what can i do about this subject,my daughter got bullied last week and i went to see the teacher but they wont do anything about it ,i was going to phone the police but i want to see if i can do anything before.

codeman

http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/search.php?s=&action=showresults&searchid=915917&sortby=lastpost&sortorder=descending

Some useful reading for you :thumbsup:

http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=37339&highlight=bully%2A

that one sticks in my mind....:(

back in the day your 'older brother' would sort it out for you, usually after school, and involving an upclose encounter with the front of a boot for the perpretrators of terror ;). Sad to see things have changed these days... :(

Take it to the school. Be persistent. Don't give up.

Shout loudly. Shout it from the rooftops, it's your child after all.

If the school - in your estimation - is not doing enough, go directly to your MP. Or your local councillor, or school governor.

I've been through all of this. There is no perfect answer or outcome.

But you have to be very, very vocal and keep at it.

Become a total pain in the backside for the headteacher, it's the only way to keep it on his/or her agenda.

And when you feel you've made yourself heard, go and do it all again!

This is the voice of experience speaking!

Originally posted by codeman_cas
what can i do about this subject,my daughter got bullied last week and i went to see the teacher but they wont do anything about it ,i was going to phone the police but i want to see if i can do anything before.

What actually happened?

I don't think i know anyone who wasn't bullied at some point in their school life, myself included. Being bullied last week could be anything from "eurgh... you've got the lurgy" to being beaten up for being a different colour or having the wrong pair of trainers.

Some bullying situations will just blow over without the need for any intervention, teachers not doing anything about it are at least now aware of the situation so can keep an eye on it. I'm sure it's difficult with your own kids, but give it some time and see how it plays out. If it continues then as dishwasher said, be persistent and go back to the school.

-PK-

The school wont do anything?? Then make them!

Firstly judge how extreme this is. Bullies at any level are scum but if it's a a bit of name calling simply warn the school that bullying will not be tolerated and you will take further action if this does not cease.

If it's persistant bullying and a threat of violence is there then take action. Demand to see the head and demand action is atken. Personally i would ask to see the bullies parents and hope they are reasonable people but regardless dont back down and make sure the school take action. Ask to see the bullying policy.

Hate to be negative but my eldest daughter was bullied for most of her time at upper school - it wasn't until her final year it stopped.

She was constantly verbally abused and had Tipex thrown at her covering her hair, fortunately she wore glasses then so they protected her eyes and she had a note passed to her saying cruel personal things and that she would be killed by these poeple.

I obviously went to the school as I had been on a number of occasions as I knew who the culprit was. This childs parents were involved and excuses were made for her behaviour.

Nothing constructive was actually done - everyone denied writing the note and it couldn't be pinned onto anyone in particular although the teachers had their suspicions.

The bullying continued, my daughter just learnt to deal with and ignore it - eventually, it stopped, either they got bored or grew up I don't know.

My middle daughter started at the same school and at the first sign of a bully being nasty to her she answered back immediatley showing she would not be a target and hasn't had any trouble at all.

I do empathise with you, the ironic this is my daughter is a Black Belt and could have beaten the c**p out of her bullies!

Originally posted by dawny1
....the ironic this is my daughter is a Black Belt and could have beaten the c**p out of her bullies!
Then why on earth didn't you tell her to do so? She'd have been doing herself a favour, no doubt some other pupils a favour and indirectly, helping the school...

Bullying is a great way to show off in front of your pals, it generates a feeling of superiority and power and becomes great fun to frighten and torment someone else and can lead to stupidly aggressive and pain-inflicting attacks on the victim.

When the bully themselves experiences pain and humiliation, the habit loses its' appeal instantly...


Codeman... Following the 'correct' procedure to report bullying is unfortunately likely to mark your child as a wimp, who needs 'grown-ups' to protect her. Whilst the teachers may keep an eye on things during school hours, they aren't infallible and they aren't going to walk her home every night.

I would suggest that you enroll her in a childrens martial arts class... Nothing too exotic... Judo, or something similar. After only a few weeks, she will realise that she can 'take down' a person much bigger than herself without difficulty and the boost to her self-confidence will astound you.

