site)

And already I've had LOADS of messages, but there's 2 things putting me off replying to anything, one is nerves, and secondly and probably most important, I know of the dangers of meeting people off the net through stuff like this, and I don't want to expose myself or the other party to said dangers.

Thanks for the replies so far.

I understansd the point made about being myself and not trying to put mon an act. TThat wasn't really what I mean though. The problem is that when I go downtown on a Friday or Saturday (which isn't that often) I go alone. Partly because of the loud music and partly because I am not a confident conversationalist I rarley go up to girls to chat. This isn't helped by the fact that they never seem to on their own but are always with mates. I have tried to find other men to go with me but without sucess. I do try to smile at girls but they either burst out laughing or give me a look which suggests they would not even mconsider me.

As far as internet dating is concerned I share the view that it is risky. Also I have the impression that many of the women who use these services are not what I am looking for in terms of looks. This is backed up by the pictures on their sites and those of adult activites clubs.

I did once go to a singles night at SUFC a few years back but again the women there were not what I am looking for looks wise and most seemed older than I would want. There are many girls in city centre clubs/bars who have the right looks but, as I have said, I have trouble interesting them.

The same is also true at Sheffield Universirty where I am a student. There are many pretty girls but none of them seem to show any interest in me. It also doesn't help that I am a mature student and the women I have classes with tend to be older.

I would welcome any further coments and advice.

Are you sure you can't find anyone to go down town with?

I know that people on this forum organise meets at the Classic Rock bar, why not try joining the next one? I'm not saying there will be women there but there will certainly be men who you may become friends with and I'm sure some of them will be more than happy to go into town drinking with you! :)

Perhaps it's not always the best idea to go into town on your own because as you've said women are always in groups, perhaps if you were in a group women might feel a bit more confident about talking to you? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with going out on your own but maybe if you were in a group you would feel a lot more confident about appoaching a girl. I don't know how anyone on their own would have the guts to go up to someone and chat them up! I know I certainly wouldn't.

Good luck.

hi im divorced find it hard to meet people though have been on a few dates through computer try koopid .co.uk its free lot of people from sheffield on there im moving to killamarsh soon i live in worksop at mo so hope i meet someone there goodluck

Hi there,
I'd just like to give some advice :) Im living with my boyfriend of nine months and i met him off faceparty.com. We are absolutely perfect for eachother, no doubt about it. Were very lucky to have found eachother on the internet and i know it sounds extremely cheesy or whatever but im just saying the best sites i dont think are dating sites, i reckon they are more forums like faceparty.com or bigwideworld, there the places you can talk to people and arent directly to find people. I have met alot of ppl off here and am good friends with them, so yeh go to the meets, just try to be as relaxed as you can. What do you do for a living? What are the ppl at your work like?
Linds
x

I really think that going down town on your own and hoping to meet someone is a bit of a long shot - I've only met one person in a club in my life and ended up in a relationship with them, OK it did last about 7 years but I think that was a fluke (and she chatted me up not the other way round - I wouldn't have the guts to chat someone up in a club, I'm not big on rejection!).

Have you got any interests where you could join a club, join a gym, something like that? The best way of meeting people has to be friends of friends.

But hang on, what do I know, I'm single!

CONFIDENCE!!! That's what attracts girls!!

Originally posted by angelicspoon
CONFIDENCE!!! That's what attracts girls!!

And thats easier said than done ! Considering girls just have to sit back and let the guys make the moves....

very true. I for one wish the girls would make more moves.

My first bit of advice is to stop thinking about women in terms of 'looks' and start thinking about them in terms of 'people'. It seems that you have a fundamental misunderstanding about what a meaningful relationship is about - it is about getting to know the whole person. Do you want a girlfriend and relationship or are you just into getting your rocks off with someone you fancy? If you approach it like that, then you are setting yourself up for an unfulfilling relationship if on the million to 1 chance that you got talking to someone in a bar. So as another poster already said, you will never meet a girlfriend by smiling at pretty women in bars - and a high failure rate is going to be very depressing. Of course physical attraction is important, but women are whole people as well, and if you realise this and start to 'explore' people as a whole you might be halfway to solving your problem.

Expanding your circle of friends and getting to know women socially is the best way of finding a girlfriend full stop. This way you can relax with people, talk about shared interests, have a laugh and let things happen...easier said than done I know - so the best way to do this is to think about what you like doing and find a club that lets you do this with other people. or join a drama class or something, but make it something that you really want to do, not just do it to meet women, as that will probably be doomed as well, if it is something you really want to do, you will be relaxed, having fun, smiling, approachable. A big difference from the wierdo smiling at you from the other end of the bar... It sounds like you might need some big lifestyle changes, but it will be good for you.

I would just like to thank people for the advice they have already given and answer a couple of points made by theflyingfish.

Firstly I am looking to meet a girl to have a proper relationship with and am not just looking for a one night stand. However, that does not mean looks are unimportant. I feel that because of the nature of the relationship looks are an important factor. In most relationships (eg family ones and friendships) obviously looks are not an issue but in a relationship which is in part physical I feel they are.

I can't help but wonder if you would give this same advice to all men or feel that only certain ones should not be able to care what girls look like. I also hope your advice is genuine and you don't have some political axe to grind (ie Femenism.)

Secondly I am already in a drama group and, as I explained in an earlier post, have not been able to meet a girlfriend through that. I would consider joining other groups or societies if I felt this would be the right way to meet the type of girls I want.

I am sorry if you feel I am a weirdo because I care what girls look like. In reality I am just a lonely man who wants what so many other men have. I am genuinely sorry that you begrudge me this.

Ok, enough of the rant. Again, many thanks to people for their advice and I welcome any further sugestions.

Sorry, I came across like that - I don't think you are a wierdo - I think you can broaden your horzons a little bit. In a nutshell my advice is get to know people whoever they are, for whoever they are. My advice would be the same for men and women, and does not imply that you have to 'lower your standards' in any way. I don't begrudge you any of this - honestly this was my advice as I see it!

For example, this is what I mean about getting to know people: if you get to know one of the women in your class, you don't fancy her, fine. Then she says come to the pub with some friends of mine and da daah one of them is a stunner with whom you hit it off with, and you have just been introduced, so no need to 'try and chat women up'.


What sort of wamn are you looking to meet as a matter of interest?

Flyingfish is right - meeting girlfs through other people seems like a good strategy, likely to be more successful than chatting up in bars - as girls are often on the defensive in this situation. I know I hate being 'chatted up' - sure, the attention is flattering, but I tend to have very little time for any bloke who starts trying it on in a bar. It makes me feel awkward.

Also, I've found that sometimes the more you get to know someone the more beautiful they become. You get to see much more of a person if you spend time with them and their beautiful bits become more apparent (and they become more attractive to you). A few times I've met a bloke who I wasn't initally attracted to, would've called 'average' looking etc., but who really started to sparkle after I got to know them. And those kind of looks never fade away, because they're more than skin deep. If you're just making judgements about whether someone has the right 'look' for you from across a bar you're probably missing out.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Thanks for the replies so far.

The same is also true at Sheffield Universirty where I am a student. There are many pretty girls but none of them seem to show any interest in me. It also doesn't help that I am a mature student and the women I have classes with tend to be older.

I would welcome any further coments and advice.

If you're a student at Sheffield Uni have you tried the various societies and clubs they have on offer there? They are often a cool way to meet people and there's loads of stuff to choose from. You should make the most of them while you're a student - mature or otherwise!

Both the Unis have fencing clubs and there's also the one I help run. Great places to meet people and you have the added advantage of wearing a mask so

a] people can't see what you look like
b] you can't see what other people look like

Call tihis a crass assumption if you will but arn't all your activities and energies being spent on an agenda, (to find a girlfriend).
Your attitude seems to say that you find looks of paramount importance and you justify this by saying that "why shouldn't you have what other blokes have".
How do you think this is making the people around you feel, and the few girls and women who make the effort to get to know you, when they realise your agenda and attitude. Perhaps if you tried to get to know "people" just for the sake of it and kept yourserlf active doing things you like doing, and not with the SOLE intention of getting yourself laid, even if it is a long term abjective.

When you have been with a person for a while, a minute, an hour, a day, a month, a year; your perception of them changes. As you start to get to know a person and accept their personality, needs and wants into your life alongside and equal at least to your own then you see more of what they actualy are, more of what they really look like and less of what they are trying to show you.

