I know a few couples who have had affairs and some of them, being the guilty one, have been forgiven - but would not forgive their partner if they did the same!

I would have forgiven my ex because I didn't love him so didn't care but I would not forgive my partner now because even though I wouldn't want to lose him, the hurt, anger and distrust would eventually eat away at our relationship and destroy it.

Has anyone forgiven an Affair or been the one to be forgiven and managed to maintain a healthy lasting relationship, or does the past hurt keep rearing it's ugly head?

Could a Mod add 2 further options of I am Male & Wouldn't Forgive and I am Female and wouldn't Forgive please. :loopy:

I had a drunk one night stand xmas 2003 at work. My now ex forgave me at the time but i'm sure it contributed to us splitting up a few months ago (amongst other things).

Its the last time i drink a bottle of wine in one hand and a lot of 1664 in another. Having affairs is not worth the hassle!!!!

i didn't forgive my ex and still haven't two years later. i don't think i ever will. maybe thats not a healthy thing to do and some will no doubt say that i have to to be able to truly move on. i don't know. all i know now is i don't give a chuff anymore!

if it happened to me again now i would walk away.

but in answer to your question i think women are generally more forgiving in affairs.

Wouldn't forgive, wouldn't expect to be forgiven. Having campaigned for more partners in the 'acceptable numbers' thread, I also think that vows are important and that honesty matters in my life. If I had an affair nobody could punish me more than I'd punish myself, but I wouldn't be holding my breath.

The option "I am a man who has forgiven before, but wouldn't do again" should have been included, which is me :thumbsup:

I have forgiven him and he forgive me - it was a horrible situation............i learnt, he didnt. We tried to make it work but it wasnt going to there was no trust, it eat away at our relationship and she wouldnt leave him alone and he wouldnt leave her alone - he was one of those blokes - he only wants what he cant have, and once hes got it he gets bored! He did that to me for 2 years without me knowing - i cant believe i forgave him. I dont understand men!

Iv cheated before but have never been cheated on as far as i know, until this point - i thought he was the one and he hurt me very deeply, now i know how it feels i would NEVER do it again, its not worth it. He will always be the same.

If it happened to me again i wouldnt forgive the relationship would end immediately!

Originally posted by GazB
The option "I am a man who has forgiven before, but wouldn't do again" should have been included, which is me :thumbsup:

I would choose this one to!

My (ex) fiancee had a short affair with a guy she worked with "because we weren't getting on so well". So that was the end of that. Probably a lucky escape with hindsight if that was her solution to the problems we were having.

And having now been on the receiving end of that sucker-punch I know that I could never do it to someone else. I wouldn't ever be the 3rd party either because it's just not fair. If someone isn't happy with their partner they should just be honest about it and move on.

I think it depends on the circumstances surrounding the affair.


If he/she was breathing at the time of the affair, Kill the B******

I'm not bitter (honest):hihi: :hihi:

Yeah, depends on the circumstances but knowing me I'd probably forgive (but not forget) for the sake of the kids (if we had any) and for the sake of a peaceful household.

I couldnt forgive, or forget. I wouldnt expect to be forgiven either.

When I married, in 1979, I thought my marriage would last forever. We met as kids at secondry school and I thought it was for keeps. I thought, back then, that I'd never have an affair - that if we had problems, we'd sit down together and work them out. That was how I saw a good marriage. The problem was, that was just MY thought. The problem we had - drink and him being out all the time instead of with me and the kids - apparently was just "my" problem - ie he didnt see it as a problem. I never thought I'd seek solace in the arms of another man - but I did. So for those of you who have never been in that situation - never say never! You just never know what life has in store for you. Dont judge a man (woman!) until you have walked a mile in his (her!) shoes.
And, no, I wasnt forgiven!!:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

If you love the person enough - then you forgive. Forgetting is another thing altogether and takes time.

When you are cheeted on more than once then it becomes less forgivable, but you can still manage it.

Any more than that and the three strikes rule has to apply. Course - that's easy to say unless you are in love with the person.