It did wonders for my two as young kids and gave them immense confidence in themselves. I remember my 7-yr-old, on returning from a class, being asked by a friend of his mothers to show her what he'd learnt that day... Next moment, she was flat on her back, looking VERY surprised and wondering what the hell had happened!

Bullys don't pick on the confident ones, they pick on the weak, that's the nature of the game... So the surest cure to the problem, both at this school and others and hopefully throughout her life, is to instill self-confidence into her... And in my experience, even a minimal knowledge of self-defence does just that! :)

Originally posted by Pseudonym
Then why on earth didn't you tell her to do so? She'd have been doing herself a favour, no doubt some other pupils a favour and indirectly, helping the school...

Bullying is a great way to show off in front of your pals, it generates a feeling of superiority and power and becomes great fun to frighten and torment someone else and can lead to stupidly aggressive and pain-inflicting attacks on the victim.

When the bully themselves experiences pain and humiliation, the habit loses its' appeal instantly...


Codeman... Following the 'correct' procedure to report bullying is unfortunately likely to mark your child as a wimp, who needs 'grown-ups' to protect her. Whilst the teachers may keep an eye on things during school hours, they aren't infallible and they aren't going to walk her home every night.

I would suggest that you enroll her in a childrens martial arts class... Nothing too exotic... Judo, or something similar. After only a few weeks, she will realise that she can 'take down' a person much bigger than herself without difficulty and the boost to her self-confidence will astound you.

It did wonders for my two as young kids and gave them immense confidence in themselves. I remember my 7-yr-old, on returning from a class, being asked by a friend of his mothers to show her what he'd learnt that day... Next moment, she was flat on her back, looking VERY surprised and wondering what the hell had happened!

Bullys don't pick on the confident ones, they pick on the weak, that's the nature of the game... So the surest cure to the problem, both at this school and others and hopefully throughout her life, is to instill self-confidence into her... And in my experience, even a minimal knowledge of self-defence does just that! :)

Re the Daughter being a Black belt, I study Karate myself and have always been told that if you use Karate to beat the crap out of bullies, that makes you just as bad as wot they are for bullying in the first place, it's only to be used as a VERY last resort.

Originally posted by Rich
Re the Daughter being a Black belt, I study Karate myself and have always been told that if you use Karate to beat the crap out of bullies, that makes you just as bad as wot they are for bullying in the first place, it's only to be used as a VERY last resort.
The key words are self-defence and self-confidence... We weren't told in what particular martial art Dawny1's daughter held a black belt but if it was karate, then i would have thought that using that skill to prevent an attack would be fully permissible... If not and it's strictly forbidden, then I see little point in aquiring the expertise in the first place, you may just as well attend a gym to keep fit!

As for fighting violence with violence making you just as 'bad' as the perpetrator, as some have said... Nonsense!... Turning the other cheek will more than likely get you two black eyes instead of one!

The best way to communicate with someone is in their own language, and if their language is violence, then you can be certain that you'll be understood if you speak the same tongue! ;)

Pseudonym I think you have a point there.

As a practising karateka it is drummed into us that you do not use what you have learned to be aggressive and cause trouble, and should in all circumstances seek to resolve matters peacfully and only consider violence as a last resort.

from talking to martial artisits from other styles this seems to be an across the board sentiment.

However, I have on occasion had to resort to intimidation and / or fisticuffs when I feel my personal safety or that of one of my friends is being threatened, though I wish this was not the case, I would rather this then let the scum win again.

Like you say some people only understand one thing. Sad but true :(

Originally posted by Pseudonym
When the bully themselves experiences pain and humiliation, the habit loses its' appeal instantly...

you'd be surprised, I had a VERY terrible time during my school years, and on a few occasions blew my cool and lashed out back at one... then you just end up getting pummeled at the end of the day by a whole group of people...

being bullied physically or verbally is a horrible thing, and all I can say is it's best to try and sort things ASAP as severe bullying can have bad affects on a persons confidence and mental state... I know first hand :(

Originally posted by xafier
...it's best to try and sort things ASAP as severe bullying can have bad affects on a persons confidence and mental state... I know first hand :(
I acknowledge that once you are identified as 'victim material', then it's difficult to escape from that label when the pattern is established.