If you are really serious about trying to find the right person for you then you should give yourself a love ban for a year or so and try, in earnest and with an honest and open attitude, to identify specific problems in your life and how these effect other peoples perception of you. After all you have nothing to lose.

i dont kn ow bout anyone else but i always used to find that once i stopped looking, someone always came along? the more u look the harder a partner is to find imo.
x

I would just like to answer a couple of points recently made by Sheffman.

Firstly, you appear to be under the misaprehension that all I want from a relationship is to get 'laid' (your word not mine). In reality I am looking for a relationship where I can go on dates with a girl and spend time with her. In the early stages of the relationship I am not really that intersted in sex at all. I have never claimed that looks are the ONLY thing I consider important in a girl, but -like so many other men- they do matter to me.

I feel your argument has a fatal flaw in it. If you accept that some girls are good looking (and we all have our own defenition of what that is) then who do they go out with. Unless you are saying they should go out with nobody then some men must be caring what a girl looks like. Therefore, if it is all right for some men whay not for me?

Secondly you appear to blame me for devoting all my energies into finding a girlfriend as you put it. Even if this were true, would it not be natural for somebody who is 33 years old and has never had one. If you didn't get to that age yourself before your first girlfriend I don't think you are in a position to judge me. For anybody who does I would just ask them to try and picture themselves in that position for a moment and ask themselves HONESTLY how they would feel. (Forget Political Correctness for a minute and just try to think what you would really feel yourself).

Finally I take it the comment about a 'love ban' is meant to be ironic. It just so happens I have had one for 33 years.

I have just re-read what I put last night and I do appear to have come accross unneccesarily harsh and judgemental. For that I am sorry, it was far from my intentions.

I think (if I can say this without putting my other foot in my mouth) the point I was trying to make is perhaps the fact that you are desperately seeking someone special to get close to makes you look slightly "predatory" to some people and in itself create a barrier to getting to know people on a truly personal basis. If you let yourself get to know just "people" and forget the girlfriend angle for a while (after 33 years will a year make much difference).

For example, if you say to someone you just met in the Union Bar "what have you got planned for the weekend?" and they sense a predatory edge to your question (even if your intentions are noble and honest), they will be defensive and block you out, not really letting you know them and not letting themselves know the real you. this does nothing for your cause and denies them a potential friend. No winners.

On the other hand if you accept before you leave the house that you are remaining single for the time being there is no ulterior motive for others to wrongly judge you by.

Im not just making all this up by the way; because I was late in life finding love, and a partner that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I , like yourself, spent long periods of loneliness wondering why and looking at other people and seing what I was missing. I comforted myself by blaming the rest of the world.

In the end I gave up all hope of love, and stoppped trying. Then after a while I foud that I had aquired a number of friends some of who happened to be beutifull women, strong willed and single minded, the sort I would never dare to aproach if I had a mind to find a girlfriend. Knowing these people in such a neutral context helped me build up my confidence and learn through frank and honest conversation a great deal about myself and themselves, stuff that had always been out of my reach, my understanding of the problem I no longer had became fuller.

Eventually I built up anentirely new circle of friends, one of whom (a woman) introduced me to the woman who is now my wife, mother to my two children, my lover, and above all my best friend.

I hope you can accept this explanation in way of an apology and I hope any offence you took is shortlived.

I am recently single again and it's hard, but I decided to take the bull by the horns and get out there, whatever it takes and have a good time!

I even decided to go on a speed dating night. I had an absolute ball and got a date! You spend 4 minutes with each person so it's not enough time to get bored :-) I went with no other intention than to meet new people and have fun and it was brilliant. I met lots of like-minded single men and women who I meet up with now for a drink and a laugh. And, my philosophy is, if it happens it happens, but in the meantime, I'm having a load of fun with lovely people. You should give it a go, it's one of the best laughs I've had in ages!

Also, if you have a look on the Forum, there are loads of social evenings going off. There's Salsa on Tuesday's and Beachboy suggested recently that we all meet up on Saturday 13th March. Keep your eye on the "Going out in Sheffield" section.

Good Luck Sid, it's not easy, just get out there!

MP
xxx

Many thanks to all who have posted replies. I have not taken offence at any of them even when i have disagreed with a few of the comments. I appreachiate all the advice people have given and still welcome any more. Please keep it coming.

Hi Slim,

In your defence I agree that initially looks ARE important. They are the primary attraction factor, and what helps to distinguish friends from lovers. More importantly, however, is the rest of the package. The person they actually are which is what makes you stay or go. It is also true that someone always seems to come along when you don't want it, or when you aren't looking or least expect it. As a female I have observed that a guy standing on his own in a bar or club ISN'T going to attract a girl who is among a group of friends. I think you are better of going out with a couple of other male pals (not a group...too loud and laddish). Why do you think you are having difficulty finding a few pals? You also need to be in the right area. Depending on your age and interests. Are you really going to meet the right sort of girl for you hanging out in Kingdom for example? What would your ideal girl be like? I don't mean in the looks and personality department. I mean what would her interests be? Think of this and then think where a person like that might hang out? You do need to get yourself involved in things. Clubs and socs. ANYTHING. You can even meet someone in a museum! Anyone at work take your fancy? The thing I find most attractive about men is confidence (but not arrogance and cockiness) laughter and enthusiasm for living. If you exude an aura that shows a desire for life and for trying ANYTHING (I don't necessarily mean things like bungee jumping! even a deep interest in a certain author if you attended a book club for example) then you may find yourself irresistible and fascinating to another person. Skulking around looking bored won't help anyone. You do need to be proactive. Let us know how it goes!

many thanks for your advice. I was just wondering what you thought was wrong with Kingdom. I have never been there, although I have seen its website. You say I won't meet the right type of girl there. Could you elaberate please?

cheers

I have only been to Kingdom once but it was an experience ! Nothing wrong with it. I felt like a pensioner! Very loud teenage girls screaming at some boyband called FOXX! Should have known by the XX! Maybe they have different nights for different tastes, I don't know, but this particular Saturday night had no taste at all. Are you looking for a 17 year old chainsmoker with a dodgy 80's perm and lots of electric blue eyeshadow with a voice that could crack glass? If so, get down to Kingdom on Saturday night!

My knowledge of clubs and bas is limited. Do different types of girls go to different bars? This is a genuine question as I really don't know.

Also what age of girl can a 33 year old man hope to get. I personally don't have any hang-ups about age and don't have a problem about going out with a girl who is younger than me (over 16 of course). However, I wonder if younger girls would have a problem going out with a man my age.

All replies welcome.

Slim, yes different types of places attract different types of people. I for one like to go to places where I can hear myself think! Far too many bars play way too loud music and it is impossible to hold a conversation with anyone. I, personally, prefer places like wine bars (more sophisticated and often have live jazz which I love), a small and cosy pub (like you find in the suburbs), or, if I go in to town, a smaller less noisy bar with fewer people so that I don't have to queue for 20 mins to get a drink.

At 33 I wouldn't be considering going out with a teenager! HUGE emotional, intellectual and maturity divide. Im 29 and I wouldn't go out with anyone who was younger than, say, 25. Plus, people of such a young age might not be looking for a serious relationship, whereas, someone in their late 20s might. As I said, it depends on the type of lady you would like to meet. The woman that frequents Mr Kites will not be much like the woman who hangs out in Niche. Different reasons for going out, different agendas. Which do you want?

I find this very intersting.

You say different agendas. I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. What are the two agendas at Mr Kites (I have never heard of this) and Niech (I have heard of it but never been there or know anything about it)?

Also what do you think is the youngest age which would consider me. I am not particulary looking for a long term relationship nor a one night stand. I suppose I would really like the sort of relationship most lads have with their first girlfriend, ie not TOO phsical and not too long term. If you think of me as a 33 year old who is in the same poition as a younger male wanting his first girlfriend this should give you a broad idea of me.

Slim, by different agendas I mean that the majority of people who go to Niche go to listen and dance to that type of music (not to mention that other things that are available there). People who go to Mr Kites will go to chat with friends, perhaps eat, drink AT A SLOWER pace, and listen to live music. I would be looking for someone aged between 30 and 38 if I was you. I think you would get more out of it.

Originally posted by angelicspoon
CONFIDENCE!!! That's what attracts girls!!

Yup

I am genuinely interested in finding out the different types of girls who go to different bar/clubs. It could be that I have been going to the wrong places in the past and would have more sucess elsewhere.

What I am looking for is somewhere that girls go to meet men for more than just a one night stand or to get drunk with their mates. Could people help me out here by letting me know of some suitable bar/nightclubs.