Dragon

I had the unfortunate experience last year my EX was having an affair under my nose but he denied it totally because she was/is also married. I told her husband but he just laughed it off! more fool him! They are still seeing each other (unofficially!) and I am divorcing him. I would not sit back and be treated in such a way, he expected me to put up with it. But i'm worth more than that!
I don't think anyone can fully forgive an affair, it will always be there in the back of your mind, and the relationship would never be the same again! :(

oh and i forgot to put it doesnt matter how much you love them, that should not be questioned. I loved my husaband with all my heart, but was not having 3 in my marriage! i felt like i was the other woman in my own marriage! ( if that makes any sence?)

Well, I've been the forgiver on several occasions with my ex fiancee. In the end she left me for some else she'd been seeing for several weeks. After that experiance I wouldent be so easy to forgive and forget again, after her numerous affairs. At least 3 I know of in the 7 years we were together, maybe more.

If there is kids involved in the situation I'd be more concerned, after all the crap that me and my brother had to sit and listen to whem mum and dad split up. Both had played away on more than one occasion, and as a result I have a half brother somewhere, I belive in Canada from one of dads flings.

Forgiveness is not something I could be freely willing to give if it were to ever arise with a future partner.

Joel

Sorry to hear that Happy. So - not only was your husband having an affair but she was cheating on her husband as well. You told him and he just laughed? When he finds out it is true he will not laugh.

Wedding vows do not seem to mean anything to anyone any more unfortunately except for a few of us old die hards.

Whatever - you can bet life will turn round and bite them in the same way in the future. At least that is some small consolation - what goes round comes round.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
If you love the person enough - then you forgive. Forgetting is another thing altogether and takes time.

When you are cheeted on more than once then it becomes less forgivable, but you can still manage it.

Any more than that and the three strikes rule has to apply. Course - that's easy to say unless you are in love with the person.

Dragon


true~;)

Yes Dragon the husband just laughed and said I was deluded! In a way I hope he finds out its true, then maybe he will apologise for speaking to me that way! afterall there are children envolved on both sides, they deserve better mine and theirs! I would rather my kids live in a happy home as they are now instead of a very unhappy atmosphere, (and it only became unhappy once I found out about the other woman)
Trust is a hard thing to find once it has been broken! but hey i'm HAPPY now :clap: ( hence the name! )

That is one thing I can swear hand on heart - that I have never cheated on my wife - not until the divorce is final. Then it aint cheeting. But being with someone else in the meantime still seems wrong to me cos I am a stickler for my vows.

Some people use the seperation thing as an excuse to be unfaithful. We were seperated for a couple of weeks and I only went with another in that time so I was not cheating.

Thing is - kids being involved makes it even worse - if that is at all possible.

I dunno - there is no respect and seems to no longer be anyone willing to fight to save a marriage.

I'll stick by the three strikes and out guideline though.

Dragon

Originally posted by RobT
I had a drunk one night stand xmas 2003 at work.

Its the last time i drink a bottle of wine in one hand and a lot of 1664 in another.

Whilst having the one night stand? WOW.
Yours in admiration.:D

I've never cheated in a serious relationship. I wouldn't tbh.

I would never cheat. If you are having problems you need to discuss it and if you cant work it out you just need to get on with life and go your separate ways. What is the point in leading a double life and pretending everything is fine whilst seeking solace in someone elses arms?

I could never forgive someone who cheated on me as I would never be able to forget.

I am male and wouldn't forgive, nor would i want a female to forgive me.... i have too much to lose.... i just could'nt.... whats the point of forgiving if you cant forget?

To start an affair... would mean to me that there was something very wrong within a relationship...

I was cheated upon by my ex fiancé for 2 weeks before i found out... and only admitted he was... after much questioning... I would never have forgiven him should he have wanted to come back to me...

Once an affair has occurred within a relationship i dont feel there is any going back... due to the fact that should you both be having an off day with rows etc... affairs always seem to have that habit of raising they're ugly head... its something that can never be forgotten about or truly forgiven...

