I don't plan on keeping it but why should I have to go through the stress of this on my own and he gets away with it how unfair is that so do I tell him or not. I realise that telling him may make the decision harder. But guys in particular would you want to know even if she wasn't going to keep it and you had no intention of being with her ever????

I think it would be a good idea to tell him. Even if you aren't going to be keeping the baby, it's his right as a father to know.

It is ultimately your decision if you tell the Father or not

Im sorry but I think it is only fair to tell him. I don't want kids but if an accident happened my thoughts may change. I think you should talk to him about it and come to a decision between you both.

At the end of the day its not just you involved, he had part of the making of it.

I certainly think it would be wrong if you just got rid without even talking aboutit.

Is there any other way that he might find out? I wouldnt want to know if you were definately not keeping it ( what if he wants to keep it), but you need to make the decision yourself.

Originally posted by Olliekitten
It is ultimately your decision if you tell the Father or not

It is your decision because you the only on that knows, but it's wether the right one you chose or not!

it depends what the situation is between you. if it was a messy breakup then it might be harder. If you are on good terms he could support you through this!

He has a right to know. Are you 100% sure that this wouldn't change his mind on the situation? If it was me, I'd offer to help raise and support the child regardless of what I felt towards you (if I was him).

Don't tell him. I'm sorry for the whole fathers for justice thing but all he's done so far is contribute a bit of sperm and left you in a mess. Had he contacted you to check you got your period?! Doubt it very much. It will just create further questioning in your head and if you're getting rid of it anyway there's no need for him to know.
It's rubbish that women go through this on their own and men get away with it never knowing any of the heart ache we go through. I know a lot of women who have been in the same situation and not told the guy involved.

Guys, zip up and bag up for gods sake.

Originally posted by Daley
He has a right to know. Are you 100% sure that this wouldn't change his mind on the situation? If it was me, I'd offer to help raise and support the child regardless of what I felt towards you (if I was him).

Yes but why should she want to be stuck with HIS child knowing full well that HE doesn't want to be with her. While he is free to go and find the love of his life while leaving her with the baby. Imagine him coming to collect it with his new girlfriend....eughh, the torture.

DOn't tell him.

It depends on the guy Leafygreen. You know him, you know what he is like (attitudes/outlook). Therefore you need to make the decision.

But also think about what you want from him, in terms of support and his answer?

Originally posted by intooblivion
Yes but why should she want to be stuck with HIS child knowing full well that HE doesn't want to be with her. While he is free to go and find the love of his life while leaving her with the baby. Imagine him coming to collect it with his new girlfriend....eughh, the torture.

DOn't tell him.

But he doesn't know she is pregnant. As for the period thing, how many guys keep a regular check on when their girlfriend's period arrives? That's a bizarre thing to say.

It may be that if he was told she was pregnant, he may offer to stay. It could completely change things. If it was me, I'd offer to help raise the child regardless of what I thought of her. Finishing with someone and finishing with someone who is pregnant are completely different things. He didn't have the information to make that decision.

Originally posted by intooblivion
Don't tell him. I'm sorry for the whole fathers for justice thing but all he's done so far is contribute a bit of sperm and left you in a mess. Had he contacted you to check you got your period?! Doubt it very much. It will just create further questioning in your head and if you're getting rid of it anyway there's no need for him to know.
It's rubbish that women go through this on their own and men get away with it never knowing any of the heart ache we go through. I know a lot of women who have been in the same situation and not told the guy involved.

Guys, zip up and bag up for gods sake.

You are full of CRAP! not all guys are bad, and it takes two to tango! the man may be a nice guy and want to help. help by either supporting the pregnant lady through abortion, or by raising HIS child.

You are full of crap lady, its women like you that really **** me off. You sound the sort of person that will have a kid and then take the rights from the father of being in contact with his child, no matter how good a father he is.

Originally posted by MarkB
You are full of CRAP! not all guys are bad and it take two to tango! the man may be a nice guy and want to help. help by either supporting the pregnant lady through abortion, or by raising HIS child.

You are full of crap lady, its women like you that really **** me off. You sound the sort of person that will have a kid and then take the rights from the father of being in contact with his child, no matter how good a father he is.

I'm sorry it came accross like that, I guess it's all dependent on individual circumstances. I've just been relating it to how I would be in the same situation as to my ex. Yes, it takes two to tango but seriously do you ever sleep with a girl and then worry for the next couple of weeks that she's not gonna get her period?! Then if it's even one day late do you panic...

It's a reality girls are faced with. It would be nice of you to offer support but would you want a girl who you didn't love and didn't want to be with to have your baby...and if telling you made it harder for her then wouldn't you say not to tell you.

I dunno...it's a tough one. But I do feel that women take on more of the responsibility with regards to this as men do.

None of us know the guy so I think it would do well to cut him a bit of slack. Only Leafygreen really knows him and at the end of the day it's her choice. However I do think that he should be told. Personally I don't agree with abortion unless it is for an incredibly good reason like rape or mental health.

I think that the father has a right to know as he may be able to help. Plus if the child is aborted then it is a life down, and part of that life is part of the father.

Also there are Precausions to take.

But at the end of the day we dont know her circumstances and it will be for her to make up her own mind.

Originally posted by intooblivion
I'm sorry it came accross like that, I guess it's all dependent on individual circumstances. I've just been relating it to how I would be in the same situation as to my ex. Yes, it takes two to tango but seriously do you ever sleep with a girl and then worry for the next couple of weeks that she's not gonna get her period?! Then if it's even one day late do you panic...

It's a reality girls are faced with. It would be nice of you to offer support but would you want a girl who you didn't love and didn't want to be with to have your baby...and if telling you made it harder for her then wouldn't you say not to tell you.

I dunno...it's a tough one. But I do feel that women take on more of the responsibility with regards to this as men do.


You shouldn't panic over one day anyway, maybe a week or two but not a day. I wouldn't panic if I was a day late put it that way. Periods don't always settle down and some people will always have irregular periods.

Also there are plenty of men out there who worry about whether or not they have got a girl pregnant.

SOrry I've made this all a bit heated!

You're right no one knows that guy or the situation like leafygreen does. I hope whatever choice you make it works out for you x

http://www.bpas.org/

I suggest, before you do anything, you contact the organisation above.

He has a right to know- its as much his child as it is yours- you both made it!

depends on a lot of factors, do you keep contact still? why the break up? etc
its not a yes/no answer unfortunatly

Originally posted by Leafygreen
why should I have to go through the stress of this on my own and he gets away with it
I have no respect for women who use children to hurt men.

If you want to terminate this life, and it be your decision, then you should suffer alone. If you wish to discuss alternative options with him, including him taking sole custody, that's a different kettle of fish

If you are never going to get back together and you definately don't want to keep the baby, I wouldn't tell him.

It will only confuse things, maybe he will feel guilty and offer to make a go of things for the baby, staying together for the sake of the baby is bad for everyone.

Are you wondering about telling him just so he can feel as bad as you do, this may be ok at first but won't help matters in the long run.

Originally posted by Strix
I have no respect for women who use children to hurt men.

If you want to terminate this life, and it be your decision, then you should suffer alone. If you wish to discuss alternative options with him, including him taking sole custody, that's a different kettle of fish

Me neither it's really sad when it becomes a tug of war and children are used as leverage. Gosh him taking sole custody would be hard tho. Maybe she is having the miscarriage because she can't envisage having him in her life forever.

Fill us in a bit more Leafygreen!

Originally posted by valentine
If you are never going to get back together and you definately don't want to keep the baby, I wouldn't tell him.

It will only confuse things, maybe he will feel guilty and offer to make a go of things for the baby, staying together for the sake of the baby is bad for everyone.

Are you wondering about telling him just so he can feel as bad as you do, this may be ok at first but won't help matters in the long run.

Yes that's what I was trying to get at but didn't put as well as you did!
I don't think it's a good idea to tell him just to ease the burden of your own guilt and suffering if you know you don't wanna keep it. But it is a shame that while it took two to get into the situation only one person is suffering the stress of it so far.

If you've decided you don't want the baby, don't tell him.

If you decide you do want the baby, tell him and let him make his own decision whether or not he want's to be a part of it.

Make your decision first - it's you who'll be left as a single mum if he pursuades you to have the baby and then buggers off in 12 months time.