I am interested in this in addition to joining a society etc to meet girls that way. For the moment I would appreachiate it if people could justy stick to nameing some suitable venues.

Many thanks.

You'd be very lucky to find what your looking for in a nightclub.

"hat I am looking for is somewhere that girls go to meet men for more than just a one night stand or to get drunk with their mates. Could people help me out here by letting me know of some suitable bar/nightclubs."


well what do YOU like doing on a night out? what music do YOU like? what sort of venues do YOU like? those are the places you are mostly likely to meet someone - tell us what you like and we'll givge you some suggestions

Originally posted by slimsid2000
What I am looking for is somewhere that girls go to meet men for more than just a one night stand or to get drunk with their mates. Could people help me out here by letting me know of some suitable bar/nightclubs.

I don't think girls particularly go out 'to meet men'.

When you have gone to town, which bars have you tried.
The problem is they tend to appeal to different sorts of people and different age groups. So if you've been going to Empire, then you'll have noticed that most of the people there look too young to drink.

Bars and clubs is quite frankly got to be the hardest way to pull, never mind to find the start of a relationship.

You'd be better of joining some of the university clubs and going out on their social nights. That way you're out with a mixed sex group and already have something in common. The age gap between yourself and a final year student isn't unsurmountable.

It's actually where i met my OT a university club. And at that point we'd both left university (her Sheffield, and myself Aston).

One final point. Making finding a girlfriend so important to yourself probably makes you come across as kinda desperate. And girls correct me if i'm wrong, but thats a real turnoff.

Originally posted by steelblade
The only advice I can give you is to be yourself. You can't "behave a certain way" if it's not true to who you are because girls will just see straight through it.
In my experience thats so untrue its unbeleivable.

Chris.

Originally posted by Chris_Sleeps
In my experience thats so untrue its unbeleivable.

Chris.

That's called being 'false' and even though it sometimes takes a long time to see through, you always get found out eventually. ;)

Why try to be something you're not anyway? Doesn't make sense to me.

i totally agree with cyclone. Why dont you try the mature students society at uni? The best way is to concentrate on making and securing friendship both male and female and go from there. Then you can meet their friends etc........

and if you have friends you wont have to go to bars on your own! Not to be harsh but that looks scary! theres nothing worse than a guy on his own staring and smiling at you it freaks girls out (including me) whatever there attentions are!

Originally posted by slimsid2000


Also what age of girl can a 33 year old man hope to get. I personally don't have any hang-ups about age and don't have a problem about going out with a girl who is younger than me (over 16 of course). However, I wonder if younger girls would have a problem going out with a man my age.

All replies welcome.

33 - what have you been doing for the last 18 years?????

anyhow i'm the same age as you and iv e never actually had a girlfriend older than 23 - they've all been around 23 but no younger than 20 but that's just how it's panned out - anyhow the point i want to make is i don't think it really matters what age they are - if it clicks it clicks

the best thing you could do is to have a close group of mates that you can go out with and have a laugh with, being happy attracts people but maybe you don't have that group of mates so you're gonna find it difficult

hmm that really isn't constructive at all is it but i do find this thread rather odd!

i think i'll shut up now! but good luck fella

Originally posted by Bedhead
[B]33 - what have you been doing for the last 18 years?????



I've been trying without success.

If you're really serious about this, then you'd have joined a dating agency by now.

I cannot try to put myself in your shoes, it seems too far from reality to me (maybe it is?).

Can I ask how many people you have asked out recently? If you're not prepared to receive a negative response you can't expect to deserve a positive one. The next person you meet could be 'the one' if you don't ask you don't get.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by zxczxc
[B]
I cannot try to put myself in your shoes, it seems too far from reality to me (maybe it is?).

I'm not sure what you mean by this.

Originally posted by Cyclone
I don't think girls particularly go out 'to meet men'.

When you have gone to town, which bars have you tried.
The problem is they tend to appeal to different sorts of people and different age groups. So if you've been going to Empire, then you'll have noticed that most of the people there look too young to drink.

Bars and clubs is quite frankly got to be the hardest way to pull, never mind to find the start of a relationship.

You'd be better of joining some of the university clubs and going out on their social nights. That way you're out with a mixed sex group and already have something in common. The age gap between yourself and a final year student isn't unsurmountable.

It's actually where i met my OT a university club. And at that point we'd both left university (her Sheffield, and myself Aston).

One final point. Making finding a girlfriend so important to yourself probably makes you come across as kinda desperate. And girls correct me if i'm wrong, but thats a real turnoff.

quoting myself. SS - have u thought about the uni clubs suggestion?
And which bars is it you go too?

I am in the same boat as you slimsid2000 ... never really had a girl friend ever ... and lord knows I have tried.

Most people have no idea how utterly utterly soul destroying and emotionally harmful it can be to go through life with no love / companionship / closeness / intimacy etc ...

The more you try to find someone ... the more it hurts ... seems like that to me.

I wish I knew how to stop wanting a girlfriend ... how to stop looking ... cos I think the effort and the looking are a complete waste of time and only lead to more pain and anguish.

It is very hard meeting people, for sure - but it does seem (naturally enough) that maybe, as per your reply to the points flyingfish made, that you're a bit defensive and maybe have come to feel that women aren't very nice people (and if a few of them have actually laughed at you, I don't blame you, but please don't think they're all like this). Also, I'm not sure what would be wrong with a woman being a feminist? I think most women and girls these days would certainly classify themselves as that, as all it means is that we're, as flying fish said, whole people who deserve respect for our brains, humour, etc. as well as our looks. As far as looks go, my motto has always been not to close any doors unnecessarily by having a strict idea of 'my type' - why limit yourself this way?
I also agree that if you meet people in a more natural setting (and god knows this is not clubs, as you say) you'll be able to shine, as will any woman you might get talking to. Book groups could be one way to go - or check out the Libraries database - there's all kinds of groups and clubs in Sheffield. I think if you go along not specifically cause you HAVE to meet someone but because it's somethign you're interested in, you'll have more chance of being yourself. All the best

here here bab, i think thats a really good idea, i know that i just go to as much as i can, that interests me, esp when im single, i still do now tho and meet new mates everyday.
x

just realised (duh) that this is in fact a really old topic or whatever - I wonder what's happened to 'slim' and if he's met someone by now???

please don't be sad. I've been on my own for like 9 years and I know it's so easy to totally over-idealise what other people have. When you're partner-less it's easy to feel like everyone in couples is having a fabulous, wonderful, supportive, loving relationship. They're not - I'm sure lots of people out there would trade with you for the single life.
Use this time to get to know yourself. Meditate, do yoga, read loads (what's life for if not to learn as much as we can?), watch things on tv that make you laugh, listen to music - just get to know yourself. Accept that this might not happen for you for a while yet, but that life does have its compensations.

look after yourself

Originally posted by babznyc
just realised (duh) that this is in fact a really old topic or whatever - I wonder what's happened to 'slim' and if he's met someone by now???

Afraid not, but I'm still very much on the look out. I never give up hope.

Originally posted by babznyc
please don't be sad. I've been on my own for like 9 years and I know it's so easy to totally over-idealise what other people have. When you're partner-less it's easy to feel like everyone in couples is having a fabulous, wonderful, supportive, loving relationship. They're not - I'm sure lots of people out there would trade with you for the single life.
Use this time to get to know yourself. Meditate, do yoga, read loads (what's life for if not to learn as much as we can?), watch things on tv that make you laugh, listen to music - just get to know yourself. Accept that this might not happen for you for a while yet, but that life does have its compensations.

look after yourself

Thanks for your helpful post babznyc ... *big smiles* ... was very kind of you ... thank you.

I'm not really that sad ... I just get that way sometimes when I feel lonely etc ...

I do all that stuf too (yoga, meditate, tai chi, running, love my job) ... I have a lot of good things in my life already ... so I guess it's bad form for me to complain ... especially when so many other people have it a lot worse than I do.

It's just that I would really like to have someone I can just totally 100% be myself with and hold and be close to ... to love and be loved.

Sometimes it hurts tho ... and I get to thinking that there must be something wrong with me or girls just hate me or something ... and I guess that while I am feeling this way I won't attract anyone anyway ... a catch 22 situation.

When I see a cute girl on the street ... it hurts so very much sometimes ... cos I would dearly love to talk to her and get to know her a bit ... with no bull***** ... and I just don't feel I know how to do that.