When i was in a long term relationship i never blinked an eyelid at another man... my friends thought i was mad... but why would i look when i was very satisfied with what i had at home... as the years went by towards the end i started noticing other men around me and seeing them very differently... this rang bells for me... it told me i was no longer happy within my relationship... which i guess so happened to be true...

I was no longer receiving the love and affection in the way i wanted nor did i feel wanted... i started feeling very much alone... once these things start happening i feel we're bound to be looking for that comfort zone... of another persons love & affection... cue affair!

Luckily for us things never got that far... we ended up splitting due to him falling for someone at work... i guess this new girl coming into his life... was a huge relief for our broken down relationship... we remain great friends with no regrets...

Personal opinion!

I feel that if you love your partner as much as your partner loves you... an your still able to have fun together inside & outside of the bedroom an fancy one another... Ask yourself that one question... why would you want to have an affair?

My conclusion as to why people tend to cheat is because they feel lonely unloved & unwanted (as mentioned above) by their current partner... Someone new comes along pays them that attention/affection that happens to be missing from the relationship and before you know it there's an instant attraction between 2 people...

I would never cheat on my partner ... I’ve been cheated on in the past by 2 previous ex's... I’ve felt the pain that cheating causes... I couldnt put anyone through that... plus it really knocks yourself esteem...

Trust is a very special thing... once that trust is lost its very difficult to get it back an its not something that can happen over night...

Think before you leap into the fire… don’t get your fingers burnt!
:|

i think its the lies & deceit sneaking about that really hurts
wouldnt like it done to me wouldnt want to do it her

Originally posted by pk014b7161
i think its the lies & deceit sneaking about that really hurts
wouldnt like it done to me wouldnt want to do it her

Its things like that that seem to appeal... all new exciting secrets going behind peoples backs etc... just the thought riles me... i hate liars / cheats & schemers etc... there's no need for it... :rant:

I wouldn't forgive at all. I split up with my fiance this year because he was generally useless, but after the split I found out he'd slept with about 10 girls behind my back... all he could say was that he felt no guilt and they didn't mean anything to him. He's now just moved in with his best friend's girlfriend (obviously now ex) after seeing her behind his back for a few months. I can't believe people like this exist... I like to think I'm well rid!

Originally posted by straylight_r
I wouldn't forgive at all. I split up with my fiance this year because he was generally useless, but after the split I found out he'd slept with about 10 girls behind my back... all he could say was that he felt no guilt and they didn't mean anything to him. He's now just moved in with his best friend's girlfriend (obviously now ex) after seeing her behind his back for a few months. I can't believe people like this exist... I like to think I'm well rid!

and when one of them go out on their own the other starts thinking, are they doing with someone else what they was doing with me i e cheating

Originally posted by straylight_r
I wouldn't forgive at all. I split up with my fiance this year because he was generally useless, but after the split I found out he'd slept with about 10 girls behind my back... all he could say was that he felt no guilt and they didn't mean anything to him. He's now just moved in with his best friend's girlfriend (obviously now ex) after seeing her behind his back for a few months. I can't believe people like this exist... I like to think I'm well rid!
Crikey he sounds like a real winner!!

Exactly! I was young and niave but hopefully I've learnt from it all! Well at least they deserve each other.

Originally posted by straylight_r
I wouldn't forgive at all. I split up with my fiance this year because he was generally useless, but after the split I found out he'd slept with about 10 girls behind my back... all he could say was that he felt no guilt and they didn't mean anything to him. He's now just moved in with his best friend's girlfriend (obviously now ex) after seeing her behind his back for a few months. I can't believe people like this exist... I like to think I'm well rid!

I believe in what goes around comes around... people that do this kinda thing usually meet they're match and get played themselves... he will eventually get his comeuppance... when? who knows...
but your well shot... :)

I would say... argh! Men but i keep being told Women are equally as bad... which sadly is true... which i really dont understand... i wouldnt dream of hurting the one i loved... hence why i love them...

If only there was a way of separating the nice ones from the bad... :?