Originally posted by intooblivion
Gosh him taking sole custody would be hard tho. I know a bloke who's done it ;)

Originally posted by intooblivion
Maybe she is having the miscarriage because she can't envisage having him in her life forever.
A miscarriage is not the same as an abortion :rant:

Originally posted by Strix
I know a bloke who's done it ;)

A miscarriage is not the same as an abortion :rant:

Essentially it is tho. Taking that pill miscarrys the blastocyte (or however you spell it)!! Yes, it is a choice that you miscarry but your body is still going through the miscarriage procedure. I consider an abortion to be more the suction type further on into the pregnancy.

I also think this isn't a black and white area. It all depends on the circumstances - getting pregnant through a one night stand is a lot different from getting pregnant at the end of a five-year relationship, for example. And it certainly depends a lot on the type of bloke involved - only you know whether he'd be a supportive partner or whether he'd run a mile. Equally we don't know enough about Leafygreen herself - she could be about 13 for all we know, which might make a bit of a difference.

Originally posted by intooblivion
I consider an abortion to be more the suction type further on into the pregnancy.
Ah, you know more than the rest of us in this case - she didn't say how far gone she is

I can assure you that the emotional rollercoaster by whichever method is going to be the same - it's still a termination

Leafygreen, how are you feeling?

Don't rush into making a decision one way or the other, have you talked things through with anyone? Your GP would probably be a good start - and whatever you decide, they will be able to provide you with all the information you need. Whatever decision you make, it will be one that stays with you for the rest of you life.

If you are 100% certain about not having this baby, what would be the purpose of telling the father? to hurt him? or to get some moral support? If you do tell him and he just storms off not wanting anything at all to do with you - how will you feel then? Or, if he says he wants you to keep the baby - then what?

Whilst my personal opinion would be that the father should take equal responsibility as the mother, this may not be the right decision for you - only you know the full ins and outs of the situation. But, I do think this guy should be made aware of the implications of having unprotected sex ......

Originally posted by Strix
Ah, you know more than the rest of us in this case - she didn't say how far gone she is

I can assure you that the emotional rollercoaster by whichever method is going to be the same - it's still a termination

No just that rules have changed medically and you can take that pill up to about 16 weeks now. Not that I agree with that, the sooner the better if it's going to happen. I'm presuming if she only just found out then she's not 16 weeks gone.

I called it a miscarriage because some women prefer to use this term, it makes the ordeal seem less harsh when such a decision has to be made. Preservation of sanity by whatever means.

But that's beside the point I guess.

Originally posted by Leafygreen
I don't plan on keeping it but why should I have to go through the stress of this on my own and he gets away with it how unfair is that so do I tell him or not. I realise that telling him may make the decision harder. But guys in particular would you want to know even if she wasn't going to keep it and you had no intention of being with her ever????

Well, luckily i have never been in this situation. If one of my ex girlfriends, whom i have no interest in told me she was pregnent first thing i would do is giver her a lift to the doctors, but thats me!!

If i loved her and wanted a child with her i would support her 110%. Though would that really happen had you split up??

If you still love him and want to get back with him tell him and see what his position is. If he has no interest in you and would not in the kid then termination is the only way - unless you wanted a council house!

No point being a single mother bringing a kid up into this world unless you really wanted it.

Originally posted by BertieBasset
we're talking specifically about this situation, if you play russian roulette you only have yourself to blame

I'd love you to introduce me to a contraceptive that was 100% reliable and I'm sure you would make a mint.

Or do you expect everyone to be celibate unless reproducing? Don't sound much like fun.

the situation that they're in now doesn't sound like much fun either, but it's of their own making.

That child has a right to it's life so the parents should at least be prepared to put the child up for adoption and stop being so selfish.

Originally posted by intooblivion
I'd love you to introduce me to a contraceptive that was 100% reliable and I'm sure you would make a mint.

Or do you expect everyone to be celibate unless reproducing? Don't sound much like fun.

Originally posted by BertieBasset
the situation that they're in now doesn't sound like much fun either, but it's of their own making.

That child has a right to it's life so the parents should at least be prepared to put the child up for adoption and stop being so selfish.

That's just ridiculous. The trauma involved for giving up a child for adoption would be far greater and involve far more people.

And how is it of their own making? We don't know the details...maybe he is some evil nasty bloke.

Are you male or female and have you ever been in this situation if you don't mind me asking?

Originally posted by BertieBasset
we're talking specifically about this situation, if you play russian roulette you only have yourself to blame

Well, i agree in one sense about russian roulette. If a person has no protection they have themselves to blame but as into said, no contraceptive is 100% (not that i know of, not going to argue whether there is or not!). This girl has a choice and that choice should be whats best for her in this situation, what suits her best. Never a simple black & white situation.

How can you EVER think that abortion would be an easy way out?! Have you ever considered that abortion is the selfless solution and one which will traumatise a woman for ever but that she feels necessary?

If you don't want to be part of a debate don't post comments onto this forum, the purpose of the forum is to get some debate going.

With regards to your last piece of advice, wiser advice often comes from those who aren't in a position where they can't see the wood for the trees.

Many people who've been adopted have led very happy and worthwhile lives.

Murdering the helpless and defenceless is just an act of selfish cowardice however you choose to contort it.

Originally posted by intooblivion
Yes but the question posed from her is to tell the ex or not. Not if she should have an abortion. So fine for you to have those opinions but not fine to try to inflict them on someone else when not asked for.

And when you've been in that situation yourself and had to make that choice yourself then maybe you'll be wiser about your statements.

Originally posted by intooblivion
How can you EVER think that abortion would be an easy way out?! Have you ever considered that abortion is the selfless solution and one which will traumatise a woman for ever but that she feels necessary?

Whilst taking this point very seriously I must also point out that some women do see it as the easy way out as they do not have to bring up the child or put it up for adoption.

I can however see that adoption would be hard as the mother and baby bond within the first three minutes, therefore handing the baby over would be difficult.

At the end of the day its leafygreen's choice and nobody else's I do think that the father has a right to know about the child as it is also a part of him.

Dear Leafygreen,
if you are not going to have the baby then I would not tell the father as you are no longer together. However, as I dont know either of you all I can do is advise you to think very carefully about the long term gain of telling him anything...it might feel right now that he should feel some of your pain, but you may regret your decision to tell him in weeks/months to come. Just remember that in this country we are fortunate enough to have a choice, and the only person you have to justify your decision to is yourself. Do what is best for you right now, and best of luck with whatever you decide.

How can someone calmly sit in front of a computer and just discuss getting rid of a child, maybe if she gave the child a name
first of all she might have second thoughts, or maybe the childs father would like to name it before she gets rid of it!

Are you a man Bertie basset?

You tend to find that it's often men (not always by any means) that have the strongest opinions about abortions. Possibly because they have no say in the matter?

It will be a hard decision for her whatever she chooses.

I don't believe there are any black and white areas with abortion. Late abortions seem to me to be harder than early abortions but I'm not sure how far along she is.

Originally posted by karenjane39
Are you a man Bertie basset?

You tend to find that it's often men (not always by any means) that have the strongest opinions about abortions. Possibly because they have no say in the matter?

It will be a hard decision for her whatever she chooses.

I don't believe there are any black and white areas with abortion. Late abortions seem to me to be harder than early abortions but I'm not sure how far along she is.

I agree and because they'll never experience it with their own bodies they'll never truly know how women may feel about the abortion issue. And never understand what a hard choice it is.

one thing surely runs with the other, if you have sex you surely must realise you're open to the prospect of becoming pregnant....it's no good crying over spilt milk, if you take risks in life you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences.

Originally posted by intooblivion
I agree and because they'll never experience it with their own bodies they'll never truly know how women may feel about the abortion issue. And never understand what a hard choice it is.

Originally posted by BertieBasset
women on the other hand tend to be very self centered and ruthless, thinking more about their own convenience than the wishes of the unborn child.

I wouldn't completely agree with that. It is a hard choice but some women see it as the easy way out.

I couldn't personally but thats my personal opinion. I have very strong feelings about abortion but it is the person's choice.

Thanks everyone for ideas and advice some interesting things to think about. Although I wish I had not asked in the first place to be honest. Nobody knows the situation nor do I wan to explain them all on here. Remember to be open minded in all aspects of life because things are not always as clear cut as they seem. Life takes some strange twists and turns sometimes that are not expected but to expect it to be black and white and a straight path is not going to happen.

Take care of yourselves I bid you farewell.

The thread was about does she tell her ex, not on whether or not she should have a termination.

As regards telling your ex, g/f, then nope. You have made your decision. With the right to choose, comes responsibility. And that responsibility extends to taking responsibility for and dealing with your own actions.

Don't tell him - it's so not fair. He can't alter your decision (can he?) so don't dump the responsibilities for your own decision and action on him. Forget 'it's his responsibility too'. It was sex. It took two of you. But you and you alone have made the decision to deal with the consequences. Leave him out of them.

Just my thoughts.


********written whilst you were posting yours ********

Poor LeafyGreen,

She came to us for advice and we turned this thread into a heated debate on abortion. I think only one or two people so far have asked how she's feeling.

And then on top of that the poor girl is subjected to the ignorant and selfish ranting of Bertiebassett, who is in absolutely no position to judge without knowing her circumstances and clearly has no capacity for empathy.

She could have been a victim of domestic violence, she could be too young, her ex could be a complete pillock, and she probably has minimal support from those around her.

Leafygreen - if you are still keeping an eye on this thread then you have my best wishes and I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Just try not to rush into anything out of panic. But if you sincerely believe that abortion is the right choice for you then ignore the chirping of the Pro Life Brigade, who have never been in your situation. This is YOUR life.

And yes, it is s***ty that women sometimes have to deal with this alone. But telling your ex probably won't help if you've already made up your mind.

For the record, I do everything I can (short of celebacy) to avoid getting pregnant, but if I did fall pregnant at this time in my life I'm pretty sure I'd chose an abortion. This thread is about Leafygreen though, so I won't respond to any negative comments about my views. I'm sure there's an abortion thread knocking about somewhere that would be far more suited to this debate, seen as it doesn't concern the life of a Forum member.

Good luck Leafygreen :thumbsup:

Best wishes Leafygreen hope everything works out

Originally posted by BertieBasset
I think abortion's wrong, what an accolade to have killed your own child...you should face up to your responsibilities and either raise the child yourself or make it available for adoption, in future think of the consequences before you jump into bed with someone.

Leafy:- if you are planning to terminate, then I would not tell him, because (IMO) it will only muddy the waters about your decision making.

Bertie, I, too do not think abortion is right, BUT I would not stop another woman from doing so, if that is her choice. A woman's body belongs to her, to make her own choices with/ about.

We get on to sinking sands when we try to legislate what can and cannot be done in the abortion debate.

Yes, contraception fails... and one has to deal with those consequences. It's not just "iresponsibility" that causes unwanted pregnancies.

If Leafy is looking into that road, of termination, I would suggest that she gets all the support/advice she possibly can, because even if it's the best/ only thing she can do/ feels she can do, in the situation, it will still be a hard decision to make, and a difficult time to get through.

Whatever route you take, leafy, all the best. Make the right decision for yourself, is what I say, based on the information and advice you have at hand. you cant decide on "might be's, or "Ought to be's", you need to decide in the here and now.

PT

Leafy, I agree with what PT has said with regards your decision, best of luck with it, and I strongly recommend getting professional support whatever your decision, it can't be easy to have all this going on in your head. Remember you're not alone, even if you feel like it, there's someone somewhere who can listen and talk through things with you. Wishing you lots of luck and strength xx

As a man I couldn't possibly understand what you are experiencing, but I think you should stick with your decision and not tell the ex anything whatsoever about the pregnacy or indeed the termination,or anyone who could take the news to him.

You will have to live with this for the rest of your life, but if you tell your ex he may want to rekindle your relationship to keep "HIS" child or want to blame "YOU" for getting rid of it.

So IMO keep shtum and give yourself a chance for a new start in life

it's all very well guys trying to do the right thing - and i mean that sincerely because i do believe they mean well at the offset - however the reality is; they don't have to be around the girl does - 4 months down the line if it's got boring they can up and leave - the girl can't and by then you're stuck!

the other point is as a woman do you want a man after he has made it clear he doesn't want to be with you but then is happy to stick around because you're pregnant.

as far as blokes having a right to say whether the baby is brought into this world or not is a hard one to answer afterall they don't have to stretch beyond all recognition, be healthy and treat their body right for the next 9 months and finish up with stretch marks and droopy tits.

you don't want each other and you don't want this baby so don't complicate things. babies should be born into good relationships where people love each other whenever possible. life is hard enough everyone should have the very best start they can.

lottie's mom

Originally posted by Lotti
it's all very well guys trying to do the right thing - and i mean that sincerely because i do believe they mean well at the offset - however the reality is; they don't have to be around the girl does - 4 months down the line if it's got boring they can up and leave - the girl can't and by then you're stuck!

the other point is as a woman do you want a man after he has made it clear he doesn't want to be with you but then is happy to stick around because you're pregnant.

as far as blokes having a right to say whether the baby is brought into this world or not is a hard one to answer afterall they don't have to stretch beyond all recognition, be healthy and treat their body right for the next 9 months and finish up with stretch marks and droopy tits.

you don't want each other and you don't want this baby so don't complicate things. babies should be born into good relationships where people love each other whenever possible. life is hard enough everyone should have the very best start they can.

lottie's mom

Now you can all see where I get my wealth of knowledge and wisdom :D

Leafy needs to talk to someone who is non-judgemental on this subject so she can make her own mind up, a good listener. If your still following this thread, I hope you find someone. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Though I tend to think in like manner to BertieBasset, there are always exceptions, and because I believe in this I would never deem to advise another on where their best interests may be, nor to advise, and definitely not to try to force my own opinions on such matters down the throats of others.

An emotive topic, as abortions and such often are.

It took two to tango, two to create the child, and though the choice may be the females I cannot see how, in this instance, it would be the right thing to do to keep the father in the dark.

Not knowing all the facts, I think it has to be she who decides how to go forwards.

Just one thing though, Bertie. You may think it is just a case of a woman deciding she does not want the child and getting rid, but the emotional repercussions of this last a hell of a lot longer than you think. Spare a little thought for the living, perhaps. You ever wondered what it must be like for a woman who wants a baby to go through 7 or 8 months of pregnancy only to have a stillborn? Slightly off topic, but there is no guarentee this baby would survive the pregnancy anyhow.

Dragon

Originally posted by intooblivion
I called it a miscarriage because some women prefer to use this term,
But how does that make genuine miscarriage sufferers feel? If this term is accepted and used by society in general, the poor souls who have lost a pregnancy they did want to keep will fall victim to the attentions of the pro-life fanatics.

Any woman who choses to end a new life should face up to her decision, and not hide behind other peoples' suffering

there's no need to wish death on the child just because its' mother doesn't seem to want it.

"Spare a thought for the living", I am, that child is living!

Leafy is going to have repercussions whatever she decides, that's obvious! She's got an opportunity to do the right thing here....to be selfless rather than selfish.

Originally posted by Dragon

Just one thing though, Bertie. You may think it is just a case of a woman deciding she does not want the child and getting rid, but the emotional repercussions of this last a hell of a lot longer than you think. Spare a little thought for the living, perhaps. You ever wondered what it must be like for a woman who wants a baby to go through 7 or 8 months of pregnancy only to have a stillborn? Slightly off topic, but there is no guarentee this baby would survive the pregnancy anyhow.

Dragon

I think that if people wish to discuss the abortion issue generally it should be done so on a new thread. I don't think any of this is at all fair on Leafy.

on the contrary I think it's good for Leafy, she needs to be made aware of the implications of what she's contemplating. Whether the law allows it is irrelevant, wrong is still wrong if 1000 people say it's right, and right is still right if ony one person advocates it...

you don't ask the sort of question Leafy did and just expect one sentence answers, there's a broader context here.

She's been given an opportunity to show what she's made of, is she courageous and champion her baby's life or is she a coward and does what's easiest for her....we're not asking her to bring the child up, but to at least give birth to it and give it the dignity of a chance in life by at least alloing it to be put up for adoption.

Originally posted by sugarnspice
I think that if people wish to discuss the abortion issue generally it should be done so on a new thread. I don't think any of this is at all fair on Leafy.

Originally posted by BertieBasset
on the contrary I think it's good for Leafy, she needs to be made aware of the implications of what she's contemplating.

I think that assuming that Leafy doesn't understand the implications of her actions is very simplistic. If she's anything like every other woman I have known who has found themselves in the position of finding out that they are pregnant in difficult circumstances, I would say that the implications are more or less the ONLY things that she would be able to think about.

The decision of whether or not to have a termination is one of the biggest that can face a woman at any stage in their lives, and the results either way can last a lifetime too.

In Leafy's position there is no such thing as an easy decision, and I think that you have stated your opinion strongly enough for her to understand your point of view Bertie, but when this thread has faded off the bottom of page 5 you won't be the one living with the horrible responsibility of how to live with whichever decision you feel that you have to take about this pregnancy.

I hope that you have stayed with the thread Leafy, and I apologise for talking about you and presuming to know your opinions. For what it's worth, and to answer your original question, I believe that the father has a right to be informed and consulted, but not to force through a unilateral decision over the pregnancy.

BTW this message is from the viewpoint of a woman who's only chance of motherhood ended in miscarriage and a whole heap of 'what if?s'. I don't think that I could ever go through with a termination, but I would defend to my last breath a woman's right not to have a child against her will.

Hi Leafy, I wouldn't tell him if I were you. You never know he might get a court order to prevent you obtaining an abortion.

Originally posted by intooblivion
Don't tell him. I'm sorry for the whole fathers for justice thing but all he's done so far is contribute a bit of sperm and left you in a mess.
Guys, zip up and bag up for gods sake.

why has he left her in a mess?
wasn't rape was it ??

Originally posted by Leafygreen

Oh and Bertie, I was on the pill AND we used a condom. to be

??? Am I missing something here or were you extremely unlucky???

Im sorry but I don't beleive that u used a condom and took the pill. An accident with condom acceptable but unless you were missing the pill sometimes I think both together are aload or rubbish.

There's a reason that abortion is still legal: it's often better than bringing a child up in an environment where the cash, support etc are not available.

What really winds me up about the pro-life brigade is that most of it is based on christianity. We live in a secular society where christianity is completely optional and is becoming more irrelevant by the year. If a woman feels she has to have an abortion, then it's got nothing to do with what God, Jesus etc would think about it. :rant:

Originally posted by MarkB
Im sorry but I don't beleive that u used a condom and took the pill. An accident with condom acceptable but unless you were missing the pill sometimes I think both together are aload or rubbish.


Acctually it is possible

adoption has been mentioned, also the father may wish to raise it

Originally posted by Daley
There's a reason that abortion is still legal: it's often better than bringing a child up in an environment where the cash, support etc are not available.

What really winds me up about the pro-life brigade is that most of it is based on christianity. We live in a secular society where christianity is completely optional and is becoming more irrelevant by the year. If a woman feels she has to have an abortion, then it's got nothing to do with what God, Jesus etc would think about it. :rant:

Originally posted by MarkB
Im sorry but I don't beleive that u used a condom and took the pill. An accident with condom acceptable but unless you were missing the pill sometimes I think both together are aload or rubbish.

I know plenty of women who have become pregnant whilst on the pill and taking it correctly. Add to that a mistake with a condom and it's entirely possible. Very very unlucky but possible.

Don't be ridiculous about her being a fictional character what a callous thing to say.

Originally posted by intooblivion
Essentially it is tho. Taking that pill miscarrys the blastocyte (or however you spell it)!! Yes, it is a choice that you miscarry but your body is still going through the miscarriage procedure. I consider an abortion to be more the suction type further on into the pregnancy.

Not entirely true. The pill in most cases stops ovulation which is not an abortion because there is no egg to fertilise. Yes some implants do stop a fertilised ovum from embedding in the uterus wall.

Taking the pill is not a form of miscarriage nor is it an abortion!

Originally posted by serapis
Not entirely true. The pill in most cases stops ovulation which is not an abortion because there is no egg to fertilise. Yes some implants do stop a fertilised ovum from embedding in the uterus wall.

Taking the pill is not a form of miscarriage nor is it an abortion!

No silly not 'the pill' we were talking about the pill you take for abortion. It's two pills two days apart when you are actually pregnant.

IMO this is a hard one, but I feel very strongly when other women are telling her not to tell her ex boyfriend. He has a right no matter what you think, he is the father and therefore part of that child is his!

Try to look at it from his viewpoint when making a decision over this. Would you like to be kept in the dark about YOUR possible child?

The notion that its "My body, My choice" is crap as it comes with the small print of "oh and YOU will pay for it".

the bottom line is she needs to tell him and they can both share in the decision and I'm pretty sure (if he's not a complete *******) he will give you all the support you need.

Originally posted by intooblivion
No silly not 'the pill' we were talking about the pill you take for abortion. It's two pills two days apart when you are actually pregnant.

Sorry misunderstood

Mod Note: This thread is now closed, following the removal of a number of abusive and off topic posts.

For future reference : This was a very sensitive topic and whilst it is expected that opinions will differ, please remember that personal abuse and childish name calling will not be tolerated.