A point arrives, in everyone's life, when they come to admit that this is it: I am what I am, and I can't do anything about it.

I am there now. I have tried to 'get on' in life, but now see the 'getting on' dream as being superficial crap/rubbish.

Who needs it?

I wil be 48 on the 25th of this month - and I still don't know what I want to do yet!

What I do know is that in Meadowhall last Sunday I changed my life. As simple as it sounds, I had my ear pierced as a symbol to remind me that I am going to be me. I twist it now to remind me as I type.

I have battled with my beliefs and thoughts for years - a sort of brainstorm tennis - but cannot conform.

I am the gentle me who went through a painful breakdown recently.

But then I realised. it came to me in a flash! Eccentric nutcase.
Madman. Intelectual Nutter. Sam. Why fight it? Be you and you will be. Have. Be. Give. Don't be emabarrassed about the Micra.

I have a nice tidy home, a wonderful wife and son, and we don't aspire. We are loaded in other terms. We go to Spain at least once a year and we know how to laugh.

Anyone else hit that point yet?

i couldnt get you man

Sari: sorry, complicated, screwed-up mind of mine - but I get less and less materialistic as I get older. That's the gist

Originally posted by Sam Miguel
I have battled with my beliefs and thoughts for years - a sort of brainstorm tennis - but cannot conform.

What you say is all good :D
I hope I have a revelation like yours someday.

Thanks, Sega.

I am glad that someone shares the same views. I think sometimes that I am not getting my message across.

But it arrived with you.

More help, please.

Appreciated.

I sometimes have felt like this, but then i think why? i'm only 21.
I am looking for peace so when I get the time I shall find a place of meditation, until then I can reccomend a book someone gave to me, it's called Conversations with God, now to be honest i'm not really the religious type and i'm not saying this book will convert you or anything. Take the book how you want based on your belifes but it seems to have something about it that makes you belive you can 'find yourself', i am finding it very interesting so try the library or somewhere to find it.

DM:thumbsup:

Sounds like you are going through a mid-life crisis Sam :)

Thanks, mate. I will consider it. Reading is very therapuetic anyway, but this kind of reading has just got to be more beneficial.

Originally posted by Skatiechik
Sounds like you are going through a mid-life crisis Sam :)

My thoughts exactly :)


I cant wait for mine!

Don't know about 'going through' a mid-life crisis. He could be just at the end of one. Or maybe the recent breakdown has made him appreciate what he's got and can be proud of. It's called counting your blessings and it's all healthy. :)

I'm still changing (career and other things) and have alot of self-discovery to do yet. It's all good to look back on though when you get to the other side. When I get to my parents age I'll probably look back and laugh at the things I worry about now. *sigh*

I think you might be right. That's what I have been trying to put it down to.

I don't plan of "finding myself" until about a split second before I pop my clogs... until then it's just one big learning experience :)

Sam - look back over your 48 years and take some time to seriously appreciate all the best things you've achieved - now realise how incredible you are to have done all that cool stuff and ask yourself, are you done? is there nothing else you really want to do or see or have that you haven't yet?

Sit down with the ones you love and do some dream building - share ideas of what you're happy with and want more of. Start making simple plans to achieve more of what you want in life and get out there and make your life mean something more!!!

You know you deserve it ;)

I found myself this morning. I just threw back the duvet and there I was.

I know what you mean about the mental ping pong thing - I have settled for camoflaging myself as a normal (i.e. everyone else) but still feel comfortable in my own personal reality tunnel.

It's six years ago to the day since my dad's funeral. perhaps this has brought on my gloom! Anyway, this is a poem I wrote just after he died.

A Strange Time in My Life

…There was a strange time in my life
of blinkered hope
of disbelief.
Those wrenching thoughts
of death dismissed…
Need Mother there to say goodnight
to soothe me through the storms of life.
Future scenes
drawn from the past
that Christmas was to be her last.

…There was a strange time in my life
though fourteen years had bridged the pain.
Those cold-chill thoughts of death ignored…
Need Father there to give advice
To make me think not once but twice.
Blind faith
in what the future brings
he never reached the waiting spring.


…And in the strange times in my life
despair and hope stand side by side.
Though wiser feet
Now tread life’s path…
Do words of wisdom etched inside
mean higher mountains can be climbed?
The present is the place to be .
It lasts for all eternity.

I know where you are coming from ( i think).
My moment of revelation happened about 4 years ago when I had my daughter and her father rejected her. It made me realise how important your friends and your family are, unconditional love is the only thing that got me and my daughter through all the badness that happened.
Now I realise its the people in my life that count, image and materialism really does not matter.