The only thing I can do ... is to forget girls (not easy) ... and focus on other areas of my life that I enjoy.

you'd need cohona's so large you'd have a wheelbarrow with you, if you had the convidence to approach a pretty girl in the street like that.
Meeting people through mutual interests is the way to go, that way you get to know them gradually.

to be honest, approaching girls in the street is not the best idea, they will most likely think you are a nut job.. sad but unfortunatly true...

It always helps to make friends with girls in group situations first.This way you can find out more about them and there's a lot less pressure,after that relationships are just fallen into.So much easier!Don't go up to random people on the streets,it's just not the sane thing to do.

Originally posted by neeeeeeeeeek
to be honest, approaching girls in the street is not the best idea, they will most likely think you are a nut job.. sad but unfortunatly true...

Sure ... I know where you're coming from with that neeeeeeeeeeeeek.

But what about when she smiles at you and shows signs of interest ... !?

walking down the street, someone smiles, they can just be being friendly... they might be smiling nervously whilst thinking 'why is that guy stareing at me'
hey, go for it... if it works let me know and i shall give it a try!!!

Even today, not many girls will chat up men or ask them out. For a start, they're brought up not to , and rejection hurts them much more than it does us. Plus they think if you're a man worth going out with you've got to have the guts to ask them!

What girls will do though is give off SIGNALS that they want to be chatted up. Most men don't know what these are. The secret to being successful is to know what these signals are and whenever you go out look out for these. If you get just ONE signal then swing into action IMMEDIATELY !

Remember, there's only one part of a man's body that most girls will melt for - and it's not what you think - it's your EYES. So, the first step to scoring is to make GOOD STRONG EYE CONTACT with any girl you fancy. It doesn't matter what you look like - If you have a good, strong gaze it can TURN HER ON. (Most men go wrong here - by looking at a girl's legs or breasts no way can you attract her to you.)

The minute you walk into a room start looking at every girl you fancy. Even if you think she's far too stunning to ever go out with you. And look at her eyes. Make full eye contact. And give her a smile too. Don't leer or glare. This is a sure fire way to get the chemistry going. It tells her she's under scrutiny and in this situation there is no way a girl cannot react one way or the other.

Finally remember - The best looking girls are often short of dates because few men dare to make EYE CONTACT with them. The better looking she is the more likely she is to warm to eye contact .

And How to Tell That She's Interested ....

You'll know immediately if a girl's interested. She'll look straight back, then turn away, and perhaps smile. If she fixes you in a steely glare it's probably not going to happen. IT'S THE TURNING AWAY THAT TELLS YOU THAT SOMETHING'S CLICKED.

There are other signs you should look for too. If she plays with her hair or jewellery , adjusts her clothing or breathes in (to show you how slim she is!) these are all so-called preening signs. They say that she's interested in your approach, and she's trying to look her best for you.

From a girl's point of view these signs say 'I'd like to talk to you !' SO IF THIS HAPPENS YOU MUST MAKE THE EFFORT TO TALK TO HER .

That's a truely inspired and informative post ... thank you Nu_Skillz.

From a girl's point of view these signs say 'I'd like to talk to you !' SO IF THIS HAPPENS YOU MUST MAKE THE EFFORT TO TALK TO HER .

I guess that's where my problems start ... knowing what to say ...

I need more practice !!

I totally agree. This is in my opinion the best post on this thread. It gives useful advice which I shall try to take on-board. I also agree with jamie about not knowing what to say.

Do you have any further advice as regards this please?

that's the crux of why meeting strangers is so hard. You have no idea who this person is that you've just eyed up, you don't know what they like, what they do or where they come from.
I suppose that could be the starting point to the conversation (although there name might even be better).
Seriously, you've got two hopes of finding a girlfriend using the approach a pretty girl who's a stranger routine. No hope and Bob hope.

This is an interesting thread, I will add to it:
I have found there are far, far, far more men than the media and 'the man on the street' would have you believe, that are in their 20s and 30s that have never had a girlfriend. Don't feel so wierd and freakish for it - there are a lot of men out there who aren't the confident idiots that the vast majority of girls seem to go for, and who have been single far past those so-called 'magical' teenage years where we are 'supposed' to get first girlfriends (according to rubbish teen flicks like american pie). Off the top of my head, I believe Micheal Moore was a virgin until 33 yrs old, Chris Martin got his first girlfriend at 25 I think (I still think he's an asshole but anyway), and I have a load of people I talk to who have been single all their lives, and they range from my age (22) up to 40. All men.
So as a result maybe a step is to get to the stage where you're not ashamed of this fact.
Secondly, a lot of women will tell you to 'be yourself' and other generalised crap. Unfortunately, in the cold cruel reality, it doesn't work like that. It's a game, it's an act, and ultimately, it's about stepping on other people to push yourself into the woman's focus. It doesn't make nice reading, at least for me, but there's a 'fast seduction' guide at http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/ that works if you can force yourself to take these steps. A lot of it is overcoming the 'nice guy' syndrome that is genuine, and becoming a bit of an asshole, and unfortunately the majority of women respond much better to that. The piece of advise I've taken away from reading those pages occasionally is talk to as many women as you can, wherever you can, even if you feel stupid, and ask as many of them as you can for their numbers. Screw the consequences, as you don't have much to lose. Eventually it will become easier.
And when someone tells you, 'when you stop looking it will happen', punch them in the face. It's one of the most idiotic phrases I keep hearing from people who are just plain ignorant.
There are also a few online support groups that might help, such as the usenet groups alt.support.loneliness and alt.support.shyness.
Finally you could take up a hobby such as dancing that forces you to meet new people all the time, and get close to them. I go to salsa, I know Jamie does as well, and whilst I'm not sure if it's increased my confidence, it's definately increased my social circle a bit. I haven't met anyone from there in any other settings but it can't hurt to put myself in situations where I'm forced to interact with other people, including women. Incidentally Jamie I'm really surprised that you've never had a girlfriend because you come across as a nice, perfectly normal person, plus I'd say you're pretty attractive from what I know of these things.

Hmmm Im a girl and I dont agree, I cant stand arseholes and if I hear guy asking for the number of a large amount of women in his proximity (for example at your salsa class) I immedialtely wouldnt think very highly of him (actually I would think he was A. sleazy B. desperate).

I suppose the process is a game (but not one you should actively be thinking that your playing) but I still think people should just be themselves.

Am I deluded here?

No you're not deluded.

I think there is a common misinterpretation in the difference between arsehole and confidence. Most arseholes have confidence. A confident person is someone who is secure in themselves, this shows in many subtle ways. A person who is asking all the women for their numbers may have confidence but is also probably an arsehole.

It's a situation of arsehole = confidence but confidence /= arsehole.

This is where we get into what Mr. Teatime called the crap of being yourself. This means being comfortable with who you are. Again don't misinterpret what that means. Yes there is a 'game' but all of social life is a 'game'...maybe when you are at home alone you walk around in your underwear and fart, in public you better not be doing that. Just because you refrain from underwear and farting in public doesn't mean you are playing the phony. It's the same in a social setting when you are meeting women, you should be more social, more talkative, flirty, make eye-contact, humourous blah blah blah, maybe you don't do that while watching telly or surfing alt.binaries.monkeysex but if you want to make opposite sex friends you have to adhere to the expected norms.

As several people have noted the best way to hook up in a proper relationship are through small groups of some sort...join a club (the university has a pile for all interests) get out and advertise yourself, the more connections you make in a non-sexual environment (i.e. not a bar/club) the more opportunities you will have to follow through (the follow through is a whole other area).

Originally posted by Nu_Skillz

Remember, there's only one part of a man's body that most girls will melt for - and it's not what you think - it's your EYES. So, the first step to scoring is to make GOOD STRONG EYE CONTACT with any girl you fancy. It doesn't matter what you look like - If you have a good, strong gaze it can TURN HER ON.

As a woman, I totally agree about the eye contact.

I was recently thrown into a complete melt by a pair of dreamy eyes! Not sure that was quite what he intended though but never mind!

:blush:

Originally posted by Mr. Teatime
Incidentally Jamie I'm really surprised that you've never had a girlfriend because you come across as a nice, perfectly normal person, plus I'd say you're pretty attractive from what I know of these things.

Well thank you for the positive comments Mr. Teatime.

<toungue_in_cheek>

Surely that's why I've never had one ... becasue I am so 'nice' ... hehe.