I was bullied on only one occasion at school... fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, I had a rather vicious temper and completely 'lost it'. The result being that the bully came out of the scrap considerably worse than me.

He never bothered me again... More to the point, neither did anyone else...

To return to the problem of the OP, Teaching your child to stand up for themselves and giving them the skill and confidence to do so, can be far more effective than complaining to the authorities... With the abolition of corporal punishment in schools, discipline of bullies by teachers is virtually non-existent!

Ask to see the School's charter or policy on bullying. All schools are supposed to have one and it is freely available.

Although our school is pretty good, we come down harshly, as should all schools.

One lad sent an email threat to another. It was sent at 12.53, intercepted by our mail server at the same time, reached my inbox at 12.54 and was printed out and on the head's desk by 12.56.

By 1pm he was suspended.

Originally posted by alchresearch
....One lad sent an email threat to another. It was sent at 12.53, intercepted by our mail server at the same time, reached my inbox at 12.54 and was printed out and on the head's desk by 12.56.

By 1pm he was suspended.
Forgive my cynicism, but unless the boys parents took further action against him for being suspended from school, what good did that do? Where exactly was the deterrent factor in suspending him?

At one time he would have been caned, a very pro-active way of discouraging him from making the same mistake again!

Schools are very often ineffective in maintaining discipline because they are no longer permitted to administer it effectively!

Originally posted by Pseudonym
Then why on earth didn't you tell her to do so? She'd have been doing herself a favour, no doubt some other pupils a favour and indirectly, helping the school...

Bullying is a great way to show off in front of your pals, it generates a feeling of superiority and power and becomes great fun to frighten and torment someone else and can lead to stupidly aggressive and pain-inflicting attacks on the victim.



Yeah...cos that works! I was bullied, both verbally and physically, on a daily basis through all of my school life. On one occasion I struck back...the result? I got my glasses smashed into my face for my troubles!

Violence doesn't solve violence!

Originally posted by Beakerzoid
Yeah...cos that works! I was bullied, both verbally and physically, on a daily basis through all of my school life. On one occasion I struck back...the result? I got my glasses smashed into my face for my troubles!

Violence doesn't solve violence!

That's exactly what I was saying when I said about not using the Black belt in martial arts to beat the crap out of bullies... I know it's often the only way to fight back, but it rarely solves anything.

Originally posted by Beakerzoid
Yeah...cos that works! I was bullied, both verbally and physically, on a daily basis through all of my school life. On one occasion I struck back...the result? I got my glasses smashed into my face for my troubles!

Violence doesn't solve violence!
But unlike Dawny1's daughter, you didn't have the knowledge to take care of yourself...

You state that "Violence doesn't solve violence!".. Are you saying that reporting it to the teachers DOES? The OP of this thread might disagree with you... I will agree that it isn't ideal to use violence in return but what other practical short-term solution can you think of?

I was bullied for a few years when i was at school, my parents had countless meetings with the headmasters etc, none of it did any good, it eased off eventually and i found a new group of friends etc, but unfortunately for some people who are bullied it just gets worse and worse.
Im honestly not sure nowdays what the best way to handle it is.
Hope things have got better for those involved. :(

Bex
xx

Originally posted by Pseudonym
Then why on earth didn't you tell her to do so? She'd have been doing herself a favour, no doubt some other pupils a favour and indirectly, helping the school...


I told her not to throw the first punch and to use hers skills to block it or avoid it then land one back but not on her face or head area. If she threw the first punch she could have been in trouble with the authorites and could have lost her license in self defence, she fights in competions and has gold medals.

Unfortunately as is the case with most bullys, this girl always had her gang of cronies with her knowing if my daughter ever got her alone she wouldn't have a chance.

My other daughter who looks like she couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag never has any trouble because she has the confidence to stick up for herself after seeing what her sister went through she nipped any bullying in the bud.

Funnily enough the daughter who was bullied is now joining the Army! It's a good job she has experience in being bulllied! :thumbsup: