If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, ... I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.



Number 2:

Now We Know Why He Was a General -----



In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function ..... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."




You got to love them both!

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, ... I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.



Number 2:

Now We Know Why He Was a General -----



In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function ..... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."




You got to love them both!

I love your Cop shows in OZ land, are you a copper?

i'm a tin-foil hat cleaner.

i'm a tin-foil hat cleaner.

That's a tricky job, doth's cap.

Brilliant...Id have loved to have been in that courtroom!

Best comeback line is still Winston Churchill's wonderful retort;

"Yes madam I am drunk but you're ugly. Tomorrow however I will be sober."

Best comeback line is still Winston Churchill's wonderful retort;

"Yes madam I am drunk but you're ugly. Tomorrow however I will be sober."

Another one from Churchill:

Lady Nancy Astor: 'Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea'.
Churchill: 'Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”

Another one from Churchill:

Lady Nancy Astor: 'Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea'.
Churchill: 'Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”

Best comeback ever in my humble opinion.

Now We Know Why He Was a General -----



In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function ..... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
!

Except he didn't really say that. It was a false report that had him saying it....

...however, he did then steal it at a later date to use himself when speaking about Bin Laden. So, that's why he was a General...because he steals everyone else's best lines :)

(source: http://www.snopes.com/military/norman.asp )

As a brilliant Musician I've supported many of the best comedians, some of the putdowns to hecklers were just so funny.

"Stand up let's see if the rest of you is as big as your mouth".

"When God put teeth in that hole he ruined a perfectly good A*se.

some good remarks i thought up to stop the botherers that infest fargate from, well, um.. bothering you:

Childrens Charities
"Hey! Do you Like Children?"
"i like children so much that a court has ordered me not to go within 500 yards of any"

Animal Charities
"Do you like *insert animal here*
"Why yes i do, they're delicious!"

anything else i just get my 4 year old to scream "STRANGER DANGER" at the top of his voice.

Excuse me, but your flies undone and your erm ...thing... is sticking out

Don't flatter yourself dear, it is merely hanging out

German colleague: "Typical Englishman, your fly is undone".

Me: "Typical German, you think I came here to work".