Another book which I can totally recommend is "Veronica decides to die" by Paulo Cohelo, it totally makes the point that life is for living, no matter what you do.

Thanks, Elf. It's a great help to get advice.

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
Without ever having felt sorry for itself.

D.H. Lawrence

Life is for living - get on with it! :thumbsup:

'Veronika decides to die' is a great book!
I also recommend one called 'Inner Beauty'.
No, it is not some beauty book for girls, but one that takes 25 human qualities and has a page dedicated to each one explaining their meaning, their importance and value, and how to recognise and develop these qualities in yourself. It is not a self-help book, but a series of beautifully written passages. It really does make you feel human!

I think the problem is that it's the first time in my life I have taken things seriously. I am a professional nut-case and never want to grow up. Life is just one big laugh for me noramally, but something is making me think more deeply these days.

Is it possibly my brain?

just to add another book to your reading list.

Prometheus Rising - by Robert Anton Wilson - the anti-guru.

If you are beginning to think about thought so much that your thinking is dominated with thoughts of thoughts ad infinitum, then it is definitely time to read this hilarious and informative book.

Wilson coasts through the book casually blowing your barnacle encrusted paradigms out of the water. That's how it happened to me, and I loved it.

Don't take my word for it. Don't take anybodys word for it.

If you want something a little more 'learned' look into Gödel Escher Bach, by Douglas Hofstadter - which is a meticulous approach in defining that slippery indefinable quality that seems to define us - the fact that we can reflect upon ourselves.

To my mind, the notion of self reflexivity is not just the amusing paradoxes (this statement is false), the ever rising canon in Bachs fugues or the endless upwards & downards stairways in Escher prints - but something to do with the very basic principle of self organising matter.

Somehow self reflexivity, entropy and complexity are writhing together both in the universe and in thought, bringing about this curious epiphenomenon of existence.

Hope that clears it up.

............and a dictionary !!!!!

Originally posted by Phanerothyme
Hope that clears it up.
Yes P, you certainly have a knack of distilling pure simplicity from the noise of thought... :P

these serious thoughts - are they like thinking about whether or not we are in fact a recording and you can get glimpses of each recording like a video in bubbles and maybe we are all just in side these bubbles?

Perhaps we are all just babes in our cots dreaming of our lives yet to be?

And what is at the end of the universe? Is it like a wall? And if there is a wall what is behind it?

:loopy: :confused:

Yes, things like that I am thinking about. But I am getting exremely vivid dreams every night and every one of them is linked to travelling and holidays. I dreamt that I was on Holiday on tour in China a couple of weeks ago, and we were taken to an authentic Cantonese restuarant, which was outdoors for no apparent reason.

The food was delicious, as much as you could eat for next-to-nothing. And do you know, this is too weird, I was stuffed full the next morning! That's the truth.

I went to Russia the other night, that was extremely interesting. Trying to read menus and things was a real nightmare, though .But two bits of dreams have stuck in my mind. One says there is going to be some very bad news coming from Buckingham Palace very soon, and the other is that my pools syndicate (four of us)wins over £12.000 in the near future.

I try to laugh them off, but the day after Diana died, I dreamt that someone more famous than her would die in the next few days. I told my wife about it the next morning, and then, lo an behold, Mother Theresa died a few days later.

Totally weird I know.

Sam,
live life to the best of your abilities and make the most of your talents, revel in your individuality and laugth in the face of conformity.
and live each day as though it is the first day of your life.

Originally posted by Sam Miguel
.... there is going to be some very bad news coming from Buckingham Palace very soon....

"Prince Charles caught with Queen's corgis in 3-in-a-kennel sex romp"

:o :o :o :o :o :o

Originally posted by Pauly
"Prince Charles caught with Queen's corgis in 3-in-a-kennel sex romp"

:o :o :o :o :o :o

That is probably old news, lol.

Originally posted by duffman
I sometimes have felt like this, but then i think why? i'm only 21.
I am looking for peace so when I get the time I shall find a place of meditation, until then I can reccomend a book someone gave to me, it's called Conversations with God, now to be honest i'm not really the religious type and i'm not saying this book will convert you or anything. Take the book how you want based on your belifes but it seems to have something about it that makes you belive you can 'find yourself', i am finding it very interesting so try the library or somewhere to find it.

DM:thumbsup:
I fully agree with you about the book Conversations with God. I have read the Conversations trilogy and all the other spin off books and they are truly enlightening. For anyone trying to find answers to lifes many questions I would recommend these books. For me these are spirtual teachings, not religious.