And according to those (alt.seduction.fast) kind of sites ... if you're 'nice' ... you're precieved as being a puppy lap-dog type of man that will bend over backwards to get a woman ... and women just hate men like that).

</toungue_in_cheek>

I have had some 'romantic interests' in my time ... but I guess I am just way too fussy (and have been shy) ... also I am not bothered about messing around with a woman unless she really takes my interest.

How I feel about myself (not fantastic) has also affected my luck (or lack of) with the ladies.

Things are changing for me now and I genuinely feel a lot better about myself these days and relaxed and more confident and happy around women.

re: Seduction sites.

I have read such sites too Mr. Teatime ...

While I would say there is some truth in what they say ... I would not recommend anyone to blindly follow their prescribed methods for scoring with hotties.

It is kinda like painting a facade on your outside and not having the inner core energy inside you of what women are really attracted to in men.

YES ... you become a player and learn how to manipulate woman to get what you want (hot sex) ... but you need to realise that there are FAR FAR FAR more important things than getting laid by hot chicks.

*thinking hard* ...

Oh yes !!! ...

Things like integrity dignity and respect for yourself and feeling bloody great about yourself.

I think (as a man) ... you need to get to a stage where you can live with or without a woman ... you can take it or leave it and it's no big deal either way ... because there are more important things you recognise in your own life.

I think you first need to not care about having a thing or not having a thing ... getting rid of that 'needing' ... being free ... and then it can come ...

genesiscouch, I suspect, from reading your reply, that you're female. if a man makes eye contact with a female, it's a planned, deliberate move, and if the girl goes all gooey because of it, it's not becuase of some wishy washy force, it's because the way the man looks turns her on and she's essentially saying 'come and have a go at chatting me up!'. I have problems taking part in any of this, partly due to shyness, partly due to low self esteem, and partly due to because it feels like we're taking part in a big facade, where it's not the person that you are that counts, rather the act you can put on, and the lies you can project about yourself, based from the initial impression of 'id like to sleep with that'. I would say I am extremely secure in the person I am, but that does not translate into 'confidence' in this sort of arena, for the reasons mentioned. I don't like lying yet can't help but feeling the 'dating game' is an extension of a) lying (it eventually comes down to sex which is usually left unspoken for a while) and b) pushing others out of your way.
You can be shy and secure in yourself. Before someone picks me up on it, you can also have low self esteem in this situation - I, for instance, am extremely confident of the person that I am, but value myself very lowly in terms of other people (I think that everyone else thinks I'm worthless and is uninterested in me).

And i wasn't saying 'ask every girl for her number', I was saying talk to as many as possible, and if she doesn't seem to totally hate you, force yourself to ask to meet up sometime later or something, rather than leave it and never know. You'll probably get rejected but with a lot of shy men, it's the rejection that hurts and so you need to build up a thicker skin. And to thtat other girl who said that would make her think the guy was desperate and sleazy: so what. I'm not here to make a good impression to you. Just shows how you judge people, as I'm 100% convinced that I'm a better person than most of the boyfriends girls have these days. And rejection definately hurts, and the more rejections you get, the more it hurts, it seems. But that's the way this social game is set up - girls have the power to choose, men have to go out and seek. What bothers me is the way it makes a lot of girls think they're so *valuble*.
Anyway I have this argument with a lot of people and I don't really want to get involved in it again so this is my last post on this subject.

I think the "desperate and sleazy" comment, meant that your approach to any girl that had just heard you asking others for numbers etc... would be met with something less than pleasure.

lying or projecting a false image might get you one date, or even one shag if you're good. But it isn't going to get you a girlfriend (unless you plan to become this projected self...)

By the best way I found of meeting girls and them making a play for me was by working behind a bar. That way the girls come to you and you can then strike up a conversation while serving thier drinks.

That's very true. I did bar work for about 3 years during and after college and it gives you an added confidence boost being on that side of the bar, once you know what you're doing in the job that is. It's much easier to talk to the strangers because you already have an excuse to make conversation and if you manage to serve them a few times in the same night then you never know what may happen. :)

My college girlfriend used to say to me that when I was behind the bar I looked like a completely different guy to the person she knew when we were alone. I'm generally a fairly passive and quiet person face to face whereas when I was working behind the bar in Blackpool during college (Brannigans) I gained an extra confidence from somewhere and I became an exaggerated version of myself. I liked being that way because I was able to come out of my usually quiet self and act daft, be a little cheeky every now and again and generally have fun. The customers liked it because they were being served by a cheery, friendly person who was having fun in his job and it usually rubbed off on them. It makes for a good working atmosphere.

Bar-work, if you find the right bar and you're the right sort of person, can be a great way to meet people.

That's an excellent idae ... bar work here I come !!

Actually ... I had given the idea some thought before ... but I have no prior experience.

Where would be a good place to work behaind a bar (which bars) !?

What days !?

Anything else I should consider !?

Originally posted by sanman
By the best way I found of meeting girls and them making a play for me was by working behind a bar. That way the girls come to you and you can then strike up a conversation while serving thier drinks.

Which bar did you work at?

Another good way to meet people is in the sauna, steam room, jacuzzi in the gym (not a dodgy one). Because you are so close to people you just get talking to them.

Oh every one wants it doesnt matter how, everbody have own style so dont give suggestions probebly they get a slap LOL

Use your own mind and meet women any where u want they r every where

:D

I used to work in a hotel bar, and although it is nice to be able to chat to the clientelle, especially the female ones, it's not really a great way of meeting new people.

I was thinking last night, the reason I've never had a proper girlfriend is simply because I've never really any girls as friends. I wouldn't want to meet some random girl in a club, then just hop into bed with her without even knowing her surname like many blokes would. I'd rather get to know someone as friends before making any sort of commitment.

I often think I chose the wrong course at uni because there's not any girls on my course (apart from a bit of an oddball who goes to Star Trek conventions). Me and my mates joke about it sometimes, when we see a classroom full of really fine girls, the old 'we chose the wrong course' line comes out. But I seriously think I would have chosen a different course if I'd have known there would be no females.

I can't really see the situation improving either. In the town where I live, which I'll be returning to soon, there aren't really any girls my age, and what girls there are I wouldn't really want to know them as friends. I may have to join a club or take up a hobby, that involves people of my own age.

you make it sound like taking up a hobby or joining a club is such a hardship lol.

If you don't mind me asking, where is your home town?

The sauna or jacuzzi has to be a pretty difficult place to pick up. And the gym might work, but more in the way of start going to it with a female friend, or group of people. Hell i'd think it odd if a woman talked to me in the gym, so i'd be surprised if many women didn't think it was a bit strange.

Maybe I just have some hangup about talking to complete strangers that other people don't have. Or maybe it;s a few rare people that can do that, and they are puzzled by the rest of us.

Originally posted by Cyclone
If you don't mind me asking, where is your home town?
A small town in Leicestershire. It's one of these places where you know more or less everyone who lives there in one way or another.

Maybe I just have some hangup about talking to complete strangers that other people don't have. Or maybe it;s a few rare people that can do that, and they are puzzled by the rest of us.
No, you're dead right. I don't really enjoy talking to strangers. It's not too bad if they speak to you first, and they're driving the conversation, but I find that small-talk is not my forte.

bloodyhell - never realised there was so much theory to getting a g/f!!! i'm soooooo glad i've never had to apply theory!
but i'm a tart. ha. :D

there;s a jitsu club at leicester uni, they have girls and they have a club social thing. Get along and join that, or some other club.

Martial arts isn't really my thing...

apparantly the best place to chat with women\men is the SUPERMARKET.
i dont know if this is true as it came from some newspaper servey.
i read at some point.
it also went on to say something about the type of shopping people buy it can give you clues as to wether or not they are single or not.

im not sugesting you stalk the isles of your local supermarket looking for an unsuspecting victim, but its something to bare in mind the next time your doing the shopping.

SINGLE GUYS READ THIS!

i do promo work sometimes - did this one for a singles night in leeds at Tiger Tiger - anyhow, basically it was a night out for singles at the bar with all sorts of 'entertainment' lined up for the night including 'speed dating'

when you got there you'd have your picture taken with a pollaroid camera and put up and displayed on a wall - anyone taking an interest in you would drop a ticket in a pocket clipped to your picture

there was also other things lined up for the night including salsa dancing etc

bascially it was a decent atmosphere with upto about 300 people - now here's the interesting point fellas - there were about 220 women and 80 men!!! the women were aged between about 21 and 40 and all pretty desperate to be in a relationship, some just went for a night out with their mates in the hope of meeting some decent blokes - i can't say that there were any stunners (but i was working anyhow) and although i'm pretty fussy there was someone there for everyone!

