has the other x half not gave your child anything for christmas? and if not what do you say to them, without being the bad guy to your child? “he might not see me again if you say something”?

Anyone who doesnt do right by their kids is a tool.
Tell your kids your X is a tool and they are better off without them.
A bit of honesty is always a good thing.

I used to say something like 'dad will explain when he sees you next' and sometimes the next time was months later and we were saying the same thing about Easter eggs.................

used to happen to me when I was younger - hurts like hell, but you learn to accept it and harden your heart.

Anyone who doesnt do right by their kids is a tool.
Tell your kids your X is a tool and they are better off without them.
A bit of honesty is always a good thing.


Being a "tool" isn't defined by buying Christmas presents or not. The OP really hasn't given any relevant info on the partner other than - no xmas presents -to come to that conclusion.

To the op. More info might be helpful.

I am not a 1 parent family but a step parent. My husbands kids live with us as their mum has mental health issues. They went up yesterday with their Xmas money as they were meeting mum for late lunch & going shopping. Dad gave them a tenner to cover theirs (as is the norm) but on top of this their mum has 'borrowed' £15 of my stepdaughters xmas money. I am absolutely furious as past experience shows she is not very likely to get this back. She hasn't given them anything yet as she was unable to get her money out of the bank before xmas. I can put up with this, even the kids arent expecting anything but am furious about her taking this money.

their mum has 'borrowed' £15 of my stepdaughters xmas money. .

That’s lower than a snakes belly …………. The kids xmas money. :o

Guilt trips, don't ban them, half of them want to be banned because it gives them an excuse and the moral high ground (no matter how illegitimate).

Or, thank them for the presents, if they say "oh no matter" then you've got them bang to rights for lying, or if they come clean then they'll have been made aware, but you must also wonder who might have sent them then, ask them if they think one of their mates sent the card with cash in because they knew you wouldn't, they then get para that their being judged by their mates...

I may be skint at times and not be able to my nieces and nephews what they want, but they get time and attention from me, just try stopping me!

I suppose it depends on how much they are paying in CSA payments. If everything they have is going in CSA payments (up to 40% of the take home wage) they might find it very hard to save any money to buy presents though you would expect them to give a token present or treat.

As for borrowing money that is dreadful!

I am not a 1 parent family but a step parent. My husbands kids live with us as their mum has mental health issues. They went up yesterday with their Xmas money as they were meeting mum for late lunch & going shopping. Dad gave them a tenner to cover theirs (as is the norm) but on top of this their mum has 'borrowed' £15 of my stepdaughters xmas money. I am absolutely furious as past experience shows she is not very likely to get this back. She hasn't given them anything yet as she was unable to get her money out of the bank before xmas. I can put up with this, even the kids arent expecting anything but am furious about her taking this money.

could this 'borrowing' be explained by her mental health issues you mentioned. i hope it can, coz, otherwise it's really bad. i would suggest that communication is the best. keep talking. my daughter lives with her mom, who's now re married and there were issues with how the child should be brought up(religion, as the new hubby is big into church, pierced ears etc, nothing too major) and though it took a while and some falling out here and there fuming in silence would have made things worse i think. of course, mental health issues, if they include paranoia and such might complicate thing.

How the situation is dealt with is also dependent on the age of the kids in question.

I've already posted what we used to do. My youngest has spent this Christmas here at home and is planning on visiting his dad and partner on his way back to university. His present from his dad arrived today - a joke mug. In his bedroom my youngest has got two Christmas presents for his dad and partner which he bought and wrapped three Christmas's ago. I've just reminded my youngest about the presents; his response was that he can't be bothered to take them when he leaves here.

My ex is certainly reaping what he sowed and the annoying thing is I'm beginning to feel sorry for him...........

Spare a thought for all of the fathers out there who do not see their children over the Christmas period because the mothers want to use them as a weapon.

Its taken me 8 years of fighting with my ex before she was finally forced to allow me to even write to my son.

Another reason why women should think long and hard before having kids.

I expect children find these situations quite unpleasant enough without hearing one parent fuming about the other, so please put your anger aside and just do the best you can without expecting anything from or commenting on the other parent. Constant sniping achieves nothing.

i could never not buy for my child for xmas even if money is tight, I was from a one parent family and would have been upset if one of my parents that i saw regular had not bought for me.

Spare a thought for all of the fathers out there who do not see their children over the Christmas period because the mothers want to use them as a weapon.

Its taken me 8 years of fighting with my ex before she was finally forced to allow me to even write to my son.

Good on you Serapis...lots of men would have just walked away :thumbsup:

Spare a thought for all of the fathers out there who do not see their children over the Christmas period because the mothers want to use them as a weapon.

Its taken me 8 years of fighting with my ex before she was finally forced to allow me to even write to my son.

That is appalling and doesn't put the child's interests first. I understand why people are upset when adult relationships break down, but they should never use their children as a way to hurt the other parent. It hurts the children too much. I can imagine when some children grow up they are quite disgusted by the way one or both of their parents behaved.

Great that you are in contact now.

Another reason why women should think long and hard before having kids.

Every adult should think about it before it happens - and realise that a child is for life. When I was working in the public sector I was saddened at the way some teenagers were forced to fend for themselves due to parental relationships - new step parent, dysfunctional family, addictions, neglect and all sorts. They often ended up as young parents themselves, with little idea of what being a parent actually means and the responsibility it carries. Just being able to reproduce is such a small part of parenting.

Every adult should think about it before it happens - and realise that a child is for life. When I was working in the public sector I was saddened at the way some teenagers were forced to fend for themselves due to parental relationships - new step parent, dysfunctional family, addictions, neglect and all sorts. They often ended up as young parents themselves, with little idea of what being a parent actually means and the responsibility it carries. Just being able to reproduce is such a small part of parenting.

I wish more people had this attitude it seems unfair sometimes that married proffesional couples cannot conceive yet some irresponsible little tramp can.
These kids end up having kids and the circle continues it's beyond shocking.

I wish more people had this attitude it seems unfair sometimes that married proffesional couples cannot conceive yet some irresponsible little tramp can.
These kids end up having kids and the circle continues it's beyond shocking.

Relax. From what you've posted, we're of similar cultural backgrounds. You neither want nor need a child (just now.) When you do, then (God willing) you'll have one.

Neither you nor I nor anybody else has the right to dictate to people when or if they should have children. What you get is what you're given.

My wife and I were in our 30's when we married. We both dearly wanted a child (well, that was our excuse, so we had to practice) :hihi::hihi:)

Six years later (after the hob gob had told my wife ' little chance') we went back and told her 'wrong!' Debbie's pregnancy was detailed as a 'geriatric pregnancy' [she was 36] and we laughed about it.

Our son was born, grew up and presented us with two grandchildren.

When you need children (and from what you've said in your posts that's not quite yet) you will have them.

Being a "tool" isn't defined by buying Christmas presents or not. .

Who said it was?