Suppose that you fell in love with someone, head over heels. After some time, this person does not want to be with you and so the relationship is ended and both agree to part. However, you are gutted, understandably and you are having a tought time adjusting to the new situation. A matter of weeks later, your best friend has a fling with them. One would have expected better. How would this alter your relationship with your best friend? How would it make you feel? How would you react? Please post your thoughts and vote what you would do.

Obviously i'd be disappointed in my friend for doing this, but if a relationship is over, its over and the other party is free to do what they want with who they want.

It would hurt like mad and I speak from experience in a similar situation here but if you aren't together, this is the wake up call you need to move on with your life.

I'd remain friends with the person, it would be hard at first, getting gradually easier as time went on.

You missed of "it depends on how much beer he bought me" the most important.....BeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeR :P

Thought one - this doesn't sound very hypothetical.
Though two - this sort of thing is too tied up in your own feelings for anyone uninvolved to give a usefull answer.

Hi,

Ive been in the very same position. My best friend went out with 3 of my boyfriends after me, And all 3 failed releationship wise.

Its a really hard and terribly upsetting time when this happens. What i decided to do was to stay best friends with her.

She did once ask why i put up with her after what had happened? My reply?

Its hurts you more for me to be your best friend than if i wasn't, after all everytime you see me you remeber what you did.

My outlook on life is now "If a Man what's to be with me then thats great, If he choose's to leave me then he's the one losing out"

Hi Jane91,
That's a really interesting point that you just made.... I never thought about looking at it like that. Thnx!
I just wandered what other people would do in a similar situation. I suppose I could always roll a dice.....! Only joking!:)

where's the option 'remove the ****'s testicles with a splunt!'

Not sure to be honest.. Although the option "forcibly remove his thieving ******* ********" springs to mind *evil*

Originally posted by miniminch
where's the option 'remove the ****'s testicles with a splunt!'

I'd say Mini's right on the ball with this one! :thumbsup:

StarSparkle

he is obviously a w*****. depends how good your frinedship is . did this person apologise? if not then get rid. not worth it

Tell him to get on his bike and ride it off a cliff. You could even be there to give a helping push. T***er.

Friends like that are not friends. Talk about stabbed in the back.

Ex-friend gets my vote. You are better off not knowing that kind of person. I know from experience, and I am much happier from not knowing this particular person.

Dragon

Happened to me, I havent spoken to the bitch in 20 odd years, and still wouldnt give her the time of day.

However, I recognise now that I am well rid of the pair of them, they deserved each other.

Originally posted by Dragon
Friends like that are not friends. Talk about stabbed in the back.


I couldn't agree more. That is not the behaviour of a 'friend'.

StarSparkle

If it was me I'd be forced to look at it this way. The relationship was over and if it was meant to be then you'd still be together. Whatever happens between your ex and your friend is a different situation and although it may hurt because you still have feelings for your ex, it's still nothing to do with you.

Is it worth losing a best friend over a fling with an ex? Relationships come and go. Long lasting friendships are harder to come by in my experience and are worth more.

Just my opinion. :)

Yeah well - a long lasting friend who was considerate enough would not have put himself in this situation in the first place.

What a cop out.

Chop his nadgers off and throw him to the lions. You can always find a new best friend. All that rubbish about friends being there through thick and thin. Tell you - its 99% of the time your so called best friends end up doing the worst they can by you. Let go of the friend.

He should have known better if he was really your friend. That's all there is to it.

Tell you what. You have nothing to do with this person for a few weeks and then listen to what rubbish he is spreading about you and/or your ex.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
Yeah well - a long lasting friend who was considerate enough would not have put himself in this situation in the first place.

What a cop out.

Chop his nadgers off and throw him to the lions. You can always find a new best friend. All that rubbish about friends being there through thick and thin. Tell you - its 99% of the time your so called best friends end up doing the worst they can by you. Let go of the friend.

He should have known better if he was really your friend. That's all there is to it.

Tell you what. You have nothing to do with this person for a few weeks and then listen to what rubbish he is spreading about you and/or your ex.

Dragon

Yeh but....a shag is a shag!. :lol: Sorry, couldn't resist.

Originally posted by Pauly
Long lasting friendships are harder to come by in my experience and are worth more.



But how much of a friend are they if they do that??

Did the friend know how much you still liked her? If so, then they definately need to make that up to you to be forgiven. If not, then I don't know

I guess I'm more forgiving than some. :) At least he would've waited until the relationship was over eh? It'd be worse to do it while the relationship was still going. Now that I wouldn't forgive :)

Are you ever going to be able to trust this *hole again? I know I couldn't and wouldn't.

Go to church if you are religious and ask the lord to remove the *hole's nadgers. That way you know he aint going to carry on doing the same thing to others.

I prefer enemies. At least you know where you stand with them. I hope my ex-friend is reading this so he knows exactly how I feel - the *$£"%"£$£2*

Dragon

And one more thing - whilst we are on the topic - I have never hated anyone before. Never felt so much absolute hatred for any other living being - and there have been some pretty terrible ones around.