Some of you should meet up and go to one of these events - you'd have a laugh
there's always a shortage of guys and sooo many women just looking and hoping for the opportunity to meet a guy

That sounds great bedhead ... let us know when they do another one will ya !?

Originally posted by Nu_Skillz
Remember, there's only one part of a man's body that most girls will melt for - and it's not what you think - it's your EYES.Is showing them your todger a huge mistake then? :)

Chris.

Forget all the theories!

Slap your todge out onto a table and stand there in confidence yelling in a booming voice! 'Here it is! take it or leave it!'

Originally posted by Lestat
Forget all the theories!

Slap your todge out onto a table and stand there in confidence yelling in a booming voice! 'Here it is! take it or leave it!'

:lol:
i sure that'll get some attention,
probably wrong attention, guys comin up for a fight!!

Originally posted by Jamie
That sounds great bedhead ... let us know when they do another one will ya !?

yea i'll update you! think it may be your thing jamie - you seem like a decent lad

Originally posted by Bedhead
yea i'll update you! think it may be your thing jamie - you seem like a decent lad

Yeah that'd be ace thanks mate :-)

Also ... I'm quite into this idea of doing bar work ... think it would be good for me.

Any idea which bar would be good to work at ... where the hot chicks go ...

A good start may of course be to use the term "women", or "ladies", rather than the somewhat patronising "girls", unless of course you're looking for under 18s :o

Originally posted by t020
A good start may of course be to use the term "women", or "ladies", rather than the somewhat patronising "girls", unless of course you're looking for under 18s :o

How about 'hot chicks' (see my previous post).

Is the term "girls" really patronising ?

It would be interesting to hear what the women think ? ...

Originally posted by Lestat
Forget all the theories!

Slap your todge out onto a table and stand there in confidence yelling in a booming voice! 'Here it is! take it or leave it!'

Reminds me of a story I heard from a butcher whilst working in a supermarket.

Apparently one day a guy got his manhood out, slapped it onto some digital weighing scales and said to a woman weighing out minced beef into packages 'wanna weigh this love?'.

She had been sexually harassed by the guy before and promptly picked up a meat cleaver, chopped it off and threw it into the mincing machine.

Not sure if its true or a supermarket myth, but I always have weird visions whenever I have a spag bol :o

Moral of the story : be very careful with the idea given by Lestat :P

girls is not patronising at all.

Jamie

My advice would be to work over the weekend, Fridat, Saturday & Sunday night. Pick a bar that gets a range of clientele but doesn't get manically busy, I worked in one of the pubs in Stannington which is close to where I live.

Good Luck.

Hot chicks IS patronising though :mad:

Aren't any other females reading this?

Originally posted by Fireondaroof
Hot chicks IS patronising though :mad:

Aren't any other females reading this?

Yep ... I guessed it would be ...

Was suprissed that t020 didn't pick up it ... yet he thought 'girls' was bad.

Originally posted by sanman
doesn't get manically busy
That's definately a good tip. You can get very stressed out behind a busy bar.

Another consideration is a bar that doesn't play the music too load or you won't be able to talk to people properly

Originally posted by Fireondaroof
Hot chicks IS patronising though :mad:

Aren't any other females reading this?

Yes - reading it with fascination Fireondaroof! :D

Not holding out any hope of escaping singledom either!

beckb = single
jamie = single

hmm i wonder...

Originally posted by Bedhead
beckb = single
jamie = single

hmm i wonder...

Bedhead - different woman every night?

:loopy:

Originally posted by Bedhead
beckb = single
jamie = single

hmm i wonder...

Bedhead = Cilla Black ;)

Originally posted by jackthedog
Bedhead = Cilla Black ;)

:D

Originally posted by Fireondaroof
Bedhead - different woman every night?

:loopy:

:o nooooooooooooo

Originally posted by Fireondaroof
Hot chicks IS patronising though :mad:

Aren't any other females reading this?

I find 'hot chicks' a bit offensive, but that's just my opinion. It sounds a bit sleazy and cheap to me. :rolleyes:

No problem with 'girls, ladies, or women' though. :)

Originally posted by Bedhead
i'm a tart. ha. :D [/B]

You said it ;)

Originally posted by Fireondaroof
You said it ;)

:blush:

Originally posted by t020
A good start may of course be to use the term "women", or "ladies", rather than the somewhat patronising "girls"...

Originally posted by t020 in the Breastfeeding (http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4634&perpage=15&pagenumber=1) thread
It just seems funny that slags [...]

Ha. You've some need to talk. :lol:

Chris.

so back on topic.
Have any of you single types gone out and joined any sort of club/association yet in order to increase your social circle?

I don't believe i've seen any of you yet at the jitsu club (or anyone from the entire site for that matter).

Originally posted by sanman
Jamie

My advice would be to work over the weekend, Fridat, Saturday & Sunday night. Pick a bar that gets a range of clientele but doesn't get manically busy, I worked in one of the pubs in Stannington which is close to where I live.

Good Luck.

Which pub was that?

if you have no bar experience at all, i'd start with something local and quiet, where you can get a few mid weeks shifts. You're unlikely to get a job anywhere bigger/busier or for the busiest shifts until you've got a little experience under your belt.

Originally posted by Bedhead
beckb = single
jamie = single

hmm i wonder...

When you've quite finished playing at cilla/cupid/davina.......poor Jamie.

I was going to suggest a Singles Meet - so all us single people could get together - a forum speed dating evening perhaps?

Speed dating can be fun as I've done it before at the Ha-Ha bar last February (2003). I managed to get a date which turned into a one night stand but I'm sure others have been more successful long term.

I personally wouldn't go on a forum singles speed-date though. Won't explain why, just the way I feel. :)

So now we know who won't be going forum speed dating :)

Maybe you should start a new thread to find out who is interested Beck :P

Wouldn't this discriminate against people who are attached though? :P :loopy:

ok - no singles meet

Sid put that big wooden spoon down or I shall be forced to smack you! :P

Originally posted by Sidla
Wouldn't this discriminate against people who are attached though? :P :loopy:

Sidla
I thought you would welcome the idea, your always complaining of being single.

Originally posted by Fireondaroof
Sidla
I thought you would welcome the idea, your always complaining of being single.

Not sure he'd be come to a meet tho !! ... maybe he'd be up for a 'walk-by' !!

;-)

Originally posted by Sidla
Wouldn't this discriminate against people who are attached though? :P :loopy:

I'm with ya Sid! :D

Originally posted by Jamie
Not sure he'd be come to a meet tho !! ... maybe he'd be up for a 'walk-by' !!

;-)
Ha! Yeah, deffo. I won't be here for much longer though, so I'll find it difficult to attend (or even walk by) any such event even if I wanted to.

I think that if singles want to meet up then they should be able and it should be open to anyone not just singles, it's just getting like the 18-30's debate 'if i'm over 30 can I still come'? it's a free country you can go where you like.

We should make it for before you go then Sidla :)

It was a tongue-in-cheek argument, I wasn't being serious (hence Sian's comment about the spoon).

If it's to be before I leave, then it would have to be tonight... (and I already have other plans)

I am withdrawing my suggestion of a Singles meet since it seems to be causing so much trouble.

Apologies to all

:(

Gawd, what have I started? I was joking about a singles meet discriminating against those attached. I though that would have been obvious but maybe I should have chucked a few extra smilies in. :rolleyes: :loopy: ;) :P :cool: :)

The singles meet is a fantastic idea. Just that I won't be able to go. I don't see that as being a major problem, because I probably wouldn't have gone anyway.

Originally posted by Sidla
Gawd, what have I started? I was joking about a singles meet discriminating against those attached. I though that would have been obvious but maybe I should have chucked a few extra smilies in. :rolleyes: :loopy: ;) :P :cool: :)


Sorry Sid !
I have had a sense of humour by-pass this week so bit slow on the uptake!

:)

Cool ... is it on then ... the singles meet ?

Maybe there should be a new thread to discuss ideas of how it might work etc !?

Originally posted by Jamie
Cool ... is it on then ... the singles meet ?

Maybe there should be a new thread to discuss ideas of how it might work etc !?

Good idea Jamie :clap:

Originally posted by Jamie
Maybe there should be a new thread to discuss ideas of how it might work etc !?

Mix equal portions of male and female forumers, stir liberally with alocohol, let simmer for a short while and see what comes out :P

See Going out section for a singles meet :)

Originally posted by rtapper
... and see what comes out :P

Ewww ... are you being ruudi ? hehe.

Originally posted by Jamie
Ewww ... are you being ruudi ? hehe.

Not sure quite what you are incinerating there but I don't like it :P

Singles night could be good, unfortunately my 'hot or not' rating is currently only 5.9 [hotter than 54% of men on the site] so might not bother :)

I'm sorry for restarting this thread, but just read through it and thought it was hilarious

Check the thread start date by slim :)

I'm sorry for restarting this thread, but just read through it and thought it was hilarious

Check the thread start date by slim :)

why- did u want some tips or summat? :hihi:

why- did u want some tips or summat? :hihi:


Hey i don't need tips lioness
if you must know i was looking at an old thread and cyclone mentioned a thread which sounded funny called TV's sexiest weather girls

couldn't find that one and i saw this one by my friend mr slim
checked it out and it gets quite funny with people talking about slapping their todges out :hihi::hihi:

Guess I'm a bit late to give advice! lol

I'm sorry for restarting this thread, but just read through it and thought it was hilarious

Check the thread start date by slim :)

Flipping heck Craig! I only just noticed the start date of the thread - I blame you for starting it all up again (just after I poured my heart out and that! :hihi:) Gonna have words with you, young man! :rant: lol!

Hey i don't need tips lioness
if you must know i was looking at an old thread and cyclone mentioned a thread which sounded funny called TV's sexiest weather girls

couldn't find that one and i saw this one by my friend mr slim
checked it out and it gets quite funny with people talking about slapping their todges out :hihi::hihi:


haha just read some of it again..... its is very amusing!! :hihi:

Flipping heck Craig! I only just noticed the start date of the thread - I blame you for starting it all up again (just after I poured my heart out and that! :hihi:) Gonna have words with you, young man! :rant: lol!

Check some of slims threads i think he needs some new advice?

Slim would you like to go to kingdom?

We could dress as vicars? :hihi::hihi::)

Sure ... I know where you're coming from with that neeeeeeeeeeeeek.

But what about when she smiles at you and shows signs of interest ... !?

Sometimes girls smile because they are a nice person, I've learned smiling at any strange man is a fatal error after one came up and kissed me in the street!:oI :D

Sometimes girls smile because they are a nice person, I've learned smiling at any strange man is a fatal error after one came up and kissed me in the street!:oI :D

lol! I smile a lot and they don't do that here! Maybe it's just me...:hihi:

if a FIT man smiled at me i would smile back- but it would have to be a cheeky smile not a creepy ''please look at me smile''

Come to a club with me and i swear you will pull (NOT ME) :suspect:

I offer you this once in a lifetime oppurtunity all the time and you wont, cos your a scaredy cat

I have a similar issue. Everyone I meet thinks I'm a bit crazy :P

I have a similar issue. Everyone I meet thinks I'm a bit crazy :P

Same here but i do live in a mental home :o

I have a similar issue. Everyone I meet thinks I'm a bit crazy :P

I prefer to call myself mildly eccentric

Guess I'm a bit late to give advice! lol


No, the situation has changed remarkably little in the intervening period.:(

No, the situation has changed remarkably little in the intervening period.:(

well in that case, you should've received a 'reply to thread' email from SF with my original posting on it (unless you've already deleted it) Anyway, in it was my advice to you! :)

No, the situation has changed remarkably little in the intervening period.:(

Because you've steadfastly refused all of the sensible advice and kind offers people have ever given and made.
Guess it's going to be another twenty or thirty years of posting the usual drooling garbage about girl's bottoms........

I have a similar issue. Everyone I meet thinks I'm a bit crazy :P

And they'd be right.:hihi:

You coming out tonight btw?

Slim i have found something for ya

Clicky (http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/) :)

Why do u want a women? you need to ask yourself that.
Read somewhere on one of your post that women arent what u want in looks on websites? well if thats your attitude you'll never find true love if 'LOOKS' are all that matters.

Goodluck in your search anyway.

Shallow Hal? :rolleyes:

Shallow Hal? :rolleyes:

I didn't get shallow hal? :(

any news Slimsid???

:) did you pull this weekend?

any news Slimsid???

:) did you pull this weekend?

Yes (but only alone):hihi:

I am going speed dating in November.

Yes (but only alone):hihi:

I am going speed dating in November.

really!!

what did u pull then?

really!!

what did u pull then?

I could not possibl;y say on here. You will have to use your imagianation.

I could not possibl;y say on here. You will have to use your imagianation.


errr no thanks :hihi:

My 'wanted' item is an unusual one. I am looking for any advice people can give me about getting a girlfriend. I am 33 years old and have never had a girlfriend but would very much like to.

I have tried various ways of meeting girls such as going to clubs/bars, putting adverts in the Star 'In-touch' page, joining a local amateur drama group etc. Unfortunately I have had no success.

I would welcome any advice people can give such as the right way to behave in clubs etc and what girls are looking for in men.

Many thanks.


Easy, buy an expensive car, flash clothes and pretend to be rich and you will have them falling all over you.

tip... Go to a night club where wealthy men and celebrities hang out and give it about 30 seconds.....


T/C

Easy, buy an expensive car, flash clothes and pretend to be rich and you will have them falling all over you.

tip... Go to a night club where wealthy men and celebrities hang out and give it about 30 seconds.....

T/C

Know you of such a venue?

Know you of such a venue?

Yes, try Embassy in London.

I only went there to meet a friend for a quick drink and i had women all over me? And i mean around twenty?

I could not work it out as i do not normally get attention at all, then my friend told me this is where wealthy men and footballers hang out.

The penny dropped.

T/C

Yes, try Embassy in London.

I only went there to meet a friend for a quick drink and i had women all over me? And i mean around twenty?

I could not work it out as i do not normally get attention at all, then my friend told me this is where wealthy men and footballers hang out.

The penny dropped.

T/C

London is a bit far how about in Sheffield?

London is a bit far how about in Sheffield?

Do not know any in Sheffield, have you got plenty of money?

Do not know any in Sheffield, have you got plenty of money?

No I don't.

Oh well, you will only get bottom of the barrel material then.

Just take your time and do not get drawn in too quickly.

I have met many attractive women who are not only very sneaky with their sex lives but who will happily sleep with an evil drug dealer if he turns her on.

But most only want money, someone else's that is.

T/C

Oh well, you will only get bottom of the barrel material then.

Just take your time and do not get drawn in too quickly.

I have met many attractive women who are not only very sneaky with their sex lives but who will happily sleep with an evil drug dealer if he turns her on.

But most only want money, someone else's that is.

T/C

Highly offensive I think :o

Highly offensive I think :o

I can only go by my own experiences.


T/C

and they call us men shallow, at least we can't take their looks away :P

I can only go by my own experiences.


T/C

Fair enough - Lend us a tenner :D

Fair enough - Lend us a tenner :D

lol, i did get ripped off badly by a female friend once (we were not sleeping together) and she caught me at my lowest and weakest point.

Never again lol.

T/C

lol, i did get ripped off badly by a female friend once (we were not sleeping together) and she caught me at my lowest and weakest point.

Never again lol.

T/C



ouch ! *hug*

Please be assured that not all females want to know what's in your wallet ;)
Some earn their own dosh and just need cuddles ! ;)

Even today, not many girls will chat up men or ask them out. For a start, they're brought up not to , and rejection hurts them much more than it does us. Plus they think if you're a man worth going out with you've got to have the guts to ask them!

What girls will do though is give off SIGNALS that they want to be chatted up. Most men don't know what these are. The secret to being successful is to know what these signals are and whenever you go out look out for these. If you get just ONE signal then swing into action IMMEDIATELY !

Remember, there's only one part of a man's body that most girls will melt for - and it's not what you think - it's your EYES. So, the first step to scoring is to make GOOD STRONG EYE CONTACT with any girl you fancy. It doesn't matter what you look like - If you have a good, strong gaze it can TURN HER ON. (Most men go wrong here - by looking at a girl's legs or breasts no way can you attract her to you.)

The minute you walk into a room start looking at every girl you fancy. Even if you think she's far too stunning to ever go out with you. And look at her eyes. Make full eye contact. And give her a smile too. Don't leer or glare. This is a sure fire way to get the chemistry going. It tells her she's under scrutiny and in this situation there is no way a girl cannot react one way or the other.