Guess I got something from the &*^%$*& - the power of absolute hatred.

I need to chill.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
Are you ever going to be able to trust this *hole again? I know I couldn't and wouldn't.

Go to church if you are religious and ask the lord to remove the *hole's nadgers. That way you know he aint going to carry on doing the same thing to others.

I prefer enemies. At least you know where you stand with them. I hope my ex-friend is reading this so he knows exactly how I feel - the *$£"%"£$£2*

Dragon

Why is there a betrayal of trust? The fling happened AFTER the relationship ended. He/she didn't betray or cheat anyone.

I must be dense or something but I thought friends were supposed to stand by you and understand you - especially in something like this.

If you cannot see a betrayal of trust then perhaps one of us needs glasses.

Its all fine doing the love and light rubbish but in the end - this blokes best mate slept with his ex knowing there was still strong feeling there. How insensitive and wrong is that?

You stick with what you want Pauly - and I hope Karma doesn't see you getting bitten on the rear in the same way.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
You stick with what you want Pauly - and I hope Karma doesn't see you getting bitten on the rear in the same way.

Dragon

Well that's nice of you to say and I appreciate your good wishes. :lol:

No problems matey. Never want the harsh times to hit anyone, especially not in matters like this.

I recall a saying "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer" and I thought - what a pile of drivel - much of the time your friends are your enemies (though not all the time).

I keep a few trustworthies close to me. I know they would never do what this blokes mate did.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
I must be dense or something but I thought friends were supposed to stand by you and understand you - especially in something like this.

If you cannot see a betrayal of trust then perhaps one of us needs glasses.

Its all fine doing the love and light rubbish but in the end - this blokes best mate slept with his ex knowing there was still strong feeling there. How insensitive and wrong is that?

You stick with what you want Pauly - and I hope Karma doesn't see you getting bitten on the rear in the same way.

Dragon


This is just what i was thinking... surely a true friend is someone who is always there to see you through highs & lows in ya life and vice versa... especially to be supportive through a relationship break up!?

Maybe times have changed... but i know i wouldnt forgive a friend... to me this friend would never have been a true friend... to begin with...

I've been cheated by a friend more than once... and to this day i will never in my life forgive her 100%

Friends stick together... dont they? :huh:

I have 2 friends in particular that I know would never even consider doing this sort of thing, whether I thought it was ok or not. One of these friends actually had a girlfriend of mine come onto him very strongly while I was in a different room in the flat I was living in at the time. He was straight out of that room and letting me know what was going on as soon as he possibly could. That's my definition of a true and honourable friend. :)

So what you sticking up for the other bloke for?

I calmed down already - thanks to a big bar of chocolate ;)

Dragon

Originally posted by Pauly
Why is there a betrayal of trust? The fling happened AFTER the relationship ended. He/she didn't betray or cheat anyone.

Yes, they are betraying you if you didn't want the relationship to end and if you still have feelings for your ex. If they're a true friend, their loyalties should be with you. If not, then they're betraying your feelings.

Obviously, if you don't give a monkeys for your ex anymore, who cares? In that case, your friend clearly wouldn't be betraying you by having a fling with your ex, although it would still be in pretty poor taste.

StarSparkle

Originally posted by Dragon
So what you sticking up for the other bloke for?

It's a bit of a different situation isn't it? My friend had my girlfriend coming onto him and he told me right away. If he hadn't and had gone along with it then I would've been shocked and annoyed, not spoken to him for ages etc....

The hypothetical situation is one where the person has a fling with the ex-partner after the relationship has ended.

I see a difference there and that's why I'm 'sticking up for the other bloke' as you put it :)

Hope the choccy was nice. :D

It was delicious thanks.

Question - how long does a bloke leave it before moving in on his mates ex?

Next question - what if this was in the offing before the split up?

Final question - If there was a final question what would it be?

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
It was delicious thanks.

Question - how long does a bloke leave it before moving in on his mates ex?

Next question - what if this was in the offing before the split up?

Final question - If there was a final question what would it be?

Dragon

Hehehe....the final question is.....

Cremation or buried at sea? ;)

Originally posted by Dragon
It was delicious thanks.

Question - how long does a bloke leave it before moving in on his mates ex?

Next question - what if this was in the offing before the split up?

Final question - If there was a final question what would it be?

Dragon

A true friend wouldnt move in on a partner until he knew his mate was well and truly passed the strong feelings stage...

Not a true friend if he's already eyeing up ya partner and wanting to make a move...

Where does someone find good friends who can be trustworthy!

hi guys! thanx for your views. For the record, I did confront the person and told them how it made me feel. I thought it was a very nasty thing to do to a friend. They didn't apologise. I felt really let down. I tend to agree with Dragon's standpoint. Although I won't go as for as removing parts of his body!