Finally remember - The best looking girls are often short of dates because few men dare to make EYE CONTACT with them. The better looking she is the more likely she is to warm to eye contact .

And How to Tell That She's Interested ....

You'll know immediately if a girl's interested. She'll look straight back, then turn away, and perhaps smile. If she fixes you in a steely glare it's probably not going to happen. IT'S THE TURNING AWAY THAT TELLS YOU THAT SOMETHING'S CLICKED.

There are other signs you should look for too. If she plays with her hair or jewellery , adjusts her clothing or breathes in (to show you how slim she is!) these are all so-called preening signs. They say that she's interested in your approach, and she's trying to look her best for you.

From a girl's point of view these signs say 'I'd like to talk to you !' SO IF THIS HAPPENS YOU MUST MAKE THE EFFORT TO TALK TO HER .

It also helps if you are rich.

An alarming amount of women will jump on the ugliest of men if it means getting a pair of Manolo Blahniks out of them.

It also helps if you are rich.

An alarming amount of women will jump on the ugliest of men if it means getting a pair of Manolo Blahniks out of them.
Have you read the paragraph, one from the bottom.

There are other signs you should look for too. If she breathes in (to show you how slim she is!) these are all so-called preening signs. They say that she's interested in your approach, and she's trying to look her best for you.

:hihi::hihi:

No mention of exhaling:suspect:.
Can we assume then if all the women in the pub pass out or start hyperventilating, that some :love: has just walked in?.







*changed and rewritten this post, after seeing how many people are subscribed to this thread.:hihi:*

Yes (but only alone):hihi:

I am going speed dating in November.

So, did you go to the speed dating then? How did it go?

after reading numerous posts by you slim hun id say that the only thing that is going to help you in this area of your life is some self confidence, you need to go find your self confidence hun. things like meeting a girlfreind will happen you shouldnt have to make them happen ok maybe your out one night and like the look of someone just go over say hi offer to buy her a drink? if she likes the look of you shell accept more than likely then make conversation ask who she is out with? conversation should flow easily enough then. when its time to leave DONT jump on her say "i really liked our chat and you seem really nice id love to meet up again for another chat heres my number if you fancy it too" at this point she will either say no thanks or take it with her then its up to her and all you can do is wait hun.

but like i say it sounds like you need a little confidence to actually approach in the first place id say find some local assertion and confidence classes hun they will make a differance for you and youll hopefully be better at this sort of thing :)


( i never knew men found it so hard to talk to us mere females)

the only thing that is going to help you in this area of your life is some self confidence

Not portraying himself as a borderline serial killer might help as well.

Not portraying himself as a borderline serial killer might help as well.

lol!!!!! erm yeah that may help too :hihi:

seriously though this has gone on for too long and if he really wants things to hapen in this area he has to do something he either has to bite the bullet and be very brave and approach a lass or go for some confidence lessons.

FOR GODS SAKE MAN IT AINT NATURAL TOO BE SO NERVOUS! grr!!:hihi:

so did u rly find some one????? or r u still looking?
cmon guys... pls arrange a single night in somewhr like forum...shud be for over 25 age,
by the way i liked all of yr reply...its rly gud n true.
thankx evryone..

Please note that we do not allow the use of text speak on the forum. Further instances will be deleted.

lol!!!!! erm yeah that may help too :hihi:

seriously though this has gone on for too long and if he really wants things to hapen in this area he has to do something he either has to bite the bullet and be very brave and approach a lass or go for some confidence lessons.

FOR GODS SAKE MAN IT AINT NATURAL TOO BE SO NERVOUS! grr!!:hihi:
That'll boost his confidence no end...:hihi:

Please note that we do not allow the use of text speak on the forum. Further instances will be deleted.

Amen to that!!

Sid, unless I have missed it, you still haven't answered the questions that have been put to you.What music do you like, what are your interests?No good us trying to help, if say we say, oh a load of sporty type girls hang out at...You might HATE sport, and thus have nothing in common with them.It's not just meeting girls, it's being able to converse with them too.It'll be good practice on here for you if you would say to us women what you might say to a girl, or how you might behave, and then, without being bitchy we could perhaps help you if you are going wrong somewhere.

Sid, unless I have missed it, you still haven't answered the questions that have been put to you.What music do you like, what are your interests?No good us trying to help, if say we say, oh a load of sporty type girls hang out at...You might HATE sport, and thus have nothing in common with them.It's not just meeting girls, it's being able to converse with them too.It'll be good practice on here for you if you would say to us women what you might say to a girl, or how you might behave, and then, without being bitchy we could perhaps help you if you are going wrong somewhere.

I suspect this thread, like previous incarnations, is a wind up.

What next? Advice on how to make friends?

I suspect this thread, like previous incarnations, is a wind up.

What next? Advice on how to make friends?


Ooo, has that one been started yet?

Ooo, has that one been started yet?

Give it time mate.

I suspect this thread, like previous incarnations, is a wind up.

What next? Advice on how to make friends?

Do you really think it is a wind up, why would it be, why would you hold yourself up for possible ridicule?Are you trying to tell me Sid is a raging womaniser then who lost his virginity at twelve and has kids to loads of different women?

Do you really think it is a wind up, why would it be, why would you hold yourself up for possible ridicule?Are you trying to tell me Sid is a raging womaniser then who lost his virginity at twelve and has kids to loads of different women?
It is 3 years old though. (not that there haven't many more since though:hihi:)

It is 3 years old though. (not that there haven't many more since though:hihi:)

Oh well, you just can't help some people!:hihi:

Give it time mate.

Well you were right. (http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?p=2936212#post2936212)
Some people eh?

Do you really think it is a wind up, why would it be, why would you hold yourself up for possible ridicule?Are you trying to tell me Sid is a raging womaniser then who lost his virginity at twelve and has kids to loads of different women?

Given that this is the same man who once started a thread 'guess who the girl in my avatar is', which reached Sutcliffe levels of sinisterness, I would say anything is possible.

Given that this is the same man who once started a thread 'guess who the girl in my avatar is', which reached Sutcliffe levels of sinisterness, I would say anything is possible.

Hmm, I may have to swallow my own post then...Tell me what you know or I'll send round the men in kilts.:suspect:

It's not easy to meet a really nice girl in the U.K. nowadays but it CAN be done with a bit of forethought. Here are the first steps in the process :-

1] Get dressed up a bit, get some money together and splash on a bit of male perfume.

2] Find out where lots of young ladies congregate. This is usually a pub or a club of some

kind, [ Backs of cinemas have now gone out of fashion ].

3] Go to pub or club and walk round a bit.

4] Cut down drastically on time spent at home trying to find out how to meet girls.

If any aspiring male follows these simple rules he could well be hitched inside a year........and of course he could spend many more years regretting the whole thing.

I met a girl once.

She told me to bugger off.

That'll boost his confidence no end...:hihi:

lol im sorry but i had to be honest with him its for his own good :hihi:

Thanks for the replies so far.

I understansd the point made about being myself and not trying to put mon an act. TThat wasn't really what I mean though. The problem is that when I go downtown on a Friday or Saturday (which isn't that often) I go alone. Partly because of the loud music and partly because I am not a confident conversationalist I rarley go up to girls to chat. This isn't helped by the fact that they never seem to on their own but are always with mates. I have tried to find other men to go with me but without sucess. I do try to smile at girls but they either burst out laughing or give me a look which suggests they would not even mconsider me.

As far as internet dating is concerned I share the view that it is risky. Also I have the impression that many of the women who use these services are not what I am looking for in terms of looks. This is backed up by the pictures on their sites and those of adult activites clubs.

I did once go to a singles night at SUFC a few years back but again the women there were not what I am looking for looks wise and most seemed older than I would want. There are many girls in city centre clubs/bars who have the right looks but, as I have said, I have trouble interesting them.

The same is also true at Sheffield Universirty where I am a student. There are many pretty girls but none of them seem to show any interest in me. It also doesn't help that I am a mature student and the women I have classes with tend to be older.

I would welcome any further coments and advice.

you need to lower your standards, take whatever you can get, you're obviously desperate. beer will help. if its female & breathing, chase it.

My first bit of advice is to stop thinking about women in terms of 'looks' and start thinking about them in terms of 'people'.

How little you know

you need to lower your standards, take whatever you can get, you're obviously desperate. beer will help. if its female & breathing, chase it.

:hihi::hihi::hihi:
LMAO!!!
Im not sure if your were meant to be funny here Ken but FFS, you were!!!:hihi::hihi::hihi: